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The Forgotten Man

Rob Says3 Comments

I happened across a book at the grocery store that I was servicing on Friday, and the book was titled, “The Woman In The Window.” I don’t know who the author is, nor do I care. I have no idea what the book is about either. This isn’t a book review. All I know is that the title and the cover art caught my eye.

When there is a woman standing in a window, like there was on the cover of the book, people are going to notice. People always notice women in windows. “Oh she’s lonely! Oh she’s been kidnapped and held against her will! Oh she’s…..” You get what I saying.

Whenever there is a woman in a window, even in silhouette, or even just barely a glimpse of a face, she will be noticed. She will be noticed by someone. Whether a cop on a beat, a detective looking to solve a mystery, some kids out riding their bikes, or Karen across the street looking for predators, that woman in the window will be noticed.

Who doesn’t get noticed though?

Most men.

Men are the forgotten ones. They are invisible until they are needed. I’m not complaining or crying about it, it’s just the truth.

I go from job to job, 10 hours a day, and I’m almost never noticed. In fact, I tend to startle people because they didn’t see me until I am literally right next to them. I guess it’s a good thing for them that I mean no harm or ill intent, because if I did, it would be too late for them to do anything about it.

In a Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley, there are several classes of citizens. The most numerous and the one that is invisible and forgotten is the Epsilon class. These are the gardeners, the custodial staff, the power line workers, the trash collectors, the busboys, the miners, and the sewage treatment facility workers. These are the personnel that keep the world turning and keep the electricity flowing. Without them, everything grinds to a halt.

This is the great majority of men. Keeping the world turning, the oil flowing, the electricity on, the water going, and the internet on which you are reading this, and posting your latest selfie.

Without these men, you would be sitting in the dark, have no clean water to drink or bathe in, no internet to entertain yourself on, no heat to keep you warm in the winter and no air conditioning to keep you cool in the summer.

These men, these Epsilon’s of today are the unseen, unspoken, Forgotten Men. They are invisible to all until they are needed.

I’ve learned what it is like to be Unseen and Forgotten. It’s not a fun experience. It makes you question yourself, and ask yourself things like, “Do I even matter? What’s the point of life? Is my existence simply to show up, shut up, pay my taxes, and do what I’m told? Is my existence simply to be at the service of someone else? Someone else who doesn’t even know I exist, until they need me for something?”

We all want to be seen and heard. We all want to be noticed. We all want to matter. We all want to have a reason to live and exist and it can’t just be about living to serve and to pay taxes until we die. We don’t want to be Forgotten.

We want to be Remembered.

If we will be only seen when needed, how long will it take for us to decide to, say, not show up for work and keep the lights on? Or pick up your trash? Or keep the water running? How long can you last without your creature comforts and your internet before you need us? A week? A day?

An hour?

Less?

I wonder who will write the next book titled The Woman In The Window? I know I’ve seen that title before.

But who will truly write The Forgotten Man?

It’s A Stopping Point, Not A Destination

Rob Says2 Comments
I Don’t Know Why, But I Liked This Photo.

It’s been over a month since I last wrote or really visited my blog. Why is that?

It’s because I feel that when it comes to many if not most of the subjects that I have talked about on here, I have run out of things to say. I have said what I needed to say, and there are many more bloggers and creators that are saying basically the same things that I have said, only I think they are saying and doing it better than I ever could.

What am I talking about? Why, the Red Pill of course. “How do I get da gurlz?” “How do I get laid?” “Wahmen bad!” “Don’t touch your penis!” And all of those particular topics.

If you want to get laid, get in decent shape. I’m not talking about becoming a gym rat unless that is your thing, but lose some weight. Most of you could stand to lose 20 pounds or more.

And then go out and actually TALK TO WOMEN. Have a bonafide conversation with them. You might discover that they aren’t all bad and that there might be a few who would actually fuck you if you don’t overshare and tell them your whole life story in the first five minutes of meeting them.

That’s it. That’s pick up. That’s the heart of Game. If you can’t get the courage to go out and say hello to someone new, well, I don’t know what to tell you other than your life is going to be lonely, and it’s going to be hard. Especially if you think that women in general are bad or evil. So have at it. It’s your life. Good luck with it.

The Red Pill isn’t a destination. It’s not something that you find out about and then camp out and live there. It’s a way point. It’s a detour and a speed bump of your life. So get on with it. Get on with your life. There’s more to your life hopefully than just the Red Pill.

That’s all I’m going to say about it. I’ve said all of this before, this is nothing new, and so I’m done with it. Go back through the last three years of this blog if you want more information about that topic, it’s all there.

