It’s All In The Moments

I hope all of my American readers had a good 4th of July. Mine was pretty decent considering that I have been dealing with a head cold. One thing that I hate with this whole “pandemic thing” is the fact that many people are scared shitless if you mention getting or being sick. God forbid you actually sneeze or cough around them. Hey people, germs, viruses, bacteria, etc are still going on beside C-19. People still get sick occasionally, get over it.

Moving on…

About a week ago, around the time that I was finishing up my Dance with the “bitter, lonely Jew,” Amanda, another woman showed up for me. Talk about 180 degrees in difference. We met up for a drink at a local bar and the moment she walked into the place, her eyes lit up when she saw me. She has one of the most radiant smiles that I have seen in a long time.

We talked about damn near everything and she loves to laugh. I can still see the laugh lines around her mouth even now. It’s these little moments that matter to me. It’s these little details. I can still see her jaw line in my mind’s eye and at the time, even while I was watching her and listening to her, all I could think of was, “I want to know what she tastes like.” I’m not talking about what she ate or she drank, not that type of taste, but her. It was maddening.

What should have been an hour to an hour and a half first meeting turned into almost five hours. I have met a lot of women over the years and very few bring out a sense of possibility and a sense of wonder in me. It’s so rare that it’s only happened to me three times in my life so far. Those women who brought out that sense of wonder, that sense of what could be possible, that sense of new, talk about chasing the dragon. It’s exhilarating. It’s intoxicating. It’s fascinating.

Here’s a funny thing: I felt like I was 18 again. I felt like I did when I was back in high school only minus the confusion, awkwardness, and the stupidity of youth. It was an actual date. I had even built that first kiss up in my head so bad that I blew it and lost that particular moment when we were telling each other goodbye. I guess some of that awkwardness can still show up for an “old dog” like me.

Fast forward a couple of days and I saw her again. This would be this last Saturday, the 3rd. She wasn’t feeling well because she has a cold as well and her allergies were bugging her big time. She didn’t want to go to dinner or go for a walk because of the heat and how she felt and I told her it would be fine if we cancelled and got together another time. She immediately told me that she wanted to see me, so no, cancelling was out of the question.

We ended up sitting in a small park in some shade offered by some trees and just talked some more. Sorry players, if you think that this post is going to have nudity, sex, threesomes, or anything “juicy” or lurid, you’re going to be disappointed. None of those things happened. However, I did kiss her before she left. I got to taste her. And she kissed me back.

When you are in your body instead of being in your head, your body knows what to do and you don’t get caught up in analyzing things, you just flow. Your body and hers just dance. And that’s what we did, we danced. Chasing the dragon indeed.

I’m not a man who believes in the metaphysical, I don’t even believe in the existence of God. But it’s funny how things seem to come together for me over time. One woman flakes, I run into a Brother from my Motorcycle Club days in the same bar that I would have met the woman who flaked if she had showed up. One woman is poisoning her soul with outrage porn and politics and as she’s exiting stage right, another woman enters stage left with a healthy mind, free from outrage, politics, and the bullshit of current events that so many people get caught up and trapped in. I go from enjoying women but feeling a little jaded, like something is missing, some spark has died, never to be seen again, to feeling like I did when I first met my first girlfriend, just without the embarrassing awkwardness from a lack of experience.

It’s all in the tiny details of the moments of my life. It’s what I see with my eyes and my mind’s eye. I can still see her laugh lines from her smile. I can still smell her neck and her hair. I can still taste her on my lips. I can still see that sparkle in her eyes and I can hear her laugh echoing in my mind. I can still feel her cheek and chin on my fingertips even as I type this. I can see the hints of red in her hair from the sunset casting upon it.

Learn to notice the details. Get out of your head and get back into your body. Stop with the internal monologues and just be present without asking “why.” Just look and listen. A whole other world is right in front of you if you will only see it, and it’s that world that matters the most.

2 thoughts on “It’s All In The Moments

  1. I’m happy for you and glad to hear you met someone like this. I look forward to hearing how this goes. I am very familiar with this feeling. I’ve had it for many years of our marriage. Not every day, but most. When you meet someone you look forward to seeing. Someone who is excited to see you after over three decades of looking at your mug, that’s some good shit. I know men pedestalize and go on about “the one”. Both concepts are BS. But, when that feeling you have is with you most days, and is mutual, you realize you’ve found the good stuff. When people ask how I can stay with one woman for so long, this is it. You know that it’s hard to find and even more difficult to maintain long term. Enjoy it.


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