Tag: be a better man

State Of Men Today With An Update

Rob Says6 Comments

silhouette of man during nighttime

A while back, I wrote about some observations that I had made about Men today, and apparently I’m not the only Man to notice other Men having this same lost look of confusion. While I was at a loss to this “What the fuck? How did I get here?” state, one of my new follows, MJ, has broken it down into how Men have got here and what they can do about it.

The truth is you got there slowly as she broke you down….Somewhere along the way you went from that carefree guy having a good time to being her pack mule.  Carrying the load.  Likely not getting laid like it said in the shiny LTR brochure you were shown.

Ain’t that the fucking truth. It’s the Death by 1000 Concessions.

I’m going to tell you how to avoid that empty look.  First, choose wisely when selecting a LTR mate….

The most important way to avoid this hell is to be upfront about what you bring to the table, and what you expect…

Show her you are willing to face her fury.  Hold strong in the whirlwind she stirs thinking it will result in you backing down when she demands something. (Bold and emphasis is mine.)

MJ goes on in his article, which is a fantastic read. You should go check it out. Like immediately. The Man has been married for quite some time and because of that, he’s more of an “authority” on this particular subject matter than me.

MJ got me to do some introspection, and when I think back to my marriage, I was that guy who had the “How the fuck did I get here” stare. I really was that guy. One of the ways that I got there was the Death of 1000 Concessions. I wouldn’t “face her fury” as MJ describes it. I would go along to get along in order to have some peace and quiet. I wanted tranquility. What it got me was “compromises.”

Compromises in the form of she, the ex-wife, wanting something, me not wanting whatever it was, a fight breaking out, or her nagging me until she wore me down, and her getting what she wanted. That’s what she called a compromise. She wanted a dog, I didn’t want a dog. We “compromised” and got a dog. She wanted a tablet, I didn’t think she needed a tablet (trust me, she didn’t need it.) We “compromised” and she got a tablet.

I’m not blaming her for any of this. This was totally on me. I didn’t necessarily create this particular “monster,” but I enabled it and endorsed it because I allowed it and wanted peace and harmony over conflict. And who wouldn’t want peace and harmony over conflict? Point is though, not all conflict is bad, and even when it is, you have to stand up and face it. Sometimes you do have to be the asshole and say no. Sometimes you do have to be the “bad guy.” Accept it and move on. Stand your ground on the things that matter. Learn to say no. Learn to stand against her fury and her outrage. Learn to deal with her behavior and more importantly, learn to accept less shitty behavior from her. Stop rewarding her bullshit. Put the kibosh on it or be willing to walk away.

 

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10 Pieces Of Actionable Advice

Rob Says2 Comments

man in black short running on pavement road

I’ve been listening to a lot of different podcasts lately, and I’ve been watching a few different videos on YouTube when I get a chance. Honestly, I don’t nearly consume as much as I used to. Becoming a producer of content is far more gratifying and takes up far more time than consuming. You have to be active to be a producer. All you have to do to consume is click a button and sit there.

Which brings me to what the subject line of today’s post is about:

