The Two Most Unattractive Things About You

June 8, 2020June 7, 2020 Rob Says2 Comments

elderly man in a sharp contortion face

I’m going to talk to you about what I believe are the two most unattractive things, or traits, that you as a man can have. You may disagree, and that’s fine, but these were the two that I have had at one point in my life or another that contributed the most to my lack of success with women.

I’m going to start with the one that is probably the most obvious, is certainly the most visible, and is the one that you can do the most about immediately.

However, I don’t believe that this first thing is actually the most important one of the two. I’m saving the worst for last.

Buckle up and let’s begin…

For most of my life, I was overweight. Not obese or morbidly obese, but definitely a good 20 pounds on average overweight. At my heaviest, I topped out at 180 pounds. Not too bad you may think, except that I’m 5’4. That’s a lot for a short guy.

In 2015, I lost 60 pounds just by cleaning up my diet. I got tired of eating junk and I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I didn’t go to the gym and I didn’t get more physically active than I already was. 60 pounds. And I wasn’t even trying. Weightloss wasn’t my goal, I just wanted to eat differently and try new things. I went from 180 pounds down to 124 pounds in under six months. People noticed. People asked questions. People thought I was ill. The truth was, I had never felt better in my life.

Like I said, people noticed. Women noticed. Before I lost the weight I had been mostly invisible to most women. I incorrectly assumed that it was because I was bald and short. It wasn’t. It was because I was fat. It was because I looked like most men. I blended right in with all the other fat guys. I dressed like all the other fat guys. I didn’t stand out in the least.

By losing weight and then changing my wardrobe to clothing that actually fit me instead of hanging off of me, I started looking good. That’s part my own opinion because I liked what I saw in the mirror, and also the opinion of women because they now noticed me and began talking to me. They too, appreciated what they saw.

So guys, if you are overweight, lose the fat. You don’t need to get “ripped,” or “shredded,” or “jacked.” You don’t even need to get “buff.” You don’t need to become a gym rat. Just clean up your diet a bit and you’ll lose some of the weight.

Let’s move on to the worst of the “traits” now…

Bitterness.

I’m going to give my own definition of bitterness. Bitterness is anger coupled with a sense of unfairness and injustice, topped off with a sense of hopelessness. It’s the idea that life isn’t fair and you got screwed over, but there’s nothing you can do about it except be angry about it.

Life isn’t fair. You don’t have to like it, hell, I don’t. But you need to deal with it and get over it. Bitterness is the biggest woman repellent that you can have in your arsenal.

Here’s an example from my own life. Not only was bitterness there, but creepiness too.

When I was younger, I had no real idea of how to attract a woman. So I did all the things that mom told you to do, all the “blue pill” stuff. You know what I mean. I was desperate and horny. I said things that you don’t say to a woman that you have just met. I threw all of my attention and affection at her. I gave her all of it for free. Because of my behaviors I came off as creepy. The girl ran. And I was hurt and confused as to what had just happened.

Instead of looking at what I had said and done though, I turned it on her. She was a bitch and a cunt. She wasn’t a “good girl.” She wasn’t a “quality woman.” And then I got angry. And I stewed on it and amplified it. And it grew. And soon it permeated my every interaction with women. It was in my behaviors and my words. I oozed it from my pores. And women could literally smell it on me. And like any downward spiral, it got worse and worse with every interaction, every encounter that I had.

I remember when I was around 24 and I was bitching about women to a friend of mine and a woman overheard me. She came up and said, “Wow, you are bitter for someone your age.”

I remember it stopping me in my tracks. Was I the problem here? Yeah I was.

It took me a long time to get over my bitterness. It took several years actually. I was able to meet women occasionally, but I couldn’t keep them around for long. My bitterness would turn them away.

Like I said earlier, life is unfair. Life sometimes sucks, plain and simple. But life and women don’t owe you anything. If you are bitter you need to look in the mirror. Why are you bitter? Your woman cheated on you? She divorce you and take your kids and half the stuff? I get it. You have every right to be angry about it, but it isn’t going to make your life better and your interactions with women, if you choose to interact with them aren’t going to get any better either.

That sense of life as unfair is because you have fantasies in your head about how the world “ought” to be. How women “ought” to be. When they don’t turn out that way, you get angry. I get it. But you aren’t helping yourself with it.

I don’t have a “5 Step Plan” to beating bitterness. It’s going to be different for every guy. But you have to beat it. For me I realized that life doesn’t care what I think and neither does anyone else. Instead of getting angry about that I let it go. I let go of my fantasies of how the world ought to be and how women ought to be and accepted both for what they are. I don’t always like it, but I accept it.

When I did that, that sense of hopelessness, that despair, that anger, it all went away. My bitterness disappeared. And women started showing up. They were excited to meet me and be around me. They were excited and happy to be with me. I didn’t take them, life, or myself so seriously. Then things got interesting. Life got interesting. Women became fun. Life became fun.

