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What Online Dating Body Types Mean in 2020

Rob Says2 Comments
three women s doing exercises
This is “Thin” or “Athletic.”

I wrote a post about an experience I had with a friend of mine while at a couple of bars, and today I want to expand on that with some other observations and information.

The last time that I had seriously done “the bar thing” was over 20 years ago. Probably closer to 23 years ago. I started going back to the bar in late 2019/early 2020 before the pandemic hit and put that on pause. The bar I would go to had an eclectic mix of people and a wide demographic of ages.

Everything from the early 20-somethings up to the early to mid 60-somethings if I had to guess, was there. I’ll be honest and say right now that guessing someone’s age has never been my biggest strength. So there was roughly an equal ratio of men to women and the age groups were pretty much all represented at this particular bar.

The last bar that I went to though, the age demographic was almost entirely the early to mid 20-somethings. There might have been a few in their late 20’s and a very, very small handful of people in their early 30’s. Definitely what you would call the “college crowd.” And then there was me and my buddy, the two “old” guys in the bar.

I’ll be honest when I say I was a little hesitant to going to this particular bar. My buddy told me about it as he had been there a few times before and he really enjoyed it. “Lot’s of eye candy” as he put it. I was hesitant because I remember what it was like being in my mid 20’s and there was always “that one creepy old guy in the bar.” Everybody would look at him and roll their eyes and wrinkle their noses up at him. Girls would laugh and not in a good way. That guy was tolerated at best and pitied and avoided at worst. I definitely did not want to be “that guy.”

As things would have it though, I didn’t have to worry about it. Everyone was very friendly with me. I can see why for some of it. The bar was happy for the patronage and when you’re the “new guy” everybody is interested in you to one degree or another. Whether it’s intrasexual competition from the other guys in the bar, or it’s the possibility of an encounter with the women, you’re being sized up. Especially when you’re new.

Nobody had an issue with my buddy and me being there and honestly I didn’t care. Being comfortable in your own skin will do that. A couple of beers doesn’t hurt either.

So here’s what I’ve observed and don’t worry, I’m going to take these observations and apply them to online dating because they are applicable:

  1. Men and women as a whole are fatter now than 20 years ago. Applying this to online dating means that the category of “Average” today isn’t what “Average” of yesterday was. Average from 20 years ago meant that you were neither thin or fat. You were just, average. Kind of like Goldilocks and the Three Bears: Not too hot, not too cold, but just right. Average from yesterday doesn’t exist today, not anymore. Average today means you are fat. You may not be obese or morbidly obese, but you are fat. Think 20 pounds plus. There literally wasn’t any women that were like 5 pounds overweight. They were either thin (which I’ll get to next) or they were 20+ overweight.
  2. Thin women still exist. Most of the guys were thinner and in better shape than the women as well, compared to 20 years ago. Thank god for thin women since this happens to be my personal preference. There were plenty of skinny girls there, plenty of “eye candy” for me to see. I’ve seen plenty of women that would describe themselves as thin in online dating as well, they just aren’t the majority anymore.
  3. Athletic as a type definitely exists. I would consider it a “sub-category” to thin. The only major difference to me at least, is that athletic women tend to have more muscle definition and tend to be more toned. Otherwise they are thin, hence the “sub-category” classification.
  4. Lots and lots of tattoos on everybody for the most part. I have a lot of tattoos but the younger crowd is either giving me a run for my money or they have me beat hands down. Nothing wrong with this per se, just an observation. The women and the men who had no visible tattoos tended to stand out, that’s how many people have tattoos in the bar today.

