There is no remedy for love but to love more – Henry David Thoreau
I follow a handful of blogs and guys on Twitter, and ThomasCrownPua on Twitter posted a great article.
Thomas Crown was doing a Q & A for some of his guys and someone asked, “Should women be a priority in your life?” To which he said, “women will always be your priority.“
Thomas Crown goes on and talks about hormones, your “mission,” (which is a fucking laugh, by the way) and other stuff. In many ways, he said things that I have already talked about, but he said it better. Go check out his post, you won’t regret it.
I quoted Henry David Thoreau at the beginning of this post. I found that quote in a book called “Drink, Play, Fuck” by Andrew Gottlieb. The book has been around for a moment, the copyright goes back to 2009.
Ah, 2009. That was the year that I got married. It’s funny what words or images will evoke when you look at them. Anyways, enough strolling down memory lane, that’s not what you are here for. You’re here for the “nuggets.”
So I started “Drink, Play, Fuck” on Sunday morning and finished it Sunday night. It’s an easy, light, entertaining read. The author mentioned going to Ireland, Vegas, and Thailand over the course of a year after his marriage of 8 years came to an abrupt end and his wife wasn’t “haaappy” and left him to go live with “David,” a guy that she was banging.
The author’s character started off drinking in Ireland for 4 months, went and gambled and golfed for 4 months in Vegas, and ended up in Thailand for the sex for the final 4 months. I’m not going to spoil it for you, and I would have made different choices than the author made, but that’s what life is all about.
That quote from Thoreau got to me though:
“There is no remedy for love but to love more.“
Get out of your heads and into your bodies and just “feel it.” He’s not wrong.
Every time I meet a new woman, I feel it. Every time things go great or they go south, or nowhere, I feel it. It can suck the big one, sometimes. But that’s the price of admission. I’ve talked to guys in the recent past and they say things like, “It’s all so tiresome.” Or “it’s a slog,” or “a grind.” And yes, it most certainly can be.
You meet a new woman, you chat, you text, you talk on the phone, you go out and have a drink or three, and maybe there’s some chemistry there, some spark. Maybe there isn’t. Maybe you take her home and fuck the shit out of her. Maybe you go home alone. Maybe you think to yourselves, “it’s just not worth it.”
I go through that sometimes too. There are times that I think, “I can’t stand another first meet. I can’t stand going out again.” And then I do it anyway.
Because the only remedy for love is more love. Going out and grinding or matching with yet another woman is better than sitting in my house, talking about my “mission,” and practicing semen retention.
There is no remedy for love but to love more, is:
You feel the pain of someone breaking it off with you. You feel the pain and disappointment of someone that you thought you had a connection with, ghosting you. And you smile and go out and do it again. You don’t hold the sins of the woman from the past against the women of the present and the future.
There is no remedy for love but to love more.
While it can suck and it can hurt, right to your very core, you carry on. My heart has been broken so many times that I have lost count. And yet, here I am. I’m still alive. My heart continues to beat. I still want and desire the company of women. I still lust for them, I still desire them. And yes, I still love them. Even and especially when it hurts. What is the alternative? There is no alternative for me.
Instead of closing myself down, shutting the women out, I open myself to even more. More pain, more disappointment, more heartache.
Do you know what has happened?
It doesn’t hurt as much as it did the last time. It still hurts, but not as much. It shows me how “tough” and resilient I am. And it allows me to love them even more. And so I do.
I was sitting at the belly dancer’s house on Easter Sunday when my Venezuelan girl sent me a wall of text. In short, she wanted to end things. My belly dancer and I have a unique relationship in many ways. She knows I see other women and I know that she sees other men. She saw that I was distracted when I looked at my phone. She asked me what was going on. I told her that it was over between the Venezuelan woman and me. She wanted to comfort me and she told me that she was sorry. I told her that I knew that it was over several days ago and it didn’t come as a surprise. The only surprise was that the Venezuelan girl decided to tell me it was over instead of just ghosting me, which is usually how it goes.
There is no remedy for love but to love more. I know without a doubt that I can and do love more than one woman at a time. Each one brings something different to my life and my experiences. There’s no one woman that can be “everything” for me.
Some women like to camp and hike. I like to camp and hike, so I do that with them. Some like live theater, concerts, and being in large crowds. I like live theater, concerts, and being in large crowds, so I do that with them. Some like to drink and alter their states of consciousness. I like to drink and alter my state of consciousness, so I do that with them. Some like kink, and some don’t. I do kink with the one’s who like it, and I don’t with the one’s who don’t. Some like existential conversations about the meaning of life and why we are here. Some would rather talk about the latest gossip about the latest celebrity. And so I do both. And I love them all.
I wish I was a better writer and could convey my thoughts, feelings, and emotions better than I do. I really wish I could take “out of my head and body what goes on in there,” and just transfer it to you, Dear Reader. But I’m not that good at conveying it I fear. Somewhere the message falters or gets lost in the translation.
There is no remedy for love but to love more. The more you open yourself to it, the more you get in return. And while the hurt, disappointment, pain, and you name it, never go away entirely, it’s far better than shutting down, becoming a recluse, becoming numb.
The older I get, the more I realize that not only can I love more than one woman at a time, I also realize that I don’t want “peace,” whatever that means. I want experience. I want a ton of experience. I want more experience than I already have. And so I love. I love more.
Because that’s the only remedy for what ails me.