So what have I been doing for over a month now?

I became a ghost on Twitter for one. That won’t surprise the people who follow me there. The more I stay off Twitter, the more my life gets better, so other than the occasional post, me putting up these blog posts and my audio and YouTube stuff, I’m all but done there. I’ll still keep my account active so that people can direct message me and talk to me, and I’ll occasionally get on from time to time, but other than that, I’m done with it.

I’m in a transition period when it comes to my creativity. When I had Chad Elkins on The Salt Lake Sit-Down, and then I followed that up with Chad from The Failsafe, and with both guys, we barely if at all, touched on the Red Pill, that’s when I knew it was a time for me to change things up. I enjoyed talking about podcasting and musical gear with Chad. I enjoyed talking about work and jobs with Chad Elkins. I enjoyed just having regular conversations with some really cool guys about guy stuff. So going forward, at least with the Salt Lake Sit-Down on YouTube, that’s what I’m going to be doing. I’m going to have regular conversations with really cool guys about everything and anything at all. It’s not going to be a cryfest about how women ain’t shit or any of that nonsense.

Speaking of YouTube, there’s a couple of things that I’ll mention right now.

About a month ago, I spent almost one thousand dollars in audio equipment to better my sound quality for what I wanted to do and then I lost my urge to say all of those things. So I have and had all of this gear sitting there doing nothing and I had no desire to hook any of it up and carry on with that I had been doing. Talk about a dilemma. Do I box it all back up and send it back for a refund? Do I sell it on the internet? Do I shut my channel down and be done with it? Do I leave the channel up for posterity and because I occasionally said something that somebody might find to be useful in their lives down the road?

Don’t worry, I’m not shutting down my channel. I have put over three years of my life into it. I’m not shutting it down or leaving it up strictly for archival purposes. I’m still going to be creating content, just not the usual fare that most have subscribed for. So I’m probably going to lose what subscribers I have, and that’s okay. I’ll get new ones going forward.

Speaking of going forward, I had Joe from ProudMasculine.com on my latest Salt Lake Sit-Down and after the show I asked him if he would like to be a co-host with me and he said he would be delighted to do that. Going forward, when it comes to the Salt Lake Sit-Down, it will be Joe and me from here on out. We are still working out the details as to what day and times will work the best for the both of us, but that’s where we are at. So for better or for worse, if you watch my Salt Lake Sit-Down episodes, Joe is going to be a regular fixture going forward. I’m happy about that because I really like Joe and I think our dynamic is a good one.

In other news for those of you who don’t know, I stepped down from Masculine Geek.

Vince, James, and I had a talk about a week ago and that’s when I told them that I wanted to step down. They are my Brothers and I love them both dearly. It’s just time for me to move on to different things and I need that time to expand on what comes next. I’ll still drop in on the show from time to time and I may occasionally add a guest post to their blog or their newsletter, and I’ll definitely see them when we have real life meet ups. Masculine Geek was never intended or started as just an online thing. It was a means for guys to actually meet each other in real life.

So I’m not selling off or returning my thousand dollars worth of audio gear. I’m not shutting down my YouTube channel or this blog. I’ll still be writing here like I am at this moment. I’m not sure yet what I’m going to be writing about here and I’m not sure how often I’m going to be writing here. I would eventually like to get it back to having something for you, Dear Reader, to at least once a week. I’m sure I’ll get there again, I just don’t know when that will be or how long that will take. It takes as long as it takes I guess.

I’m not “done.” I’m not gone. I’m just in a transition period of my life when it comes to my creativity. I have had these periods before, and it’s where I’ll sit around for awhile wondering what I want and am going to do next. I’m sure I’ll do a lot of drinking and fucking while I figure that part out because that’s what I did the last time, over three years ago, when I had a transition period in my creative life.

Not to sound cheesy and like a cliche, but guys, life really is about the journey, not the destination. The Red Pill is a way point, not a final solution or the end point of your lives. Know that and then move on.

Peace,

Rob

The Hamburger Meat Moment

Rob Says1 Comment
I Don’t Know About You, But This Makes Me Hungry

Rian Stone posted a link on Twitter the other day, it was called, “The Hamburger Meat Moment.” It’s actually a pretty good read for a few reasons. One of the reasons is that it appears, and I say appears, because we all know that there’s no such thing as “women on the internet,” that it was written by a woman.

