Lost in the Shadows. Lost Boys. It ain’t just a movie anymore.
Decent vampire flick from back in the day, but I’m not talking about vampires. I’m talking about Men today, young and old alike, that are lost. So many lost men. Going down one maze after another, chasing both real and imaginary carrots to become, what? Anything? “A Real Man?”
You’ve sat at the knee of every woman of importance, and some that are not, for most if not all, of your lives. Asking, begging, demanding them to tell you what to do. How to be a Man. How to get the girls. How to be successful. How to have a quality life. How to be happy. How to… And the list goes on. And the women don’t know. And they sometimes, unintentionally for the most part, lie to you.
All the popular media, movies, music, and television shows, they lie to you as well. School lies to you and indoctrinates you. And most of the Men who you think knows something, well they are either absent, or they are just as lost and confused as you. Your religion lied to you somewhere too.
And one day, you got on the internet and started searching, looking for answers. You found some dudes on a social media platform like Twitter who seemed to know what the fuck was going on, so you started following them and doing what they told you. Same with the women, you started following them as well and doing what they told you to do too. The glossy photos, the well written pieces, you swallowed it all. Just like the kool-aid that the mainstream media sold you. And then the discrepancies started showing up. You found out people weren’t who they said they were. What they said and what they did didn’t match up. Do as I say, not as I do. Maybe they are just in it for a quick buck. Maybe they want something else from you, another agenda of theirs.
All you wanted was to know what to do, how to be.
I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you.
“What is the meaning of life? What do I do?” To do whatever you want. You get to decide. It’s up to you, because nobody gives a shit. That’s the good news.
“How do I do that?” You have to burn first. You have to fuck up and fall down, because nobody gives a shit. You have to trust and be betrayed. You have to be let down. You have to listen closely and pay attention. Those with an agenda of any sort will ultimately out themselves, but you have to listen and you have to take chances. Sometimes you’ll take some really bad advice from some straight up con artists, and sometimes it will be from someone who means well, but honestly, that advice just wasn’t for you.
The people in your life, your friends, your family, your co-workers, society at large, they all want you to “stay on the plantation,” or “get back on the plantation.” Why wouldn’t they? They are just as enmeshed, they are just as enslaved for the most part. Be a good plow-horse, be a good provider, “Man up and (fill in the blank here).” “A real man (fill in the blank here.) And if you don’t, (insert whatever guilt, shame, and fear tactics here.)
Somehow, some way, you found yourself here, reading this right now. Maybe you follow me on Twitter. Maybe you’re on my newsletter. Maybe you found me on YouTube one day. I don’t know how you got here, but here you are. Welcome. Glad you made it.
Maybe everything I’ve said so far, you already knew. Old news and all of that, right?
So here’s the deal:
Your life is your own. Stop looking for someone to tell you what to do, and decide for yourself what’s in your own best interest for you. You’re going to rock the boat. You’re going to fuck up and fall down. You’re going to burn. You’re going to piss people off. You’re going to be guilted and shamed. You’re going to lose friends and loved one’s over your choices. You may even be ostracized and cast out of your group, your community, your clubs, or whatever social venues you inhabit. You’re going to be the villain. You may even lose your job over it. And if and when you decide to follow your own internal compass, you’ll be doing it alone. I cannot and will not hold your hand, because you have to burn and I don’t give a shit. That’s the bad news.
You learned how to walk at some point while you were growing up. I imagine you didn’t get it right on the first try. I imagine you fell down a lot and ended up with some bumps and bruises, maybe even some stitches and scars. And yet you learned how to walk and you survived. Same for figuring out what you want and what life, your life, means to you.
Wanna bang ho’s and be a bachelor your whole life? Fine, do that. Wanna wife a woman up and have a gaggle of kids? Fine do that. Wanna go be a hermit and live on the mountain in a log cabin, far away from civilization, hunting, hiking, and living off the land? Knock yourself out.
Whatever you do, go do that. Just make sure that whatever it is you want to do, it’s actually what you want to do and not someone else’s idea. Think for yourself. Be willing to take risks, because risks are mandatory and required. You’re gonna have to burn.
There are no magic pills. There are no quick fixes. There are no short-cuts. There’s no easy way to do it and no easy way out. You’re going to have to do shit over and over again until you get it. Repetition. Trial and error. Don’t get caught up or hung up on the results, just play around with it. You’ll get discouraged. You’ll get disillusioned. You’ll get tired. You’ll even get bored sometimes. Welcome to it. Welcome to life. Welcome to the rest of your life.
Take chances and fall down. Skin your knees. Be willing to burn it all down and start over again. Because fuck it, you only live once.
Stop apologizing for your own existence. Stop walking on eggshells. Stop being a pussy. Stop waiting for the “perfect moment.” It doesn’t exist. Stop waiting on God to give you a “sign.” Maybe this is that sign? Fuck it, I don’t know, I’m not you. Stop with all the personality tests, systems, and magical bullshit telling you what’s ideal for you. Stop tiptoeing around other’s because you might offend them. Guess what? You will. There, I took the suspense out of it for you.
If someone says something that makes you feel good, like a quote, or a platitude? That’s a narcotic. You feel good, you copy it down, put it on the wall, regurgitate it back to your friends and family, get a pat on the head and you get a cookie for being a good boy. And you end up right where you are now. How’s that working out for you bud? Things that make you uncomfortable, piss you off, anger you, and agitate you? That’s where the money shot is. That’s what you should probably be paying attention to.
I know I just shit all over platitudes and quotes, but I do have one for you to mull over and think about:
“Yours isn’t to find yourself. You’re not lost. You’re right here. Yours is to create yourself.”
So fucking create yourself. Or don’t. Either way, nobody gives a shit.
Welcome to the rest of your life.
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One thought on “Say Hello To The Night…”
Great post Rob. So many men need this…
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