When I said that women can smell bitterness on you, I’m not kidding. I know it too when I encounter it in someone else. I can literally smell it. It’s definitely a “vibe” or “energy” that you give off in your words, your mannerisms and your behaviors. If I can pick up on it, you better believe that women will pick up on it in a heartbeat and they’ll go running as fast and as far from you as possible. I believe it is the ultimate “chick repellent.”

You can be bald, short, and even to a degree, overweight and women will still show up for you. Ask me how I know. But if you are bitter, being tall, good looking, fit, and all the other things that you think matter, won’t matter. Once she gets a whiff of your bitterness, she’s gone. Again, ask me how I know.

For you literal types out there:

Lose the bitterness
Lose the weight

In that order.

There are plenty of other things that you can do, and there are plenty of other sources saying how to do it. Most will say it far better than me, so I’m not going to go there. Look them up.

These are the big two though. Deal with them and the other things will be much easier.

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Why Are You So Bitter?

February 18, 2019February 10, 2019 Rob SaysLeave a comment

“Why are you so bitter?” It’s a question that gets asked a lot, usually by a woman to a man when he points out something about her or her gender that is less than flattering. Most of the time, it’s nothing but her doing “point and sputter.” It’s a shaming tactic for the most part.

However, there may be times when that question is legitimate. Any time I’m asked that question, I pause and do a little self examination. “Am I actually being bitter?” It’s a valid internal question for me and here is why:

Many times when we are actually being bitter, when there is some actual validity to the question, it’s because we are angry that she isn’t being what we want her to be. She’s not acting the way we want. In essence, we are projecting what we want her to be and how she should act (according to our own standards, beliefs, etc.)

While I fully believe that we should stop giving women a pass when it comes to their bad behaviors and their poor choices, at the same time, a woman’s nature is what it is. And you’ll never change that about her.

You can’t trust her, but you can trust her to be her. You can trust her to do whatever it is that she’s going to do. Arguing with her about it, trying to change her mind is like pissing into the wind. It’ll blow back on you and all you’ll end up doing is getting soaked and smelling like piss.

I think a lot of men are “bitter” because of this. They want and expect their women to act and behave in certain ways. Basically we want our women to act and behave like men on certain levels. To use logic and rationality. To put facts before feelings. To honor their words. To follow through on their commitments. To be loyal to us. To want a sense of fair play.

Women don’t do these things. At least not like men do. They have their own set of standards when it comes to all of this, and those standards can swing any direction, for any reason, or no reason at all. On the surface, this makes them seem unpredictable. But in reality, you can predict what is coming next if you can get past your ideals of how you think they should act and behave.

Don’t get me wrong, I love women. I don’t think they are “less than” a Man. I don’t think they are inferior to me. I don’t think they are superior either. Nor are they my equals. They simply are what they are. They are complimentary.

When I was younger, I actually was quite bitter towards women. I didn’t hate them, but I definitely didn’t trust them and was suspicious of them. That’s because I didn’t fully understand them. I didn’t understand their natures and wanted to change them. Basically I wanted them to be more like a man. At least when it came to their emotionality and their virtues. The more I tried to get them to act and behave like me, like a Man, like I thought they “ought to,” the more disappointed I became.

When I finally let go of that desire, that need to make them more like me, the world opened up. I could see them for what they actually were, and I could see what was coming next. Sometimes that future behavior or action was something I didn’t like. Sometimes it was something I did want, and sometimes it was just plain interesting. Nothing more. In all cases, I may have been a little bummed because I knew that what was coming was unacceptable to me and I would most likely have to end the relationship, but it was what it was. And I was no longer angry. I was no longer bitter.

Once I accepted that I could trust her to be her, things would usually get better and in a big way. I actually understood them better and realized that 9 out of 10 times, they have no fucking idea what they are doing and why they are doing it. Many times they are more lost than you are.

When I let go of the need to know why she did what she did, life got a lot simpler for me. It didn’t always mean that I liked it, but life did and does get easier. You want to know the secret to women? You want to know why they do what they do? I mentioned it in my last post, but I’ll bring it up here for those that haven’t read it, or are too lazy to go back and read it.

She did whatever it was that she did, she does whatever it is that she does, because she can and because she could.

That’s it. End of story. That is the “why” of all of it. When you can accept that, life gets way easier. You don’t have to like it, hell, I don’t, but you do need to accept it.

The next time a woman, or a man for that matter asks you, “Why are you so bitter?” Stop for a moment and ponder it. Are they just doing the “point and sputter” routine that is the usual go-to tactic? You’ll know if that is the case by knowing yourself. If you are calm, if you don’t care about the outcome, if you are debating, talking, arguing, whatever it is for the simple sake of doing it, for the enjoyment of it, then that question is most likely a “point and sputter” tactic. You got under their skin and they have nothing else. They have nowhere else to go, so they fall back on that one.

But if you find yourself engaged and you actually are angry or hot, or you find yourself trying to actually convince them of your point of view and you have a stake in the outcome, then maybe that question deserves some merit and a closer examination on your part. You may have a blind spot that you didn’t know was there.

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