I Am Tyler Durden. (And So Are You.)

Durden-fa-pipi
Don’t Mind Him, He’s Just Pissing In The Lobster Bisque.

I just got done watching Fight Club for the umpteenth time, what can I say? I enjoy this film. I’ve lost count as to how many times I’ve seen it over the years, but I can say that when it came out in what? 1999? I saw it at least three times in the theater itself. I’ve seen it on cable countless times, bought the dvd when it came out, and even bought the 10th anniversary edition on Blu-Ray.

While I can sit here and wax poetic about the entirety of the film, one scene in particular has always stood out for me. It’s the scene where Tyler and “Cornelius” (come on, we all know he’s “two dudes in one man’s body”) go through their assorted “odd jobs.”

“He was the guerrilla terrorist of the food service industry….”

This particular scene of Tyler pissing in the lobster bisque reminds me of when I used to work in the food service industry as a teenager and as a bartender in my early to mid twenties. While this scene could be seen as extreme, I assure you it’s not. Maybe you know where I’m going with this. Maybe you’ve even done it yourself.

I’ve always made it a point to be nice to food servers and the other staff at a restaurant, bar, whatever. I choose this because I’ve been Tyler Durden. I may have not pissed in the lobster bisque, but I have done things to extract vengeance against an asshole customer. So have many of my previous co-workers. Where else do you think I first learned the “Art of Getting Even?”

Some douche made the waitress cry? His steak got “special seasoning.” Some dickhead decided to turn his own volume up to eleven? Food got dropped on the floor, picked back up, tossed on the grill for a moment, and then tossed on the plate to be served to said dickhead.

And Visine. Oh Visine is a wonderful thing in a bar. It has more uses than just for “getting the red out.”

What is my point to all of this? Why am I strolling down memory lane besides that I just got done watching Fight Club yet again?

Be nice to the help. Be nice to the man or woman who is serving you your food and beverage. Sometimes they can be dicks, god knows I’ve run into them while they are on the job, but many times they are having a bad day or a moment, and you get to be the one who gets the front row seat to it. Be nice even when they are distracted or are being a dick to you. Be nice because they can fuck with your food or drink. It doesn’t mean that you have to be a doormat and take whatever shit they are shoveling. If it’s that bad, either ask for the manager, or take your wallet and your money and go eat or drink somewhere else.

Be nice to the help because it’s the right thing to do. Take the high road. You may get all sorts of perks out of it too. I couldn’t tell you how many free meals, drinks, what have you, that I’ve received over the years because I was simply nice to the help. I have almost one hundred percent certainty that my food or beverage hasn’t been messed with either. Almost one hundred percent. There’s always a possibility.

If you are the help, thank you for what you do. Thank you for your tireless dedication to giving the best service and experience that you can offer. I know it can be a thankless job, believe me, I know. But I notice what you are doing, I notice you. Thank you.

And for you reading this, if you are that customer that I just described, if this is you, remember: I am Tyler Durden. Remember this every time you go out to eat or get a drink. Remember that Tyler works there. Remember that those that are serving you aren’t there to be your punching bag. They aren’t peons or slaves to do your bidding. They aren’t there to take the shit that you are shoveling. They will have their vengeance. They will have their pound of flesh. One way or another, what comes around, goes around. Think about this when you decide to go out.

Enjoy your meal…

 

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An Anniversary Of Sorts

close up of beer glass against black background

Here it is close to the end of April, and I realize that I’ve had this blog for two and a half years now. I’ve had over 100 posts so far, the majority of them have been from 2018 and this year.

I look back on these past two and a half years and a lot has happened in that time frame.

My Mother died in September of 2018, my LTR of almost 4 years ended in December of 2018, although in all honesty, I knew and I believe she knew that the relationship really ended in early September of 2018. Maybe it ended earlier than that. It probably did.

I met up with the fine gentlemen of Masculine Geek in early January 2019 and started podcast/video casting with them (go visit and sign up for the newsletter while you are there. Trust me.) It’s been a roaring success thus far. I’m glad that my Brother from another Mother, Vincent took me on and decided to give me a shot, it’s been a helluva ride so far. In late September, early October of this year, the Masculine Geeks are planning a “Village by the Sea” trip where we are going to get together, celebrate our achievements, both personal and as a group, get some grooming done by George Bruno, smoke some cigars, drink some booze, and plan our next moves. There’s even been talk about doing a meetup of some kind where other Men from around the area, and maybe even the world, can come out and hang out with us and celebrate masculinity. More details will come as they arrive on that one.

I’ve picked up a lot of new followers here on the blog. Thank you all for joining me and being a part of my journey. I’ve had a lot of great interactions via the comment section of each post and it’s become a sort of “collaboration” for me. It’s great to see new ideas and information being exchanged. To my fellow bloggers, blogging isn’t dead, far from it. Keep doing what you are doing. Keep doing you, being you, and keep writing. I’ll keep reading what you have to say and throw my two cents in if and when they are warranted.

I’ll keep writing as well. It’s funny to me, one of the last things that I would consider myself is a writer. Motorcycle and firearm enthusiast? Absolutely. Hard rock and heavy metal fan? Most definitely. Asshole extraordinaire? Goes without saying. Lover of women? Yes. And I do love you women. The way you look, the way you smell, the way you feel when I touch you, the sound of your laugh, and the music of your song. All of it. That being said, I’m going to call you out on your bullshit if you try and pull it on me.

