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Sheila Likes…

Rob Says2 Comments
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“Sheila”

Sheila likes Tequila – Steelheart

I swear to god that my entire life is a fucking soundtrack. Every major event for me and even some of the minor ones, have an accompanying soundtrack. It’s one part musical, one part opera, and one part concert that is constantly going on in the background.

Today is no exception.

Red Pill Dad wrote a totally awesome blog post the other day that specifically dealt with the question of, “Do you give a woman your phone number, or do you take her number from her?” While he definitely came at it from a particular angle and I do happen to agree with him, I can also see the “other side” as well. As a side-note, I’ve had some success with both approaches. To me, it all depends on the context and the woman. More importantly though, Red Pill Dad addressed the pudwacks in the Spergosphere. On that particular topic I agree with him 110% and then some. Maybe that is part of why I do what I do. I got tired of seeing the dipshits doing dipshittery and taking other guys down with them. It’s tough enough out in the world trying to be a Man, let alone have some dumbass filling your head with nothing but pure unadulterated bullshit.

Anyways, while I was reading his article, I was drinking a beer and listening to Steelheart, and the song “Sheila” came on. I have no idea why, but this song reminds me of a woman that I met this last December.

Now mind you, I met her online, and she’s 43 (Gasp! I can almost hear and see the pudwacks pulling their dicks out to have a masturbation circle over what I’m writing about. Dude! I only bang 9’s and 10’s! She’s old! Blah, blah, blah…)

“Sheila” is another woman with a bunch of red flags.

Now, I don’t want you, Gentle Reader, to misunderstand me. I’m not shitting on her. She was an amazing woman. She was under 5 feet tall, 4’9 if my memory serves me correctly, and to a short fucker like me, that made me a literal giant when she stood next to me. She weighed 95 pounds, had an athletic build, and had no children. She was intelligent, had a razor sharp wit, and even had the goth thing going on. Physically, this woman pressed ALL of my buttons. Well, almost all of my buttons. The only thing that I could bitch about was her hair was much shorter than I generally like. But now I’m just being picky.

But…

The red flags…. And oh man, were there red flags…

She was on SSRI’s. She had enough mental issues going on that she was able to get disability from the state. She didn’t have a job and she didn’t work. She didn’t have a car, and she didn’t have a drivers license. And at 43 years old, she lived at home with her parents.

Whew…

Being on disability is a big one for me. That means she’s on a fixed income with a minimal likelihood that it was going to improve unless things in her life changed in a major way and she was able to rejoin the workforce. I can’t have that in my life. Not in any medium to long term sense. I can’t be the only one bringing in the money. She has got to be able to pull her own weight to some degree.

The not having a car or the ability to drive legally was another big one for me. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a lazy fucker and I like my women to be able to drive to me. I like it when they will come to my house, help me fix dinner, fuck me, maybe sleep over, but then drive their happy asses home the next morning, or even later that same night. The idea that I would have to play chauffeur for her happy ass is not something I wanted to do except maybe once or twice, but after that? Nah.

Did I mention that this poor woman had been engaged and that her fiance had committed suicide? Oh I must have forgotten that one earlier. That was something I learned from her on the first and only occasion that I went out with her. While we were driving to the bar to get a drink is when I learned about her guy and how less than a year earlier, he had taken his own life.

“Sheila” wasn’t ready to date. Why she was on dating apps still blows my mind to this day. She hadn’t dealt with her grief and her loss and here she was, out on the town with a guy who wanted to bang the fuck out of her.

Ultimately “Sheila” and I went nowhere. There was nowhere to go and the writing was clearly on the wall for me. I just wanted to bang because she pressed all of my physical buttons. Given half a chance, I would still take a swing at that one. The red flags though, they are too much, even for me, especially when all I wanted to do was bang.

Not every encounter is a win. Not every date is a lay. Sometimes they “get away,” and sometimes you release them because you know what you are getting yourself into and it’s not worth the energy or the effort. Sometimes the results aren’t worth the price you pay.

I like to think that “Sheila” is getting help for her myriad of ills and issues. I really hope she does. She’s a sweet girl who is highly intelligent, has a fantastic body that she takes a lot of pride in and takes care of, and whether you believe “deserve” has anything to do with anything, I believe she “deserves” another chance at finding love and happiness. She just won’t find it with me.

