Fort Worth Playboy on Twitter brought up something really interesting a while back and I’ll be damned if I can’t find the original tweet, but he basically said that the “average” guy who worked a physical job doesn’t have a lot of time and/or energy to be out day gaming or out in the bars at night, which is why they typically meet women through online dating.

I’m here to confirm that. I’m not saying don’t learn to approach women on the streets or in the bars/night clubs. You’ll usually get better looking women doing those things. I’m all for learning game and how to approach women on the street. Being bold and walking up to women and talking to them takes guts and most women have hardly ever had a man do that to them. It can put them in a tailspin for sure. So learn game. Be willing to take risks and get rejected and learn to approach women on the street, in the grocery store, at the bar, etc.

When your life can be as busy as mine and you work long ass hours though, what to do? I still want feminine company, I still like and want sex. So, what to do? I don’t have a large social circle, most of the guys I know in real life are either married with children, doing the “happy wife, happy life” scene, or they are almost completely clueless. I don’t date co-workers because I don’t want to “shit where I eat,” and there aren’t a lot of women in my line of work. And the couple we do have? They are already taken or they are… *shudders* Let’s just say there isn’t enough alcohol in the world that would get me to a place where I could look at them and say to myself, “Yeah, she’s cute enough, she’ll do.” So again, what to do?

Online dating of course.

I have talked about online dating in the past. Nothing has changed there. I’ve even mentioned what the different body types in online dating actually mean. Nothing has changed there either. Nothing has really changed at all, but I want to share a couple of things with you so that you’ll understand the mindset that I have when it comes to online dating.

Online dating is like fishing. You set up your profile, put up some pictures of yourself, put out a little “bio” about who and what you are, set preferences, etc and there you are. That’s your hook, line, reel, and bait.

I tend to start swiping right off the bat. If she’s attractive to me, I swipe right, click yes, etc. Otherwise it’s a no for me. I don’t bother with her location, her age, height, weight, kids or not, or anything in her bio, if she even has one. I can burn through 100 profiles in under an hour doing this. Then I get off the dating app and get back to life. Oh, and then there’s the one’s that will open you, but I’ll be coming back to this one shortly.

Inevitably, one or more of those swipes is going to match. Call it luck of the draw, law of averages, whatever you want. That’s when I’ll go back and look at the details. How far is she from me? Kids? Smokes? Drinks? Height? Weight? What she has to say about herself in her “bio?” All those things. If a bunch of red flags turn up there, mostly too far away, too many kids, too fat, or too bitchy, I’ll un-match and move on to the next one. If there’s nothing there that turns me off, I’ll start the banter. Then I’ll wait and see what if anything, happens there. Sometimes they hook and the texting takes off and sometimes it goes absolutely nowhere.

The main point I want to emphasize is that like a fisherman, you need to have patience. As of this writing, I have talked to no less than 8 women. That’s all in the last two weeks. 2 of them I have met for drinks, one I was supposed to meet and she flaked, a couple of others are still in the text/talk phase, and a couple are going nowhere fast.

Between work, my shows I do with Nick, Bull, Joe, and Jack, plus wanting “me” time to read, write, drink, and fucking sleep, I don’t have a ton of time to be bullshitting with the babes.

Part of that patience is also realizing that you’ll have “feast or famine” times. There’s been times in my past where I could “cast my line” and get nothing for literally months on end. Then out of nowhere, I get matches and women opening me and opportunities galore to the point that I can’t keep up with them. If I wanted to try that I would have to quit my job and just focus on pussy. So learn to have patience. In many ways, when it comes to online dating, you are playing a somewhat “long game.”

As a final thought: I have seen guys recently who have said some incredibly dense and stupid shit about how if a woman opens you, it’s “masculine.” Bullshit. It’s practically a done deal is what it is. She’s fucking interested, stupid. Don’t step on your own dick. The last women to open me, I have seen her a couple of times, she actually looks better in real life than she does in her pictures, and she hasn’t ghosted or flaked. She’s interested.

Do you know what types of women I find interesting and attractive? Women that are interested and attracted to me.

Learn patience and don’t step on your own dick.

The “Coffee Date” vs “Going Out And Getting Drinks Date.” That’s been the rage on Twitter lately. What is old is new again. Nothing really changes and apparently most of the guys online just want to argue, puff their chests up, suck in their guts, and pretend to talk to girls and get laid. More power to you lads if that is your quest. I would rather talk to women, invite them out for a drink, and see if it leads to sex. But that’s just me.

