What Are You Waiting For?

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What if you gave yourself permission to succeed?

You’ve chosen your direction, you’ve decided where you want to go, you’ve even decided when you want to go. And yet, you still stall and stay put.

What’s stopping you? Whose permission are you waiting on?¬†

Mom and Dad? Your boss? Your significant other? Who?

If you are sitting around waiting for someone to give you permission, I’ve got news for you.

You’ll be waiting a long time before that permission is granted. If ever.

What if the permission you’ve been waiting around for is only available from you? What would happen if you gave yourself permission to do whatever it is that you want to do? What would happen?

Do you think you would be able to go on with your life and do the things you want? Do you think you would be able to say the things you want? Do you think you just might have the relationships, both intimate and platonic, that you want?

Sitting around waiting for permission. Do you realize that you could sit around your entire life waiting for that permission? And it never comes?

Stop waiting around for someone else’s permission. If you have to ask someone else, the answer is usually going to be NO.

When I started this blog back in late 2016, I didn’t really give myself permission to do what I’m doing now. I didn’t take the blog seriously. I didn’t know for sure what direction that I was going to go. I hid behind an avatar and tried to stay as anonymous as possible about it.

I hid it from my friends, family, co-workers, everybody. Even myself at some times.

All through 2017 I was sporadic with posting on this blog. I would go months and months without posting a single thing, and then I would have a flurry of activity for a month or so, only to go back to nothing on end for a longer time period.

It wasn’t until late January of this year, 2018, that I decided to get serious about my blog. I decided I was going to post at least once a week. So I started doing that. I gave myself permission. I soon realized that I enjoyed what I was doing and that it was starting to create a response, so I upped it to twice a week. I gave myself permission to do that.

I then decided to change things up on Twitter. When I first started my Twitter account, it was an anonymous account with an anonymous avatar. Mostly I just trolled people and surfed nonsense. Most of the people I followed at that time had nothing of value to offer to me, and the same could be said of me to them.

I changed that up in February of this year and decided to go with my own name and changed my avatar to an actual picture of me. I dumped almost my entire list of who I was following and started over. Best decision I could have made. I gave myself permission.

The blog started getting some decent traffic on its own, I started following some really interesting and influential people on Twitter and things started to get clearer for me.

I gave myself permission to be me and start saying the things that I needed to say. And people started responding.

My Twitter feed is full of value now. I enjoy getting on and seeing what is going on there. I’m having conversations of impact with men and women that I respect. I’m learning things about myself, about them, and about life in general. I gave myself permission to have all of this.

I decided at the end of March of this year to start an e-mail list. I wanted to be able to interact with more people on a more personal level. To be able to share even more intimately than I do on this blog. Best decision I’ve made to date on that one. When I first started the e-mail list, I figured I would have it be a weekly or bi-weekly thing. That lasted a whole two weeks. Then I decided to make it a daily thing. From that time forward, I haven’t missed a single day of sending out something to my list.

That list continues to grow. My subscribers have become even more engaged with me. Man, it’s been awesome.

I was worried initially that doing a daily e-mail would be too annoying and spammy. Then I decided to hell with it, gave myself permission to do it anyway, and now I’m doing it.

Then I decided to resurrect my YouTube channel. I decided to start creating content there as well as here on my blog and on my e-mail list. I gave myself permission to do that as well.

My subscriber count there is nothing to brag about, but it’s starting to grow there as well. And I’m grateful for those that have subscribed, it tells me that they are finding something of value there as well.

I wondered and worried for a minute that I would run out of time, or worse that I would run out of things to say on all my different platforms. So far that hasn’t happened. I make the time to say the things I want to say for each platform that I want to say it on and I give myself permission to not worry so much about what I’m going to say.

Giving myself permission to not worry about what I’m going to say next has been huge. Now things show up. Sometimes I feel like I’m talking out my ass, not sure where I’m going to go with it, and that’s okay. It ends up going where it needs to go. I gave myself permission to let it go where ever it needs to go and let it end up being what it needs to be.

