Tag: sex

What Online Dating Body Types Mean in 2020

Rob Says2 Comments
three women s doing exercises
This is “Thin” or “Athletic.”

I wrote a post about an experience I had with a friend of mine while at a couple of bars, and today I want to expand on that with some other observations and information.

The last time that I had seriously done “the bar thing” was over 20 years ago. Probably closer to 23 years ago. I started going back to the bar in late 2019/early 2020 before the pandemic hit and put that on pause. The bar I would go to had an eclectic mix of people and a wide demographic of ages.

Everything from the early 20-somethings up to the early to mid 60-somethings if I had to guess, was there. I’ll be honest and say right now that guessing someone’s age has never been my biggest strength. So there was roughly an equal ratio of men to women and the age groups were pretty much all represented at this particular bar.

The last bar that I went to though, the age demographic was almost entirely the early to mid 20-somethings. There might have been a few in their late 20’s and a very, very small handful of people in their early 30’s. Definitely what you would call the “college crowd.” And then there was me and my buddy, the two “old” guys in the bar.

I’ll be honest when I say I was a little hesitant to going to this particular bar. My buddy told me about it as he had been there a few times before and he really enjoyed it. “Lot’s of eye candy” as he put it. I was hesitant because I remember what it was like being in my mid 20’s and there was always “that one creepy old guy in the bar.” Everybody would look at him and roll their eyes and wrinkle their noses up at him. Girls would laugh and not in a good way. That guy was tolerated at best and pitied and avoided at worst. I definitely did not want to be “that guy.”

As things would have it though, I didn’t have to worry about it. Everyone was very friendly with me. I can see why for some of it. The bar was happy for the patronage and when you’re the “new guy” everybody is interested in you to one degree or another. Whether it’s intrasexual competition from the other guys in the bar, or it’s the possibility of an encounter with the women, you’re being sized up. Especially when you’re new.

Nobody had an issue with my buddy and me being there and honestly I didn’t care. Being comfortable in your own skin will do that. A couple of beers doesn’t hurt either.

So here’s what I’ve observed and don’t worry, I’m going to take these observations and apply them to online dating because they are applicable:

  1. Men and women as a whole are fatter now than 20 years ago. Applying this to online dating means that the category of “Average” today isn’t what “Average” of yesterday was. Average from 20 years ago meant that you were neither thin or fat. You were just, average. Kind of like Goldilocks and the Three Bears: Not too hot, not too cold, but just right. Average from yesterday doesn’t exist today, not anymore. Average today means you are fat. You may not be obese or morbidly obese, but you are fat. Think 20 pounds plus. There literally wasn’t any women that were like 5 pounds overweight. They were either thin (which I’ll get to next) or they were 20+ overweight.
  2. Thin women still exist. Most of the guys were thinner and in better shape than the women as well, compared to 20 years ago. Thank god for thin women since this happens to be my personal preference. There were plenty of skinny girls there, plenty of “eye candy” for me to see. I’ve seen plenty of women that would describe themselves as thin in online dating as well, they just aren’t the majority anymore.
  3. Athletic as a type definitely exists. I would consider it a “sub-category” to thin. The only major difference to me at least, is that athletic women tend to have more muscle definition and tend to be more toned. Otherwise they are thin, hence the “sub-category” classification.
  4. Lots and lots of tattoos on everybody for the most part. I have a lot of tattoos but the younger crowd is either giving me a run for my money or they have me beat hands down. Nothing wrong with this per se, just an observation. The women and the men who had no visible tattoos tended to stand out, that’s how many people have tattoos in the bar today.

