The Red Pill Ruined My Metal

guitarist of greyscale photo

I was a kid back in the ’80’s when I first got introduced to heavy metal/hard rock. My first heavy metal/hard rock album was Ozzy Osbourne’s “Bark At The Moon.” That was followed up soon after by Twisted Sister’s “Stay Hungry,” and Quiet Riot’s “Metal Health.” It was all downhill from there.

I’m sitting here, listening to Rainbow’s “Stone Cold” as I’m typing this. Goddamn you Red Pill, you ruined my fucking music. Yes, it’s sorta whiny. Yes, it’s sorta pedestalizing women. Oneitis is rampant in this song.

I can hear the dickhead’s on Twitter right now:

“LOOOOOOL!!!!! You fucken blue pill beta chump Ya lost ya framez pleighboi looser! Da joose iznt werth da sqeeuze dumass!!!! Pansy poosie!”

(Why is it you dumbasses don’t know how to spell “loser?” One “o” not two. If you are going to mock and ridicule me, that’s fine, but could you fucking learn how to spell? Is that asking for too much? Loser is you and looser is your ho of a girlfriend, get it straight.)

Where was I?

That’s right, the Red Pill ruined my Metal.

Wanna hear a great song? Try this one on for size. Oneitis? Check. Whiny? Yup. Bluepilled? All the way. Lovesick? God yes. Sappy? To the max. But god, it’s a good song. Good to get laid to.

I’m seeing a pattern here as I’m listening and writing. Both of these songs are sappy and melancholy to one degree or another. That’s it, I’m in a melancholy mood. And I’m okay with that. Yup, these two songs in particular are getting me right in “muh feelz.” Drinking probably isn’t helping either, but fuck it, why not.

Here’s another one for ya.

Are you digging it yet? No?

Okay. Let your ear canals feast on this one. Not really metal per-se. More like grunge if you want to split hairs. Come to think of it, I don’t know if this one is really “blue pilled” or not. Ah fuck it, it doesn’t matter.

While the Red Pill “ruined” my Metal, there is a silver lining to all of this:

You get over it.

You get over the fact that yes, most of the music you grew up and listened to, and you thought was phenomenal, is in fact, a lot of guys having oneitis over a woman. It’s a lot of guys pining over some woman that fucked them over in some way. Basically a lot of 80’s metal is country music with distortion and longer hair than their country counterparts.

But I’m getting distracted here and going off tangent.

Yes you realize that the Red Pill has ruined your music for you, for a little while at least, and then you get over it and get on with it. You are able to get back to enjoying the music, even if it’s a guy or a group of guys having oneitis over some chick they met. You get over the fact that the musician is putting his girl on a pedestal.

You get back to the fact that at least the musicians, for the most part, had some talent, and that the tunes were actually well done for their time. You get back to the good memories that you have from those songs. At least I do.

While Whitesnake’s “Is This Love?” is a sappy, blue-pilled, pedestalizing a woman, oneitis song, I can’t deny the fact that I had a lot of sex when I put that song on. I can’t deny that it has a great groove and a good bass line to it.

And when I’ve had my fill of 80’s hair metal with guys pining over some woman and putting her on a pedestal, there’s always my go-to palate cleanser:

Slayer.

That, and Pantera.

Or even late 80’s, early 90’s gangster rap like Ice-T, N.W.A., or Snoop Dogg.

That’ll remove any traces of blue-pill nonsense.

So yes, the Red Pill will “ruin” your Metal, at least for awhile, but then you’ll get over it and get back at it and enjoy the music for what it was meant to be:

Entertainment.

Sex.

Drugs.

And of course, Rock and Roll.

Turn your AC/DC up to 11. Pour out some booze for Ronnie James Dio and “Dimebag” Darrell, give the “twin horn salute,” and remember:

If it’s too loud, you’re too old.

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