Last week, I wrote a post about how there is No Spoon. I still stand by that post. I received a little flack for it, not nearly as much as I thought I was going to get, and overall, it seemed to be met with either indifference or with some acceptance. I want to further explore what I started out with in that post.
I said there is no gender war and I received plenty of links from other people claiming that there indeed was a gender war. Like I said before, sure the gender war is in the mainstream media and on social media, I have no doubts about that. There are plenty of articles, links, videos, and opinions claiming that there is a gender war. And I know from talking to people firsthand that they have been through the divorce machine/meat grinder. I too have been through divorce and fortunately for me, my divorce was a cake-walk compared to others. I know that in many states, locales, countries, etc that divorce, child support, alimony, etc is primarily geared towards women, and if by that definition you mean to say there is a gender war, you would be correct. I won’t argue with you there.
But the “gender war” is also in your minds. Just like mainstream media is telling you what to be aware of, and in many cases, what to be afraid of, social media is also doing the same thing. Do you want to live your life as an adversary to someone else simply because the laws and the courts are geared to favor them? I don’t advocate marriage for many of the same reasons that other’s don’t advocate marriage, it’s simply too big of a risk. At the same time, I’m not going to let a “gender war” stop me from enjoying the company of women. I’m not going to let a possible “#metoo” stop me from being around women, even in the workplace. Yes, I’ve wrote about #metoo in the past, and I still stand by what I’ve written. It’s mostly common sense knowledge, at least to me, so that you can avoid many of the pitfalls that can happen at your job.
I’m seeing a lot of Men on the internet throwing around a lot of information about how guys are getting fucked over by the courts, the laws, and even the government. I get it. I really do. I definitely went through an anger phase and even a bitter phase over it all when I first started unplugging. I think that’s a normal and natural part of the process. At some point though, you have to decide what you want to do after that initial shock, anger, bitterness, and even depression starts to wear off. Do you want to stay stuck in it? Do you want to keep reading and watching the outrage? Will that help you become the best version of you? Or do you want to do something else?
I’m all for awareness. It’s good to know what’s going on around you so that you can hopefully anticipate what’s coming up next. It’s good to know so that you can adapt and adjust as necessary. It’s good to know so that you don’t bury your head in the sand and think that “everything will be okay,” because sometimes everything won’t just be okay. But you also need to decide for yourselves when you’ve gotten what you needed from your awareness of what’s going on around you, and you decide to get on with life anyways, or in spite of it.
Is all the outrage putting you in a defensive position? Or is it helping you be the best version of you? You can live a life on the defense, or you can take chances and risks, and maybe you just might get something that well outweighs those risks.
This is what I mean by there is No Spoon. It’s a choice that you and I both make every day. Sure you can say there is a spoon, and there is. You can get locked up in it and immerse yourself in it. I did that for over a year. All it got me in the end was a lot of anger and misery, a lot of distrust towards people that I didn’t even know and hadn’t done anything to me except be people of another gender. I’m not going to hold women being women against them, the biggest reason is because I’m then denying myself the pleasure that they have to offer me. Sure they can go feral and cheat and manipulate, and all of that, I’m aware of it, I know the risks. But I’m going to go there and take chances anyways. Life is too short not to.
I think this is a great quote:
An old Grandfather said to his grandson, who came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice:
“Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.
But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times.” He continued, “It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.
But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger, for his anger will change nothing.
Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit.”
The boy looked intently into his Grandfather’s eyes and asked, “Which one wins, Grandfather?”
The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, “The one I feed.”
My question to you is, which one do you feed?
Confirmation bias is a real thing. You will find whatever it is that you seek. You will not see what you don’t want to see. You will only see and hear what you want to see and hear.
Is there a spoon for you? Or is there no spoon?