I made a tweet a few days ago that has summed up my experience when it comes to online dating and “body types” or “body descriptions:”

Average = Fat

A Few Extra Pounds = Fat

Curvy = Really Fat

BBW = Really Fat with an extra dose of attitude

Thin = Thin (but only if there is a fully body shot, otherwise = Fat)

Athletic (see Thin)

This may be hilarious to some degree, but it’s true unfortunately. I’ve encountered far too many women who say they are “average” when it comes to their body type and I have to admit that it’s my fault for not actually seeing them that way. That’s because I was holding on to what “average” was 20 years ago. Average today is overweight. Curvy used to be what Madonna was back when she did “Lucky Star.” Think hourglass. Curvy today is obese. A few extra pounds 20 years ago, was a tiny bit of a tummy. A few extra pounds today is 20 pounds overweight. Not obese and definitely not morbidly obese, but definitely pushing into obese territory.

The one that I have the most conflict with today is Athletic. Athletic to me and probably to most guys is a person who has low body fat and has muscle definition and tone. I’ve seen women who say they are “athletic” and sure they are in a selfie pic at some gym somewhere, wearing a yoga top and yoga pants, but they are far from having an athletic body. A muffin top body isn’t athletic. Nor should counting that one time you went hiking over a year ago count as athletic. That’s why I say, full body shots in the pictures or they are fat.

I’m not saying any of this as a condemnation of women being overweight. I’ve dated plenty of women over the years who genuinely were “a few extra pounds.” There’s nothing inherently wrong with that. But “a few extra pounds” was just that. 5 or 10 extra pounds at the most.

If we are going to keep the body types “honest” with today’s standards and averages, there should be only 2 choices with one possible sub-category:

Thin or fat. There’s no need to have an “average” category anymore since “average” as it once was doesn’t exist. The sub-category would be “athletic” and that would only be applicable if you were actually “thin” first.

There’s no need for a “curvy,” “a few extra pounds,” or “BBW” anymore, since it’s all basically just one degree of fat or another. Actually, I’ll take that back. There should still be a BBW category. That’s because most of the women that I have encountered that identify as “BBW” also tend to be the most entitled and have the most bitter of attitudes. At least the bigger girls who didn’t consider themselves to be BBW had more pleasant demeanors and personalities.

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The Ultimate Goal

Rob SaysLeave a comment

Screenshot_20200728-090239 (2)

“Is the ultimate goal of an older man to get so set in his life that there’s nothing consequential a woman can add to his lifestyle except herself?” – Dr. Lucas Bly

YES.

I saw a tweet the other day and it got me to thinking. When I was younger, back in my 20’s and even through my 30’s and into my very early 40’s, I always thought that I needed or even wanted a woman to be able to somehow “contribute” to my lifestyle. I wanted her to be able to “bring something to the relationship,” something that I either needed or wanted. Something that I was lacking.

Let me tell you right now, that way leads to disappointment and potentially to misery. Women are a compliment to your life, as Rollo is fond of saying, and I agree. You need to “have a life” though and your life itself can’t be about her.

I don’t mean that you can’t have women in your life and that if you do, the only thing that they will be able to offer is sex. You can and you will, if you put yourself out there, find women who have more to offer than just sex. But you need to “have a life” first. A life that regardless if she is in it or not, you are good. You are good with your life and where and how it is going. She has nothing to do with that.

Sometimes the most consequential thing a woman can bring to a man’s life is nothing more than herself. This isn’t pedestalization, this is simply man and woman dynamics at play. It doesn’t make her a princess or a special snowflake, but when she is in your life, for however long she is in your life, she adds to it. There is more being brought in than if she wasn’t there. But at the same time, you are good without her being there.

Part of my lifestyle is that I have my finances in order. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m completely debt free, because I’m not, but it does mean that whether there is  a woman, or more than one woman in my life, my finances will not suffer. I do not rely on her to pay any of my bills. I do not need her as a roommate to contribute to my mortgage. If I’m involved with women, my debts aren’t hers and vice versa. She gets to figure out how she is going to get herself out of the hole she has dug for herself. Her debts are not my problem.

