The “Coffee Date” vs “Going Out And Getting Drinks Date.” That’s been the rage on Twitter lately. What is old is new again. Nothing really changes and apparently most of the guys online just want to argue, puff their chests up, suck in their guts, and pretend to talk to girls and get laid. More power to you lads if that is your quest. I would rather talk to women, invite them out for a drink, and see if it leads to sex. But that’s just me.

When it comes to the coffee date vs drinks, I get some of the arguments. There are guys who want to “screen” their women when they first meet. They want to make sure that she looks like her pictures and isn’t a complete psychopath, I understand that. But here’s the thing:

You can screen a woman over drinks. You can see if she matches up to her pictures and what she said she looked like. You can figure out really quick in a social environment, like a bar, if she’s a social retard or not.

Maybe some guys have some secret trick, hack, system, or whatever that works in coffee shops. If any of you reading this happen to have some set of skills or tools or knowledge, I’m honestly interested. But don’t fuck around and waste my time thumping your chest and telling me stories. I’ll figure you out real quick, and if you are full of shit, I’ll call you out on it.

I’ll readily admit that I have had limited experience meeting up with women in coffee shops. I’m not a coffee guy. I’ll drink it occasionally but it’s really not my thing. I would rather have a beer or something with vodka in it. In Utah, you can’t legally have coffee with alcohol in it in a coffee shop. The baristas can’t legally serve you alcohol, and if you sneak some in and spike your coffee and you get caught, best case scenario the shop employees ask you to leave. Worst case scenario, the cops show up and you go to jail.

I have only had maybe three or four coffee dates and every single one of them was awkward all around. I was uncomfortable, the women were uncomfortable, it was a mess. The cost of the coffees was close to what I would pay for a couple of drinks.

So I’m going to give you the “pros” of having drinks instead:

1. Bars are typically relaxed, fun environments which allows both her and you to relax, get to know one another and just have fun.
2. If you invite her for drinks and she accepts, you have an idea that she is probably a fun, laid back person. She’s not likely to be uptight about alcohol because of religious convictions, health convictions, or because she’s a recovering alcoholic. I have no problem with people that are on the road to sobriety, more power to them for acknowledging that they have a problem and that not drinking is the only way to handle and manage that problem. I don’t have a problem with alcohol though. I don’t get drunk daily, I don’t “black out” or pass out. I don’t lose my self control. I can handle my drinking. I don’t want to put someone in the realm of temptation if they struggle with it though, and I’m not giving up my beer and booze.
3. “But drinks are so expensive Rob!” Learn to control the interaction dumbass. You buy a round or two at most and that’s it. If she wants more, that’s on her. This also lets you know if she’s just there for the drinks, that she might in fact have a drinking problem, and it’ll give you a good idea if she can hold down her alcohol. Most women can’t. I haven’t had a “bad bar night” with a woman in a long time. Most women can’t hold down their alcohol and most of them know that. Most of the women I have dealt with cut themselves off long before I cut myself off.
4. Hanging out at the bar with people having a good time in the background and some music playing is conducive to you and her having a good time. I know with all of the “bar dates” I’ve had, we hardly talk about work. We may touch on it briefly, but then we move on to other fun topics. Guess what we talked about in coffee shops? Work. Coffee dates didn’t feel like a “date” to me. It felt like it was either a job interview or “networking.” Yeah I’ll pass.
5. As Fort Worth Playboy said in his tweet that I screenshotted: “Can this date lead to sex?” Yes. Yes they can. Drinks in the evening, maybe a really light snack at the bar, some funny conversation, and of course, kino. What’s kino Rob? Kino is touching. Moving her hair from her face, touching her shoulder, putting your hand on the small of her back when you move her from one spot in the bar to another, playing silly games like thumb wrestling so that you can touch her hands, that’s kino. Kino if done right leads to kissing. Sometimes in the bar, sometimes as you are leaving the bar. Kissing leads to sex. Sometimes that very night. I don’t get a lot of chances to do kino with a woman in a coffee shop other than maybe a light hug and a hand shake.
6. Alcohol tends to lower inhibitions. Not just for her, but for you too, you caught up in your head, over-thinking, over-analyzing, over-complicating everything motherfucker.
7. Let’s say worst case, the date isn’t going well. There’s no “chemistry,” “vibe,” “spark,” whatever you want to call it. You know there’s going to be no chance for sex and maybe it’s you who decided that. You can always thank them for the date, give them a hug if you want, shake their hand at the least and watch them walk out the door. Bars tend to have other women in them. You are already there. Why not go and talk to other women? Hell, the date could be going spectacularly, but while she is either in the restroom or you are on your way to the restroom, why not talk and flirt with another woman? You are there to have fun, right? So why not?