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Your Frame Is Everything

Rob Says1 Comment

white framed glass window

There’s a guy that I subscribe to on YouTube who put out a video recently that got me to thinking. I don’t always agree with this particular individual’s take on things, but I do think that he is highly intelligent, cares deeply about his topics, cares deeply about his subscribers, and that when he creates a video on a topic, he gives it a lot of thought.

That being said, I think for this particular video, it was a swing and a miss.

He talks about “hypergamy refuses to choose.” He talks about women in general refusing to choose either A or B, whatever those things might be. He mentions that women “want it all.” I agree with him on this. This is women’s nature. They don’t like to be “pinned down” and they don’t like to choose, not really. They don’t like to choose because they don’t know what they want.

Ask a woman what she wants and she’ll give you a different answer for the same question depending on the time of day, what’s going on in her life, and her mood. That’s just her nature. She doesn’t know what she wants, and that’s okay. Of course she wants it all. That’s just her nature.

“Would you rather spend time in the mountains, or on the beach?” “Both.”

“Would you rather go out or stay in?” “Both.”

The guy says, “Tell me about your values, your morals, and your ethics.” Women don’t know, not really. They are fluid. It doesn’t make women bad or inferior, it just makes them women. They are different.

I think the guy seemed pretty frustrated when he can’t get a woman to commit to an answer, and that’s because he’s still treating her like she is a man. She’s not.

Men will commit to an answer to the question of their values, morals, ethics, what they like to eat, and whether they would rather go to the mountains or to the beach. That’s what men do. We commit. That’s not what women do.

The guy mentions, “Pay attention to the girl who chooses everything, because that means she chooses nothing.” All women are like that. From 12 years old up until their deaths, women are like that. My 67 year old mother was like that right up until the day she died.

Women are the most responsible teenager in the house, so act accordingly.

I say his video was a swing and miss, not because he was wrong, but because he was asking the wrong questions.

It’s not about what she chooses, or what she stands for, or what she values. It’s about what do you stand for? What do you value? What do you choose?

Women are happy to go along, they are happy to support, they are usually happy with whatever you choose. So that’s what you do.

Instead of worrying and ending up chasing her around, you do what matters to you. Stop chasing her. Focus on your goals and desires. If she’s interested in you, she’ll be more than happy to come along for the ride. If not, she’ll go away.

Women want to be lead. They want to follow. Anything else will eventually lead to unhappiness and misery for the both of you.

Stop focusing on what she stands for. It changes and she doesn’t know what she stands for. Focus on what you stand for. Focus on what you want to do. Focus on where you want to go, and then invite her to come along. Either she will or she won’t. Either way, you’re doing what you want to do and you’re going where you want to go, and if she doesn’t want to come along, that’s fine. Worst case, you’ll find someone else who is more than eager and willing to go your direction.

You can’t be angry or upset that a cheetah has spots instead of stripes. You can’t be angry that a cheetah isn’t a tiger or a lion. A cheetah is going to cheetah. A tiger is going to tiger. It’s what they do, it’s their nature. Same goes for women. You can’t get angry over the fact that she doesn’t think and act like you do. That’s not her nature. It doesn’t mean that you put up with bad behavior, but you can’t be mad or overly concerned about her nature.

The guy goes on later in the video to say things like, “You can’t trust them.” Sure you can. You can trust them to be them. You can trust that they are going to act in their own best self interest. And then you act accordingly for your own best self interest. Maybe that means calling her out on bad behavior, maybe that means that you stop paying attention to her when she does something that you don’t care for. Maybe that means you let it slide because it’s honestly not that big of a deal. Or maybe that means you put her out the door or you walk out the door yourself and you don’t look back.

The guy more or less finishes the video with “Be very suspicious gentlemen and be very careful with women.” It was almost like he was about to say, “The juice isn’t worth the squeeze,” or something along those lines. I disagree with him here. That’s putting yourself in her frame, her reality. You are the one “worrying” about what she is going to do, say, etc. Worry about your goals and whatnot instead. Ultimately she either comes along or not.