My life is in order so whether women show up, leave, stick around, flake, ghost, or do anything else, I’m good. They can be in my company and we’ll have a great time for as long as that lasts, or she can go and do something else with somebody else. Either way I’m good.

Getting “set in life” doesn’t mean that you have become crystallized and are an immovable block of granite with no room to grow and to change or to enjoy things with a woman, or to enjoy her herself. It doesn’t mean that you don’t feel anything either. It just means that you have most if not all of your affairs in order and that no matter what happens, no matter who comes into your life, and no matter who leaves your life, you will ultimately be okay.

Living this way is not only reassuring to me, which is the most important reason for doing it, but it takes pressure off of her as well. You don’t need her for anything, so you don’t have an air of desperation about you. There are no covert contracts going on. In many ways, you can “just be yourself.”

I’ve played house twice in my life so far. The first time was my marriage, which lasted for a total of seven years, and the second time was a long term, live-in girlfriend which lasted for about four years. Both times I had the basic finances covered. The house and the mortgage are both in my name and my name alone. I make enough money to pay that and all of my utilities plus a few luxury expenditures as well as leaving enough behind to save up for a rainy day. Anything monetarily that I woman brings to me as far as our relationship goes, is gravy. I’m willing to let her spend money on me, but I don’t need her to and I’ve never become dependent on a woman for that.

I figured that one out for myself back in my mid-thirties, so it’s been over a decade that I’ve been living with that “blueprint.” It has not steered me wrong. I’ve had a bunch of casual and short term relationships as well as the two longest relationships of my life under the same roof, and when all of those relationships ended for one reason or another, I’ve come out fine in the end.

When I love women, I love them hard. I go all in. I don’t hold anything back. I guess that is the romantic in me, or the somewhat artistic side of me coming out. That doesn’t mean that I lose my mind and start doing stupid shit, but that also doesn’t mean that I need them or that I’m going to do something as foolish as take on their debt or sign up for more debt with them. Loving them hard and my fiscal decisions about my own life have nothing to do with each other. They are two completely seperate categories and as far as I’m concerned, they are mutually exclusive. I can love deeply, feel things profoundly, and I can also say that my life is in order enough and intact enough that if and/or when she leaves, I’ll be just fine.

So to answer that question that was asked, “Is the ultimate goal of an older man to get so set in his life that there’s nothing consequential a woman can add to his lifestyle except herself?”

The answer is yes.

There is ideally nothing consequential that a woman can bring to my lifestyle except herself, and honestly, that’s enough for me. That’s why I happen to like women and I keep going after them.

It’s more than enough.

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Lust, Sex, And Corona

Rob Says1 Comment

mona lisa protection protect virus

Since the beginning of the pandemic, women have been staying in their homes, which isn’t too surprising as the majority of women are risk assessors and tend to follow the herd. Since the bars closed down in mid-February, meeting eligible and willing women became, let’s say, a helluva task.

So I had to resort to Online Dating yet again. Ah yes, online dating. You love to hate it. Red Pill Dad on Twitter got me to see the light and get off it, and yet, here I am, back on it, like a junkie relapsing.

February, March, April, and May were all busts. Completely. Not a lot of matches and the ones that did match were bored and scared. I couldn’t get one of them, not ONE, to come out of the house and meet me face to face.

You see, when it comes to the idea of Game, I look at it as nothing more than getting a woman to show up to have sex. Game is about getting laid. Nothing more, nothing less. I’m sure different guys will have different opinions about what Game is or isn’t, but to me, that’s the literal definition of Game.

Getting women to give you their phone number is great, but it’s only first step in ultimately getting to sex. Texting with them and even calling them and talking with them is just more steps to getting them out of the house and into your bed.

Here’s how I do my version of online dating:

I start off by “carpet bombing” a lot of women. I “like” or “swipe right” on a lot of different girls. I don’t generally bother reading their profiles because, let’s be honest, the majority of them are cut and paste and are pretty much all the same. I look at their pictures and if I like what I see, I swipe right. Then I move right on to the next profile and I’ll do this until I either run out of options or I get busy or bored, whichever comes first.

