I Am Tyler Durden. (And So Are You.)

Don’t Mind Him, He’s Just Pissing In The Lobster Bisque.

I just got done watching Fight Club for the umpteenth time, what can I say? I enjoy this film. I’ve lost count as to how many times I’ve seen it over the years, but I can say that when it came out in what? 1999? I saw it at least three times in the theater itself. I’ve seen it on cable countless times, bought the dvd when it came out, and even bought the 10th anniversary edition on Blu-Ray.

While I can sit here and wax poetic about the entirety of the film, one scene in particular has always stood out for me. It’s the scene where Tyler and “Cornelius” (come on, we all know he’s “two dudes in one man’s body”) go through their assorted “odd jobs.”

“He was the guerrilla terrorist of the food service industry….”

This particular scene of Tyler pissing in the lobster bisque reminds me of when I used to work in the food service industry as a teenager and as a bartender in my early to mid twenties. While this scene could be seen as extreme, I assure you it’s not. Maybe you know where I’m going with this. Maybe you’ve even done it yourself.

I’ve always made it a point to be nice to food servers and the other staff at a restaurant, bar, whatever. I choose this because I’ve been Tyler Durden. I may have not pissed in the lobster bisque, but I have done things to extract vengeance against an asshole customer. So have many of my previous co-workers. Where else do you think I first learned the “Art of Getting Even?”

Some douche made the waitress cry? His steak got “special seasoning.” Some dickhead decided to turn his own volume up to eleven? Food got dropped on the floor, picked back up, tossed on the grill for a moment, and then tossed on the plate to be served to said dickhead.

And Visine. Oh Visine is a wonderful thing in a bar. It has more uses than just for “getting the red out.”

What is my point to all of this? Why am I strolling down memory lane besides that I just got done watching Fight Club yet again?

Be nice to the help. Be nice to the man or woman who is serving you your food and beverage. Sometimes they can be dicks, god knows I’ve run into them while they are on the job, but many times they are having a bad day or a moment, and you get to be the one who gets the front row seat to it. Be nice even when they are distracted or are being a dick to you. Be nice because they can fuck with your food or drink. It doesn’t mean that you have to be a doormat and take whatever shit they are shoveling. If it’s that bad, either ask for the manager, or take your wallet and your money and go eat or drink somewhere else.

Be nice to the help because it’s the right thing to do. Take the high road. You may get all sorts of perks out of it too. I couldn’t tell you how many free meals, drinks, what have you, that I’ve received over the years because I was simply nice to the help. I have almost one hundred percent certainty that my food or beverage hasn’t been messed with either. Almost one hundred percent. There’s always a possibility.

If you are the help, thank you for what you do. Thank you for your tireless dedication to giving the best service and experience that you can offer. I know it can be a thankless job, believe me, I know. But I notice what you are doing, I notice you. Thank you.

And for you reading this, if you are that customer that I just described, if this is you, remember: I am Tyler Durden. Remember this every time you go out to eat or get a drink. Remember that Tyler works there. Remember that those that are serving you aren’t there to be your punching bag. They aren’t peons or slaves to do your bidding. They aren’t there to take the shit that you are shoveling. They will have their vengeance. They will have their pound of flesh. One way or another, what comes around, goes around. Think about this when you decide to go out.

Enjoy your meal…


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