When it comes to the coffee date vs drinks, I get some of the arguments. There are guys who want to “screen” their women when they first meet. They want to make sure that she looks like her pictures and isn’t a complete psychopath, I understand that. But here’s the thing:

You can screen a woman over drinks. You can see if she matches up to her pictures and what she said she looked like. You can figure out really quick in a social environment, like a bar, if she’s a social retard or not.

Maybe some guys have some secret trick, hack, system, or whatever that works in coffee shops. If any of you reading this happen to have some set of skills or tools or knowledge, I’m honestly interested. But don’t fuck around and waste my time thumping your chest and telling me stories. I’ll figure you out real quick, and if you are full of shit, I’ll call you out on it.

I’ll readily admit that I have had limited experience meeting up with women in coffee shops. I’m not a coffee guy. I’ll drink it occasionally but it’s really not my thing. I would rather have a beer or something with vodka in it. In Utah, you can’t legally have coffee with alcohol in it in a coffee shop. The baristas can’t legally serve you alcohol, and if you sneak some in and spike your coffee and you get caught, best case scenario the shop employees ask you to leave. Worst case scenario, the cops show up and you go to jail.

I have only had maybe three or four coffee dates and every single one of them was awkward all around. I was uncomfortable, the women were uncomfortable, it was a mess. The cost of the coffees was close to what I would pay for a couple of drinks.

So I’m going to give you the “pros” of having drinks instead:

1. Bars are typically relaxed, fun environments which allows both her and you to relax, get to know one another and just have fun.
2. If you invite her for drinks and she accepts, you have an idea that she is probably a fun, laid back person. She’s not likely to be uptight about alcohol because of religious convictions, health convictions, or because she’s a recovering alcoholic. I have no problem with people that are on the road to sobriety, more power to them for acknowledging that they have a problem and that not drinking is the only way to handle and manage that problem. I don’t have a problem with alcohol though. I don’t get drunk daily, I don’t “black out” or pass out. I don’t lose my self control. I can handle my drinking. I don’t want to put someone in the realm of temptation if they struggle with it though, and I’m not giving up my beer and booze.
3. “But drinks are so expensive Rob!” Learn to control the interaction dumbass. You buy a round or two at most and that’s it. If she wants more, that’s on her. This also lets you know if she’s just there for the drinks, that she might in fact have a drinking problem, and it’ll give you a good idea if she can hold down her alcohol. Most women can’t. I haven’t had a “bad bar night” with a woman in a long time. Most women can’t hold down their alcohol and most of them know that. Most of the women I have dealt with cut themselves off long before I cut myself off.
4. Hanging out at the bar with people having a good time in the background and some music playing is conducive to you and her having a good time. I know with all of the “bar dates” I’ve had, we hardly talk about work. We may touch on it briefly, but then we move on to other fun topics. Guess what we talked about in coffee shops? Work. Coffee dates didn’t feel like a “date” to me. It felt like it was either a job interview or “networking.” Yeah I’ll pass.
5. As Fort Worth Playboy said in his tweet that I screenshotted: “Can this date lead to sex?” Yes. Yes they can. Drinks in the evening, maybe a really light snack at the bar, some funny conversation, and of course, kino. What’s kino Rob? Kino is touching. Moving her hair from her face, touching her shoulder, putting your hand on the small of her back when you move her from one spot in the bar to another, playing silly games like thumb wrestling so that you can touch her hands, that’s kino. Kino if done right leads to kissing. Sometimes in the bar, sometimes as you are leaving the bar. Kissing leads to sex. Sometimes that very night. I don’t get a lot of chances to do kino with a woman in a coffee shop other than maybe a light hug and a hand shake.
6. Alcohol tends to lower inhibitions. Not just for her, but for you too, you caught up in your head, over-thinking, over-analyzing, over-complicating everything motherfucker.
7. Let’s say worst case, the date isn’t going well. There’s no “chemistry,” “vibe,” “spark,” whatever you want to call it. You know there’s going to be no chance for sex and maybe it’s you who decided that. You can always thank them for the date, give them a hug if you want, shake their hand at the least and watch them walk out the door. Bars tend to have other women in them. You are already there. Why not go and talk to other women? Hell, the date could be going spectacularly, but while she is either in the restroom or you are on your way to the restroom, why not talk and flirt with another woman? You are there to have fun, right? So why not?

You guys reading these type of posts like your “red flags.” So let’s talk about a red flag when it comes to asking a woman to have drinks at the bar:

If I ask a woman to meet me for drinks somewhere and she declines that particular offer, I want to know why. Is she uptight? That’s a red flag. Does she have high moral or religious convictions that prohibit her from drinking? That’s a red flag. Is she declining because she is a recovering alcoholic? That’s a red flag. Not because she’s trying to get sober, but because her alcoholism is not my problem. That’s definitely not my circus and not my monkeys.

