Your Frame Is Everything

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There’s a guy that I subscribe to on YouTube who put out a video recently that got me to thinking. I don’t always agree with this particular individual’s take on things, but I do think that he is highly intelligent, cares deeply about his topics, cares deeply about his subscribers, and that when he creates a video on a topic, he gives it a lot of thought.

That being said, I think for this particular video, it was a swing and a miss.

He talks about “hypergamy refuses to choose.” He talks about women in general refusing to choose either A or B, whatever those things might be. He mentions that women “want it all.” I agree with him on this. This is women’s nature. They don’t like to be “pinned down” and they don’t like to choose, not really. They don’t like to choose because they don’t know what they want.

Ask a woman what she wants and she’ll give you a different answer for the same question depending on the time of day, what’s going on in her life, and her mood. That’s just her nature. She doesn’t know what she wants, and that’s okay. Of course she wants it all. That’s just her nature.

“Would you rather spend time in the mountains, or on the beach?” “Both.”

“Would you rather go out or stay in?” “Both.”

The guy says, “Tell me about your values, your morals, and your ethics.” Women don’t know, not really. They are fluid. It doesn’t make women bad or inferior, it just makes them women. They are different.

I think the guy seemed pretty frustrated when he can’t get a woman to commit to an answer, and that’s because he’s still treating her like she is a man. She’s not.

Men will commit to an answer to the question of their values, morals, ethics, what they like to eat, and whether they would rather go to the mountains or to the beach. That’s what men do. We commit. That’s not what women do.

The guy mentions, “Pay attention to the girl who chooses everything, because that means she chooses nothing.” All women are like that. From 12 years old up until their deaths, women are like that. My 67 year old mother was like that right up until the day she died.

Women are the most responsible teenager in the house, so act accordingly.

I say his video was a swing and miss, not because he was wrong, but because he was asking the wrong questions.

It’s not about what she chooses, or what she stands for, or what she values. It’s about what do you stand for? What do you value? What do you choose?

Women are happy to go along, they are happy to support, they are usually happy with whatever you choose. So that’s what you do.

Instead of worrying and ending up chasing her around, you do what matters to you. Stop chasing her. Focus on your goals and desires. If she’s interested in you, she’ll be more than happy to come along for the ride. If not, she’ll go away.

Women want to be lead. They want to follow. Anything else will eventually lead to unhappiness and misery for the both of you.

Stop focusing on what she stands for. It changes and she doesn’t know what she stands for. Focus on what you stand for. Focus on what you want to do. Focus on where you want to go, and then invite her to come along. Either she will or she won’t. Either way, you’re doing what you want to do and you’re going where you want to go, and if she doesn’t want to come along, that’s fine. Worst case, you’ll find someone else who is more than eager and willing to go your direction.

You can’t be angry or upset that a cheetah has spots instead of stripes. You can’t be angry that a cheetah isn’t a tiger or a lion. A cheetah is going to cheetah. A tiger is going to tiger. It’s what they do, it’s their nature. Same goes for women. You can’t get angry over the fact that she doesn’t think and act like you do. That’s not her nature. It doesn’t mean that you put up with bad behavior, but you can’t be mad or overly concerned about her nature.

The guy goes on later in the video to say things like, “You can’t trust them.” Sure you can. You can trust them to be them. You can trust that they are going to act in their own best self interest. And then you act accordingly for your own best self interest. Maybe that means calling her out on bad behavior, maybe that means that you stop paying attention to her when she does something that you don’t care for. Maybe that means you let it slide because it’s honestly not that big of a deal. Or maybe that means you put her out the door or you walk out the door yourself and you don’t look back.

The guy more or less finishes the video with “Be very suspicious gentlemen and be very careful with women.” It was almost like he was about to say, “The juice isn’t worth the squeeze,” or something along those lines. I disagree with him here. That’s putting yourself in her frame, her reality. You are the one “worrying” about what she is going to do, say, etc. Worry about your goals and whatnot instead. Ultimately she either comes along or not.

Instead of asking her, “What would you like for dinner?” Ask instead, “Which would you rather have, chicken, steak, or pizza?” Whatever answer she gives you, you still “win” because you decided for yourself that either chicken, steak, or pizza sounded good for dinner for you.

When you make plans, you don’t have to do everything. Just the critical things. Give her things that she can help out with, but aren’t necessarily crucial. If you are going out of town for a few days, have her pack the clothes. Every woman I have met are master packers. They have it down to a science and are far better packers than I will ever be. Let her prep some of the food while you worry about making sure you have the tent, the batteries for the flashlights, the fuel and tinder for the campfire, and the firearms when you go camping. Let her support you. You don’t have to do it all. Just make sure that you handle the most critical stuff. Make sure if you are flying together that you have the airline tickets and ID’s. Let her worry about packing the luggage.

Stop trying to change a cheetah into a tiger, that’s not going to happen. Stop being concerned with why she does what she does and with what she wants. Focus on what you want and need and go from there.

In summation:

What do women want?

Who cares?

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One thought on “Your Frame Is Everything

  1. Rob, take it from me. A guy who has been with the same woman for 30 plus years now. If you are expecting to pin her down to an answer, you will end up frustrated. I usually just decide something and let her tell me if she wants something else. Sometimes I’ll stick with my decision and others I’ll go with hers if I truly don’t care or I know she feels strongly. She prefers it this way. What she hates is me constantly asking her what she wants and me not having an opinion of my own. For my wife that is beta behavior and is true turn off. Even if you don’t care, always just pick something. She wants a leader and is happier being led. Captain/First Mate is how we roll and we are both happy with this life. Great post as always Rob

    Liked by 1 person

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