New Year’s 2021


Welcome to a New Year. A year where everything is fresh and new and we’ve all had some form of “Great Reset” right? This is the time and the place. This is when you get to Crush It.

As of this post publishing, it’s 4:45am MST on Monday, January 4th. You only have 361 days left in the year to crush it. Are you crushing it? Or are you being a fucking loser?

Guys on the internet are crushing it, just ask them. Better yet, you don’t need to ask them, they’ll tell you they are crushing it whether you want to see and hear it or not.

“Instead of staying up late on New Year’s Eve, how about you go to bed early? Get plenty of sleep so that on January 1st, you can wake up at 4:30am, drink your first pot of black coffee of the new year, take your first cold shower of the new year, and then you can get down to the business of crushing it.”

“Don’t drink too much, don’t drink and drive, and if you do go out and drink, take a cab or get an Uber. And if you drink on New Year’s Eve, make sure you drink plenty of water so you can stay hydrated. Oh, and wear a mask.”

Fuck you assholes, I’ll do what I want.

The only thing more unattractive than a woman acting like a mother hen to a man, is another man acting like a mother hen to a man.

“If you’re going to have sex, make sure you wear a rubber, because control the birth, and your dick will fall off if you let it touch that dirty, dirty, dirty vagina. And if you don’t wear a rubber and your dick doesn’t magically fall off, for god’s sake, do not come in her! I guess it’s okay if you pull out and come on her tits, her ass, her belly, and her face, but do NOT come in her! Control the birth!”

Fuck you assholes, I’ll do what I want.

Are you crushing it yet?

What exactly are we crushing anyways?

Why are we crushing it? To what end? What’s the point of crushing it?

The point of crushing it, of course, is so that you have bragging rights on the internet. It’s a way to make you feel good about yourself and maybe, hopefully, you’ll make some other piece of shit feel like the piece of shit that you know they are.

“Fuck you, Rob. While you’ve been out drinking and fucking and enjoying your life and the pleasure and company of women, I’ve been home crushing it!”

Yeah, whatever. I hope she sees this bro.

Guys, it’s only 4 days into the New Year, chill out. Taking your victory laps this early in the game tells me a couple of things about you:

1. You have no life.

2. You are full of shit and it shows.

To quote Rian Stone: “The smart ones will STFU for 6 weeks then start running the victory laps.” So take one from him and shut the fuck up.

“Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”

Less is more, guys. Less is more.

You have the entire rest of the year to crush it. In fact, you have the entirety of the rest of your life to crush it, so let’s turn the volume down from 11 to around 3 shall we?

Happy New Year!

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