You guys reading these type of posts like your “red flags.” So let’s talk about a red flag when it comes to asking a woman to have drinks at the bar:

If I ask a woman to meet me for drinks somewhere and she declines that particular offer, I want to know why. Is she uptight? That’s a red flag. Does she have high moral or religious convictions that prohibit her from drinking? That’s a red flag. Is she declining because she is a recovering alcoholic? That’s a red flag. Not because she’s trying to get sober, but because her alcoholism is not my problem. That’s definitely not my circus and not my monkeys.

I have met several women over the years who chose not to drink and it had nothing to do with the above “red flags.” All of them still met me at the bar and we still had a lot of fun. Many of them went home with me either that night or shortly thereafter. They were fun loving, laid back women who knew how to have a good time and wanted to have a good time. I have yet to experience that same “vibe” in a coffee shop.

So you can “screen” your girls at the coffee shop and maybe see her again for round two or three and then eventually get to sex, or you can “screen” her right at a bar over a drink and get to sex faster. The choice is yours.

I hope all of my American readers had a good 4th of July. Mine was pretty decent considering that I have been dealing with a head cold. One thing that I hate with this whole “pandemic thing” is the fact that many people are scared shitless if you mention getting or being sick. God forbid you actually sneeze or cough around them. Hey people, germs, viruses, bacteria, etc are still going on beside C-19. People still get sick occasionally, get over it.

Moving on…

About a week ago, around the time that I was finishing up my Dance with the “bitter, lonely Jew,” Amanda, another woman showed up for me. Talk about 180 degrees in difference. We met up for a drink at a local bar and the moment she walked into the place, her eyes lit up when she saw me. She has one of the most radiant smiles that I have seen in a long time.

We talked about damn near everything and she loves to laugh. I can still see the laugh lines around her mouth even now. It’s these little moments that matter to me. It’s these little details. I can still see her jaw line in my mind’s eye and at the time, even while I was watching her and listening to her, all I could think of was, “I want to know what she tastes like.” I’m not talking about what she ate or she drank, not that type of taste, but her. It was maddening.

What should have been an hour to an hour and a half first meeting turned into almost five hours. I have met a lot of women over the years and very few bring out a sense of possibility and a sense of wonder in me. It’s so rare that it’s only happened to me three times in my life so far. Those women who brought out that sense of wonder, that sense of what could be possible, that sense of new, talk about chasing the dragon. It’s exhilarating. It’s intoxicating. It’s fascinating.

Here’s a funny thing: I felt like I was 18 again. I felt like I did when I was back in high school only minus the confusion, awkwardness, and the stupidity of youth. It was an actual date. I had even built that first kiss up in my head so bad that I blew it and lost that particular moment when we were telling each other goodbye. I guess some of that awkwardness can still show up for an “old dog” like me.

Fast forward a couple of days and I saw her again. This would be this last Saturday, the 3rd. She wasn’t feeling well because she has a cold as well and her allergies were bugging her big time. She didn’t want to go to dinner or go for a walk because of the heat and how she felt and I told her it would be fine if we cancelled and got together another time. She immediately told me that she wanted to see me, so no, cancelling was out of the question.

We ended up sitting in a small park in some shade offered by some trees and just talked some more. Sorry players, if you think that this post is going to have nudity, sex, threesomes, or anything “juicy” or lurid, you’re going to be disappointed. None of those things happened. However, I did kiss her before she left. I got to taste her. And she kissed me back.

When you are in your body instead of being in your head, your body knows what to do and you don’t get caught up in analyzing things, you just flow. Your body and hers just dance. And that’s what we did, we danced. Chasing the dragon indeed.

I’m not a man who believes in the metaphysical, I don’t even believe in the existence of God. But it’s funny how things seem to come together for me over time. One woman flakes, I run into a Brother from my Motorcycle Club days in the same bar that I would have met the woman who flaked if she had showed up. One woman is poisoning her soul with outrage porn and politics and as she’s exiting stage right, another woman enters stage left with a healthy mind, free from outrage, politics, and the bullshit of current events that so many people get caught up and trapped in. I go from enjoying women but feeling a little jaded, like something is missing, some spark has died, never to be seen again, to feeling like I did when I first met my first girlfriend, just without the embarrassing awkwardness from a lack of experience.

It’s all in the tiny details of the moments of my life. It’s what I see with my eyes and my mind’s eye. I can still see her laugh lines from her smile. I can still smell her neck and her hair. I can still taste her on my lips. I can still see that sparkle in her eyes and I can hear her laugh echoing in my mind. I can still feel her cheek and chin on my fingertips even as I type this. I can see the hints of red in her hair from the sunset casting upon it.

Learn to notice the details. Get out of your head and get back into your body. Stop with the internal monologues and just be present without asking “why.” Just look and listen. A whole other world is right in front of you if you will only see it, and it’s that world that matters the most.

