Tag: men and women

The Relationship That I Don’t Want

Rob SaysLeave a comment

photo of couple hugging during dawn

I’m not sure if I wrote about this particular topic or not, so I went back and revisited some of my old posts, mostly around the time that my Mother died. I couldn’t find what I was looking for, so I’m going to go over it here. If you guys out there reading this have seen this before, my apologies for rehashing old news. (Oh, and if I did go over it, drop me a comment pointing me to where I talked about this, thanks in advance.)

Right after my Mother died, my Father and I had a real genuine, man-to-man talk about his and her relationship. He shed some light on it for me that was truly eye opening. I had imagined that they were together out of “true love.” Not that bullshit, blue-pill “The One Soul Mate” shit that’s part of well, everything, but that they genuinely really loved each other.

Turns out that wasn’t the case. My Mom divorced my Dad when I was around eight years old or so, and long story short, they got back together when I was eighteen and remarried each other when I was twenty or twenty one. They were by each other’s side until the day she died. That’s where I figured that they really loved one another. Don’t get me wrong, I know they loved each other, but as my Dad told me:

“There was no love lost between me and your Mother.”

“Why did you stay with her then?”

“Because it was cheaper to keep her.”

Those are exact quotes.

Because it was cheaper to keep her. My Dad was more concerned about his “stuff,” his possessions than truly living his life on his own terms. I don’t fault my Dad. He’s a baby boomer that has pretty much drank all of the Kool-Aid when it comes to life.

Those words keep ringing in my ears. It was cheaper to keep her.

My Dad now has another relationship with another woman, and she’s a good woman. They seem to get along pretty well and both seem content with one another. I’m happy for the both of them. And yet, what I’m seeing is my Dad recreating the same relationship that he had with my Mother. This woman is…Okay. I think my Dad has a scarcity mentality going on. Maybe it’s his age. Maybe it’s his generation, I don’t know.

All I do know is that I don’t want the relationship that he has and that he had. If that is what life is truly about, if that is what relationships are truly about, then I want nothing to do with them. I would rather be alone. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than live like that.

The thing is, I know that’s not how life is and that relationships have to be that way, they don’t have to be that way because I’m living it, I’m living proof that there is “another way.” He’s even met two of my girls. He has witnessed “how I roll.” And over the last year, I’ve tried to gently explain all of this to my Dad. Consider it me dropping little red-pill nuggets on him from time to time when the discussion of his or my dating life comes up. He doesn’t want to hear it though, and that’s the hard part. I get to watch him burn.

Who am I to tell him what to do and how to live his life though? He’s happy enough with how his life is and with what he has, so I just smile and nod and go with the flow and let it go.

He thinks what I’m doing when it comes to “spinning plates” is absolutely crazy. He thinks I should date women my own age. He thinks a lot of outdated things when it comes to women and relationships. That’s okay though. He can think whatever he likes and I don’t mind when he offers me dating advice, even if it is quaint, out of date, and honestly, at least for me, just plain wrong. He can do him and I’ll do me.

Oh Dad, if only you could see what I see. If only you could see through my eyes. You might change your mind about damn near everything. But you can’t see through my eyes. You can’t read my mind. And the few times I’ve tried, you’ve turned a blind eye and a deaf ear on what I have said. That’s okay though Dad, I don’t fault you or blame you, you just get to burn is all. You do you, Dad, and I love you anyway.

Dad, you are so smart and so wise when it comes to many, many things. I thoroughly enjoy sitting with you, at the kitchen table, in the back yard, down in the basement, and at the car shows, listening to you dispense your wisdom about vehicles, home repair, even fixing meals. But I have to draw the line with you. I have to draw the line when it comes to women. Dad, I know I’m no “expert” when it comes to women, far from it. But I do know that I have more experience with women than you have or will ever have. Even if I swear off women today, right now, and never deal with them again, I know more about them than you ever will.

I know for a fact that I do not want the relationships that you have created for yourself when it comes to women. I won’t settle. I won’t. There’s too many of them out there. There’s just too damn many of them and not enough time. I may choose to see women of all age groups, including women in my own age group, but that will be because that is what I choose. Not because that is what I “should” do, or “ought” to do. I’ll follow my own path when it comes to women. It’s okay if you don’t understand why I’m doing what I’m doing, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart that you don’t press the issue, even if you think I’m absolutely crazy. Because I’m not, Dad. I’m not crazy. I know what I’m doing. Thank you for trusting me on how I choose to live my life, even if you don’t agree with me. It’s totally okay that we can agree to disagree.

I firmly believe that we create or find the relationships that we grow up watching. I know I did that for many years. What I saw that my parents had, well, that’s what relationships are about. That’s how they just are. But that’s not the case though. Not to sound like some “New Age” bullshit artist, but you really can create the relationships you want. You just have to have the balls to do it. You just have to literally take it.