It’s not often that I see a woman have a “moment of clarity” and be able to take some accountability for her actions, but it appears that is exactly what happened here. The woman nags her husband over buying the “wrong” kind of hamburger meat and she gets on his ass and then watches him shut down over it. Then the realization hits her. She brought that response on. Her nagging on him was the reason that he shut down:

I saw his face gradually take on an expression that I’d seen on him a lot in recent years. It was a combination of resignation and demoralization. He looked eerily like our son does when he gets chastised. That’s when it hit me. “Why am I doing this? I’m not his mom.”

Like I said a moment ago, it’s not been often, at least in my experience, that women can recognize and realize that something they said or did was what caused their husbands or boyfriends to respond the way they do. I give kudos to her for realizing this.

That’s not exactly why I’m writing about this though. I’m writing about this article because of how much it reminds me of my past life. Reading it was like going back in time. Back to when I was married and my now ex-wife would get on my ass about one thing or another.

There was two incidents in particular that stick out to me:

I remember one time, when she first moved in with me, she opened the dishwasher and saw that I put the forks, knives, and spoons with the handles down and the sharp ends up. That wouldn’t do for her. Don’t get me wrong, she was “nice” about it, but she made a big deal about it, stating something along the lines of “being a klutz” and that she could see herself sticking her hand in there and jabbing herself with either a knife or the prongs of a fork or two. From then on, the forks and knives were placed in the dishwasher with the “pointy ends” down. It wasn’t a big deal to me then, nor is it a big deal to me to this day. It is something I remember though. It was the beginning of things to come.

One of the last things that I remember my ex-wife getting on me about was “not having an opinion.” You need to understand something about my ex-wife, and maybe some of you can relate, but my ex had an opinion on everything. I’m not exaggerating when I say this. She had an opinion on anything and everything from the weather, to whatever celebrity was doing whatever with whomever, to religion, politics, sex, and money.

If you have gotten to know me in real life you’ll realize or know that I don’t give a fuck about damn near anything. It’s not that I’m not aware of things going on around me, because I am, it’s just that I don’t care about the majority of things unless they have a direct immediate impact on my life. If they don’t have that impact, or especially if there is nothing that I can do about it, I don’t give a fuck about whatever it is. It’s easier that way for me and I can then focus on the things that do affect and impact me. There’s only so many fucks to give.

I remember her asking me my opinion about whatever it was at the time, and I told her that I didn’t have an opinion about whatever it was. I didn’t care. I was totally indifferent to the subject that she was discussing. It didn’t impact my life in the slightest, so fuck it. She was astounded that I didn’t have an opinion on it. It totally blew her away. I remember me saying something along the lines of, “it’s not a big deal,” and “it doesn’t affect me.” It turned that conversation into an argument of sorts for about 10 minutes or so.

What did I do at the time? I checked out. That’s what our relationship became towards the end. Her harping and me turning a deaf ear to what she was saying and me ultimately checking out altogether.

I’m not saying this like I think she was a bad person or that I was a victim because neither of those things are true. She’s not a bad person and I was certainly no victim. I allowed it to happen to me because I never spoke up until I got a “gut full” and it was too late because I had had enough.

“What this constant nagging and harping does is send a message to our husbands that says “we don’t respect you. We don’t think you’re smart enough to do things right. We expect you to mess up. And when you do, you’ll be called out on it swiftly and without reservation.” Given this kind of negative reinforcement over time, he feels like nothing he can do is right (in your eyes). If he’s confident with himself and who he is, he’ll come to resent you. If he’s at all unsure about himself, he’ll start to believe you, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Neither one is a desirable, beneficial outcome to you, him or the marriage.”

“If he’s confident with himself and who he is, he’ll come to resent you.” That is completely accurate. That’s what happened in the case of me and my ex-wife. I came to resent her. One thing that the author never mentions in her article though, is what the major consequences can be. Sure, the guy can avoid her or resent her or a bunch of other behaviors as well.

He can also leave when he has had enough. He can leave the relationship and go on to find another one where hopefully he learns his part in the play and he learns to set his own boundaries of what is acceptable and unacceptable and he’s able to call her out on it if and when that time comes.

I’m not advocating that leaving is the easiest and only option. Sometimes leaving isn’t feasible for a variety of reasons and I understand that. But it is an option, and sometimes it’s the only reasonable option.

I don’t know if “nagging” or women “correcting” behavior is a feature or a bug. Maybe it’s both, maybe it’s neither. Maybe it’s something else entirely. I do know that it does happen. It happened in my marriage and to a much lesser degree, my last long term relationship. Carl from Black Label Logic calls it “Death by 1000 Concessions,” and maybe that’s exactly what it is.

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