It’s been a couple of weeks since I posted something, so let me get you caught up, Dear Readers.
A little over a week ago, my Girl Who Likes Pain had to tell me goodbye. She wants something that I don’t. She wants a steady man, a boyfriend, someone who wants and chooses monogamy. That’s not who I am. I don’t know if I’ll ever be that guy again. It was killing her and that’s not what I want for her, that’s not my endgame.
The choices we make and the consequences we reap. My lifestyle of “spinning plates” and non-exclusivity isn’t an easy road to walk and it isn’t for everyone. On one hand, I get to “sample” many women, their bodies, their souls, their personalities and quirks. On the other hand, they develop feelings over time, as do I, but I know who and what I am. I may never have just one person in my life again. I remember hearing somewhere at some time, someone asked a question, and that question was: “Do you think it’s possible to love more than one person at a time?”
When I first heard that question, I had no idea. I had never done anything like that before and so I had no clue and no experience in it. Now I have and now I do. Have experience that is.
Yes, I believe we can. Or at least I can. I can say that I have the capability to love more than one person at a time. Romantic, intimate love. Not just platonic or familial love. So when I “dive in” with a woman, I dive deep. I go all in.
I tried the whole “keep them at an arm’s distance” years ago. I was a robot. And that choice had its consequences. I never let them get close to me so then I couldn’t be hurt. I wouldn’t care. The thing is though, those “relationships” were shallow and two dimensional. They were flat. The women never got to know me, not really, and I never got to know them. It sucked. They never got the “gift of me.” And I never got the “gift of them.” So now I go all in. When my Girl Who Likes Pain had to fly, it hurt. It cut deep. They always do. Even now I’m still processing it. It still hurts. That’s because I cared about her deeply and I miss her. I always do. Miss them. That’s the choice I make and the consequence that I reap. But the greatest, final gift of love that I could give her was to let her go, it was what she needed. And so I did. I let her go.
I’m also about opportunities and I’m open to the next possibility. The night before Thanksgiving I had a new woman come over. I’ll call her “Red and Black.” That’s because she has two-toned red and black hair. Yes, you douchebags who think that multi-colored hair = bad can wring your hands and clutch your pearls and beat your meat over it. Yes she has red flags, a couple of big ones actually. But do you know what? Don’t care, got laid. Red flags are a green light. I’m excited to see if this one goes anywhere. It might, it might not.
The Friday after Thanksgiving and for the next couple of days afterwards, my teacher/belly dancer took me to Wendover. Las Vegas would be Wendover if it was broke, had a tiny population, and was on the verge of bankruptcy. You can taste the desperation and the despair in the air. But it’s a great place for food and debauchery. And that’s what we did for 3 days. Food and debauchery. While the casino/hotel we stayed in left much to be desired, the jacuzzi in the room was decent and the steakhouse was a hidden gem. 10/10 I would go back just for the steakhouse. It’s a bit on the pricey side, but you know where the money went.
The jacuzzi was decent, the mirrors in the room were even better. Turns out that my belly dancer is a bit of a voyeur/exhibitionist. Not as much as I am, but hey, everybody has got to start somewhere. There’s a lot of promise with her. Not enough for me to say goodbye to any other women that show up in my life, but she’s pretty awesome. She’s another soul that believes she can love more than one person at a time and she says that she understands where I’m at. Is she seeing other men? Of course she is. Is she doing the things that she does with me, with them? I have no doubt. I don’t consider myself special or an exception, that’s the way it is. And that’s part of the choices I make and the consequences that I reap. And I’m good with that.
As a side note, if you have the chance to get a woman in a room with mirrors on the wall and the ceiling, I highly recommend that you do. Get her to watch herself in the mirror. Watch her watching herself. It’s hot. It’s like being the director, the star, and the viewer of your own porno. She has already made reservations for another casino/hotel with a better hot tub, mirrors, and whatnot for my birthday in January. Let’s hope that we are still seeing each other by then. Choices and consequences.
So one had to leave, a new one showed up, and one gave me food and debauchery. Choices and consequences. I can live with both. Can you? What choices are you not making because of fear of judgment? What choices do you want to make, but are avoiding because, “what will (insert whatever nonsense here) think? Or do?”
It’s your life, you only get one chance on this ball of rock and water. Choose. And be prepared for the consequences. Be good with them.