Online Dating: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly.

August 24, 2020January 2, 2021 Rob Says1 Comment

First off, I want to say that learning how to do day game, night game, or whatever you want to call it is better than doing online game, at least in general. With day and night game, you get immediate feedback from the girls you are approaching, you learn how to interact better socially, and ultimately you start to lose a lot of what is called approach anxiety.

I’m in agreement with the guys who say do day game or night game over online dating, learn that before dealing with the online dating world. You’ll get better results with the women that you are actually attracted to over enough time if you keep at it and are consistent.

That being said, I personally like to keep all of my options open. I don’t believe in a day game or night game only, model. The more opportunities that I can have, the better.

So here’s some things about online dating, some pro’s and con’s if you will, and ultimately why online dating works for me.

Like I said earlier, with day game or night game, you can approach a lot of women quick and get immediate feedback. No waiting around to see if they “match” or “like” you. Also there is no waiting around for feedback. Online dating takes time, much like fishing. But for me, that works.

I don’t mind baiting my lure, casting it out, and then settling in and waiting to see what happens.

First off: I’m lazy. I’ll admit it. I work 10 hour shifts 4 sometimes 5 days a week. I spend most of that time driving around, dealing with traffic, dealing with pedestrians, dealing with parking, and dealing with high temperatures in the summer and cold temperatures in the winter. I’m out in the elements most of my day. My job is physically taxing and by the time I get done with my day and I go home, the last thing I want to do, especially on the week days, is get cleaned up, jump back into my car, head back downtown to where all the action is, wander around and approach only to get shot down and then go home to go to bed so that I can get up and do it all again the next day.

At one point several years ago, I asked myself a question. I didn’t care how outlandish the answer seemed, I just wanted to get my creativity going and go from there. That question was: “When it comes to women, what do I want?”

My answer was: “I want them to come over to my house, have sex with me, and then go home.” That way, no matter what, I “won.” I “won” because they would either show up and we would have sex and then they would go home, or they wouldn’t show up because they flaked, or ghosted, or changed their minds. Either way, I was where I wanted to be: Home.

Enter online dating.

I can do it from my laptop or my phone. I don’t have to get dressed up and go somewhere to do it. I can do it from my bed before I go to sleep if I want to. I have my full time job, I have all my assorted shows, videos, audios, books, meals, housekeeping, and sleep to do. My days are pretty much full from the time I get up to the time that I go to bed. Having some spare time to literally “do nothing” is almost a foreign concept to me and I treasure it when it happens to come along.

Online dating takes longer, you’ll still get ghosted and flaked on, you have the added hassle of catfishing and spam bots, and the quality of the women has a ceiling. You won’t find hard 7’s or higher on online dating. That’s because they don’t need to use online dating because guys will approach them and hit on them at work, or at the bar, or at the grocery store, or wherever they happen to be.

You also have to realize that all women are wizards and that they will use makeup, filters, and bizarre and strange photo angles to hide what their bodies actually look like. Protip for the noobs: If all you see are head shots, she’s fat.

Since my life is pretty full and I happen to be lazy, at least when it comes to wanting to go out and “do shit,” online dating works for me. I can carpet bomb the women that I find attractive, shut down the app or the site, do whatever else it is that I need to do, and then go back and deal with any hits.

Remember my ultimate goal is to get them to come to my house, fuck me, and then go home. I’m not looking for a wife. I’m not looking for “a keeper.” I’m not looking to play house. I’m not Mr. Right, I’m Mr. Right Now. I’m a big fan of catch and release. I like sport fucking. I like slumber parties. And when it comes to attractiveness, I don’t care what strangers and assholes on the internet think. I don’t care what my Dad thinks. I don’t care what my real life friends think. All that matters to me is do I find her attractive. Does she pass the “boner test” for me? If yes, swipe right. If not, swipe left.

When I get a “match” my goal is then to get her off the app and get her on the phone. I do this by being funny and showing her that I have a sense of humor and that I’m a fun, mostly sane guy who isn’t going to murder her and bury her in a shallow grave. I’ll do 3 or 4 texts on the app and then go for the phone number.

Either I get the number and I’ll then drop the app and do everything by phone calls from that point forward, or she won’t give me the number and usually from there I move on to better prospects. My time is valuable and I don’t want to waste it. I’m still “winning” though, because I’m home.

All this whole time, my mindset, my goal, is to get her out of her house and get her into mine so that we can have sex and then she can go home. The hardest time is the first time. After that, if she and I are interested in a “round 2” it’s simply a matter of calling her up, getting her to come over, and then working out logistics.

It’s totally possible to get a woman whom you have never met and she has never met you, to show up to your house, fuck you, and then leave if that is what you want. Once you’ve done it once, you can do it again. Repetition for the win.