10 Pieces Of Actionable Advice:

  1. Get and stay focused. Stay on task for more than a few minutes. I know that’s hard for you in today’s day and age of dopamine hits and instant gratification, but if you want to accomplish anything, and I mean anything, in your life, you need to stay focused. Stop chasing the next dopamine hit. Watch the video for more than ten fucking seconds. Clear the fog from your ritalin addled, ADD head and stay on track.
  2. Stop asking other men to tell you what to do. This is a big one. Maybe the biggest one of all. Like I said at the beginning of this article, I’ve been listening to a lot of different podcasts lately. In one of them, the host does a Q and A session on each episode. His thoughts and his advice are great even though they are a little bit simplistic. What I noticed though is that his audience is almost entirely made of men, young men if I had to guess, and while they asked all sorts of questions across a wide range of subjects, there was a common theme to them all: “What should I do? Tell me what I should do.” If you ever want to have control over your life, if you ever want to become a leader of Men, you need to stop asking other Men what you should do. Too many men today are either completely clueless and stupid, or lazy, if I had to guess. You’re a fat piece of shit? You know what to do. Get off your ass and go for a walk. Cut down on the amount of food you consume. Eat healthier. Stop worrying about “doing it right.” Stop trying to be a perfectionist. Just fucking do it. Stop looking for someone else to hold your hand. Take a risk.
  3.  Do the work. Stop being lazy and/or entitled. Google the information yourself. Do some of the heavy lifting for once in your life. Look it up yourself. No one is your “dancing monkey,” so stop expecting them to do the work for you. Stop with the expectation that someone else will do it for you. They won’t.
  4. Stop being a perfectionist. Doing it, whatever it is, is better than not doing it, even if it isn’t perfect. When you wait until everything is “just right,” when everything is perfect, guess what happens? Nothing. You’ll never get moving. You’ll never start. You’ll never go anywhere. Why is that? Because perfect doesn’t exist except for in your head. You’ll always find some reason or excuse to not execute, to not start. Look for a reason to not do something and you’ll always find it. Always. Better to have something out there, even if it’s flawed than not have something out there at all.
  5. Stop consuming media that isn’t intended for you. Women write to and for other women, not to men. Don’t get caught up in the outrage, it’s just a distraction meant to keep you off-balance. It’s meant to cause you anxiety, distress, you name it. When that happens you can’t think straight and the usual way that we’ve been conditioned to get rid of this anxiety is to buy something. Outrage is meant get your business, nothing more. By clicking on a link, you are giving your business. You are enticed to subscribe, to sign up, to buy. The outrage is intentional in this aspect. It’s meant to get you to open up your wallet. Don’t buy into it. In the past, Men’s affairs were in the public domain while women’s affairs were in the private domain. They were separate. Now it’s all public. Stay away from media that wasn’t intended for you as a Man. The affairs of women shouldn’t concern you. Let them sort it out. Sort out your own shit.
  6. When you’ve exhausted all of your options, it’s okay to ask for help. Ask specific questions, ie. which strength training program is better for long term gains? vs. What should I do now? Do the initial work first, then ask for help when you hit a wall or get stuck.
  7. When asking for help, what do you have to give in exchange? Money? Knowledge? Labor? A skill? What value do you offer to the person you are asking the question? Their time, knowledge, and experience is valuable too.
  8. When you ask and you receive, do something with what you are given! Otherwise you are just an askhole.
  9. Manners are important. Don’t be a fuck when asking for help. Don’t demand.
  10. Stop looking for magic formulas, short cuts and hacks. There aren’t any. You have to do the work. You have to do the heavy lifting. It’s going to take time and effort. Think work in progress and think long game. Stop with the immediate gratification and dopamine hits.

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The State Of Men Today: An Observation

Rob Says3 Comments

man in the middle of the road

I was at a convenience store the other day, buying some fuel for the work truck (the fuel card reader at the pump was down so I had to go inside to pay) and I noticed that the majority of the people who were patronizing the store were men.

This was the first time I’ve stepped into a convenience store in some time and I was saddened by what I saw. The men in this store, and there was about 20 or so of them, were utterly lost.

They had this vacancy in their eyes. Now maybe part of it was the fact that it was 7:30 in the morning. Maybe these guys hadn’t had their morning coffee yet. I doubt it though. They seemed “awake” enough. They could pay for their coffee, their breakfast whatever, their smokes, and their fuel.

They were utterly lost. They looked it. Lifeless eyes. Confused. Like they didn’t know what they were doing there, or how they had gotten there.

I’ve noticed this same confusion and vacancy elsewhere too. I’ve seen it while out on route, all throughout the day. Guys just sort of shuffling around, wandering, waiting. Waiting for what though?

In some cases, some of these guys were waiting for their women to tell them what to do. I saw that as well. Women running the show. Women leading the men around. Women catering to these men like they were either small children or invalids. Guys who have these confused looks on their faces, their eyes dull. “Dance for me puppet, dance. Be a good little boy and you’ll get a new toy.”

Until their women compliment them or “give them a treat.” Then the guy’s face gets animated, his eyes light up. He seems somewhat alive, for a moment at least.

I saw a guy today in a woman’s care facility holding the baby and the baby carrier, being a good boy. He still looked lost. His smile didn’t mask his confusion, “How the fuck did I get here?”

And not just how did he get “here,” as in the facility, but how did he get “here,” as in his life?

How did they get like this? I’m pondering this as I write about it. How indeed did “we” get here, as a group?

What happened?

This is the “matrix” that we all allude to when we talk about the Red Pill. This is the world we inhabit, but don’t necessarily live in.

What a sad state of affairs. What a state that we as a whole, live in.

I pity these guys somewhat. Maybe I sound like an asshole when I say that, but I do. I do pity them. I’m not trying to sound holier than thou, believe me.

I do feel some compassion for them as well. Unplugging is hard to do and is near impossible until you are ready and willing to do it.

Most of these men are not only lost souls, but they are truly lost, at least until the time comes, if the time comes, that they want to unplug.

It seems to me that years ago, we as men were lost, just the same as today, but there is a difference that I’m noticing now. “Back in the day,” men were lost, but many of them seemed genuinely happy in their lost state. Full of ignorant bliss I guess.

Nowadays, more often than not, that blissful ignorance is gone. It’s like they know something is wrong, dreadfully wrong, but they don’t know just what it is. Something is off. You can see it in their eyes and in their faces. The happiness is gone and all that is left is confusion, sadness, a questioning glance here and there, and a look of terror.

Lost Boys indeed.

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