I Am The Shadow.

I love it.

I’ve come to really, truly, realize that this blog has not only been about me and my “Red Pill Journey,” which is what it started out to be, but it’s about me exploring and ultimately owning, my Shadow. Hell, it took me until very recently that that was what I was doing.

With posts like Villain, Hedonist, and Desire, how could I not really see it? I did, but maybe I didn’t. Maybe I’m just fucking with you at this moment. Maybe not. That’s for you to figure out.

The Shadow. A term that Carl Jung came up with back in the day if memory serves me correctly. My college professors would be shaking their heads in shame for the fact that I spent the money and now I’ll be damned if I can’t remember all the hoopla over Jung and the Shadow.

The Shadow, if I recall correctly, is that “part” of you that you find undesirable. It’s the “part” that you ignore or hold some sort of guilt and shame over. It’s the “part” that you don’t want to acknowledge. I get it. There’s a lot of things about me that when I was younger, I was told was undesirable about me. Let me give you a brief list of the things that I would consider my Shadow.

I’m self-centered.

I’m talkative and can be abrasive.

I put my needs before other people’s needs.

I can be insensitive.

I’m impatient.

I’m intolerant.

I’m one horny motherfucker.

I like sex.

I can be the laziest motherfucker you’ve ever met, and I’m okay with that.

I get off on other people’s suffering.

That’s good enough for now. That’s a good “starter list.”

These are all “traits” or behaviors that most of polite society would consider to be undesirable. I know I’ve met plenty of women that have frowned on some of these traits or characteristics.

Here’s a screenshot of one of the latest encounters I’ve had recently:

I mentioned on the most recent Let ‘Em Burn (at least at the time of this writing) that I met a woman and I stirred up her outrage and indignation with a comment: “I DNGAF about the children. Yours, or anyone else’s.” I smirked and she nearly shit. The fire in her eyes was incredible. What did she do? She kissed me. And then the next day she sent me that text that I screenshot for you.

When she and I met, she asked me the standard fare of questions, including, “What are you looking for?” To which I told her straight up, in plain english, “I’m a Lover. I’m not looking for buddies to hang out with. I’m not looking for friends. Sex has to be on the menu for me.”

Call this “Mode One.” Call it “taking out the mystery.” Call it what you will. I don’t care.

I embraced my Shadow after I got everything everyone told me was the “Keys to Success.” I had the house, the job, the wife, the college degree, the toys, the respect of my peers, the approval of my family, and enough money to live a comfortable lifestyle. I had it all.

And at the end I was so miserable that eating a shotgun shell was more appealing than living.

So I embraced my Shadow. I embraced all of those things that I was told that I shouldn’t embrace. I embraced my sexual desires. I embraced my enjoyment of booze. I embraced being loud, obnoxious, talkative. I embraced being heard as well as seen. I embraced being forward, blunt, and to the point. Why not? The alternative was suicide or an endless misery of existence. It definitely wasn’t living.

“M” in the first screenshot of this post mentioned that “some people do whatever they can to avoid exploring their shadow, while the rest lean into it.” (italics are mine)

I definitely lean into it, and why not? I already “did the time,” I might as well “commit the crime.”

Guys, it’s my life. And I’m closer to dying every minute of every day. To quote Aaron Clarey, “I have less time ahead of me than behind me.” So fuck it. I’m going to do me. There’s nothing to be afraid of. All of the nonsense is just that, it’s nonsense. It’s all in your head.

When you really “lean into” not giving a fuck, everything changes. Do I always “get the girl?” No. Perhaps I “came on too strong” for the woman in that earlier screenshot. Perhaps my straight-forward demeanor was too much for her. Maybe she had “buyer’s remorse.” Maybe it had nothing at all to do with me whatsoever. I don’t care. Ultimately it doesn’t matter. There’s always another woman.

So how do you “integrate your Shadow?” Your Shadow isn’t a separate thing. It’s you. Like I said in the first screenshot: “Spirit” and “Body” aren’t separate. They are One.”

Your Shadow isn’t this “thing” outside of you, it’s you. Sure, it’s the things that you either don’t like about yourself, or it’s the things that “society, culture, family, etc” has told you NOT to like about yourself, but it’s all you. So accept it and own it. Stop caring about it and just own it. Be the Villain. You’re going to be the Villain in somebody’s story, might as well be good with that.

You can go on ignoring those things that you don’t like about yourself, or those things that you’ve been told NOT to like about yourself. You can do that until you end up looking down the barrel of a shotgun, or you can accept those things and be okay with those things. You can own it. It’s what I did.

You know what?

My life got geometrically better when I just owned that stuff. So own yours. Own and “integrate” your Shadow. There’s worse scenarios for you if you don’t.

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