When Binary Goes Bad…

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I had a conversation with a guy the other day who chooses anonymity online for a variety of reasons. One of them apparently is that he doesn’t look a “certain way.” That got me thinking…

We judge a book by its cover, it’s just the way it is. If you are going to preach a certain way, you had better know what you are talking about if you want to be taken seriously. Those that do know will find out eventually. This guy knows a lot of things about a lot of subjects. If I had to hazard a guess, a lot of his wisdom and knowledge he has gained through the “school of hard knocks.” He’s lived it and he’s lived through it.

It’s a damn shame that he hasn’t come out of anonymity. I for one would like to know what he looks like. Not to judge him and think he’s a fraud and a phony, and to point out discrepancies, but to look upon him as another Man, a peer, and hopefully one day, to call him a friend. The more interactions I’ve had with him, the more I want to sit down with him and have a beer and talk shit. The guy has had life experiences, a lot of them I recognize because I have had similar ones.

Binary is a bad thing because life isn’t binary. Nothing is truly black or white. Nothing is completely either/or. Sometimes “and” shows up. Sometimes it’s not either/or, but both. A lot of guys who have binary thinking are missing the nuance. Life is nothing but nuance really.

What works for me may not work for you at all. One woman may find me to be irresistible. Another right behind her may find me to be insufferable. I “opened” them with the exact same “lines and phrases.” I used the same tonality and as far as I know, I used the same body language. Why did it “work” on one and not the other?

Truth? Who really knows. That’s nuance. All I can say is that one was receptive while the other one was not. I succeeded and I failed all within a few moments.

Binary thinking on one end would say that my “system” was a roaring success, but that same thinking on the other end would say that it was a complete failure and doesn’t work. That’s what I’m seeing a lot of these days. Guys getting to the granular level with things that when taken to that level of granularity, lose their context. They lose their nuance. Like I said a paragraph or so ago, everything is nuance. Seduction is nothing but nuance.

Taking nutrition advice from a guy who is morbidly obese is probably not a good idea. But does that guy need to be absolutely “shredded and jacked?” I don’t necessarily believe so.

Taking dating advice from a guy who isn’t necessarily attractive may seem like a bad thing to do, but then again, what’s his track record? I’m not just talking about pure, raw numbers here. Plenty of guys can buy pussy. How does he interact with women? History is full of examples of men that were not attractive by any means, nor were they tall, or wealthy, or even necessarily fit, but women loved them and flocked to them.

Taking financial advice from a guy, just because he has money may not be in your best interest. How did he come about attaining his money? Did he inherit it? Did he walk into a bank and point a gun at the teller? Did the money fall off the back of an armored truck? Nuance. Binary thinking would lead you to believe that just because the guy has money, he knows how to make money.

Just because a guy is old enough to be your father doesn’t mean he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. It doesn’t necessarily make his thoughts and rationale outdated. Dig deeper keeping context in mind and look for the nuance. Yes it takes time and it takes work. It takes energy and it takes critical thinking, and it won’t all happen immediately. Just like life itself, nothing usually comes easily or quickly.

Learn to get out of binary thinking. Learn that everything eventually is nuance. Learn this lesson or you get to burn. Learn that it’s okay that you want to judge a book by its cover, but maybe, just maybe, once you’ve judged that book by its cover, maybe instead of putting it down and walking away from it, maybe it might be worth your time to read a few paragraphs of the first chapter. Maybe give it a quick skim before moving on.

Or stay locked in your on/off binary line of thinking, I don’t care. All I can say is that it will be your loss and that lost opportunity may never come around to you again.

To you Good Sir, the one I had the conversation with.. I hope you read this, I hope this finds its way to you. I hope one day to see your face and to be able to sit down and have a drink with you and talk about life. I think that we have a lot in common.

Here’s to one day. Cheers.

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