What is all that highlighted text of a study saying?

Blah, blah, men have a higher sex drive than women do.

Like I said when I quoted this study on Twitter: “In other news, water is wet, and the sun rises in the east and sets in the west.”

Big deal Rob, no shit. What’s your point?

My point is that men and women are different.

Women typically do not have the same sex drive as men. They don’t think about sex as much or as often as we do. They don’t have the same desire for sex that we do. They can go longer without it than we can.

I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but “Kate” (@deadandsushi) on Twitter has a point and I happen to agree with her on this particular subject. Why? Because I have seen and heard this point of view from multiple women over the years. Here’s a gallery of tweets that “Kate” made on this particular subject:

One of the more recent times in my past when I heard a woman talking about going years, not days, not weeks, not months, but years without having sex, was when I first started seeing Kitten. When we met up in late 2019 and into early 2020, I remember when we first had sex, she told me that it had been five years since she had had sex.

It blew my mind.

Initially, I thought she was just fucking with me. She is, and was, a good looking woman. She’s in shape, she takes care of herself, she’s vibrant and energetic. How could she NOT be having sex? And not for the last five years?

But wait! There’s more!

When I met the Girl Who Likes Pain in 2021, she too confessed that she had not had sex in over two years. And she’s much younger than me. She was 33 when I met her.

Then there was the Irish Girl that met back in July and took her home after a couple of drinks. Sure, she ended up only being with me for one night, but she too, confessed that she hadn’t had sex in a couple of years.

A Mexican woman I had met in 2019 had said it had been over a year since she had sex.

Teriyaki had gone several months of not having sex before she met me.

And then there’s my belly dancer.

She had gone over two years before she met me.

Do you see a pattern here?

Are all of these women lying? If so, why? These were all confessions that were made to me early on. First meet ups, first time having sex, first conversations, you name it. I was a stranger to them at the time. I was nobody significant in their lives. These were confessions that I didn’t elicit. I didn’t ask them, “So…When’s the last time you had sex? (Before me?)” These confessions came up organically.

I can either assume that all of these women (and more) are lying to me, or that they are in fact, being honest.

If it’s “me against the world,” then maybe I’m the problem, not them.

Or if I choose to think that they are in fact, being honest, then sex isn’t as “big a deal” for women as it is for men.

Think about it:

Men like sex, and yes, women like sex too.

But we think about it way more often than most women do. We fantasize about it, we write songs, poetry, and literature about it. We even dedicate YouTube channels and videos and forums and books and paintings and pornography and literature to it.

Women typically don’t.

Why is that?

If women are “monkey branching,” and hiding their “slut status,” and their “body count” constantly, why aren’t there more of all of the above made by women and dedicated to women? Especially in today’s day and age? There’s always outliers, I get that. Put a woman on testosterone and jack it up to a man’s level and she becomes a “cock craven horny motherfucker.” Just like us.

But don’t do that, and….

I’ve heard of women getting testosterone for a variety of reasons and almost every single time, I hear them saying something to the effect of:

“Now I understand. (Or have a better understanding.) I don’t know how you guys (men) do it. Constantly thinking about sex, wanting to have sex. I don’t know how you get things done.”

Every time a woman confessed to me that she hadn’t had sex in (insert whatever time period here) it blew me away. Especially when it came to the years “category.” The longest I have ever gone without having sex is a little over a year, and that was back when I was in my early 20’s. Since that time, it’s been far less between partners for me. The last time I had a “drought,” was after my ex-girlfriend left. I took about 4 months “off” while I was dealing with my grief from the end of that relationship and the death of my mother. Since that time, I have had sex on a consistent basis, as in at least one or more partners a month, on average. There’s no way I could go over a year without having it, but that’s me.

What is my point with all of this? Why bother writing a post and showing screenshots?

It’s because it’s a reminder that men and women are different.

Yes, women by default, are going to have a “higher notch count” than you or me. Get over it. Get used to that. That’s because, “women use sex to find love,” and they are the “gatekeepers to sex.” And let’s be honest: we (men) are opportunists. We’ll fuck damn near anything.

This doesn’t mean that she’s “cock thirsty,” like you and I are “pussy thirsty.” The average woman doesn’t think about or desire sex like the average man does. She’s not constantly seeking out new cock. She’s not “racking up bodies by the billions” as some of you guys think. Just because we will fuck damn near anything and everything, doesn’t mean she will.

When you see a guy saying something on the internet about women and their “notch,” or their sexual behavior, pause for a moment and consider this:

He’s projecting.

He’s projecting his sex drive onto her. He’s projecting his fantasies and fears onto her.

Keep that in mind.

I’m not saying this “in defense of the wahmen.” I’m definitely not “White Knighting.”

I’m saying this to “keep it real.” She’s not out fucking nearly as often as you or I would or could, so don’t project your sex drive onto her. Don’t drive yourself nuts over what you would do if the “shoe was on the other foot.” Just because you would go out and fuck anything and everything that moves, and as far as I’m concerned, you should, doesn’t mean that she is out fucking anything and everything that moves.

I wish I could take credit for this one, but alas, I cannot.

Rian Stone wrote in his book, Fuccfiles, “She doesn’t want you. She wants to know she could.”

Man, that hits me right in the “feels.”

It hits me there because it is true.

I have done a lot of dating since I first got “serious” about dating back when I was at the tender age of 18. And by “serious,” I mean that I had finally had my first sexual experience and caught a “case of the feels.”

I remember back to 1991, I was in college and I had been dating a girl, my first “true love,” and my first sexual experience. We had been together about 8 months or so, and because I wanted to see other women, I ended it with her. This was around June or so of 1991.