You want kinky, horny women in your life? All women are like that. They really are. You just have to “expect” it. It’s just a normal part of life, a normal part of your life. If you think it’s possible and normal, then it is. If you think it’s all bullshit and not possible, you’ll be right on that one too. If you think women are goofy, fun spazzes, they are. If you think they are cold-hearted and “out to get you,” they are that too. They are and will become whatever you see and think about them. They “reflect” back you. I don’t know how to explain it other than that.

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Be Approachable

Rob SaysLeave a comment

black chimpanzee smiling

Here’s something I’ve noticed recently:

Lately I’ve been in contact with quite a few women. Some of them online, and some of them when I’m out and about. The really interesting thing is, they’ve all said something similar:

“You’re approachable.”

It got me to thinking. Why wouldn’t I be? My whole goal, my mission as it were, is to live life as fully as I can. In order to do that, I need to connect with people. Aaron Clarey got it right when he said something along the lines of, “people are the most important thing.”

They are. People are the most important thing. Not your money, not your clothes, or your house, or your car, but people.

Another interesting thing:

The women that I’ve interacted with online? Most of them have approached me first. Literally “slid into my DM’s,” or reached out via other online means.

Some of the women are on Twitter. They’ve been hanging around the circles that I run in, watching us guys talk shit to one another. Taking a peek in the “locker room,” if you will.

I got some feedback from them that I found interesting, but not surprising:

Most of the guys that they observe, they take those guys at face value. Whatever you are saying online, they are taking as gospel truth. So when you have a sperg moment and go full retard, they are assuming that’s who you are. “Spergs and retards, spergs and retards.” Sorry, had a tune in my head for a moment there. (Damn you Aaron!) All the anger and all the bitterness towards women? They see it and that’s who you are to them. Angry, bitter, and sometimes scary dude.

So yeah, when you are coming across as “Mr. Alpha” with a capital A, they are assuming that’s who you are, but before you start patting yourselves on the back, consider what image you are projecting.

Are you “hard core Mr. Alpha” who drinks Drano, snorts powered glass, eats razors and shits barbwire? That’s who you are to them. Are you so hard core that the last time you laughed was, well, never? That’s what they see. Are you the ultimate “hard to kill, badass warrior of warriors?” Understand this, women like guys who can take care of business, protect themselves and ultimately protect their women as well, but they also like a guy who is laid back and can laugh and tell a few jokes. A guy who can smile and not take himself so goddamn seriously.

A guy that is approachable.

Why did they reach out to me? Because I’m approachable. I don’t take myself too seriously, or anyone else for that matter. I’m quick to laughter and I’ll tease and clown on you from the word go. That’s just how I roll. Especially with women.

I mentioned something along the lines of, “I’ll have you laughing your pants off all the way to the bedroom,” to one of these women. She came back with, “Yeah, I really don’t understand why that’s not a bigger subset of advice for guys on here. Getting a chick to laugh..They are leaving a lot of pussy on the table.”

Relax for a minute guys, I can already here you now: “Rob! Don’t take dating advice from da wimmin!”

I get you, I get you. It’s not dating advice though, it’s just the truth. What I lack in height, money, looks, all of that shit? I make up for in teasing, bantering, and humor. I’m not patting myself on the back or bragging, but I’m not kidding when I’ve said that “I can have you laughing your pants off all the way, right into the bedroom.” I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again. In many cases, it’s one of my “signature moves.”

Guys it’s okay to be the “ripped/jacked warrior of warriors of all time.” You can be “hard to kill, straight from the ‘hood,” for all I care. You can shit razors, shower in ice water that you got from your own veins, and you could have a “1000 yard death stare” all from the massive body count that you stacked up almost as high as your money pile is, but if you aren’t approachable, good luck. Like the woman that I mentioned earlier said, “You are leaving a lot of pussy on the table.”

That being said, you’re still going to have to do the work. You are still going to be the one doing the approaching 9 out of 10 times if I had to guess. But that one time? Or maybe even 2 times? She’s doing a little of that work for you. Doesn’t mean you get to fuck off and step on your own dick, but she’s giving you a chance, why not take it?

Guys that are too serious, both online and in real life? Yeah, there’s a term for that. It’s called a “stick in the mud.” I’ve seen plenty of guys online that I would consider sticks in the mud. I’ve met a few guys like that in real life too. Always too serious. Always have the weight of the world, or at least the West, on their shoulders. What a buzzkill. What a downer. What a drag. What a “stick in the mud.” Another term I’ve seen that is applicable and is thrown around quite a bit too, is “caricature.” Hmmm….

Don’t be that guy.

