It’s ironic. I made that tweet and a few hours later, I ended up in Twitter jail.
Catchy title, huh?
Are they really the two most important things I have learned so far? Maybe, maybe not, but they are definitely important enough to me that I repeat them not only to myself, but I say both of them enough online that even other people have picked up on them and I find them quoting me and repeating them back to me and to others, so I guess they are important enough. They are both important enough for me to write a blog post about the both of them to explain them as best as I can, so that you, Dear Reader, fully comprehend where I’m coming from and what I mean when I say them.
“There’s Always Another Woman.”
There’s always another woman. On the surface it sounds so harsh and cold. But that’s not what I mean. I have had both men and women look and stare at me when they have heard me say it in front of them, sometimes when I have said it to their faces.
When I say, “There is always another woman,” I don’t mean that I consider women disposable, because I don’t. I don’t consider any woman who has entered my life, for however long that she is there, to be disposable. She’s not garbage or something that I use and then discard when I am done with her.
That being said, while she is not disposable, that doesn’t mean that she isn’t irreplaceable.
I’m really good at my job, I’m good at what I do for a living. That doesn’t mean that my employer can’t replace me tomorrow with someone younger, more hungry than me, and willing to do my job for a lot less money than I make. I’m not irreplaceable. And I know that. I have no illusions or delusions, I could be replaced at any time. That’s how I view my relationships with women.
They may choose to leave, or I may ask them to leave, but they are replaceable. Yes, I’m aware that each and every woman is unique. Who and what she is and what her life experiences are, and what she brings to a relationship with me is completely unique. But that doesn’t mean that she’s irreplaceable.
I’ve had serious “oneitis” in the past, and that’s because I confused the woman with the feelings that I had during our time together in our relationship.
I confused the woman with the relationship.
When my ex-girlfriend decided to leave at the end of 2018, I was devastated. 6 months later I was fucking somebody new. And that somebody turned into 3 more somebody’s by the end of 2019. I look back at my relationship with my ex-girlfriend and I realize that I miss that relationship, what we had. But I don’t miss her. She was unique and she was amazing, but she wasn’t irreplaceable.
My time with my belly dancer has been amazing so far. I met her in early August of 2021 and we’re still seeing each other as of this writing with no signs of slowing down or ending things. I can say that I love her and that I love her dearly and sincerely. But she’s not irreplaceable. If she decides to leave or I ask her to leave, I’ll be devastated again, I’m sure. But, there’s always another woman. There will always be another chance to have another relationship, and to get the things out of that relationship that I want. That’s what I mean when I say, “There’s always another woman.”
I think one of the big problems we run into is that we think of something called “permanency.” We all watched the Disney shows when we were kids. We all watched the Princess get the Prince. We all think of Grandma and Grandpa and how they were together for over 60 years or something.
Here’s the thing though:
Permanency doesn’t exist and it never existed.
Even back in the late 1800’s during the “Old West,” people died during childbirth. People died from disease. People died quick and violent deaths sometimes. You got married because it was a matter of survival and necessity. Since beginning in 1970 when Governor Ronald Reagan signed “no fault” divorce into law in California, and ending in New York in 2010, “no fault” divorce is legal in all states in the United States. Marriage is no longer about necessity. It’s about convenience now. There never has been or will be a thing called “permanency.”
A guy on Twitter a couple of years back, tweeted about how he and his wife were coming home from a night out having dinner when a drunk driver hit them and killed her. He was left to raise a couple of young kids on his own while going through physical therapy. I’m pretty certain that he didn’t see that one coming. No one ever does, until it happens. There’s no permanency, there are no guarantees that things will “work out” or remain the same. So instead of focusing on “her,” focus on the fact that even if you go “the long haul,” somebody dies first. That is why I say “there is always another woman.”
“They Always ‘Out’ Themselves.”
Do you remember that time, back in the day, in 1988, when the Reverend Jimmy Swaggart used to go on TV and preach about hellfire, damnation, and the sins of lust? And do you remember him getting busted with a prostitute? He went on national television and cried about how “he had sinned.” Then in 1991, he got busted, again, for the same thing. This time, he wizened up and told the people close to him, “The Lord told me it’s flat none of your business.”
That was before the internet, that was before social media and the Manosphere and internet guru’s. I remember ol’ Jimmy doing his cry and the congregation forgiving him and they kept giving him money, and I remember him getting caught again and the congregation pretty much kept giving him money.