But a writer? I still don’t consider myself one, at least not in my own eyes. When I was a younger Man in college, I dabbled with fiction writing. I wanted to be the next Stephen King. Why not? He happens to be my favorite fiction author. I’ve always considered people like King, Orwell, Frost, Robert Greene, and Clive Barker (although he is a wordy motherfucker) to be writers. But me? I’m just a Man putting my thoughts down on paper, or on a screen as the case may be. I’m just a Man who is running his mouth about things that I hold near and dear to my heart. I’m just speaking my truth is all.

Apparently a lot of you out there that are reading what I’m saying think otherwise. The e-mails I get from my list from you guys say otherwise. For all of that, I’m flattered and honored that you think and would call me a writer. It’s a title that I hold with great reverence and great honor, but really the credit goes to all of you that are reading this. You are why I write. You are the reason that I keep pounding the keys and keep on keeping on with what I’m doing here.

You Readers are the reason ultimately that I keep Screaming into the Void. Somehow, some way, you’ve found me and I in turn have found you. Shall we let the entire world know our secret? I think we should. It’s time.

Dear World,

There are more of Us out here than you know. There are more of Us who don’t buy the bullshit that you are trying to sell Us. There are more of Us who are tired of the narrative that you are trying to push. There are more of Us that are choosing to ignore your bullshit, or even better, there are those of Us who are starting to push back.

Enjoy your politically correct Reign of Terror while you still can, because your time is almost up. Conventional Masculinity and Femininity cannot and will not be overrode by your bullshit politics and rhetoric. Your ideology and dogma of intersectionality cannot override biology. Your time is coming to an end.

See you soon,

Us

And for those of you reading this, Thank You for taking the time to read it.

I still don’t consider myself a writer, but maybe I’m wrong. I’ve been wrong before.

Here’s to the next two and a half years and beyond.

Cheers.

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How To Win At Anything

ace playing cards on brown textile

It’s Story Time. So gather ’round and listen up…

A Young Man lived in a Village by the Sea. He had heard that somewhere, many miles away, up on a Mountain, there was a Man who had a Secret. A Secret so strong and so powerful, that if One had the Secret, he would win any competition. He would win any argument. No one would be able to stop him.

The Young Man set out to meet this Man….

For days and weeks, what seemed like days on end, the Young Man trekked. He swam across rivers, cut his way through jungles, dared the heat and thirst of the desert, and climbed slowly, painfully to the peak of the Mountain. He traveled so long, he forgot the days, he knew not how long it had taken him to reach this point, but reach it he did….

The Young Man reached the top to find the Man that he had been looking for. The Man was of average height and build, unassuming. The Man sat before a small fire, sipping from a glass, what appeared to be whiskey.

The Man looked up at the Young Man, the Young Man’s clothes were dirty and torn from his long travels. His hair disheveled, the Young Man desperately needed a shower and a shave.

The Man sipped from his glass and watched, saying nothing.

The Young Man gasped and panted, the trek had been long and arduous. He finally spoke.

“I’ve been seeking you, Sir. I’ve come a long way from my home in the Village by the Sea so that I may learn your Secret. Your Secret where if I have it, I’ll win any argument, any competition. Do you know of the Secret that I am speaking about?”

The Man nodded.

The Young Man grew excited. “You do know the Secret! Will you teach it to me?”

The Man nodded again and gestured for the Young Man to sit down by the fire.

The Young Man sat down and waited…

The Man finished his drink, stared into the bottom of the glass, and then looked around himself to find a container nearby. He opened the container and poured some of the contents into the glass.

The Young Man waited, watching…

The Man sat the container of fluid next to himself, took another sip from his glass and looked at the glass approvingly.

The Young Man spoke. “Well?”

The Man looked at the Young Man inquisitively.

“Are you going to teach me the Secret?”

The Man nodded.

The Young Man waited….

And waited…

The afternoon crept into dusk. The fire was burning down and the Man added a couple of logs to it to replenish it.

And the Young Man waited some more…

Night came…

And both Men sat alternating staring at each other and fire….

The Young Man grew drowsy from his journey and he slumped over in exhaustion…..

Morning….

The Young Man woke with a start…

The fire was stoked and the Man was making coffee from the heat of it. The Man offered a cup to the Young Man who angrily refused it.

“What is going on here?!” The Young Man exclaimed. “I thought you were going to teach me the Secret, and instead we have been staring at each other all night long! I can’t believe this! I traveled long and far to come to you, to learn from you, and here you sit, saying nothing!”

While the Young Man was raving, the Man sighed and got up, turned his back on the Young Man, and started walking slowly up the remainder of the peak to his tent that was set up.

The Young Man jumped to his feet, “Where are you going? What are you doing? You said you knew the Secret and that you would teach it to me! I demand to know what it is! You’re going to teach it to me!”

The Man looked back over his shoulder at the Young Man and spoke, “Young Man, go home. Go back to your Village by the Sea. For I have taught you the Secret and you are too deaf to hear it.”

 

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