Fast forward a couple of months, and my now ex, was still “hanging around.” She was still coming over when I would have get-togethers and whatnot, and she would still come up and talk to me. I was too young, too blind, too inexperienced, and too stupid to see it at the time, but she still wanted to be with me.

One of her girl friends called me up one day and asked me if I still cared about my ex-girlfriend or not, to which I replied that I did. She (the friend) then told me to call up my ex and go from there, because the ex was losing hope and would surely disappear, sooner rather than later.

So I called up the ex, and long story short, we got back together. Only to have it end about another 6 months or so later. This time it was my ex who ended it.

Let’s jump forward to 1994, shall we?

In 1994, I had just graduated from college and I was working as a custodian at a local high school. I was doing my thing, doing the work one day, when I ran across the path of one of the most beautiful Indian women I have ever met. And when I say Indian, I mean “dot,” not “feather.”

I was giving her “the eye” as she was walking down the hall. She reciprocated. Another long story short, she was interested in me as well. I initially thought she was a student at the high school that I worked at, but to my great surprise and pleasure, I found out she was only a couple of years younger than me at the time. She was there, waiting on her Dad, who happened to be the band teacher for the school.

We started dating. The sex was phenomenal. But the conversations and everything was… Well, it could have been much better.

A few weeks into dating this woman, I realized that I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t date her anymore, amazing sex or not. I called her up one day and ended it. I told her she was a great woman and that she would make a great catch for some future dude, but that future dude wasn’t me. I told her that the sex was amazing, and that I wanted to remain friends, but if she didn’t want that, I understood.

She was angry and hurt, of course. And I ended the call with, “I understand how you feel. If you change your mind about being friends, you have my number,” and I ended the call.

I figured that I would never hear from her again, and I was okay with that. About two weeks later though, she called back.

She took some time and “cooled off.” She had a chance to reconsider and rethink things. She wanted to be friends. So we were. Friends with benefits. We did that on and off for about 5 years.

In 2021, I ended things with Teriyaki. Things had taken a turn for the less than desirable, at least for me. I remember going up to her and asking her, point-blank: “Do you want to keep seeing me or not?” I was fine with whatever answer she gave me. It was either a “yes,” or anything else was a “no.”

She gave me a “Eh…” And a shrug.

That was a “no.”

So I ended it with her.

No hard feelings, no anger, no animosity. I just ended it.

I kissed her goodbye and told her, “If you change your mind, you have my number.” And I left.

About two months later, she reached out to me.

She apologized for her behavior while we had been together. She said that she had been an “asshole.” I listened and let her carry on. I told her again, that there was no hard feelings. She wanted to get together for her birthday, but I soon found out it wasn’t me that she wanted to see, she just didn’t want to be alone on her birthday. Anyone would have done.

She sent me a final text in July of 2021 and that was the last that I heard from her.

I met a woman from Venezuela earlier this year. She was 43, no kids, and a “strong, independent woman.” She wanted to get married (again) at some point, and start a family. I didn’t have the heart to tell her, “Yeah, you’re 43 and you have never had a child? That’s probably not going to happen.” We dated for a few months and then she decided to end it around March of this year.

She texted me a novel about why she was ending it and I ended up telling her, “I understand.” She wanted to remain “friends.” I understood that too.

A couple of months later, she reaches out to me on Facebook Messenger. She wanted to know how I was doing, how I was. I was polite, civil, and courteous. Why wouldn’t I be? I also knew that she didn’t want me. Not really. She just wanted to know that she could have me.

Here’s something I have learned over the years:

The only time women have been quasi-serious about “getting me back,” or “staying in my life,” was when I ended it.

Any time they ended it, whether they stayed in contact or not, they were not serious about “getting me back.” They just wanted to know that they could.

Even when I ended it, other than the two examples that I gave above, they didn’t want me back, they just wanted to know that they could.

Think about it for a moment:

If you end the relationship, do you really want to stay in touch? Do you want to keep them in your life? Other than if you have some type of custody over children, why would you?

I know that every time I ended it, I had no desire to stay in touch, even when things ended on a good note. I was ready and wanted to move on. Do you think it’s any different for her?

When the women from my past ended things between us, do you think that they “realized that they had made a mistake?” They didn’t. They ended things for whatever reasons that they had. Did some of them try to “stay in touch?” Sure. But did they “want” me? No. They just wanted to know that they could have me.

When my ex-girlfriend ended things between us at the end of 2018, we stayed in touch for several months afterwards. She didn’t want me. If she had, she wouldn’t have ended things. She stayed in touch until approximately October of 2020.

I was civil, polite, and courteous every time. But I knew that she didn’t want me, she just wanted to know that she could have me.

I’m still waiting for “Velvet” to reach out to me. She ended things on Labor Day of this year. It’s been a month now, as of this writing. Does she want to be with me? Or does she want to know that she could still have me?

Either way, it doesn’t matter. I’m polite, courteous, and civil. Things between her and I ended about as good as they could. But am I going to pursue her? Am I going to do any of the “heavy lifting?” No.

She had that chance. Now it’s on her and on any of the women from my past to do the “heavy lifting.”

They want to talk? Fine. I’m polite, courteous, and civil. They want to get together? I’m willing to see them all. But they get to do the work. They get to set up the dates and the meet ups. They get to do the “heavy lifting.”

Here’s my final thought:

The only time I have had women circling around and coming back, was when I was the one who ended things. Any time they ended it, it amounted to absolutely nothing. Even when I ended things, it ultimately added up to nothing.

She doesn’t want you, she wants to know she could have you.

Act accordingly.