The “Coffee Date” vs “Going Out And Getting Drinks Date.” That’s been the rage on Twitter lately. What is old is new again. Nothing really changes and apparently most of the guys online just want to argue, puff their chests up, suck in their guts, and pretend to talk to girls and get laid. More power to you lads if that is your quest. I would rather talk to women, invite them out for a drink, and see if it leads to sex. But that’s just me.
When it comes to the coffee date vs drinks, I get some of the arguments. There are guys who want to “screen” their women when they first meet. They want to make sure that she looks like her pictures and isn’t a complete psychopath, I understand that. But here’s the thing:
You can screen a woman over drinks. You can see if she matches up to her pictures and what she said she looked like. You can figure out really quick in a social environment, like a bar, if she’s a social retard or not.
Maybe some guys have some secret trick, hack, system, or whatever that works in coffee shops. If any of you reading this happen to have some set of skills or tools or knowledge, I’m honestly interested. But don’t fuck around and waste my time thumping your chest and telling me stories. I’ll figure you out real quick, and if you are full of shit, I’ll call you out on it.
I’ll readily admit that I have had limited experience meeting up with women in coffee shops. I’m not a coffee guy. I’ll drink it occasionally but it’s really not my thing. I would rather have a beer or something with vodka in it. In Utah, you can’t legally have coffee with alcohol in it in a coffee shop. The baristas can’t legally serve you alcohol, and if you sneak some in and spike your coffee and you get caught, best case scenario the shop employees ask you to leave. Worst case scenario, the cops show up and you go to jail.
I have only had maybe three or four coffee dates and every single one of them was awkward all around. I was uncomfortable, the women were uncomfortable, it was a mess. The cost of the coffees was close to what I would pay for a couple of drinks.
So I’m going to give you the “pros” of having drinks instead:
- Bars are typically relaxed, fun environments which allows both her and you to relax, get to know one another and just have fun.
- If you invite her for drinks and she accepts, you have an idea that she is probably a fun, laid back person. She’s not likely to be uptight about alcohol because of religious convictions, health convictions, or because she’s a recovering alcoholic. I have no problem with people that are on the road to sobriety, more power to them for acknowledging that they have a problem and that not drinking is the only way to handle and manage that problem. I don’t have a problem with alcohol though. I don’t get drunk daily, I don’t “black out” or pass out. I don’t lose my self control. I can handle my drinking. I don’t want to put someone in the realm of temptation if they struggle with it though, and I’m not giving up my beer and booze.
- “But drinks are so expensive Rob!” Learn to control the interaction dumbass. You buy a round or two at most and that’s it. If she wants more, that’s on her. This also lets you know if she’s just there for the drinks, that she might in fact have a drinking problem, and it’ll give you a good idea if she can hold down her alcohol. Most women can’t. I haven’t had a “bad bar night” with a woman in a long time. Most women can’t hold down their alcohol and most of them know that. Most of the women I have dealt with cut themselves off long before I cut myself off.
- Hanging out at the bar with people having a good time in the background and some music playing is conducive to you and her having a good time. I know with all of the “bar dates” I’ve had, we hardly talk about work. We may touch on it briefly, but then we move on to other fun topics. Guess what we talked about in coffee shops? Work. Coffee dates didn’t feel like a “date” to me. It felt like it was either a job interview or “networking.” Yeah I’ll pass.
- As Fort Worth Playboy said in his tweet that I screenshotted: “Can this date lead to sex?” Yes. Yes they can. Drinks in the evening, maybe a really light snack at the bar, some funny conversation, and of course, kino. What’s kino Rob? Kino is touching. Moving her hair from her face, touching her shoulder, putting your hand on the small of her back when you move her from one spot in the bar to another, playing silly games like thumb wrestling so that you can touch her hands, that’s kino. Kino if done right leads to kissing. Sometimes in the bar, sometimes as you are leaving the bar. Kissing leads to sex. Sometimes that very night. I don’t get a lot of chances to do kino with a woman in a coffee shop other than maybe a light hug and a hand shake.
- Alcohol tends to lower inhibitions. Not just for her, but for you too, you caught up in your head, over-thinking, over-analyzing, over-complicating everything motherfucker.
- Let’s say worst case, the date isn’t going well. There’s no “chemistry,” “vibe,” “spark,” whatever you want to call it. You know there’s going to be no chance for sex and maybe it’s you who decided that. You can always thank them for the date, give them a hug if you want, shake their hand at the least and watch them walk out the door. Bars tend to have other women in them. You are already there. Why not go and talk to other women? Hell, the date could be going spectacularly, but while she is either in the restroom or you are on your way to the restroom, why not talk and flirt with another woman? You are there to have fun, right? So why not?
You guys reading these type of posts like your “red flags.” So let’s talk about a red flag when it comes to asking a woman to have drinks at the bar:
If I ask a woman to meet me for drinks somewhere and she declines that particular offer, I want to know why. Is she uptight? That’s a red flag. Does she have high moral or religious convictions that prohibit her from drinking? That’s a red flag. Is she declining because she is a recovering alcoholic? That’s a red flag. Not because she’s trying to get sober, but because her alcoholism is not my problem. That’s definitely not my circus and not my monkeys.
I have met several women over the years who chose not to drink and it had nothing to do with the above “red flags.” All of them still met me at the bar and we still had a lot of fun. Many of them went home with me either that night or shortly thereafter. They were fun loving, laid back women who knew how to have a good time and wanted to have a good time. I have yet to experience that same “vibe” in a coffee shop.
So you can “screen” your girls at the coffee shop and maybe see her again for round two or three and then eventually get to sex, or you can “screen” her right at a bar over a drink and get to sex faster. The choice is yours.