Have I ever had a woman show up to my house and I realize that I DON’T want to have sex with her? Yes, that happened once many years ago. Call it a learning lesson. So now once I get the phone number, I get her to either send more photos, which tend to be more revealing, or in today’s world, I can get her on something like Messenger where I can video chat with her and see what she looks like better.

Ultimately this has been a long and rambling way of saying, while online dating and swipe apps aren’t always the way to go, don’t eliminate your options. While online dating is far from ideal, it can work. Know the limitations of it. Know yourself and what it is that you want, and be realistic in your expectations. Know your own limitations. Know your strengths.

Know what you want and what are your goals and go from there.

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Jeremy

January 27, 2020January 27, 2020 Rob Says6 Comments

“Jeremy” is a guy I work with. He hired on approximately six months ago or so. He’s in his mid-to-late 30’s or maybe even his early 40’s. I’m not sure exactly as I don’t remember, but I do know that he told me his age at one point. He’s got receding hair, wears glasses, and when he’s not in the company uniform, he dresses pretty much like the next guy. He’s got quite the beer gut on him, and for the most part, he’s pretty forgettable. Basically he’s a textbook definition of an average frustrated chump.

“Jeremy” and I had a talk a while ago while on route. This was shortly after he had hired on. Plot synopsis: He moved here from wherever it was that he had lived previously. While he was living where ever it was that he lived, he had been seeing a gal that’s around his age, maybe even a couple years older than him. She’s got two kids from a prior relationship, a teenage daughter and a son that’s around 10 or so.

Their relationship was volatile and they were on again/off again. During one of their off again stages, she decided to move on and smoke another man’s pole. It just so happened to be “Jeremy’s” brother’s pole. Jeremy found this out from both his brother and from her when they tried to be “on again.”

Jeremy ended up moving to Utah and left the woman behind. He got himself a small apartment and got himself a job. Now if the story ended here, it wouldn’t be such a tragic comedy. But it doesn’t end there. Not by a long shot.

Almost a year later, ex-woman and Jeremy are still talking. Ex-woman decides to move out to Utah. Jeremy decides to “take her back.” Problem is, his one bedroom apartment isn’t big enough. Not enough for her, him, and her two kids. So Jeremy and woman get a joint lease and get a larger, more expensive place.

They move in together and everything is happily-ever-after. Right? No. It’s not.

Jeremy is sleeping on the couch. All of his stuff, other than his clothes, is still in boxes. The teenage daughter has the second bedroom while Mom/woman has the master bedroom. I can’t remember where the boy is sleeping, but it’s somewhere in this apartment. And Jeremy is paying for the privilege of sleeping on the couch. Half the rent to be exact. Half or more of the utilities too. If memory serves me correctly, he’s buying most of the groceries too. That’s how he ended up working at my job. More pay to finance someone else’s lifestyle. I don’t even want to guess how often these two have sex.

Jeremy has talked about leaving. He’s waiting for the lease to be up. Which happened as of January 1st of this year. He’s still there as of this writing. All of this backstory, everything that I’m writing about up until now, was told to me several months ago. Why didn’t he just leave her months ago? “Because I don’t want to be that guy. I don’t want to leave her hanging.” Fuck it, I would have taken the credit hit, after finding another place of my own and gotten my shit out of there. Everything is still in boxes, so it would be easy as hell to move. Block her number and/or change my phone number to boot. That’s if I would have gotten myself into this particular mess to begin with.

Jeremy is a “promise keeper.” Rollo has talked about it in at least one article of his own. I’m not going to go into that particular definition except to say that Jeremy is white knighting a woman who is fucking him over because he allows it. He also has the whole “relational equity” thing going on as well.

A couple of days ago, Jeremy came to work in a bad mood. He gave me some story that wasn’t the story, it was an analogy. I just remember something along the lines of, “Why can’t people just accept me for who I am? Why do I have to change?” So Jeremy has some covert contracts going on too. He wants credit for his burden of performance. He wants her to love him the way he loves her. He has certain expectations of her that he hasn’t told her, and since she isn’t doing any of it, he’s pissed and bitter about it. Mostly bitter.

This whole thing is a nightmare in the works. It’s a nightmare of his own creation.

Do I feel sorry for him? Not really. He could leave at any time. He chooses to remain for some misguided idealism in his head that he created for himself.

What’s the point of this post besides showing how fucked up a man’s life can get?

Know what you want.

Jeremy has no clue what he wants. He knows what he doesn’t want, but not what he wants. I know this because I asked him directly. I got the “deer in the headlights” look.