What is old is new again.
“They always ‘out’ themselves” means that if you give somebody enough time, they will show and tell you who they really are. It always comes up. Always.
That “PUA” guy who has had over 1000 notches. Turns out a huge bunch of them were prostitutes and “lady-boys.” Over a 1000? C’mon dude. You really think anyone is actually going to buy that number? Anyways…
That “redpill alpha male” who used to send his girlfriend out to fuck other men. Oh, forgot to mention that he used to stick objects in his ass, too. Yeah he tried to make all of that go away, but the internet never forgets. Personally, I could care less about the guy sticking things in his ass, or that he may or may not have a kink fetish about sending his now wife, out to fuck other guys. To each his own. But own it. Own up to it.
Or the guy, who cares so much about not caring that he just had to tell us all about it?
If you don’t care so much, Mr. Small, then why tweet about it?
Or the same guy talking about being an “alcoholic” and then coming up with this banger?
Way to capitalize on an actual addiction and then turn it into a comparison of phones. I’m sure that will go over well for actual alcoholics. “You can ‘just stop.’ It’s like switching from Android to Apple. Just get another phone, just stop.”
Here’s the thing that I have noticed over the years, and you could too, if you just shut up, stop making judgments in your head, and you pay attention. You observe.
People will tell you everything you need to know.
I’m not saying that they will tell you everything about them, but they will tell you everything you need to know about them. And they’ll do it in less than 8 hours total. You’ll usually find out everything you need to know in about 2 hours of drinking and eating some food. Sorry, coffee lovers, a coffee date isn’t going to work here. This is where alcohol and an appetizer is magical. This is why I always go for drinks over coffee.
Every woman I have met, every woman that I have fucked, has told me everything I needed to know about her on the first meetup. Hindsight is always 20/20. I used to have judgments and all sorts of nonsense going on in my head. I wasn’t listening to her, I was just hearing her. I wasn’t letting her talk, I was waiting my turn to speak.
If you don’t understand what I just said, then you aren’t “there” yet. You are still judging, having internal conversations with yourself, and you’re still just “waiting your turn” to speak. And you’ll miss out on everything that she just told you. Or you’ll hear it, but you’ll dismiss it as, “girls being girls,” or “she’s just being melodramatic,” or the worst thing you’ll do is, you’ll go inside yourself and try to “mind-read” her. “Oh! She said (ABC, XYZ) and that means…” And then you’ll either put too much emphasis into what she said, or you’ll dismiss it entirely. And either way, you are already too invested.
The guys who are rabidly “anti-drug?” They are the biggest drug users.
The guys who are rabidly “anti-alcohol?” Those are the alcoholics.
The guys who are obsessed with you watching porn and touching your dicks? Those are the guys who jerk off constantly and probably want to touch your dick.
The guys constantly talking about pedophilia? Well, you see where I’m going, right?
The men and women constantly online talking about how great their relationship is? She’s fucking someone else, whether he knows about it or not, and he’s jerking off into a sock and has been doing so, for over a year.
The guy showing pics of his ripped physique and saying how it’s “all natural?” He’s doing steroids.
They guy who said he, “found Allah?” He’s just saying that so you’ll keep giving him your money. Real top G shit, bro.
The guy who you thought was your “father-figure?” But now he cries at the drop of a dime? Well, he’s just a fucking mess. Is that who you want to emulate? Is that the kind of role model you really want?
The man/woman/couple talking about how pious they are? Those are your biggest sinners.
The person who talks about how charitable they are? That’s your biggest cheapskate.
The guy who brags about how logical and stoic he is? That’s the guy who breaks down into emotional attacks when he goes on the defense.
The guy who says he’s an “alpha male?” If he has to say it, he ain’t it.
The guy who constantly brags about being a “ladies man?” Isn’t. If he’s such a “ladies man,” and he’s online all the time, when does he have time to be a “ladies man,” and take care of his harem?
The guy telling you about the money he’s made doing dropshipping/crypto/being an entrepreneur/hustler? Isn’t making his money from all of that. He’s making it off of you by selling get-rich-quick schemes. And you are naive and gullible enough to believe him. But hey, it’s your money. Spend it how you wish.
They always ‘out’ themselves. Just sit back, observe, and hold back any judgment. If and when anything comes up for you, just say to yourself, “Oh, that’s interesting,” and then let it go, and just observe. That’s the only way that I can describe it.