Show people, not just women, that you are approachable. Smile once in awhile. I promise your face won’t shatter and it won’t kill you to do it. Be able to laugh and be quick to laugh, even at yourself sometimes. I do that all the time, otherwise I just get to burn. Tease, banter, play, goof around. It’s okay to be a clown once in awhile.

“But Rob! Nobody will take me seriously!”

You’re right, nobody will take you seriously.

Newsflash: Nobody cares.

I definitely won’t take you seriously, especially when you are being a stick in the mud. So who cares? The world is too goddamn serious as it is.

Remember what I said a while ago:

Nobody gives a shit. So why should you?

Instead of being Chad Thundercock, the black coffee drinking, cold shower taking, kill a million guys with a five finger death punch, maybe you could just be…Approachable?

But fuck me, right? What do I know?

Better yet, you keep doing you bud, that just means there’s more for me. You get to burn.

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Do You Even “Like” Women? Part 2

Rob Says3 Comments
woman sitting on bench
Got Your Fucking Attention, Didn’t I?

Larryzb commented on my post: Of course, the question arises: Do women even know how to love men these days? Have you taken that one up previously?

And I responded with: My experience recently is that they can and do, just not in ways that we as Men want or expect.

Now that I think about it, I haven’t taken this one up previously. So I’m going to give my two cents on it now.

My response is what I have seen, and yes, I’m ripping off Rollo. Why? Because he’s right. Women can’t love men the way we as men want them to. For a lot of years, most of my life even, I’ve wanted women to love me the way that I love them. Idealistically. Passionately. Even fatalistically. I wanted them to take a bullet for me. I wanted them to cry to me their undying love for me. I wanted them to kill themselves for me. Because at least for me, back in the day, I would have done all of that for them. And more.

Pathetic? Yes. Sad? Yes. Sad but true. And then I woke up.

Women will never be able to love us the way that we want them to. That doesn’t mean that they can’t love us. They can only love us how they love us. That’s a shitty answer, I know. It’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth. And I know that it’s a kind of circular answer too. They can only love us how they love us. Guys, I’m not a woman, and I can’t read their minds. I don’t know “how” they love us per se, only that they do.

For me, I’m big on affection. I like to touch and be touched. I’m sure there’s a “system,” or a book somewhere that will happily label whatever that means. Oh! Well Rob, that means you’re…

I don’t give a fuck. I just know that I like to touch and be touched. That’s one of the ways that I know that I’m being loved. When a woman fixes me a meal. That’s another way that I know she loves me. It shows me she cares and that she cares about my well-being. It really shows up when she takes the time to make something that I really like. It shows that she put thought into it.

Oh, and time. She may not have a fuckton of it, but if she makes it a point to spend time with me, that shows me that she loves me.

Of course, terms of endearment and words of affection are nice too. Calling me baby, is one. Calling me Daddy is even better, but that’s for another post at another time.

Sometimes when she either puts her head in my lap and puts her arms around my waist, or curls up on me, like a cat, that’s a good one. Even when she puts one or both of my legs to sleep.

Do women even know how to love these days? Yes, I believe so.

I see it in their eyes when they look at me. The sparkle, the shine, the shimmer. Whatever you want to call it.

I hear it in her voice when she answers the phone when I call her. All breathless and whatnot, like she just ran a marathon to grab the phone. And of course, she answered it on the first ring.

Sometimes she’ll send me YouTube videos of some sappy love song with a comment of, “Read the lyrics.”

Or she’ll just text me out of nowhere, “Thinking of You.” With the little kissy emojicons of course.

Or she’ll shave my head for me. Because that pleases me and I like that shit. Or she’ll shower with me and wash my back and the rest of my body. Or she’ll give me a full body massage, even though I know she’s dead tired from a long day at work. And she won’t even bitch, not once.

Or she’ll bring me a beer while we are sitting on the couch, watching a movie. Without me even asking her to do it. Or she’ll whip me up a mudslide.

Sometimes it shows up in her urgency to fuck the living shit out of me. Or the blowjobs. Goddamn..The blowjobs. But Rob! That’s not love! That’s lust! Fuck off, I don’t care.

There’s all sorts of ways that women love us men. It’s just not the way that we want or expect, or even hope for sometimes. She just does it her way, the only way that she knows how.

When we can let go of our expectations that they will love us the way that we love them, life gets interesting. You get to see that they can, and do, love us. You just have to drop the expectations and let them show and tell you in their own ways.

That’s all I’ve got for you on that one. I just know the one’s that show up in my world love me, in their own ways, even if it’s not what I wished for, hoped for, or expected. I guess I just roll with it and assume that they do. That’s enough for me at least.

I guess I could do worse. I could tell myself that they don’t love me, that they don’t know how to love me, and that they are incapable of loving me. But what good is that? Where’s that going to get me? Masochistic, I tell you.

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