A while back, I wrote about some observations that I had made about Men today, and apparently I’m not the only Man to notice other Men having this same lost look of confusion. While I was at a loss to this “What the fuck? How did I get here?” state, one of my new follows, MJ, has broken it down into how Men have got here and what they can do about it.
The truth is you got there slowly as she broke you down….Somewhere along the way you went from that carefree guy having a good time to being her pack mule. Carrying the load. Likely not getting laid like it said in the shiny LTR brochure you were shown.
Ain’t that the fucking truth. It’s the Death by 1000 Concessions.
I’m going to tell you how to avoid that empty look. First, choose wisely when selecting a LTR mate….
The most important way to avoid this hell is to be upfront about what you bring to the table, and what you expect…
Show her you are willing to face her fury. Hold strong in the whirlwind she stirs thinking it will result in you backing down when she demands something. (Bold and emphasis is mine.)
MJ goes on in his article, which is a fantastic read. You should go check it out. Like immediately. The Man has been married for quite some time and because of that, he’s more of an “authority” on this particular subject matter than me.
MJ got me to do some introspection, and when I think back to my marriage, I was that guy who had the “How the fuck did I get here” stare. I really was that guy. One of the ways that I got there was the Death of 1000 Concessions. I wouldn’t “face her fury” as MJ describes it. I would go along to get along in order to have some peace and quiet. I wanted tranquility. What it got me was “compromises.”
Compromises in the form of she, the ex-wife, wanting something, me not wanting whatever it was, a fight breaking out, or her nagging me until she wore me down, and her getting what she wanted. That’s what she called a compromise. She wanted a dog, I didn’t want a dog. We “compromised” and got a dog. She wanted a tablet, I didn’t think she needed a tablet (trust me, she didn’t need it.) We “compromised” and she got a tablet.
I’m not blaming her for any of this. This was totally on me. I didn’t necessarily create this particular “monster,” but I enabled it and endorsed it because I allowed it and wanted peace and harmony over conflict. And who wouldn’t want peace and harmony over conflict? Point is though, not all conflict is bad, and even when it is, you have to stand up and face it. Sometimes you do have to be the asshole and say no. Sometimes you do have to be the “bad guy.” Accept it and move on. Stand your ground on the things that matter. Learn to say no. Learn to stand against her fury and her outrage. Learn to deal with her behavior and more importantly, learn to accept less shitty behavior from her. Stop rewarding her bullshit. Put the kibosh on it or be willing to walk away.
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6 thoughts on “State Of Men Today With An Update”
It’s rather inspiring to see you and M. J. Davis hit it off so well.
Concerning the OP, one of my recent posts is totally on topic.
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I have to give a lot of the credit to you, Jack. If it wasn’t for your “State of the Manosphere” post, I don’t know if M.J. and I would have ever met. So Thank You, Good Sir. 🙂
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Rob, I love your, “Death by 1000 concessions” assessment. That is the most accurate description I’ve heard to describe what happens in a LTR for many men. Compromise is necessary in a marriage, being a hammer all the time will not work. However, there is a difference between compromise and making yourself her doormat.
I am not a marriage expert, nor do I claim to be. I simply provide to others what I have observed around me and what has worked for me. And what hasn’t…
In my experience, women want a man and to know she is married to a man. Saying no to her is scary, who wants to fight, and likely not get laid, by upsetting the, “Princess”? Not me. The problem is she doesn’t want a doormat. Saying no to things you do not agree with, things not moral, things that are potentially harmful financially, is expected of you.
If you chose well, you hopefully married an intelligent woman. The secret is almost all women will test you, not matter how careful you are. If you fail her tests, those things you were hoping to avoid, her displeasure with you, masturbating while she sleeps next to you and hoping she doesn’t wake up, will be just what you get. This is because women do not respect doormats.
Sure, it doesn’t sound fair. How many things worth having come easy? Marriage and LTR’s aren’t for sissies. If a man doesn’t want either, that is a personal decision. I can see why you wouldn’t at times. However, in my case the good outweighs the bad… by a lot. Having to bat down the occasional shit test Is the price you pay to have any woman… even those you pay for… (My experience from a previous profession…)
The biggest problem I see in the marriages around me is men failing to act as the men their wives desire. Instead, men act like another of her children. Trust me, your wife doesn’t want to fuck a child.
I’ve had men around me say, “You should have been born in the 50’s.” or “You rule with an iron fist.” I would disagree, as would my wife. In fact, my wife brags about me at work, her female co-workers are jealous (most have never met me) and one married male co-worker asked her how we are so happy.
See the difference in the way my actions are perceived by women vs many men? I believe that is it in a nutshell. Women want a leader, not another child clinging to her skirt…
On a different note, the deeper I go into your blog, the more interesting I find it. Great work Rob! I always look forward to your next post.
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“Marriage and LTR’s aren’t for sissies..” Ain’t that the truth?!
“Men failing to act as the men their wives desire…” I think that is it in a nutshell my Friend. Most guys today don’t act like Men. More like the children you described briefly, or worse, they act like women.
I’m glad you are enjoying my blog and I’m glad that Jack from Sigma Mind found me, wrote his great post that talked about the both of us, and here we are! 🙂
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@Rob, most every RP blog offers a very important perspective. My blog focuses on sorting out cognitive issues surrounding intersexual phenomena. Your blog focuses on tough guy encouragement and the value of fellowship. M. J. Davis’s blog is one man’s testimony of the ins-and-outs of marital maintenance leading to success. Men need to hear all of these perspectives to get it right. So thanx!
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