I made a tweet a few days ago that has summed up my experience when it comes to online dating and “body types” or “body descriptions:”

Average = Fat

A Few Extra Pounds = Fat

Curvy = Really Fat

BBW = Really Fat with an extra dose of attitude

Thin = Thin (but only if there is a fully body shot, otherwise = Fat)

Athletic (see Thin)

This may be hilarious to some degree, but it’s true unfortunately. I’ve encountered far too many women who say they are “average” when it comes to their body type and I have to admit that it’s my fault for not actually seeing them that way. That’s because I was holding on to what “average” was 20 years ago. Average today is overweight. Curvy used to be what Madonna was back when she did “Lucky Star.” Think hourglass. Curvy today is obese. A few extra pounds 20 years ago, was a tiny bit of a tummy. A few extra pounds today is 20 pounds overweight. Not obese and definitely not morbidly obese, but definitely pushing into obese territory.

The one that I have the most conflict with today is Athletic. Athletic to me and probably to most guys is a person who has low body fat and has muscle definition and tone. I’ve seen women who say they are “athletic” and sure they are in a selfie pic at some gym somewhere, wearing a yoga top and yoga pants, but they are far from having an athletic body. A muffin top body isn’t athletic. Nor should counting that one time you went hiking over a year ago count as athletic. That’s why I say, full body shots in the pictures or they are fat.

I’m not saying any of this as a condemnation of women being overweight. I’ve dated plenty of women over the years who genuinely were “a few extra pounds.” There’s nothing inherently wrong with that. But “a few extra pounds” was just that. 5 or 10 extra pounds at the most.

If we are going to keep the body types “honest” with today’s standards and averages, there should be only 2 choices with one possible sub-category:

Thin or fat. There’s no need to have an “average” category anymore since “average” as it once was doesn’t exist. The sub-category would be “athletic” and that would only be applicable if you were actually “thin” first.

There’s no need for a “curvy,” “a few extra pounds,” or “BBW” anymore, since it’s all basically just one degree of fat or another. Actually, I’ll take that back. There should still be a BBW category. That’s because most of the women that I have encountered that identify as “BBW” also tend to be the most entitled and have the most bitter of attitudes. At least the bigger girls who didn’t consider themselves to be BBW had more pleasant demeanors and personalities.

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You Might Be Full Of Shit

Rob Says4 Comments

man with megaphone pointing

I had a brief but interesting conversation with a good friend of mine on Twitter recently. The actual conversation itself isn’t really what this post is about, so I’m not going to go into the details of that conversation, other than to say that the conversation was the catalyst for this post. So BullRush, if you are reading this, you sparked this. And thank you.

A lot of people do a lot of talking on the internet. Nothing new here, that’s been going on since the internet first became a thing. What’s really fun and interesting to me though is learning about what people want you to believe about them.

Some people are very short and to the point. Some people take long breaks from the internet, or at least social media, and some practically live on social media.

It’s that last group that interests me the most.

Guys on social media on a near 24/7 basis. Yes, I’m exaggerating a little bit, but not much. Guys constantly running their mouths about whatever the topic may be, and the fun thing is, the guy will inevitably make whatever the conversation is about him.

He may have started the conversation with a tweet, or he may have replied to someone else’s tweet, but he will inevitably try and make that conversation about him.

The places he’s been. The things that he has done. The people that he has met or that he knows (in real life too!)

There’s at least one term for this type of individual. It’s the Know-It-All. Whatever you have done, he’s done it many times and often better than you. You own a brand new car? He owns one too, only his is more expensive and has more bells and whistles.

You got with a woman? Dude, he bangs 9’s and 10’s on the regular.

You just got a raise at your job? Dude, he’s been making six figures since he was eighteen.

You got into a fight with your childhood best friend when you were 12? Dude, this guy has been shot, stabbed, mugged, hanged, and jumped more times than he can count. And this was all earlier this week.

Hold my beer, indeed.

Am I exaggerating a little bit? Of course. But the point is, there’s only so much time in the day. We all have 24 hours in a day and we all have to sleep, eat, shit, shower, fuck, and do whatever else it is that we do in that 24 hour time frame.

How can somebody get shot, stabbed, win a gold medal, get a huge pay raise, get the girls, buy 3 houses on 3 different continents, eat, tuck their children into bed at night and read them a bedtime story, and then make love to his wife before running off to “Save the West?”

