“Why are you so bitter?” It’s a question that gets asked a lot, usually by a woman to a man when he points out something about her or her gender that is less than flattering. Most of the time, it’s nothing but her doing “point and sputter.” It’s a shaming tactic for the most part.

However, there may be times when that question is legitimate. Any time I’m asked that question, I pause and do a little self examination. “Am I actually being bitter?” It’s a valid internal question for me and here is why:

Many times when we are actually being bitter, when there is some actual validity to the question, it’s because we are angry that she isn’t being what we want her to be. She’s not acting the way we want. In essence, we are projecting what we want her to be and how she should act (according to our own standards, beliefs, etc.)

While I fully believe that we should stop giving women a pass when it comes to their bad behaviors and their poor choices, at the same time, a woman’s nature is what it is. And you’ll never change that about her.

You can’t trust her, but you can trust her to be her. You can trust her to do whatever it is that she’s going to do. Arguing with her about it, trying to change her mind is like pissing into the wind. It’ll blow back on you and all you’ll end up doing is getting soaked and smelling like piss.

I think a lot of men are “bitter” because of this. They want and expect their women to act and behave in certain ways. Basically we want our women to act and behave like men on certain levels. To use logic and rationality. To put facts before feelings. To honor their words. To follow through on their commitments. To be loyal to us. To want a sense of fair play.

Women don’t do these things. At least not like men do. They have their own set of standards when it comes to all of this, and those standards can swing any direction, for any reason, or no reason at all. On the surface, this makes them seem unpredictable. But in reality, you can predict what is coming next if you can get past your ideals of how you think they should act and behave.

Don’t get me wrong, I love women. I don’t think they are “less than” a Man. I don’t think they are inferior to me. I don’t think they are superior either. Nor are they my equals. They simply are what they are. They are complimentary.

When I was younger, I actually was quite bitter towards women. I didn’t hate them, but I definitely didn’t trust them and was suspicious of them. That’s because I didn’t fully understand them. I didn’t understand their natures and wanted to change them. Basically I wanted them to be more like a man. At least when it came to their emotionality and their virtues. The more I tried to get them to act and behave like me, like a Man, like I thought they “ought to,” the more disappointed I became.

When I finally let go of that desire, that need to make them more like me, the world opened up. I could see them for what they actually were, and I could see what was coming next. Sometimes that future behavior or action was something I didn’t like. Sometimes it was something I did want, and sometimes it was just plain interesting. Nothing more. In all cases, I may have been a little bummed because I knew that what was coming was unacceptable to me and I would most likely have to end the relationship, but it was what it was. And I was no longer angry. I was no longer bitter.

Once I accepted that I could trust her to be her, things would usually get better and in a big way. I actually understood them better and realized that 9 out of 10 times, they have no fucking idea what they are doing and why they are doing it. Many times they are more lost than you are.

When I let go of the need to know why she did what she did, life got a lot simpler for me. It didn’t always mean that I liked it, but life did and does get easier. You want to know the secret to women? You want to know why they do what they do? I mentioned it in my last post, but I’ll bring it up here for those that haven’t read it, or are too lazy to go back and read it.

She did whatever it was that she did, she does whatever it is that she does, because she can and because she could.

That’s it. End of story. That is the “why” of all of it. When you can accept that, life gets way easier. You don’t have to like it, hell, I don’t, but you do need to accept it.

The next time a woman, or a man for that matter asks you, “Why are you so bitter?” Stop for a moment and ponder it. Are they just doing the “point and sputter” routine that is the usual go-to tactic? You’ll know if that is the case by knowing yourself. If you are calm, if you don’t care about the outcome, if you are debating, talking, arguing, whatever it is for the simple sake of doing it, for the enjoyment of it, then that question is most likely a “point and sputter” tactic. You got under their skin and they have nothing else. They have nowhere else to go, so they fall back on that one.

But if you find yourself engaged and you actually are angry or hot, or you find yourself trying to actually convince them of your point of view and you have a stake in the outcome, then maybe that question deserves some merit and a closer examination on your part. You may have a blind spot that you didn’t know was there.

 

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