Instead of asking her, “What would you like for dinner?” Ask instead, “Which would you rather have, chicken, steak, or pizza?” Whatever answer she gives you, you still “win” because you decided for yourself that either chicken, steak, or pizza sounded good for dinner for you.

When you make plans, you don’t have to do everything. Just the critical things. Give her things that she can help out with, but aren’t necessarily crucial. If you are going out of town for a few days, have her pack the clothes. Every woman I have met are master packers. They have it down to a science and are far better packers than I will ever be. Let her prep some of the food while you worry about making sure you have the tent, the batteries for the flashlights, the fuel and tinder for the campfire, and the firearms when you go camping. Let her support you. You don’t have to do it all. Just make sure that you handle the most critical stuff. Make sure if you are flying together that you have the airline tickets and ID’s. Let her worry about packing the luggage.

Stop trying to change a cheetah into a tiger, that’s not going to happen. Stop being concerned with why she does what she does and with what she wants. Focus on what you want and need and go from there.

In summation:

What do women want?

Who cares?

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“Brett”

Rob Says1 Comment

dark darkness loneliness mystery

I knew, well I know a guy that I’m going to call “Brett” that I met back in college. I say I knew him because we went our separate ways a while ago. Brett showed up back in my life about a year ago and before that I saw him about a week before I got married back in 2009. The time before that was several years before that time.

Brett is a good guy, at least on the surface. At first glance he’s fit, put together, intelligent, and knowledgeable about many things, especially women. Just ask him and he’ll tell you how big of a lady killer he was.

The thing is, I got to see Brett “in action” with the ladies, and while I’ll admit that he was a good looking guy, he had no game other than his looks. He wouldn’t approach, he would hang around and would only deal with women who approached him. Don’t get me wrong, he would end up getting laid more often than not, but hearing him talk and then seeing him in action were two different things.

Brett was very image conscious. He was very concerned about how he looked to others. His dress was cutting edge, his hair and beard were on point, and he definitely knew about scent and style. And yet his car was a disaster and his house was a complete mess. Much like his actual life. He was definitely a “style over substance” kind of guy.

Back then I just figured that like most people, Brett wanted to be liked and he cared about the opinions of others. I think we all go through that to one degree or another. But as the years went on and I got to know him better I realized that his concern with his image went way deeper than him just wanting people to like him.

Brett was an imposter and he was terrified that people would find out and that they would expose him. He was afraid that once people got to know him, they would know the truth about him.

The truth was that Brett wasn’t this “masculine guy” who had his shit together and knew what he was doing. The truth was Brett was a scared shitless 10 year old boy locked inside the body of a grown man. The truth was he had no idea how to get women, but he wanted you to think that he did. The truth was that he would latch on to whatever woman chose him and he would ultimately send them running with his clingy behavior. I know this because I watched it go down in real time for years. His lack of self awareness was amazing to behold.

I want you to understand that while I’m criticizing Brett, it doesn’t mean that I didn’t like him, because I did. He was a great guy and he generally meant well. The problem for me though was I couldn’t take him seriously.

My friend Vince once said to me, “A Man’s true nature will be revealed when he is either under stress or is under attack.” Or as Rollo Tomassi put it, “Pay attention to their behavior, not what they say.”

Back when I hung around Brett, I hadn’t met Vince and I had no idea who Rollo Tomassi is or was. But the lesson was there even when I was younger. Without really knowing or understanding what was going on, I was paying attention to Brett’s behavior and realizing that what he said and what he did didn’t match up. He wasn’t “practicing what he was preaching.”

This last time that I ran into Brett and we got caught up with all the niceties and whatnot, I realized that even though he was 47 years old, nothing had really changed. He was still running around doing what he had been doing when we were back in our 20’s and 30’s. He was still spouting off things and then doing the complete opposite of what he was talking about. He was still very concerned about his image because he was still living a lie. The thing was, he knew that I knew the truth because I had seen it with my own eyes, and I think it scared him. I think he was worried that I was going to “out him” and tell the world that he was a fraud.

I wouldn’t have done that though because there was no need for me to do that. Anyone who got to know Brett over time realized he was talking a good game but that things ended up not adding up. Brett would end up “outing himself” over time.

