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Was It Worth It?

Jack NapierLeave a comment

There is a scene in Beserk that stuck with me ever since I saw it.

No it’s not that one…

Of all the scene’s in the entire 1997 version of Beserk it’s the vision Griffith has just before one of the most horrifying moments ever put to the animated screen that I keep remembering.

It’s the scene where Griffith wonders ‘what if’.

What if he had just settled with Casca and had be happy with a ‘normal’ but peaceful life with her instead of chasing his dream of having his own kingdom?

What IF he hadn’t sacrificed all those lives for his ‘dream’ and saw what was right in front of him?

Would he have been happy, would he have been content, would he have peace and would he even have wondered ‘what if’?

If you’ve been playing the field I dare to say you’ve been there as well.

And I’ll dare to add to that you’ve had a couple of girls who were pleasant, enthusiastic, hot and willing but you didn’t pursue cause you ‘wanted to have more’.

A higher notch count.

More experience.

You wanted to earn your wings.

And then later on you look back.

What if you had settled with that girl who was nice, texted you, traveled towards you and was more than happy to bend over backwards to meet your needs? Literally.

You look back on the endless pile of nameless faces and wonder if all of it was required to get where you wanted to be.

Part II

The way is forward.

For stagnation is death.

I made this into a separate part because in our little band of brothers there are few but solid rules.

One of not telling a man what to think but how to think.

I can’t tell you if it was worth it for you or not.

I can’t tell you if you should have settled, if you missed your one shot at happiness or if that’s old order thinking that made you find this place or not.

I can only tell you my perspective on my situation and admit I have had these thoughts and then it might resonate with you.

But I can not give you answers.

Every now and then during a dry-spell I have episodes of reflecting on previous situations, how they ended and how and if they could have continued.

But the issue is that this happens during a dry-spell.

Instead of lingering in what used to be the focus should only be on what lessons I can get out of them to re-create and improve the situation.

Reflect and observe not regret and linger.

Not to replicate the exact same one only for it to end of the exact same way.

It is better to leave the trash where it stands otherwise everyone and their neighbor will see you take back the dirt inside.

If the situation really was that great, I would have stayed in it or she wouldn’t have ended it.

If I wanted to have stayed with someone I wouldn’t have felt the need to rack up the numbers.

I moved on for a reason.

I got wings.

“I Meant It When I Said It.”

Rob Says1 Comment

Let’s take a gander at a clip that is going around on the internet at the moment. Don’t worry, I cut it to the important part, the lesson for you, the watcher.

“Everything I told you in that pod..was real.”

When a woman tells me she loves me, I believe it. Why? Because at the time she is telling me that, she believes it. I know that I could hook her up to a polygraph machine and “no lie detected” would come out the other end. It’s because in that moment, at that time, it was the truth. “Her truth,” if you will.

That is why I added the screenshot at the beginning of this post. Nick August laughed and said, “I meant it when I said it.” And that is exactly what I’m writing about and it’s exactly what that video clip that I shortened up is about. You’ll notice I added my own two cents to Nick’s original tweet.

“For now.” “Right now.”

“I love you, Rob. (Right now.)”

“I want to spend time with you, Rob. (For now.)”

“You are the guy I have been looking for my entire life, Rob. (Right now and for now.)”

I have said it before in the past, there’s no permanency.

When you can internalize that the woman in front of you, telling you that she wants to marry you and that she wants to be with you for the rest of her life, is telling you the truth right in the moment, but that’s no guarantee of tomorrow, or the next day, let alone the rest of your life, and you can be okay with knowing that what she means is “right now,” then you’ll be fine.

You’ll really understand the phrase, “She’s Not Yours, It’s Just Your Turn.”

When I first encountered that phrase, it was a hard, bitter pill to swallow. That’s because I was still stuck on the idea of permanency. I also assumed incorrectly, that when a woman would tell me something, I took it at face value like a man does when speaking to another man. If I tell you something, I mean it, and I don’t just mean it for the moment that it came from my lips. If and when I give my “word,” it’s my bond. You can count on it and take it to the bank. Women don’t operate like that. It doesn’t mean that they are liars and are completely untrustworthy, it just means that you need to take what they say with a grain of salt most of the time.

