The Best Part Of Waking Up Is…

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Get that jingle out of your head now…

That you do.

So I’m waking up to the sound of singing birds. Birdsong. It’s nice really. I hear them outside the open window, it’s not quite dawn. There’s barely any purple in the sky at this time of morning. The birds are awake and they are singing. Always singing. It’s reassuring to hear them sing. Let’s you know that all is right in the world. At least for awhile. At least for now.

But what is it exactly that they are singing about? Are they singing a song of joy and happiness? Are they singing for their upcoming meal? Are they telling me, “Hey Rob! Wake up buddy! Rise and shine! It’s going to be a beautiful day!” Maybe. I’d like to think that that is what they are singing to me. As if they were actually singing to me. But they aren’t. No, as a matter of fact, I know what they are singing about:

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That’s what they are singing about. That’s what they are saying. And we, the stupid humans that we are, think it’s about something else.

Birds aren’t the only animals that sing a song of lust and sex. We do it too. Oh sure, we might be a little more coy about it, but stop and think for just a moment.

Why do you get out of bed every morning? Because I have to go to work, Rob. Duh.

But why do you have to go to work? Because I’ve got bills to pay, Rob. Duh.

And why do you have bills to pay? Because I bought X (a bunch of shit that I actually don’t need) Rob. Duh.

And why did you buy it? ……….

Do you really need that expensive suit/watch/car?

No. You don’t. But in your eyes, in your head, you need those things to “get da gurlz.”

And maybe you do need those things in order to “get da gurlz.” I don’t know, I’m not you.

Think about it:

Why do you live in your own house/condo/apartment? Freedom and independence, right? Sure. The freedom and independence so you can bang uninhibited and uninterrupted. It can be a bit challenging to have your hunny come over while Mom and Dad are right in the next room. And motels/hotels? Shit, those things get expensive over time. Doing it in the back of your piece of shit car? Riiight… She might do it once or twice, but not all the time, everytime. She’s going to want some privacy and something more comfortable than your backseat eventually.

I’ll be totally honest here, if I had NO sex drive whatsoever, I would have never moved out of my parent’s house. Why should have I? The rent was low (I’m not a total freeloader), Mom was there to fix the meals when she wanted to cook, and they both left me alone most of the time, so I could play video games, watch TV, and read a book in peace. But that ol’ pesky sex drive kept getting in the way…

It was difficult to date, never mind getting to the sex. Difficult to date because once she found out I was living at home with good ol’ Mom and Dad, she would raise an eyebrow and give me “The Look.” You guys know the look I’m talking about. She might as well have had a digital neon sign that said “LOSER” scrolling across it. Most dates ended shortly after that. Never mind getting to the sex, that wasn’t happening.

The ones that did get to the sex? Backseat of my car. Or when I was feeling extra spendy, a motel or hotel. But that shit was expensive, and that was a long time ago. I can’t even begin to imagine what they are running these days. Sure you could have sex outdoors/in public, that’s some good shit right there. But finding a woman adventurous enough to do it, and do it every time all the time when you have sex? That can be a tall order. Nothing wrong with outdoor/public sex, it’s one of my favorites, but not every woman I have been with felt the same way about it.

Okay, so we’ve established that you get up to go to work to finance your current fuck shack. Same with your snazzy car and all the other trappings that you buy and/or wear. Same with getting fit. Sure, there are health benefits to working out and eating right, but we are inherently lazy by nature. Don’t believe me? Go to a Walmart and look around. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.

What’s the point in working out and eating healthy so that you can live forever but not have sex? Let’s be honest here, we do it so we can “get da gurlz.” That includes married guys too. Whether it’s to woo your wife, or in a worst case scenario, it’s so you have options (i.e. other pussy) for when you press the button, nuke the marriage and file for divorce.

What else do we do for sex? In my opinion, everything.

Why do White Knights, white knight? In hopes that some random girl somewhere will read his virtue signalling post/tweet/page and will be so overcome by his virtuousness that she will seek him out, track him down, and fuck him.

Why do guys show off their bods on dating apps and instagram? In hopes that it attracts the Holy Vagina. And let’s not even talk about dick pics…

The list goes on and on. Why do Men create anything? Why did we build society? Why did we create and build widgets for women? Our big head thought up the ideas, but it was the little head that ultimately did the driving.

Why have a blog? Sure you can share ideas about whatever, but why share ideas if it doesn’t ultimately lead to sex at some point? Even if it is down the road and far in the future? Why build better technology and widgets if it doesn’t ultimately lead to the idea of potential sex? Other than to survive and live yet another day, why do anything at all? And if you are going to survive for yet another day, and there is absolutely positively no way you are going to have sex, not now, and not ever, then why bother?

What is romance? Sex. What is dancing? What is having a nice meal at a nice restaurant, other than survival? Sex.

Just had a completely random thought show up for me. What is Twitter? More specifically, what is a tweet? Refer back to the picture above.

Why do we express ourselves whether via text, video, or audio for that matter if it doesn’t lead to the possibility of sex down the road? Why even bother saying anything at all?

Women may do it (get online and whatnot) for the sex from time to time. Extremely rare, I know. I can tell you though, that it happens. Many of my short term relationships, one night stands, and even my marriage started out with us meeting online. Now mind you, I know that probably 99% of the time, they (women) are just seeking attention and validation. They want to know that they are still desireable. That they still have it going on. That 40 is the new 20. I get it. It’s that dopamine hit, that rush. And you thirsty orbiters keep falling for the bait. Every. Fucking. Time.

But then again, I’ve also been to the bars at last call, and the women who are still there and alone? Do the math.

When a woman wants to fuck you, she’ll let you know. She’ll make it real easy for you. All you need to do is not fuck up too much. Close your mouth before you stick your foot in it.

You haven’t had that happen to you? Are you sure? If you are sure you haven’t had that happen to you, I’m sorry. You’re missing out. I’m not trying to add salt to the wound or insult to injury here, but maybe you need to look in the mirror. Maybe it’s you.

The point is, we all get up and get out of bed and do the shit we do, so that we can ultimately have sex once in awhile. Yes, even the women. Sure, they may not want it as much, or need it as much as the guys, but they still want it. Let’s be honest ladies, would you rather go to work and slave over a spreadsheet/phone call/asshole customer/etc ad nauseum, or would you rather get fucked silly?

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