I have met several women over the years who chose not to drink and it had nothing to do with the above “red flags.” All of them still met me at the bar and we still had a lot of fun. Many of them went home with me either that night or shortly thereafter. They were fun loving, laid back women who knew how to have a good time and wanted to have a good time. I have yet to experience that same “vibe” in a coffee shop.

So you can “screen” your girls at the coffee shop and maybe see her again for round two or three and then eventually get to sex, or you can “screen” her right at a bar over a drink and get to sex faster. The choice is yours.

I hope all of my American readers had a good 4th of July. Mine was pretty decent considering that I have been dealing with a head cold. One thing that I hate with this whole “pandemic thing” is the fact that many people are scared shitless if you mention getting or being sick. God forbid you actually sneeze or cough around them. Hey people, germs, viruses, bacteria, etc are still going on beside C-19. People still get sick occasionally, get over it.

Moving on…

About a week ago, around the time that I was finishing up my Dance with the “bitter, lonely Jew,” Amanda, another woman showed up for me. Talk about 180 degrees in difference. We met up for a drink at a local bar and the moment she walked into the place, her eyes lit up when she saw me. She has one of the most radiant smiles that I have seen in a long time.

We talked about damn near everything and she loves to laugh. I can still see the laugh lines around her mouth even now. It’s these little moments that matter to me. It’s these little details. I can still see her jaw line in my mind’s eye and at the time, even while I was watching her and listening to her, all I could think of was, “I want to know what she tastes like.” I’m not talking about what she ate or she drank, not that type of taste, but her. It was maddening.

What should have been an hour to an hour and a half first meeting turned into almost five hours. I have met a lot of women over the years and very few bring out a sense of possibility and a sense of wonder in me. It’s so rare that it’s only happened to me three times in my life so far. Those women who brought out that sense of wonder, that sense of what could be possible, that sense of new, talk about chasing the dragon. It’s exhilarating. It’s intoxicating. It’s fascinating.

Here’s a funny thing: I felt like I was 18 again. I felt like I did when I was back in high school only minus the confusion, awkwardness, and the stupidity of youth. It was an actual date. I had even built that first kiss up in my head so bad that I blew it and lost that particular moment when we were telling each other goodbye. I guess some of that awkwardness can still show up for an “old dog” like me.

Fast forward a couple of days and I saw her again. This would be this last Saturday, the 3rd. She wasn’t feeling well because she has a cold as well and her allergies were bugging her big time. She didn’t want to go to dinner or go for a walk because of the heat and how she felt and I told her it would be fine if we cancelled and got together another time. She immediately told me that she wanted to see me, so no, cancelling was out of the question.

We ended up sitting in a small park in some shade offered by some trees and just talked some more. Sorry players, if you think that this post is going to have nudity, sex, threesomes, or anything “juicy” or lurid, you’re going to be disappointed. None of those things happened. However, I did kiss her before she left. I got to taste her. And she kissed me back.

When you are in your body instead of being in your head, your body knows what to do and you don’t get caught up in analyzing things, you just flow. Your body and hers just dance. And that’s what we did, we danced. Chasing the dragon indeed.

I’m not a man who believes in the metaphysical, I don’t even believe in the existence of God. But it’s funny how things seem to come together for me over time. One woman flakes, I run into a Brother from my Motorcycle Club days in the same bar that I would have met the woman who flaked if she had showed up. One woman is poisoning her soul with outrage porn and politics and as she’s exiting stage right, another woman enters stage left with a healthy mind, free from outrage, politics, and the bullshit of current events that so many people get caught up and trapped in. I go from enjoying women but feeling a little jaded, like something is missing, some spark has died, never to be seen again, to feeling like I did when I first met my first girlfriend, just without the embarrassing awkwardness from a lack of experience.

It’s all in the tiny details of the moments of my life. It’s what I see with my eyes and my mind’s eye. I can still see her laugh lines from her smile. I can still smell her neck and her hair. I can still taste her on my lips. I can still see that sparkle in her eyes and I can hear her laugh echoing in my mind. I can still feel her cheek and chin on my fingertips even as I type this. I can see the hints of red in her hair from the sunset casting upon it.

Learn to notice the details. Get out of your head and get back into your body. Stop with the internal monologues and just be present without asking “why.” Just look and listen. A whole other world is right in front of you if you will only see it, and it’s that world that matters the most.