When you figure out, “she’s not yours, it’s just your turn,” and you realize that there truly is no permanency, and you then realize that “there’s always another woman,” you get to do pretty much whatever you want. It’ll “set you free.” You won’t be angry about it, you won’t be bitter about it, and you’ll realize that none of it matters for the most part, and you’ll be able to enjoy yourself and the people around you, in that moment.

Desperate And Lying Guys, And The Things They Say..

Rob Says6 Comments

“A conversation no one is ready for is when it comes to choosing a spouse attractiveness is MAYBE 3rd on the list, might be situationally lower for many.” – Skull King Bjorn

I ran across this particular tweet, thanks to Rian Stone quoting it and giving his own two cents about it. I liked what Rian said, and I’ll come back to that in a bit, but for now, let’s talk about my take on this tweet, shall we?

I’m going to start off by saying that this particular tweet is one of the most dangerous tweets that I have seen in a while. I’m not trying to be melodramatic, but it really is that dangerous. Why is it dangerous?

Because if you believe in what he is saying, you’re going to be disappointed down the road, and that’s because you are going to “settle.”

Only someone who is desperate and who is lying to himself would say that attractiveness is “MAYBE 3rd on the list.” What I’m hearing him say without saying it is, “It’s what’s on the inside that matters.” I would know, because that is how I ended up getting married back in 2009.

My ex-wife was never a “hot” woman. But she was kind. And she was self-sufficient. And she laughed at my jokes. And she liked to touch my dick. The truth is, I was desperate and lying to myself back then. I was in a place where women were few and far between. “Thirst is the worst,” as Rian states it, and indeed it is. I was thirsty and I had a low self-esteem and I didn’t think I could do any better than her, and I didn’t want to be “shallow,” because “it’s what’s on the inside that matters.” And I was getting older. Are you getting the picture here yet?

Fast forward towards the end of my marriage…

She had gained weight. She was never a petite girl, but yeah.

And there was a host of other things that contributed to the demise of our marriage, and if they had been in a vacuum, I could have probably dealt with them. Each of those things by themselves wasn’t enough for me to pull the pin on the grenade, but altogether? Goodbye marriage, hello divorce and being single again.

When I got divorced, I hit the ground running when it came to dating and sex. Turns out my sex-drive wasn’t diminished because of aging and “low T,” it had gone to sleep. Once I started dating women that I was truly, actually attracted to, I couldn’t stop fucking. It was like being 20 years old, all over again.

Even today at the tender age of 51 as I write this, I literally can’t stop fucking. I can’t stop fucking the belly dancer, or Velvet, or Kitten, or some of the other women that I met in my past. That’s because for me, attractiveness is NUMBER ONE. Go on and tell me I’m “shallow.” I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK.

Any man who tells you that attractiveness is “MAYBE 3rd on the list” is fucking lying.

He’s lying to you, the reader, watcher, or listener, and he’s lying to himself. The only part that I can’t figure out and ultimately doesn’t really matter is, is he lying intentionally or not?

A guy who says that attractiveness is “MAYBE 3rd on the list” is desperate and he is lying, at least to himself. If you want something that will potentially “stand the test of time,” you have to be attracted to her. If not, you have a roommate who you are raising kids with, if that’s how your life turns out. Or you have a “friend.” A “good friend.” Someone that you can share a few laughs with and swap stories with. But that’s about it.

Take it from a guy who ultimately didn’t want to fuck his own wife. And look where that went.

To wrap it up, I’m going to post Rian’s quote for posterity:

“This has no attachment to reality.” And THAT is why it is so dangerous.

But if you read it enough times, you too, might start seeing the “sense” in it. If you do, all I can say is, “You get to burn, and I’ll see you in a couple of years.”