If I can do all of this while holding down a full time job with 50 hour workweeks sometimes, a part time side gig, a full time live-in relationship that just keeps getting better and better, and still find time to do stuff just for me, as well as doing a decent amount of self care and getting enough sleep, what do you think would be possible for you if you just gave yourself permission to do it?

 

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My Cats Send Their Regards

Let me tell you a story. It starts everyday when I get home from work. The long haired Maine Coon hybrid, his name is Nermal, is waiting for me, like a dog, at the top of the stairs. He’s so excited to see me. He’ll start crying and meowing as I’m locking up the door. He’ll cry and meow as I’m walking up the stairs. He’ll meow and reach up and put his front paws on my leg as I reach the landing. He wants me to pick him up, which is no little thing, considering he’s about 20 lbs of cat. So I’ll pick him up and carry him into the kitchen and I’ll rub his head as I’m doing it. He’ll push back against my hand and his motor will be running the whole time. His purrs are very loud.

Kubuki, my tuxedo cat, will come out from behind the stereo entertainment system, or out from under the kitchen table, or out from under the couch, where ever she has been hanging out, and she’ll cry and start rubbing up against my legs, begging to be petted.

This routine happens every day. From what the girlfriend tells me, Nermal will start meowing and crying when I leave the house. He’ll either go down the stairs and cry at the door, or he’ll sit on the landing and do it. Apparently he’ll do this for quite some time. My girlfriend has tried to shut him up, distract him, try to get him to come to her during my absence, all to no avail. I guess my cats are devoted to me.

Later in the evening, or during a lazy weekend at home, when ever my girlfriend or I try to sit on the couch with our laptops, the cats come along and want to be front and center. They will sit right on the laptop itself, right while you are typing whatever it is that you are typing. We can push them off and two minutes later, they are back. They will try to force themselves either on us, or in between us while we are relaxing in the living room.

The only “peace” we get from them is when we go to bed at night, and that’s only because the bedroom is a “cat free zone” because we shut the door at night. Even then, Nermal especially, will sit outside the door and do this guttural, weird, “meow howl.” He is going “feral” as I call it. I can open the door and tell him to shut up. That only encourages him. I can use a spray bottle filled with water and hose him down. I’ve done that many many times. All it has done is get him to move out of range. He’s a smart bastard.

What is the point of this story? I’ve realized that I have learned many lessons from my cats. The lesson I’m illustrating here is Persistence. My cats are nothing but persistent. They will have their way eventually. They are pretty patient about it too. Nothing deters them from getting what they want. They want to be on me? It WILL happen. Sooner or later, it will. What does this have to do with anything?

It is about EVERYTHING. Everything you do, you must be persistent. You want to get in better shape because you let yourself go? Persistence. You didn’t get fat overnight, you ain’t gonna lose it overnight either. You want to make more money? Again, persistence. You’re going to have to get up and get your ass out there. You’re going to have to hustle.

Want to start your own business? Persistence again. When you first come up with an idea, it’s awesome. You are full of piss and vinegar, ready to take on the world. You’ve done some research and found something that you would like to do, and so you do it. You build a website, you get your license to do whatever it is that you want to do. You get your tax I.D. You even find some product or service to sell, whatever that is and then…..

Nothing happens. No customers are banging down your door to buy whatever it is that you are offering. So you place some ads, you tweet your shit on twitter, you post on facebook a bunch of times, you take an ad out on Craigslist. And still nothing.

This is where persistence is key. You HAVE to keep going. Otherwise your business will fail before it had a chance, before it even got off the ground. This is the part you DON’T hear about on YouTube videos or on some course that you bought on the internet. This is where it becomes WORK.

Persistence is getting up at o’dark thirty everyday, rain or shine, and going to the gym. Persistence is when you don’t see any results at all, but you keep hammering at it anyway. Persistence is when you have faith that something, sooner or later, will happen. Persistence is when you go out chasing women and you get blown out. And you WILL get blown out. But maybe, just maybe, that next one will say yes to your invitation. You won’t know until you go after it. One thing I do know is if you quit, you WON’T be getting that woman that is right in front of you.

