A couple of years ago, I stumbled across a blog called Black Dragon. That blog is now known as Caleb Jones. Caleb aka, Black Dragon is a guy who is trying to help other guys improve their lives, both physically, financially, and sexually. He “specializes” in being an older guy who picks up much younger women. In one of his blog posts, he talked about Change. I’ll be damned if I can’t find that article anymore, maybe he took it down at some point, but it really got me to thinking.
In that article about change, Black Dragon speculated that most guys, when it comes to their women, need some form of change. In many cases it can be just changing up sexual positions, role-playing, adding a wig or a different outfit to the mix, but they are still really good with the same woman.
But then there are other guys who need Change. Entirely different women. I think I tend to fall into this latter category. I’ve loved and lost over the years and I’ve been with some truly beautiful (at least in my eyes) women and they are fantastic in their own right. But I always catch myself wandering. Looking at other women. Wondering what it would be like to have sex with them. I’m sure most guys have “wandering eye syndrome” and have fantasized about having sex with someone entirely different from their current partner, but how many have actually taken steps to go from that fantasy to a reality?
When I first met my ex-wife, she knew that I was seeing other people. She referred to them as my “Strange Women.” She knew that I had no problem going out and picking women up in clubs or bars and taking them home. And it’s not a problem if you don’t step on your own dick and you don’t look like a complete schlub. Bars, not noisy, overly loud dance clubs, are great places to meet women who want and are looking to get laid. Many of my past successes when it came to one night stands came from bars and karaoke clubs. It was definitely a place where I was the right guy, in the right place, at the right time. Trust me, my game was nowhere near “tight.” But going to a bar, meeting a woman, talking with her, flirting with her, dancing with her if there is music going on, and then making out with her to some degree is possible in my world. Not only is it possible, it’s probable. Not only is it probable, it’s normal. Taking them home or somewhere else is normal and is part of the plan. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way I’m good.
When my marriage was starting to deteriorate, my now ex-wife asked me why I with her. I was honest. It was because at the time that I had met her, she was new. She wasn’t new anymore. Granted our marriage fell apart over much much more than just the fact that she wasn’t “new” anymore. The collapse was a lot more complex than just that. But it was a part of it.
It was also a part of my last serious long term relationship falling apart. My ex-girlfriend would have been a hard 8 on the scale for most guys, and she was definitely a hard 8 for me. And yet…. There were all these other women out there.
I’m not delusional in thinking that the “grass is greener on the other side of the fence.” It doesn’t stop me from wanting to go roll around in that grass anyways.
I was mentioning this to BullRush after the Let ‘Em Burn show that we had recently done and he said I was “Chasing the Dragon.” I like the sound of that phrase. It has a ring to it. I also looked it up online and found there is an actual definition to it. Chasing the Dragon is primarily about heroin users chasing a high. It’s drug users that are chasing that rush. He wasn’t wrong though.
That chemical cocktail that courses through our bodies, that we either call Lust or Love, is more potent than any drug on this planet as far as I’m concerned. More potent than heroin, opium, cocaine, or even meth. More potent than alcohol. I know I have said and done some completely stupid fucked up shit while being high from being either in Lust or Love. I know I can’t think straight when I’m caught up in it. I know that I know this and I keep chasing the dragon anyways.
While I do know and would agree with just about anyone who says that sex over time with the same person usually gets better and better, and it does, I also know that there is something about that very first time that you have sex with someone that is literally more of a stranger than not. It’s a rush. While I may not come as hard as I have with someone who has gotten to know my body over time, that first orgasm in some strange literally can’t be beat, at least for me.
Call it “the hunt” vs “the kill” or whatever you want, but to me, it’s Chasing the Dragon. And I don’t know if I’ll ever “get over it” or “beat it.” And honestly, I don’t know if I want to “get over it” or “beat it.”
I want to give credit to the guys who have been with the same woman for years and years. You’ve got something there that I have never had and probably never will have. In that sense, you are a “better” man than me. But I’m okay with who and what I am. Honestly, the concept of being with the same woman for the majority of my life is an alien and foreign concept to me. Much like people talking about siblings. I’ve never had a sibling or siblings, so to know what that is like is completely foreign to me. It’s simply beyond my grasp other than in a theoretical stance.
The longest I have ever had only one woman in my life was 7 years total, and that was my ex-wife. We were together for two years and married for five years after that. My last long term relationship was just barely over 4 years when it ended. Those are my two longest relationships that I have ever had since I started dating back when I was 16. Everything else was a handful of one night stands, a few “dirty weekends,” a couple of things that lasted anywhere from a month to about 8 months, with an average of maybe 3 months total. It’s usually around 3 months, if not sooner, that I start wanting to “Chase the Dragon” once again.
Oh Rob, you just haven’t “met the right woman yet.” Maybe. I highly doubt that though. Maybe it’s just me and who I am. Maybe I’m wired differently in that respect from the so-called “average guy.” Maybe it’s because I’m so fascinated with “strange.” Maybe it’s because I know, deep down, that unless we have something truly apocalyptic and bizarre that wipes the majority of the women off the face of the map, there’s always another woman. Because there is. There’s always another woman. My problem is there’s so many women that I want to meet, and yes, to fuck, and I don’t have enough energy or time left on this planet to do it.
10 thoughts on “Chasing The Dragon”
My eye rarely strayed when I was with my first serious girlfriend, for more than four years. I was curious but never yearned for a different woman.
After we broke up, I moved to Japan and my experiences started to accumulate.
Now I’m ruined. Monogamy is like a prison to me. I’d almost prefer voluntary celibacy.
Maybe you were born that way and I was turned. Who knows. It can’t be cured, only stifled or embraced.
We should get our own letter on that LGBTQIP thing. Maybe C for Chasing if that letter isn’t taken.
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I’m from the other side. One woman. I get what you are saying, but I have a good woman who will follow me off a cliff. She’s usually up for whatever I put on the table. That’s hard to find these days. I see other women, I get approached by women, my wife even points them out to me if I miss a nice ass. I start wondering what it would be like. I’m not sure my wife would not allow me another woman if I asked her? Based on recent conversations, I believe she would. She’s not jealous over sex, she is afraid of me true loving one. Not a chance of that… I just look around and ask myself, “Would that really be better than what I have?” The answer is I don’t know, but life is pretty fucking good for Mike and I see no reason to change things up. Not going to lie though, love hearing your stories Rob. I’m living vicariously through you in that sense. Glad you’re back writing, good stuff. Also, I’ve enjoyed your recent podcasts. The one with Chad was great. He seems like a good guy. Hope all is well for you… I’ll never forget you reaching out to me when my mom died. You are the only one who really acted like you cared. Even amongst the people I know. I know people are busy but damn, take a minute to check on someone you say is a friend. I will always appreciate what you did for a guy you don’t even know. That told me a lot about you.
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Not going to lie, Mike, I was hoping to hear from you since you are coming from “the other side” as you put it. And believe it or not, I live somewhat vicariously through you guys. Your adventures, the daily life, all of it. I cherish it even. I wonder if that could be for me sometimes, but I haven’t found it yet and I don’t know if I ever will, and I don’t know if I’ll even want it, if and when it comes. 👊👍
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If or when it comes you’ll know it. Don’t force it. You now have the wisdom that comes with age. You’ll recognize it. I got here through blind instinct in choosing, work to get here and maintain and admittedly a bit of luck.👊
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Reminds me of the Deep Purple song “Knocking at your back door” – it’s not the kill, it’s the thrill of the chase.
Yeah, something you and I probably strongly agree on – not everyone should follow the same life pattern. It doesn’t work for everyone.
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