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Chasing The Dragon

Rob Says11 Comments

A couple of years ago, I stumbled across a blog called Black Dragon. That blog is now known as Caleb Jones. Caleb aka, Black Dragon is a guy who is trying to help other guys improve their lives, both physically, financially, and sexually. He “specializes” in being an older guy who picks up much younger women. In one of his blog posts, he talked about Change. I’ll be damned if I can’t find that article anymore, maybe he took it down at some point, but it really got me to thinking.

In that article about change, Black Dragon speculated that most guys, when it comes to their women, need some form of change. In many cases it can be just changing up sexual positions, role-playing, adding a wig or a different outfit to the mix, but they are still really good with the same woman.

But then there are other guys who need Change. Entirely different women. I think I tend to fall into this latter category. I’ve loved and lost over the years and I’ve been with some truly beautiful (at least in my eyes) women and they are fantastic in their own right. But I always catch myself wandering. Looking at other women. Wondering what it would be like to have sex with them. I’m sure most guys have “wandering eye syndrome” and have fantasized about having sex with someone entirely different from their current partner, but how many have actually taken steps to go from that fantasy to a reality?

When I first met my ex-wife, she knew that I was seeing other people. She referred to them as my “Strange Women.” She knew that I had no problem going out and picking women up in clubs or bars and taking them home. And it’s not a problem if you don’t step on your own dick and you don’t look like a complete schlub. Bars, not noisy, overly loud dance clubs, are great places to meet women who want and are looking to get laid. Many of my past successes when it came to one night stands came from bars and karaoke clubs. It was definitely a place where I was the right guy, in the right place, at the right time. Trust me, my game was nowhere near “tight.” But going to a bar, meeting a woman, talking with her, flirting with her, dancing with her if there is music going on, and then making out with her to some degree is possible in my world. Not only is it possible, it’s probable. Not only is it probable, it’s normal. Taking them home or somewhere else is normal and is part of the plan. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way I’m good.

When my marriage was starting to deteriorate, my now ex-wife asked me why I with her. I was honest. It was because at the time that I had met her, she was new. She wasn’t new anymore. Granted our marriage fell apart over much much more than just the fact that she wasn’t “new” anymore. The collapse was a lot more complex than just that. But it was a part of it.

It was also a part of my last serious long term relationship falling apart. My ex-girlfriend would have been a hard 8 on the scale for most guys, and she was definitely a hard 8 for me. And yet…. There were all these other women out there.

I’m not delusional in thinking that the “grass is greener on the other side of the fence.” It doesn’t stop me from wanting to go roll around in that grass anyways.

I was mentioning this to BullRush after the Let ‘Em Burn show that we had recently done and he said I was “Chasing the Dragon.” I like the sound of that phrase. It has a ring to it. I also looked it up online and found there is an actual definition to it. Chasing the Dragon is primarily about heroin users chasing a high. It’s drug users that are chasing that rush. He wasn’t wrong though.

That chemical cocktail that courses through our bodies, that we either call Lust or Love, is more potent than any drug on this planet as far as I’m concerned. More potent than heroin, opium, cocaine, or even meth. More potent than alcohol. I know I have said and done some completely stupid fucked up shit while being high from being either in Lust or Love. I know I can’t think straight when I’m caught up in it. I know that I know this and I keep chasing the dragon anyways.

While I do know and would agree with just about anyone who says that sex over time with the same person usually gets better and better, and it does, I also know that there is something about that very first time that you have sex with someone that is literally more of a stranger than not. It’s a rush. While I may not come as hard as I have with someone who has gotten to know my body over time, that first orgasm in some strange literally can’t be beat, at least for me.

Call it “the hunt” vs “the kill” or whatever you want, but to me, it’s Chasing the Dragon. And I don’t know if I’ll ever “get over it” or “beat it.” And honestly, I don’t know if I want to “get over it” or “beat it.”

I want to give credit to the guys who have been with the same woman for years and years. You’ve got something there that I have never had and probably never will have. In that sense, you are a “better” man than me. But I’m okay with who and what I am. Honestly, the concept of being with the same woman for the majority of my life is an alien and foreign concept to me. Much like people talking about siblings. I’ve never had a sibling or siblings, so to know what that is like is completely foreign to me. It’s simply beyond my grasp other than in a theoretical stance.