Guys, you can cruise on autopilot for your whole life. God knows, I did it for a long time. You can just “go with the flow” and see where it takes you. Don’t be surprised when it takes you to places you didn’t want to go. Have an idea of where you want to be and where you want to end up, otherwise you’re going to end up at someone else’s destination like Jeremy did. At some point he’s going to have to take charge of his life, own up to his shit, and decide exactly what he wants to do. Until then he’ll keep paying for the privilege of minimal to no sex and sleeping on the couch. He’s not her boyfriend. He’s her employee.

Does Jeremy get to burn? You better believe it.

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Why Are You So Bitter?

February 18, 2019February 10, 2019 Rob SaysLeave a comment

“Why are you so bitter?” It’s a question that gets asked a lot, usually by a woman to a man when he points out something about her or her gender that is less than flattering. Most of the time, it’s nothing but her doing “point and sputter.” It’s a shaming tactic for the most part.

However, there may be times when that question is legitimate. Any time I’m asked that question, I pause and do a little self examination. “Am I actually being bitter?” It’s a valid internal question for me and here is why:

Many times when we are actually being bitter, when there is some actual validity to the question, it’s because we are angry that she isn’t being what we want her to be. She’s not acting the way we want. In essence, we are projecting what we want her to be and how she should act (according to our own standards, beliefs, etc.)

While I fully believe that we should stop giving women a pass when it comes to their bad behaviors and their poor choices, at the same time, a woman’s nature is what it is. And you’ll never change that about her.

You can’t trust her, but you can trust her to be her. You can trust her to do whatever it is that she’s going to do. Arguing with her about it, trying to change her mind is like pissing into the wind. It’ll blow back on you and all you’ll end up doing is getting soaked and smelling like piss.

I think a lot of men are “bitter” because of this. They want and expect their women to act and behave in certain ways. Basically we want our women to act and behave like men on certain levels. To use logic and rationality. To put facts before feelings. To honor their words. To follow through on their commitments. To be loyal to us. To want a sense of fair play.

Women don’t do these things. At least not like men do. They have their own set of standards when it comes to all of this, and those standards can swing any direction, for any reason, or no reason at all. On the surface, this makes them seem unpredictable. But in reality, you can predict what is coming next if you can get past your ideals of how you think they should act and behave.

Don’t get me wrong, I love women. I don’t think they are “less than” a Man. I don’t think they are inferior to me. I don’t think they are superior either. Nor are they my equals. They simply are what they are. They are complimentary.

When I was younger, I actually was quite bitter towards women. I didn’t hate them, but I definitely didn’t trust them and was suspicious of them. That’s because I didn’t fully understand them. I didn’t understand their natures and wanted to change them. Basically I wanted them to be more like a man. At least when it came to their emotionality and their virtues. The more I tried to get them to act and behave like me, like a Man, like I thought they “ought to,” the more disappointed I became.

When I finally let go of that desire, that need to make them more like me, the world opened up. I could see them for what they actually were, and I could see what was coming next. Sometimes that future behavior or action was something I didn’t like. Sometimes it was something I did want, and sometimes it was just plain interesting. Nothing more. In all cases, I may have been a little bummed because I knew that what was coming was unacceptable to me and I would most likely have to end the relationship, but it was what it was. And I was no longer angry. I was no longer bitter.

Once I accepted that I could trust her to be her, things would usually get better and in a big way. I actually understood them better and realized that 9 out of 10 times, they have no fucking idea what they are doing and why they are doing it. Many times they are more lost than you are.

When I let go of the need to know why she did what she did, life got a lot simpler for me. It didn’t always mean that I liked it, but life did and does get easier. You want to know the secret to women? You want to know why they do what they do? I mentioned it in my last post, but I’ll bring it up here for those that haven’t read it, or are too lazy to go back and read it.

She did whatever it was that she did, she does whatever it is that she does, because she can and because she could.

That’s it. End of story. That is the “why” of all of it. When you can accept that, life gets way easier. You don’t have to like it, hell, I don’t, but you do need to accept it.

The next time a woman, or a man for that matter asks you, “Why are you so bitter?” Stop for a moment and ponder it. Are they just doing the “point and sputter” routine that is the usual go-to tactic? You’ll know if that is the case by knowing yourself. If you are calm, if you don’t care about the outcome, if you are debating, talking, arguing, whatever it is for the simple sake of doing it, for the enjoyment of it, then that question is most likely a “point and sputter” tactic. You got under their skin and they have nothing else. They have nowhere else to go, so they fall back on that one.

But if you find yourself engaged and you actually are angry or hot, or you find yourself trying to actually convince them of your point of view and you have a stake in the outcome, then maybe that question deserves some merit and a closer examination on your part. You may have a blind spot that you didn’t know was there.

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