He can’t.

It’s all bullshit.

You want to know if somebody is “the real deal” or not? How often are they on social media? If they are constantly running their mouths at all hours of the day and night, I can pretty much guarantee you that they haven’t done half the shit that they have claimed they have done. And that’s because when did they find the time to do all of that shit all the while posting constantly on social media?

You can’t be in two places at the same time. Sorry, you just can’t.

I’ve met a lot of people over the years and some of them have witnessed a lot of harrowing things. The thing is, they don’t usually like talking about those harrowing things. They would rather be done with them and put those things behind them. Most of my Father’s friends served in Vietnam. They’ve got the physical and mental scars to prove it and none of them want to talk about it and “relive the glory days” because the war for them wasn’t glorious. One of my Father’s friends has a crater in his lower back the size of a grapefruit. He got that scar from grenade shrapnel. I only found that out from talking to my Dad about it. The guy himself didn’t talk about it.

That same guy died about a year ago. From what I know, he had nightmares about the war from the time he was in it up to the day that he died. The only person that really knew what went down in Vietnam besides the man himself and his fellow soldiers that were there, was his now widow. I only know that he talked to her about it because I asked her, “Did he ever tell you what he witnessed?” And her answer was only 3 words.

“Yes he did.” And she didn’t say anything else about it.

I have a feeling even she didn’t get the whole story about what happened. He gave her enough so that when his PTSD kicked in it wouldn’t drive her crazy and send her running. And to give her credit, she stayed with him right up until the day that he died.

Guys bragging about their exploits, whatever they may be, are doing just that. Bragging. Guys that go on social media constantly and are constantly running their mouths truly only know how to do one thing: Run their mouths on social media.

You want to get a better idea of who may actually be legitimate and who is full of shit? Look and see how often they are on social media and what do they talk about. Do they have something to say about every topic under the sun? Are they the “James Bond hard to kill” guys? Are they constantly running their mouths? If so, you may have just encountered a Know-It-All. At the very least you’re dealing with a bullshitter. Act accordingly.

Ask yourselves one easy question:

“When does this guy find the time to do all of this shit and post on social media?”

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Beating Off To Bond..

Rob Says1 Comment

james-bond-1

I’m bringing up this topic today because I’ve been thinking about it for a while now. Any time someone brings up James Bond, I start thinking, “Here we go again, we’re beating off to Bond.”

That’s because inevitably the discussion goes somewhere along the lines of his “masculinity” or his way with the ladies, or his ability as a killer or some-such. The truth is, James Bond is a fiction.

I’m sure you are all well aware of that…. But are you?

James Bond is not only an archetype, but he’s also a caricature. Think about it. He’s smooth and debonair with the ladies. He always knows what to say and when to say it. He never misses a beat and always has the right lines. He’s calm, cool, and collected. And that is before we get to the fact that he’s an international spy and killer.

He’s many men rolled into one. The perfect, masculine, always says the right thing, always get the girl, and always gets the bad guy, guy. The same could be said of John McClaine.

John-MacClane-Die-Hard-Bruce-Willis-a

The problem is, I think many guys while consciously nodding their heads and agreeing that James Bond or John McClaine are in fact, a work of fiction, they secretly wish that they were a reality. And they wish that they were him.

The real reality is that many guys freeze up when an attractive woman looks at them. They forget what they wanted to say. They stutter and stammer. Sometimes they just stand there like a deer caught in the headlights of a moving car. Ask me how I know.

I’ve talked to some guys recently and we were having a discussion about films made in the 40’s and 50’s. Talks about how men were men and women were women were abound. The problem is, these movies, even back then were works of fiction. They don’t call it the silver screen for nothing. Going back to the days of silent movies and Charlie Chaplin, while Charlie may have done many if not most of his own stunts, it was still a work of fiction. A caricature. Charlie even embodied that. Movies of the 40’s and 50’s had a narrative just like films of modern times. The only difference that I can tell is that the women looked better as well as the men. Otherwise the story was scripted and was a work of fiction. Just like today.