Persistence is getting your ass out of bed every day to go to work. Especially when you don’t want to. Persistence is writing another e-mail, another blog post, making another phone call, crafting another tweet, posting another picture on IG. All when you are the only one that is reading them or looking at them. All when everybody doesn’t read that post, doesn’t answer that call, or hangs up on you.

Persistence is pushing ever forward even when you sometimes want to give up and watch Netflix.

Think about your kids if you got them, or how you may have been as a kid. When you and your family went on a road trip, what did the kids do the most? “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?” That was me as a child. I’d say it so much my Dad would get pissed off and say, “Don’t make turn this car around!” And then I would say it again for good measure. That’s persistence.

Look at these two lovelies:

How can I say no to that?

Persistence is work. You have to keep at it everyday. Even when it seems pointless and stupid. Even when you don’t want to. Especially when you don’t want to.

“But I’m tired!” Yeah? Me too. Cry me a river. I’ll get plenty of sleep when I’m dead.

As a final note, my cat’s both sleep with one eye open. There’s a lesson there too, but that’s for another day. ūüėČ

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20 Thoughts on Life

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1. Rule #1.STFU. Not everybody wants to hear what you are saying. Say less than needed. Don’t volunteer more than asked for.
2. There’s always someone bigger, better, and badder than you. You keep acting the fool, and one day someone WILL show up and kick your ass.
3. If you’re a man, you have to prove yourself. Showing up and expecting something for nothing isn’t going to happen. You have to earn your keep. Which leads to:
4. Stop being a bitch. You know what’s worse than listening to a woman cry and whine? A man crying and whining.
5. If you work for somebody else, you can either be a prick or a fuck up, but you can’t be both. If you are a fuck up, but you get along well with others, you can usually get a pass. If you are a prick, you better be bringing your A game. All the time, every time. Your shit had better be tight. Spotless and flawless. Perfect basically.
6. Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy? Usually the two don’t go hand in hand. Take your pick and then deal with it.
7. A husband that takes his wife’s last name isn’t a man. He’s soy.
8. Stop pedastalizing your women. They are just chicks. They do stupid shit too. Which brings me to the next point:
9. Stop walking around on eggshells around your women. Stop being afraid of pissing them off. What? Afraid you aren’t going to get that good, golden pussy? There’s other women, and pussy is pussy. It all feels the same physically when you are up inside them.
10. Being good at being a man isn’t the same thing as being a good man. One is amoral, the other is moral. When the shit hits the fan, it’s better to be good at being a man than being a good man. Morality is a luxury for the most part. When the perimeter is secure, then the moralizing can begin. (Jack Donovan)
11. Don’t wish it was easier, wish you were better. (Rollo Tomassi)
12. Give credit where credit is due.
13. Reality just IS. It doesn’t give a shit about what you think it “ought” to be.
14. Most people would rather hear pretty lies than the truth. Which brings me to the next point:
15. Everybody lies. Everyone. No exceptions. You may not lie to others, but somewhere at sometime, past, present, or the future, you either have or will lie to yourself. Don’t do that.
16. Happiness isn’t an end goal to be pursued. It’s a byproduct of you doing things. Stop chasing happiness as if it was a static state, it isn’t. It comes and goes.
17. Thoughts are just thoughts. Feelings are just feelings. Are you in control of them, or do they control you? Either way, the external world (i.e Reality) goes on just the same as before. See 13.
18. Stop giving a fuck so much. You only have so many fucks to give in this life, make them count, otherwise you’ll drive yourself, and everyone around you batshit crazy.
19. Men and women aren’t equal, they are complimentary to each other.
20. Don’t argue with idiots. You’ll only be wasting your breath and your time. You can’t fix crazy, and you can’t fix stupid.

For 20 more thoughts on life, go here.

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