The longest I have ever had only one woman in my life was 7 years total, and that was my ex-wife. We were together for two years and married for five years after that. My last long term relationship was just barely over 4 years when it ended. Those are my two longest relationships that I have ever had since I started dating back when I was 16. Everything else was a handful of one night stands, a few “dirty weekends,” a couple of things that lasted anywhere from a month to about 8 months, with an average of maybe 3 months total. It’s usually around 3 months, if not sooner, that I start wanting to “Chase the Dragon” once again.

Oh Rob, you just haven’t “met the right woman yet.” Maybe. I highly doubt that though. Maybe it’s just me and who I am. Maybe I’m wired differently in that respect from the so-called “average guy.” Maybe it’s because I’m so fascinated with “strange.” Maybe it’s because I know, deep down, that unless we have something truly apocalyptic and bizarre that wipes the majority of the women off the face of the map, there’s always another woman. Because there is. There’s always another woman. My problem is there’s so many women that I want to meet, and yes, to fuck, and I don’t have enough energy or time left on this planet to do it.

The Forgotten Man, Part Two

Rob SaysLeave a comment
A Result Of Being The Forgotten Man.

You can find The Forgotten Man, Part 1 here.

Nobody likes to be invisible, NOBODY.

I have been thinking more about the Forgotten Man, and I remember that I wrote a post about Dustin, a while back. There is great power and great pain when you ignore somebody. The same can be said for someone that just simply isn’t seen until needed. Like I just mentioned, nobody likes to be invisible. Unless you are either a spy collecting information and secrets, or if you are up to no good.

From what I gather, the most “cruel” punishment that can be doled out in prison is solitary confinement. Guys who “go in the hole” for an extended period of time come out “off.” We are social creatures, we want to be seen and to know that we matter. Why do you think guys are yammering on incessantly on social media about whatever their pet projects are? They want to be seen. They want to know that they matter. That’s probably the biggest part of why stupid things like semen retention and “My Legacy” are a thing. It’s guys wanting to get attention. Just like attention is the coin of the realm in girlworld (h/t Rollo T) it’s pretty much the same for men.

I’m beginning to think that all of these so-called “Alpha Males” are nothing more than feminized men. But that’s another topic for another time.

If we as Men are the Forgotten, if we are the Invisible, if we are truly the Epsilon class of society, which let’s be honest, most of us are, what do we do about it? What can be done? How can we be Remembered?

I’m being more rhetorical here, to be honest. But it is a legitimate question. Some guys think that they will be remembered because they became Dad’s and threw a ball around with their kids when their kids were young. They might be remembered. Or maybe their kids will tell Dad to go pound sand and disappear, never to be seen or heard from again. What I call a “Hard Rebellion” is a real thing. Your children aren’t an extension of you, they are their own persons, with their own thoughts, wants, and desires. You as the Father may not have any part in those thoughts, wants, or desires.

When we hear about atrocities such as mass shootings, most of the general public is shocked and horrified. How could something like this happen? It must be that “toxic masculinity” that’s been going around like a virus. Did you ever stop and think that maybe the shooter was Forgotten? That he, and let’s be honest, I don’t hear about a lot of women mass shooters, got tired of being Unseen?

I’m not defending the mass shooters actions, I’m simply saying that maybe being Forgotten, being Unseen, being Invisible, took a toll on the psyche of the shooter to the point that the individual decided that he wanted to be Seen, no matter the cost?

Being Invisible, being Forgotten, being Unseen is a slow death.

It’s mentally painful. It’s excruciating.

You try to be Seen and Heard. Nobody hears or sees you. So you wave your arms higher and more vigorously. You shout and scream louder. Nobody hears you or sees you, because everybody else is screaming and shouting and waving their arms too. So for some, you do the unthinkable. Agree or disagree, it’s an effective way to be noticed. Even if only for a moment. And for some, that brief moment is enough.

Living life as a Forgotten Man is living a life of quiet desperation. It’s a life where you smile on the outside because you don’t want to burden others with your troubles and because people get scared when they see that thousand yard stare in your eyes. It’s when someone asks how you are doing and you default to the answer of, “I’m fine.” Because people get uncomfortable when you say, “My life fucking sucks.” They don’t know how to respond to that brutal honesty.

I put up a little meme in a few posts a while ago:

And I still stand by this picture.

