I wrote a post about an experience I had with a friend of mine while at a couple of bars, and today I want to expand on that with some other observations and information.
The last time that I had seriously done “the bar thing” was over 20 years ago. Probably closer to 23 years ago. I started going back to the bar in late 2019/early 2020 before the pandemic hit and put that on pause. The bar I would go to had an eclectic mix of people and a wide demographic of ages.
Everything from the early 20-somethings up to the early to mid 60-somethings if I had to guess, was there. I’ll be honest and say right now that guessing someone’s age has never been my biggest strength. So there was roughly an equal ratio of men to women and the age groups were pretty much all represented at this particular bar.
The last bar that I went to though, the age demographic was almost entirely the early to mid 20-somethings. There might have been a few in their late 20’s and a very, very small handful of people in their early 30’s. Definitely what you would call the “college crowd.” And then there was me and my buddy, the two “old” guys in the bar.
I’ll be honest when I say I was a little hesitant to going to this particular bar. My buddy told me about it as he had been there a few times before and he really enjoyed it. “Lot’s of eye candy” as he put it. I was hesitant because I remember what it was like being in my mid 20’s and there was always “that one creepy old guy in the bar.” Everybody would look at him and roll their eyes and wrinkle their noses up at him. Girls would laugh and not in a good way. That guy was tolerated at best and pitied and avoided at worst. I definitely did not want to be “that guy.”
As things would have it though, I didn’t have to worry about it. Everyone was very friendly with me. I can see why for some of it. The bar was happy for the patronage and when you’re the “new guy” everybody is interested in you to one degree or another. Whether it’s intrasexual competition from the other guys in the bar, or it’s the possibility of an encounter with the women, you’re being sized up. Especially when you’re new.
Nobody had an issue with my buddy and me being there and honestly I didn’t care. Being comfortable in your own skin will do that. A couple of beers doesn’t hurt either.
So here’s what I’ve observed and don’t worry, I’m going to take these observations and apply them to online dating because they are applicable:
- Men and women as a whole are fatter now than 20 years ago. Applying this to online dating means that the category of “Average” today isn’t what “Average” of yesterday was. Average from 20 years ago meant that you were neither thin or fat. You were just, average. Kind of like Goldilocks and the Three Bears: Not too hot, not too cold, but just right. Average from yesterday doesn’t exist today, not anymore. Average today means you are fat. You may not be obese or morbidly obese, but you are fat. Think 20 pounds plus. There literally wasn’t any women that were like 5 pounds overweight. They were either thin (which I’ll get to next) or they were 20+ overweight.
- Thin women still exist. Most of the guys were thinner and in better shape than the women as well, compared to 20 years ago. Thank god for thin women since this happens to be my personal preference. There were plenty of skinny girls there, plenty of “eye candy” for me to see. I’ve seen plenty of women that would describe themselves as thin in online dating as well, they just aren’t the majority anymore.
- Athletic as a type definitely exists. I would consider it a “sub-category” to thin. The only major difference to me at least, is that athletic women tend to have more muscle definition and tend to be more toned. Otherwise they are thin, hence the “sub-category” classification.
- Lots and lots of tattoos on everybody for the most part. I have a lot of tattoos but the younger crowd is either giving me a run for my money or they have me beat hands down. Nothing wrong with this per se, just an observation. The women and the men who had no visible tattoos tended to stand out, that’s how many people have tattoos in the bar today.
I made a tweet a few days ago that has summed up my experience when it comes to online dating and “body types” or “body descriptions:”
Average = Fat
A Few Extra Pounds = Fat
Curvy = Really Fat
BBW = Really Fat with an extra dose of attitude
Thin = Thin (but only if there is a fully body shot, otherwise = Fat)
Athletic (see Thin)
This may be hilarious to some degree, but it’s true unfortunately. I’ve encountered far too many women who say they are “average” when it comes to their body type and I have to admit that it’s my fault for not actually seeing them that way. That’s because I was holding on to what “average” was 20 years ago. Average today is overweight. Curvy used to be what Madonna was back when she did “Lucky Star.” Think hourglass. Curvy today is obese. A few extra pounds 20 years ago, was a tiny bit of a tummy. A few extra pounds today is 20 pounds overweight. Not obese and definitely not morbidly obese, but definitely pushing into obese territory.
The one that I have the most conflict with today is Athletic. Athletic to me and probably to most guys is a person who has low body fat and has muscle definition and tone. I’ve seen women who say they are “athletic” and sure they are in a selfie pic at some gym somewhere, wearing a yoga top and yoga pants, but they are far from having an athletic body. A muffin top body isn’t athletic. Nor should counting that one time you went hiking over a year ago count as athletic. That’s why I say, full body shots in the pictures or they are fat.
I’m not saying any of this as a condemnation of women being overweight. I’ve dated plenty of women over the years who genuinely were “a few extra pounds.” There’s nothing inherently wrong with that. But “a few extra pounds” was just that. 5 or 10 extra pounds at the most.
If we are going to keep the body types “honest” with today’s standards and averages, there should be only 2 choices with one possible sub-category:
Thin or fat. There’s no need to have an “average” category anymore since “average” as it once was doesn’t exist. The sub-category would be “athletic” and that would only be applicable if you were actually “thin” first.
There’s no need for a “curvy,” “a few extra pounds,” or “BBW” anymore, since it’s all basically just one degree of fat or another. Actually, I’ll take that back. There should still be a BBW category. That’s because most of the women that I have encountered that identify as “BBW” also tend to be the most entitled and have the most bitter of attitudes. At least the bigger girls who didn’t consider themselves to be BBW had more pleasant demeanors and personalities.