Back in 1995, I was a young, dumb, 23 year old. I had no clue how to “pick up” women. I had no idea what to say to them. I had no idea how to talk to them. I had had a relationship with a girl when I was 18 and she was also my first sexual encounter. She literally fell into my lap. She and I dated for about a year and a half. At the age of 21, I had my first one night stand. It was a case of me being “the right guy at the right place at the right time.” Even back then I at least knew when and how to keep my mouth shut.

Fast forward a couple of years and I had no idea what to say or do when it came to meeting new women. This was really before the internet took off and I sucked at “night game.” “Social circle game” was drying up, most of the women were either dating, married, or one or both of us just wasn’t interested.

So there I was, clueless, horny, and yes, fucking desperate. I had no idea what to do or really how to do it. Now there were “BBS” which were internet bulletin boards, but I had no idea about them. I didn’t know they even existed. Everything I saw as far as advertising and whatnot came from magazine ads or the television.

There were a lot of books and literature back then, that when I look at it now, it was utter trash. Complete garbage. But I read it anyway. It was something, anything, that I thought would help. Yeah it mostly didn’t.

I don’t remember how I found it, but in 1995 I found Ross Jefferies “Speed Seduction” course on cassette tape. Here was NLP, which I had studied and practiced in college, but it was being used for seduction. There were sound principles, great ideas, some clear, concise methods, and it was pretty straightforward.

Let’s just say that I loved it.

However… There are a lot of details and things that you need to understand and memorize. “Speed Seduction” is mostly language patterns and verbal. It doesn’t work great in a loud, obnoxious club. It doesn’t really work all that great on girls who are ADD to begin with and half drunk to boot. They need to be able to hear you and to focus on what you are saying in order for it to be effective. It works really great on “cerebral” girls, but not so much on your average girls. It can work wonders over the phone when you are talking to them or if you are in a quieter environment and you can keep their attention on you.

In the early 2000’s “The Game” and “Mystery Method” came out. I loved both of those books. In Mystery Method, here was a “system” that didn’t require a ton of memorization, it could and was designed for clubs and bars, and you could adapt it to “day game” or pretty much whatever “system” or “style” you prefer. I had far more “success” with the Mystery Method than any other “system” that was out there. That still holds true to this very day. What I do when I meet women is some sort of variant of Mystery Method. I don’t have a name for it other than, “This is what Rob Does.”

Which brings me to my point.

I spent years reading and rereading books, highlighting passages, making notes in the margins and on spiralbound notebooks. I have spent years watching and re-watching videos, VHS tapes, and DVD’s. I thought if I reread something just one more time, I would have the answers and I would just get it. Several years ago, I could pull Mystery Method off of my shelf and proudly show it to you with all of my highlights and notes. I could brag to you about how many fucking times I had read it. The truth is, when I go out and meet women for that first time, all that shit goes right out of my mind. I’m drawing a blank. Zip, zilch, zero, nothing, nadda. And I freeze.

And then I just start talking to her.

“Hi! You look like you’re fun! What’s your name?”

There’s my “opener.” Sometimes it’s not even that. Sometimes it’s “Hi! How are you doing today?” Sometimes it’s not even that. Sometimes it’s just “Hi!” and see where it goes. I’m open, I’m smiling, I’m friendly. That’s it. And I go from there. Yes guys, I fly by the seat of my pants, I wing it. And sometimes I get the girl, sometimes I don’t.

Guys if you want to get “good” at Game, you have to talk to girls. That’s it. End of story. Reading and rereading Rollo’s work or the Mystery Method, or No More Mister Nice Guy isn’t going to get you better at talking to girls. You have to go out of your house, outside your comfort zone, outside the internet for the most part, and actually talk to girls.

Reading or watching something for the first time is a good thing as far as I’m concerned. You didn’t know what you didn’t know. But reading or watching something for the third or fifth or hundredth time? You are avoiding doing the work, which is getting off of your ass and going out and talking to girls. It feels good, it feels productive. It feels like you are doing “something.” And you are. You are avoiding the inevitable. You are avoiding going out, talking to girls, and getting rejected.

You will only really learn Game by going out and doing Game. Sure you and I could sit on some chairs, smoke cigars, have a drink and wax poetic about how Rian said this, Rollo said that, Mystery did this, Style did that. But at the end of the day you and I are no closer to meeting girls. You have to go out and meet them. And while it could be entertaining to me to sit and wax on about Rian, Rich, Rollo, and Mystery, and I love what they have done and contributed, don’t get me wrong. I would rather go out and try things out on real women in real time and see what happens.

Going out and getting actual experience is a far better teacher than any reading, watching, or listening to someone else talk about it.

So when I see some guy saying he’s going to read Mystery Method for the umpteenth time and take more notes, all I can do is laugh, shake my head and think to myself, “Yeah, you don’t get it.”

While you are planning your big move into the “Seduction community” and you’re planning on becoming the next “Don Juan,” life has other plans for you. And while you were busy planning, life passed you by. So did god knows how many opportunities. But hey, if you want to read or watch something again and again? Knock yourself out.

You can find me out talking to women.