Trust. What is it? According to Webster, trust is:
We as Men want to trust. We want to trust that the sun will rise in the east and set in the west. We want to know that if someone says they will do something, they will do it. We want to know that if we say something to you in confidence, that you will keep your mouth shut and not repeat it.
We want to trust.
As I have gone on through my life, I’ve realized one thing:
I can trust that you will do what is in your best interest. I can trust that you will do what works best for you. Whatever that is, may not in fact be in my best interest. If I confide in you, will you repeat what I said to you, to someone else? Will you use it against me?
Your previous actions and behaviors will show me the way.
But what if I don’t know you or your previous actions and behaviors? What if I don’t know what you will do? Better to keep whatever it is to myself. And even if your previous actions and behaviors say that I can confide in you on a great many things, can I confide in you with “this?” (Insert whatever here.)
One of the conundrums that we as Men face is the limitations and abilities to trust the women that show up in our lives. We want them to be “Ride or Die Bitches,” and I truly believe that women mean well when they say that they are that for us.
It’s another thing entirely when you actually go to your woman and tell her that you need her to create an alibi for you. It’s one thing to talk about hiding the bodies and it’s another thing entirely when you actually have to go and hide the bodies.
Being able to honestly trust a man is a fucking superpower. – Rian Stone
The above quote got me to thinking and this is why I’m writing this post. I believe that we as Men are looking for people that we can honestly trust. People that we can pretty much tell them whatever is on our minds, or what we have done, and that they will keep what we said or did quiet. Minimal to no judgement. No real fear of consequences whether it be a loss of friendship or being turned into authorities or having other people we value knowing what it is that we said or did.
There lies the quandary. Most people, women included, can’t keep their mouths shut. I’m finding throughout my life that most men are that way as well, they can’t keep their mouths shut either.
Rian calls it “Mess Culture.” It’s a military thing apparently. I say this because I have never been in the military, so I’m only able to speculate. From what I gather, “Mess Culture” takes place in the mess hall, where guys sit down to eat, and whatever bullshit happens there, it’s handled there, and it stays there. It doesn’t go outside the mess hall. It doesn’t get reported up the chain of command. It doesn’t go out on to the battlefield or on to the patrol ground. It doesn’t get carried forward.
I think a lot of guys today are looking for “Mess Culture” in their girlfriends, women in general, and their wives. I would like to believe that it may be possible to find that “Mess Culture” or that “Ride or Die” in a particular woman, but in over 40 years I haven’t encountered her yet. Maybe she is out there and maybe I just haven’t encountered her, but I haven’t met a woman yet that I would truly trust enough to help me bury a body if that circumstance ever presented itself.
To be honest, with maybe an exception of one or two Men in my life, I haven’t encountered a Man that I would be comfortable enough and willing to trust enough to help me bury a body. Their are very few Men that I would actually trust with my life on the line. One of those few Men would happen to be my Father in case you were wondering. I think that level of trust comes through not only in consistent behavior, but in time. The guys I trust the most, I’ve known for years.
That’s the conundrum that I think we as Men are encountering. We want to trust. We want to trust each other as Men. We want to trust our women. We want to trust that all parties involved will help us out if needed and that they will keep their fucking mouths shut.
All we can really do though is trust that they will act in their best self interests. Know this and act accordingly. Know that people are going to do whatever it is that they think is in their best interests.
Know that for the most part, that whatever it is that you want to share, whatever it is that you want to divulge, will end up being said to others. Are you willing and able to deal with that fallout when that time comes? Will you be able to recover from it when it happens? Will it affect you adversely if and when whatever it is comes to the light of day?
If you can’t deal with the fallout or it will affect you too adversely if it ever came to light, it may be better to keep your mouth shut and live with it, whatever it is.
Sometimes there are things that you will need to take to the grave. Accept that.
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2 thoughts on “Trust”
Trust is a difficult thing. I have several good friends, but something I learned during my career was never completely trust anyone… The minute it becomes their ass on the line they will tell all your secrets no matter how “hard” they are. The only thing that prevents them telling your secrets is if they fear the one the hold they secrets for more than you.
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Dont worry, Rob. I wont tell them about that (x).
On a serious note; trust is proven. I learned that the hard way. But I was impressed by the people I was able to trust. (And I was also surprised by the people that burned me for low to no rewards).
Great article. I trust that you will make many more.
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