“Goofy-Sexy.” It’s what Vince labeled a woman that was walking down the street as we were sitting outside in Philadelphia having a drink and something to eat. There was something about this woman as she caught my eye. She was good looking, but definitely not a “9 or 10 brah.” She lacked a certain grace as she walked, but her smile was beautiful. I found myself mildly aroused. Yes, that was it, she was Goofy-Sexy.

I have come to a conclusion about the women that have been in my life:

They have all been Goofy-Sexy.

They are beautiful in ways that are hard to quantify or describe, but the goofy part is easy to identify. Maybe they snort when they laugh. Maybe they are like a “Bull in a China Shop” when they walk around. Maybe they sing off-key so bad a dog would howl in protest and pain.

My Belly Dancer is a teacher and she is also a martial artist. She’s been practicing Tai Chi and Southern Mantis for almost 40 years. I have seen what she can do to a person if she had to fight, it’s beautiful and terrible all at the same time. I have also seen her walking around in those heels in that photo above. It’s like watching a newborn colt on wobbly legs. For someone who has been into martial arts most of her life, she’s also the biggest klutz that I know. She can be dangerous if her life or the lives of those she cherishes was threatened, and yet she’s a goofy girl.

She has the most amazing laugh when she’s embarrassed, and it doesn’t take much to embarrass her. She laughs, blushes, and if she’s sitting, she curls up into a ball. It’s adorable. She also acts like a schoolgirl when she is around me. 5’7 flat-footed, grace of a colt, and she drapes herself all over me. She’s most definitely Goofy-Sexy.

“Velvet” is also Goofy-Sexy. I can’t even put my finger on it at the moment, I can’t isolate an instance, other than her odd way of looking at things, but it’s who she is and it’s something I like about her. Actually, one of the things that I do know is that she’s chronically late (aren’t they all?) and normally it would be irritating to me, but in her case, I know why she’s late. She’s dressing to impress me. She wants to look her best for me and she doesn’t disappoint. It’s her worrying about running late that is the goofy part. She gets so stressed about it, and all I can do is tell her it’s okay, and then she puddles and gets giddy. Just like a schoolgirl. What can I say? She’s Goofy-Sexy.

Teriyaki was Goofy-Sexy. It was in her laugh and it was in the way that she tried to convince the world that she was tough. Deep down though, she was a marshmallow. She was tenderhearted and just wanted to be loved.

“Kitten” was also Goofy-Sexy. A red flag woman if I ever met one, but she too lacked in grace. But she could stomp your nuts into the ground if you started simping on her. She actually took pleasure in grinding AFC’s into the dirt. But when she turned that bloodlust on me and I smirked and told her, “No,” she puddled and got all giddy and goofy. She ultimately ended up simping for me while we were together.

“Red and Black” was another woman that I met at the end of 2021. I’ll be goddamned if I can find any blog posts about her at the moment. Old age, CRS, not giving a fuck ultimately, and being half drunk will do that to you. I call her “Red and Black” because she had red and black hair. You chickenshits would have been terrified of her. Think Harley Quinn, but not blonde. She’s one of the more recent women that I have been with and I actually think she’s on the spectrum, as in legitimately crazy. At the same time, she was Goofy-Sexy too. She was a gigantic nerd when it came to her subjects and it was like pulling teeth to get her out of her head and into her body. She too, was Goofy-Sexy.

I think I have finally found my “pattern” if you will. I like Goofy-Sexy girls. Even my ex-girlfriend and my ex-wife were Goofy-Sexy.

But then again, I tend to think of most, if not all, women as Goofy-Sexy. They are “the most responsible teenager in the house,” as someone once said.

You can choose to see women as “Lilith, Destroyer of Worlds,” or you can choose to see them as “Goofy-Sexy.”

Another thing that I tend to think about women:

They are mirrors.

They throw back at you what you are projecting outwards. They are the barometers in my life. They show me where I am at. They also end up reflecting my views, values, and takes. Even if only for a moment. So when I tend to see them as big, goofy girls, that’s what they tend to become as far as I’m concerned. It’s far more interesting and entertaining than seeing them as “the enemy,” or Lilith.