Instead of being honest with himself and accepting who he really was, or actually doing the work to fix or improve himself to become what he said he was, and what he aspired to be, he would just double down on his words and would cut people out that knew the truth, if they didn’t cut him out beforehand.

Instead of facing adversity he would cut ties and run. Instead of bringing things up at the beginning that made him uncomfortable and working through them, Brett would suck it in and let shit stew until he couldn’t handle it anymore. Then he would whip himself into a frenzy and ultimately issue ultimatums, when in reality he was done. Brett’s behavior wasn’t uncommon unfortunately. Most of the women that I’ve dealt with in my life do this stuff. They are conflict avoidant, passive-aggressive, and tend to run from their problems instead of dealing with them head on. Feminized men do this too and that’s what I realize that Brett is or was. He’s a feminized man.

I still like him, like I said earlier. I just can’t take him seriously when I know that what he says and what he does are two completely different things. Basically whatever he has told me is bullshit when compared to his behavior. You can lie with words, but it’s damn near impossible to lie with actions.

I had to cut loose from him though because I can’t take him seriously. The most valuable commodity in my life is my time. It’s the one commodity that I can never get more of and I’ll never get time back. I don’t want to waste my time.

The saddest thing to me though is that Brett is miserable. He’s miserable with the road he has chose. He’s miserable with the things that he has done and with what he has said. I think on some level he knows that he’s LARPing and living a lie and it’s slowly killing him. I know where his choices and his behaviors will ultimately end up taking him if he continues doing what he’s been doing and it’s a road of self isolation since his behavior is one of avoidance and it may ultimately end up with him looking down the barrel of a gun or looking up at a rope hanging from rafter.

While conflict isn’t generally pleasant, not all conflict is inherently bad. It is better to face adversity head on and deal with it when something comes up instead of keeping your mouth shut and putting everything in a pressure cooker until you are either poisoned from your own feelings or until you explode and then the damage is done with nothing left to salvage from it. Once you go down the road of conflict avoidance, it’ll become easier and easier to turn away and run away instead of facing things that make you uncomfortable. Over enough time, you’ll end up isolating yourself from those that actually care and would like to help and you’ll end up miserable in your life because you aren’t being authentic and you aren’t living a life that you choose. You’ll be living someone else’s life and making decisions and choices out of fear and avoidance instead of what actually works for you.

I can say all of this with some authority because I have experienced this first hand and I too was worried about my image, my “brand of me” that I projected out to others. I was terrified that people would find out that I was in fact an imposter and in order to keep the “boat from rocking” I would “go along to get along” until I couldn’t stand it anymore. Then I would retreat while issuing ultimatums instead of actually owning my shit. It got me to a point that I had almost no one I could count on, because they couldn’t count on me, and it got me my own isolation. It was a lonely and dark place and it lead me to considering eating a shotgun shell. And that was what lead to my divorce and me taking my life back into my own hands and being willing to face my issues head on, as unpleasant as those issues were.

Seeing Brett was like looking into a mirror. I was uncomfortable with him because I saw me. Now I’m just a little sad for Brett because he’s still doing the same old behaviors because he’s too scared to make a real genuine change, because a real genuine change is actually hard, sometimes painful, definitely uncomfortable, and requires you to “rock the boat,” and face adversity head on. It requires you to own your shit. It requires you to take responsibility for your life instead of asking others what to do. It requires you to realize that you don’t have all the answers and that you are going to screw things up and make mistakes. It requires you to drop the perfection that is running around inside your head.

I hope Brett figures it out, I really do. The optimist in me thinks he will, but the realist in me says, “Dude, he’s a 48 year old man now, and he’s still doing the same shit he was doing over 20 years ago. He’s probably not going to change.” And that’s the part that sucks. He probably won’t change because what he is doing actually works for him even though he’s absolutely miserable.

Then again, I’m not his keeper. I’m not his savior. I’m not going to set myself on fire to keep him warm. I can be there and hand him a damp cloth to wipe the soot off of his face when he’s done burning, or I can hand him a match and another gallon of gasoline and let him set himself back on fire.

He gets to burn.

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