Issues. I have issues, you have issues, we all have issues. I’m not talking about things like diabetes, stage four cancer, heart disease, or even something like high blood pressure. Those are issues. Those are things that if you don’t handle them, they will eventually handle you.
I’m talking about “other” issues. I’m talking about your receding hair. I’m talking about your scars on your body. I’m talking about your crooked teeth. I’m talking about your lack of height. I’m talking about your body hair, or your lack of it. These are the issues I’m talking about.
Guys, here’s the deal:
It will only be an issue for her, if it’s an issue for you. It’s not an issue unless you make it an issue.
As Jack Napier has said many times on Red Evenings, “it’s Story Time With Rob…” So here we go.
A little while back I met a woman. She’s smart, she’s energetic, she’s vivacious. She has kept her body in great shape. She knows how to make an entrance when she walks into a room. Everybody notices her when she does it. That’s how I noticed her.
This woman and I got to bantering, teasing, shit talking each other. We were flirting. The conversation moves and flows like it does, and at some point she started talking about her scars on her body. “I look like I’ve been cut in half,” is what she said to me. That’s a direct quote. Well, that picqued my curiosity. I had to know what a woman who had been cut in half looked like. I had images in my mind that made her look atrocious. I told her I wanted to see her scars, I wanted to know what they looked like, what she looked like, and so she showed me. She lifted up her shirt to expose her flat belly, and pulled down slightly on her jeans. And there they were. The Scars.
She has had an emergency hysterectomy when she was younger. If she hadn’t had it, she might well have not lived. So here’s this scar. Sure, it’s noticable, it’s definitely there. But you know what? It wasn’t a big deal to me. She definitely didn’t look like she had been “cut in half.” I believe my words to her were, “Oh. Is that it? That’s the big show? That all you got? I’ll be honest, I’m a little disappointed, I was expecting more.”
It wasn’t a big deal to me. In fact, if I had seen it before she had ever mentioned it to me, I don’t honestly know if I would have “seen” it. Same with some scar she had on her arm from…whatever. It was barely there and if she hadn’t pointed it out, I wouldn’t have noticed it.
Then she brought up her “laugh lines and crow’s feet.” She wants to get botox injections to get rid of them because they make her look “old.” Now, if she has an actual issue with something, by all means, do something about it. But I didn’t even notice those lines around her eyes and mouth until she pointed them out to me. Personally, I don’t know what she’s going on about, she looked perfectly fine to me. Beautiful in her own way.
Guys, it’s not an issue unless you make it an issue.
I used to be hung up about my receding hair. It was an issue for me. Every time I talked to somebody, especially an attractive woman, I always thought, “they aren’t looking at me, they are looking at my receding hairline.” And they were! Because I made it an issue. So what did I do? I shaved my head. That receding hairline issue? Yeah it went away immediately. Nowadays, I know they are looking at my bald head. What else are they going to look at? My feet? Their feet? Of course I’m bald, if I was any more bald, you would be seeing my skull.
I used to make my height, or lack of it, an issue. And so it was. Everybody noticed that I was short. It was an issue because I made it an issue. Nothing I can do about it though, so I let it go, I gave it up. I stopped worrying about it and making it an issue. So did everybody else. It’s funny to me now, I mention my height and people are like, “You’re not that short! You have to be at least 5’8!” That’s how people see me now. I guess I “walk tall” and carry myself tall.
Same with my teeth. They aren’t the straightest teeth in the world. I used to let that bother me, not enough to go and get braces or orthodontic work done, but enough that I wouldn’t do a lot of open mouth smiles. I’ve learned to let that one go too and not worry about it too much. You know what I hear a lot of? “You have a beautiful smile.”
Stop making things an issue. If you are a little bit overweight, it will only show up if you make it show up. If you are grossly overweight or morbidly obese, that is an issue. That is your health on the line right there. Do something about that.
Do you have a lot of body hair like I do? Own it. Trim it up or wax it if you must, but otherwise just own it. The women that show up in my life absolutely love the fact that I’m hairy. It turns them on. They love rubbing their hands in it and playing with it. It gets them purring.
Don’t have a lot of body hair? It’s not an issue unless you make it one. The women that will show up for you will like you as you are as long as you are good with you, as long as you are comfortable in your own skin.
So you can be a short, bald, hairy guy like me and still get a lot of attention from women, because your issues aren’t issues, or you can have your issues and the women will have issues with your issues. Stop getting in your own way. Stop “stepping on your own dick.”
Here’s a little fun thing I’ve observed over time:
Every woman I’ve met, every single one of them, has their own issues. Whether it’s stretch marks, scars, cellulite, laugh lines, crows feet, crooked teeth, thinning hair, moles and freckles on their bodies, small breasts, flat ass, too big of breasts, saggy breasts, too big of an ass, or…You name it. I think I’ve heard it all. Younger women are intimidated by older women who have “more experience,” and older women are intimidated by younger women because they are “younger, hotter, tighter,” and that they’ll be replaced by that younger woman.
So if women have all all these insecurities and hang ups, and they do, why are you intimidated by them? What is there to be afraid of? They are just as, if not more, insecure than you. They have their own issues, just like you do. Their issues and insecurities aren’t flaws, it just brings out their humanity. Just like your issues and flaws bring out yours.
When you stop making your shit an issue, they’ll stop making it an issue too.
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4 thoughts on “Issues”
[…] says, don’t worry about your issues and they’ll go away. I used to be extremely thin and assumed that women would hate it if I had a pot belly. Now I […]
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Truer words haven’t been spoken. Totally agree with the point of this post. Though, generally, guys typically get over issues like facial features and height early on in life, especially if they’ve been teased about it in middle and high school. All in all, solid post and look forward to reading more of your stuff!
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[…] I don’t care that women in general may find taller men more attractive and more desirable than a short guy like me. That just means that I have to work at it more. Yeah it sucks, but that’s life. I can’t do anything about being short, it’s totally out of my control, so I’m not going to worry about it and I’m not going to make an issue out of it. […]
[…] other insecurity you have, is your issue. And when you make something an issue, it will become an issue for […]