“Hold My Beer…”

person holding white labeled bottle

When we talk about men versus other men, we are talking about intrasexual competition. We are guys, we like to brag, to boast, and to compete. You all are with me so far right?

What if it all sums up to:

“Dude, hold my beer.”

A guy goes online and mentions/brags that he just got laid.

Inevitably another guy sees this and..

Dude! Hold my beer!

“I ONLY bang 9’s and 10’s Brah!”

Another guy goes online and mentions that he’s happily married with children.

Hold my beer…

“I’m happily married with children too AND a side of JESUS!”

A third guy talks about working out.

Hold my beer…

“Dude! I just benchpressed a Mack truck!”

A final guy talks about firearms and getting into “prepping.”

Hold my beer…

“Dude I own a HK-AR-AK-4792FS! I have a DECADE of supplies in my thermonuclear-proof, heavy duty, solid-steel and concrete Fort Knox of a bunker, two and a half miles underground under my house! And I just cranked out 40,000 rounds of 45 ACP, 100k of 7.62 full metal heat seeking missles, all while fixing my 1/2 ton while banging my wife of 35 years who is only 22 and happens to be a soft 9, impregnating her with our 7th son! What the fuck have you done you fucking loser?!”

Hold my beer indeed.

Power Dad’s and Mommy bloggers are just saying hold my beer.

Guys pointing at green lines on pictures of guys leaning in are just saying “Hold my beer! Look how straight and fucking narrow I stand!”

I’ve mentioned to a couple of people who stumbled onto the ‘Sphere that it’s like going back to high school and peeking into the boy’s locker room. Lots of bravado, chest thumping, bragging, and outright lies. But I actually think it’s more like going camping and hanging around the campfire and getting drunk and then Billy decides to jump through the fire to get a few laughs and to show how “brave” he is.

Of course Wade can’t be outdone, so it’s “Hold my beer…”

The next thing you know Wade is naked from the waist down other than his boots, his ball hairs just got singed off, and he has a first or second degree burn on his sac.

That’s what the ‘Sphere is. Come to think of it, that’s pretty much what all of Twitter is.

“Dude! Hold my beer…”

The next time your favorite “guru” decides to run at the mouth, throw that phrase in front of whatever he said. See if I’m wrong. Check the replies too. Lot’s of guys telling other guys to hold their beers.

Keep this in mind when you decide if you want to believe in whatever shit they are shoveling.

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