Then I’ll see what shows up.

Once I get a match, then I’ll actually take the time to read their profiles and see what I can gather from it. I look at the usual suspects: Age, height, weight, location, kids, and so forth. From there I’ll craft my intro text. I tend to keep it short, sweet, and to the point. I also try and inject some humor into it.

For me, whenever a woman shows any interest in me, “it’s on.” I start to banter, flirt, joke, and gently tease. I tend to not do “hard negs” because 99 out of 100 women are walking bundles of insecurity and I don’t need to add to that. I tend to look for things where I can bust on her co-workers or her roommates, or her boss, or maybe some of her friends. I try and create an atmosphere of “us against them.”

If she “shit-tests” I either ignore it completely as if she didn’t say anything, or I’ll “agree and amplify” it.

My whole goal during these interactions is to get her out of the house and in front of me, face to face. My mindset is that I’m an awesome Man and once she meets me she’ll want to be with me. If I can get her out of the house and in front of me, she’s mine.

Texting on the dating apps is fine for a moment, but the sooner I can get her phone number, the better. I don’t waste my time with getting her IG account or any of that nonsense. A woman who gives you her IG instead of her phone number isn’t interested in you other than you becoming an orbiter on her social media. Move on.

Sometimes I’ll ask for her number, sometimes I give her mine first, and sometimes they’ll give me theirs unsolicited. Different guys will have different takes about this, but I honestly think you should do whatever feels natural and whatever works in that moment with that particular woman.

Here’s a screenshot from a recent example:

Screenshot_20200720-160444_LI (2)

This woman and I matched on a Sunday evening and we started bantering and she ended up giving me her phone number unsolicited.

I texted her in the morning and we bantered briefly and by Monday as I was leaving work, I decided to call her, which for me, is the next step to getting her out of the house. We ended up talking for three hours. Not what I had initially planned, but sometimes you have to adapt and improvise and roll with it. She all but asked me to come to her house. Being that it was Monday evening and I was wiped out from work, I declined at that time and set up a date for the upcoming Thursday night.

While I was talking to texting with her, I had also matched with my Goth girl that I mentioned that I wanted to meet in a prior post.

Here are some screenshots of her and I texting one another:

Screenshot_20200717-121915

Notice the “shit-test.” How do you think I handled it? Here’s how:

Screenshot_20200717-121935

Not very creative, I know. The point is though, if my age is going to be an issue, it’s either going to be an issue now or later. I would rather it be now than later and not waste any more of my or her time.

Here’s what she said:

Screenshot_20200717-122003

As I said in the screenshot, I knew she was 28. Obviously me being 48 wasn’t an issue for her either. She had more to say though:

Screenshot_20200717-150313

So now she’s qualifying herself to me.

I matched up with Goth Girl a couple of days before the other woman and I was conversing with both of them at the same time. I had gotten their phone numbers and I had talked to both of them on the phone. Remember what I said earlier:

My goal is to get them out of the house and meet me face to face. If I can get them to meet me face to face, she’s mine.

I had made a date to meet Goth Girl on Tuesday and the other woman on Thursday. Not too shabby. Except on Monday, Goth Girl cancelled and I knew that she would. You do this stuff long enough, and you start to see patterns and when certain things like flaking or cancelling become predictable.

When Goth Girl cancelled, I turned right around and texted the other woman to see if she was available for Tuesday night. Turns out she was. Turns out she came over after work and spent the night with me. She did this all without meeting me face to face and only seeing a handful of photos and hearing my voice on the phone.

I say this not to brag, but to show you what is possible. Can a woman meet you at your own place and climb into your bed without actually meeting you somewhere else beforehand? Absolutely. Was it because I was running tight fucking game or was it because I was the “right guy at the right place at the right time?”

Don’t care. Got laid.

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