Most Forgotten Men fall under the first category, and I won’t lie to you, it’s a feat to get out of that one. It isn’t easy. But if and when you do get out of it and you can get yourself truly into the second category, that’s when you are truly free. You can be free and Forgotten and it doesn’t matter. You can do what you want, when you want, with who you want, and you’ll be good with that. You get to a point where you can watch what other people are saying and doing in order to be heard and seen and you end up just rolling your eyes and laughing to yourself. Because nobody gives a shit.

Nobody gives a shit about your kids except you. Nobody gives a shit about your Legacy except you. Nobody gives a shit about your problems, including the fact that you are Forgotten and Invisible, except you. And it’s okay.

I hope more Forgotten Men see this post and know that being Forgotten, being Invisible, isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Being Forgotten and Invisible has its perks. You get to see and hear things that if you were Seen and Remembered, people wouldn’t be saying and doing those things around you. You get to see people how they truly are, what they truly think, how they truly act. You can go through life practically undetected and get away with things that those who are Seen and Remembered can’t do or get away with.

While living as Forgotten and Invisible can be a prison in its own right, living under a spotlight is a prison and a hell of its own.

It’s Romanticism By Any Other Name

Rob Says4 Comments
Remember “Dub Mixes?” I do.

Apparently I still have more to say lol.

Teriyaki and I were out having breakfast last weekend, and while we were waiting for our food, “Sister Golden Hair” from America was playing on the PA system. It’s a song that I grew up with. I have to give Teriyaki some credit because she knew the song and was pretty certain who the artist was. Not bad for a girl who was born almost a decade after the song was written and published.

While I was listening and enjoying the song, I realized that while the song didn’t mention a woman’s name, it was in fact, about a woman. There are tons of songs like this. From songs that mention women in a general sense like, “Every Rose Has Its Thorn,” “Witchy Woman,” and “Brown Eyed Girl,” to songs that mention specific names like, “Rosanna,” “Oh Sherrie,” “Mandy,” “Beth,” and “Roxanne” (h/t to Teriyaki for mentioning the Police) there are songs everywhere written mostly by men, about women. Women they love and lost, women who burned them, women they desire.

How many songs are out there that were or are, written by women and are about men? I’m not being snarky or rhetorical, it’s a genuine question. I would like someone to give me a name of a female artist who has written a song about a man that isn’t about her father. I want to know about it. The only one that I can think of in recent times is “The One That Got Away” which was co-written by Katy Perry. This is the closest one that I can come up with without doing a hardcore internet search. Notice that I said co-written. I’m specifically looking for something that was written and ideally sang entirely by a woman about her Man. Bonus points if the song is named after a specific man.

I mentioned guys writing and singing songs about their women to Teriyaki and how, at least at that time, I couldn’t come up with one single female artist who had written and sang a song about her Man, or any man for that matter, other than maybe her Father. I wasn’t bitter or angry then, and I’m not bitter or angry now. I was just pointing out what I had noticed. Teriyaki couldn’t think of a single female songwriter or artist either, or any song that specifically mentioned a Man by his name, not even one about a woman’s Father.

Now to be fair, what would we write and sing about if not for women? You can only sing so many songs about your vehicles, your guns, your dog, and partying in general. What would we sing and write about?

I know! It would something about semen retention.

“Oh what a feeling! When you’re retaining all your semen! Oh what a feeling! You ain’t touching on your penis..” Look up “Dancing on the Ceiling” by Lionel Richie for the chorus to get the groove of where I’m going.

Or…

“Marcus Aurelius, I’m reading his things! Clearing my mind, getting perspective on things.. Before his stuff I couldn’t do things! Just call his name, your mind will be clean… Marcus! Marcus!” See “Master of Puppets” by Metallica, the chorus specifically for that one.

No, it’s probably better that we keep writing and singing about love had and love lost. It’s more relatable for sure.

Like Rollo said, oh so long ago, “Men are the Romantics and women are the pragmatists.” Or something like that. You get the idea. We are forgotten until we are needed. It is what it is. I’ve mentioned the Forgotten Man in a more recent post and I’m going to continue down this rabbit hole in the near future because there is more that I have to say about it.

Women can be romantic, god knows I have experienced it many times throughout my life, but are they romantic by default? No.

Stay tuned, more to come.