All movies, even “documentaries” are works of fiction in one form or another. Directors take their slant or spin on the topic and either preach how great someone is or was, or they shit on them. Even the people who authorize and star in their own biographies put a spin on what they have said and done. It’s human nature.

I think a lot of guys watch films, looking for role models, and the problem is that they confuse the character with the actor. Good acting will do that. You get so engrossed in the character development and the plot, you get so caught up in the story that you forget that it is all fiction. That’s what a good movie will do for you. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that. I love it when a film can capture my attention and I can suspend my disbelief for the duration of the film and truly enjoy it.

The problem is when the film ends and it’s time to come back to reality.

A good actor or actress will make you believe that their character is real. That’s what being a good actor is all about. That’s what a good story is all about. The problem is many people assume that the actor is actually the character (see the actor who played Geoffrey in Game of Thrones and how fans hated the actor because of how well he did with the character.)

Guys talk about women from “back in the day.” Ah, those were women. Those were the days and those were the dames. I think they may be confusing fiction with reality. Those “dames” were actresses playing a role. They were reading lines from a script. Just like today. The only difference is the narrative from then and now. The only real difference is that women were thinner then than they are now. The character may have been a real dish or a catch on screen, but the actress herself? Think about it. Who was that actual woman? Would you have found the actual woman attractive if you had gotten to know her?

My first real heartthrob was Alyssa Milano.

Alyssa Milano (5)

Back in the late 80’s and throughout the 90’s she was the bomb for me. All of the characters that she played. She was HOT. Fast forward to today and it’s a different story. Not just because she has gotten older, but because of what she says. The character and the actual person collide. On screen she is one thing, the living breathing person appears to be something else entirely.

Brad-Pitt-in-Troy-10

Brad Pitt. Now there’s a masculine man if there ever was one! You’ve seen Fight Club and Troy right? Except those were characters. Have you seen Brad Pitt in real life? Have you seen the relationship and the drama with Angelina Jolie? There’s your “real man” for you.

marilyn_monroe_34

Marilyn Monroe. Quite the bombshell for her time. And yet she had failed relationship after failed relationship and she struggled with addiction, depression, and anxiety resulting ultimately in her death. Not nearly so glamorous. In many cases, she sounds a lot like modern day women.

The point I’m getting at is that Hollywood has always been a fiction. Always has been and always will be. Using fictional characters as a point of reference for acting in certain ways may not be a totally bad idea, but keep your head in reality and realize that those fictional characters are in fact, fiction.

This is why I don’t like beating off to Bond. He’s a fictional character based off of a multitude of men, or the traits of multiple men. Striving to “be like Bond” is going to get you nowhere ultimately. Same could be said of any character whether hero or villain. All of them are a work of fiction and discussing the merits or the flaws of them, while entertaining, are ultimately exercises in masturbation. Human nature is what it is and it honestly hasn’t changed all that much in the last 70 years. People were cheating, drinking, drugging, and fucking back then just like they are today. Life was messy then as it is now. The more things change the more they stay the same. Don’t confuse the character with the actor. Don’t confuse the story with reality.

Enjoy films by all means, I do. Enjoy the cinematography, the mood, the lighting, the story, all of it. But always keep in mind that it is a work of fiction. All of your heros and villains are archetypes at best and caricatures at worst.

Trying to embody your hero or that character that you idolize is going to turn you into a caricature. A LARP. Do you really want to be seen as that? There are guys right now, in real time that are doing that very thing. I just can’t take them seriously. What about you?

A final thought:

I don’t mind talking about movies from any era or epoch, it’s great fun and a great way to get to know someone else. I don’t like dissecting movies because it takes away the magic of it. Also, I would rather get to know a person and deal with reality than sit around talking about fantasies. I’ve spent plenty of years living in my head in a fantasy world and now I’ve found that reality is far more entertaining and fulfilling.

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