Back in 1995, I was a young, dumb, 23 year old. I had no clue how to “pick up” women. I had no idea what to say to them. I had no idea how to talk to them. I had had a relationship with a girl when I was 18 and she was also my first sexual encounter. She literally fell into my lap. She and I dated for about a year and a half. At the age of 21, I had my first one night stand. It was a case of me being “the right guy at the right place at the right time.” Even back then I at least knew when and how to keep my mouth shut.
Fast forward a couple of years and I had no idea what to say or do when it came to meeting new women. This was really before the internet took off and I sucked at “night game.” “Social circle game” was drying up, most of the women were either dating, married, or one or both of us just wasn’t interested.
So there I was, clueless, horny, and yes, fucking desperate. I had no idea what to do or really how to do it. Now there were “BBS” which were internet bulletin boards, but I had no idea about them. I didn’t know they even existed. Everything I saw as far as advertising and whatnot came from magazine ads or the television.
There were a lot of books and literature back then, that when I look at it now, it was utter trash. Complete garbage. But I read it anyway. It was something, anything, that I thought would help. Yeah it mostly didn’t.
I don’t remember how I found it, but in 1995 I found Ross Jefferies “Speed Seduction” course on cassette tape. Here was NLP, which I had studied and practiced in college, but it was being used for seduction. There were sound principles, great ideas, some clear, concise methods, and it was pretty straightforward.
Let’s just say that I loved it.
However… There are a lot of details and things that you need to understand and memorize. “Speed Seduction” is mostly language patterns and verbal. It doesn’t work great in a loud, obnoxious club. It doesn’t really work all that great on girls who are ADD to begin with and half drunk to boot. They need to be able to hear you and to focus on what you are saying in order for it to be effective. It works really great on “cerebral” girls, but not so much on your average girls. It can work wonders over the phone when you are talking to them or if you are in a quieter environment and you can keep their attention on you.
In the early 2000’s “The Game” and “Mystery Method” came out. I loved both of those books. In Mystery Method, here was a “system” that didn’t require a ton of memorization, it could and was designed for clubs and bars, and you could adapt it to “day game” or pretty much whatever “system” or “style” you prefer. I had far more “success” with the Mystery Method than any other “system” that was out there. That still holds true to this very day. What I do when I meet women is some sort of variant of Mystery Method. I don’t have a name for it other than, “This is what Rob Does.”
Which brings me to my point.
I spent years reading and rereading books, highlighting passages, making notes in the margins and on spiralbound notebooks. I have spent years watching and re-watching videos, VHS tapes, and DVD’s. I thought if I reread something just one more time, I would have the answers and I would just get it. Several years ago, I could pull Mystery Method off of my shelf and proudly show it to you with all of my highlights and notes. I could brag to you about how many fucking times I had read it. The truth is, when I go out and meet women for that first time, all that shit goes right out of my mind. I’m drawing a blank. Zip, zilch, zero, nothing, nadda. And I freeze.
And then I just start talking to her.
“Hi! You look like you’re fun! What’s your name?”
There’s my “opener.” Sometimes it’s not even that. Sometimes it’s “Hi! How are you doing today?” Sometimes it’s not even that. Sometimes it’s just “Hi!” and see where it goes. I’m open, I’m smiling, I’m friendly. That’s it. And I go from there. Yes guys, I fly by the seat of my pants, I wing it. And sometimes I get the girl, sometimes I don’t.
Guys if you want to get “good” at Game, you have to talk to girls. That’s it. End of story. Reading and rereading Rollo’s work or the Mystery Method, or No More Mister Nice Guy isn’t going to get you better at talking to girls. You have to go out of your house, outside your comfort zone, outside the internet for the most part, and actually talk to girls.
Reading or watching something for the first time is a good thing as far as I’m concerned. You didn’t know what you didn’t know. But reading or watching something for the third or fifth or hundredth time? You are avoiding doing the work, which is getting off of your ass and going out and talking to girls. It feels good, it feels productive. It feels like you are doing “something.” And you are. You are avoiding the inevitable. You are avoiding going out, talking to girls, and getting rejected.
You will only really learn Game by going out and doing Game. Sure you and I could sit on some chairs, smoke cigars, have a drink and wax poetic about how Rian said this, Rollo said that, Mystery did this, Style did that. But at the end of the day you and I are no closer to meeting girls. You have to go out and meet them. And while it could be entertaining to me to sit and wax on about Rian, Rich, Rollo, and Mystery, and I love what they have done and contributed, don’t get me wrong. I would rather go out and try things out on real women in real time and see what happens.
Going out and getting actual experience is a far better teacher than any reading, watching, or listening to someone else talk about it.
So when I see some guy saying he’s going to read Mystery Method for the umpteenth time and take more notes, all I can do is laugh, shake my head and think to myself, “Yeah, you don’t get it.”
While you are planning your big move into the “Seduction community” and you’re planning on becoming the next “Don Juan,” life has other plans for you. And while you were busy planning, life passed you by. So did god knows how many opportunities. But hey, if you want to read or watch something again and again? Knock yourself out.
You can find me out talking to women.
One thought on “Highlighting And Other Things”
Rob, I read many of the same books and had to mold them to fit a married scenario. Believe it or not, while different, much of those books advice can be used with some adaptations. The most important thing about this post is just fucking do it. It’s the only way to get better at anything in life. Sure, learn the basics and pick up some tips, but eventually you have to leave the cave and kill something if you want to eat. Just talking to women is the biggest hurdle most men have. I have a post scheduled for tomorrow that talks about this. My son is moving out in about a week. His game at 19 with women would put most Twitterverse “gurus” to shame. Some from advice I’ve given him, some of his own experimentation, mostly his gift of gab. He can make friends with a fence post, not bad looking, works, has a decent car he bought, but all that means jack shit if you can’t talk to a woman. The boy gets stalked by them, sometimes after one date. It’s truly amazing to watch what he gets them to do for him. In a few years, he needs to put a course together. When I told him this, his response was, “It would be one sentence dad, talk to them and don’t be their simp.” I’ll remind you, he’s 19. He still has a lot to learn, but he’s off to a good start… Great post Rob.
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