Author: Rob Says

A man who loves and likes women.

Trust

Rob Says2 Comments

adult affection bed closeness

Trust. What is it? According to Webster, trust is:

a: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
b: one in which confidence is placed

We as Men want to trust. We want to trust that the sun will rise in the east and set in the west. We want to know that if someone says they will do something, they will do it. We want to know that if we say something to you in confidence, that you will keep your mouth shut and not repeat it.

We want to trust.

As I have gone on through my life, I’ve realized one thing:

I can trust that you will do what is in your best interest. I can trust that you will do what works best for you. Whatever that is, may not in fact be in my best interest. If I confide in you, will you repeat what I said to you, to someone else? Will you use it against me?

Your previous actions and behaviors will show me the way.

But what if I don’t know you or your previous actions and behaviors? What if I don’t know what you will do? Better to keep whatever it is to myself. And even if your previous actions and behaviors say that I can confide in you on a great many things, can I confide in you with “this?” (Insert whatever here.)

One of the conundrums that we as Men face is the limitations and abilities to trust the women that show up in our lives. We want them to be “Ride or Die Bitches,” and I truly believe that women mean well when they say that they are that for us.

It’s another thing entirely when you actually go to your woman and tell her that you need her to create an alibi for you. It’s one thing to talk about hiding the bodies and it’s another thing entirely when you actually have to go and hide the bodies.

Being able to honestly trust a man is a fucking superpower. – Rian Stone

The above quote got me to thinking and this is why I’m writing this post. I believe that we as Men are looking for people that we can honestly trust. People that we can pretty much tell them whatever is on our minds, or what we have done, and that they will keep what we said or did quiet. Minimal to no judgement. No real fear of consequences whether it be a loss of friendship or being turned into authorities or having other people we value knowing what it is that we said or did.

There lies the quandary. Most people, women included, can’t keep their mouths shut. I’m finding throughout my life that most men are that way as well, they can’t keep their mouths shut either.

Rian calls it “Mess Culture.” It’s a military thing apparently. I say this because I have never been in the military, so I’m only able to speculate. From what I gather, “Mess Culture” takes place in the mess hall, where guys sit down to eat, and whatever bullshit happens there, it’s handled there, and it stays there. It doesn’t go outside the mess hall. It doesn’t get reported up the chain of command. It doesn’t go out on to the battlefield or on to the patrol ground. It doesn’t get carried forward.

I think a lot of guys today are looking for “Mess Culture” in their girlfriends, women in general, and their wives. I would like to believe that it may be possible to find that “Mess Culture” or that “Ride or Die” in a particular woman, but in over 40 years I haven’t encountered her yet. Maybe she is out there and maybe I just haven’t encountered her, but I haven’t met a woman yet that I would truly trust enough to help me bury a body if that circumstance ever presented itself.

To be honest, with maybe an exception of one or two Men in my life, I haven’t encountered a Man that I would be comfortable enough and willing to trust enough to help me bury a body. Their are very few Men that I would actually trust with my life on the line. One of those few Men would happen to be my Father in case you were wondering. I think that level of trust comes through not only in consistent behavior, but in time. The guys I trust the most, I’ve known for years.

That’s the conundrum that I think we as Men are encountering. We want to trust. We want to trust each other as Men. We want to trust our women. We want to trust that all parties involved will help us out if needed and that they will keep their fucking mouths shut.

All we can really do though is trust that they will act in their best self interests. Know this and act accordingly. Know that people are going to do whatever it is that they think is in their best interests.

Know that for the most part, that whatever it is that you want to share, whatever it is that you want to divulge, will end up being said to others. Are you willing and able to deal with that fallout when that time comes? Will you be able to recover from it when it happens? Will it affect you adversely if and when whatever it is comes to the light of day?

If you can’t deal with the fallout or it will affect you too adversely if it ever came to light, it may be better to keep your mouth shut and live with it, whatever it is.

Sometimes there are things that you will need to take to the grave. Accept that.

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Sheila Likes…

Rob Says2 Comments
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“Sheila”

Sheila likes Tequila – Steelheart

I swear to god that my entire life is a fucking soundtrack. Every major event for me and even some of the minor ones, have an accompanying soundtrack. It’s one part musical, one part opera, and one part concert that is constantly going on in the background.

Today is no exception.

Red Pill Dad wrote a totally awesome blog post the other day that specifically dealt with the question of, “Do you give a woman your phone number, or do you take her number from her?” While he definitely came at it from a particular angle and I do happen to agree with him, I can also see the “other side” as well. As a side-note, I’ve had some success with both approaches. To me, it all depends on the context and the woman. More importantly though, Red Pill Dad addressed the pudwacks in the Spergosphere. On that particular topic I agree with him 110% and then some. Maybe that is part of why I do what I do. I got tired of seeing the dipshits doing dipshittery and taking other guys down with them. It’s tough enough out in the world trying to be a Man, let alone have some dumbass filling your head with nothing but pure unadulterated bullshit.

Anyways, while I was reading his article, I was drinking a beer and listening to Steelheart, and the song “Sheila” came on. I have no idea why, but this song reminds me of a woman that I met this last December.

Now mind you, I met her online, and she’s 43 (Gasp! I can almost hear and see the pudwacks pulling their dicks out to have a masturbation circle over what I’m writing about. Dude! I only bang 9’s and 10’s! She’s old! Blah, blah, blah…)

“Sheila” is another woman with a bunch of red flags.

Now, I don’t want you, Gentle Reader, to misunderstand me. I’m not shitting on her. She was an amazing woman. She was under 5 feet tall, 4’9 if my memory serves me correctly, and to a short fucker like me, that made me a literal giant when she stood next to me. She weighed 95 pounds, had an athletic build, and had no children. She was intelligent, had a razor sharp wit, and even had the goth thing going on. Physically, this woman pressed ALL of my buttons. Well, almost all of my buttons. The only thing that I could bitch about was her hair was much shorter than I generally like. But now I’m just being picky.

But…

The red flags…. And oh man, were there red flags…

She was on SSRI’s. She had enough mental issues going on that she was able to get disability from the state. She didn’t have a job and she didn’t work. She didn’t have a car, and she didn’t have a drivers license. And at 43 years old, she lived at home with her parents.

Whew…

Being on disability is a big one for me. That means she’s on a fixed income with a minimal likelihood that it was going to improve unless things in her life changed in a major way and she was able to rejoin the workforce. I can’t have that in my life. Not in any medium to long term sense. I can’t be the only one bringing in the money. She has got to be able to pull her own weight to some degree.

The not having a car or the ability to drive legally was another big one for me. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a lazy fucker and I like my women to be able to drive to me. I like it when they will come to my house, help me fix dinner, fuck me, maybe sleep over, but then drive their happy asses home the next morning, or even later that same night. The idea that I would have to play chauffeur for her happy ass is not something I wanted to do except maybe once or twice, but after that? Nah.

Did I mention that this poor woman had been engaged and that her fiance had committed suicide? Oh I must have forgotten that one earlier. That was something I learned from her on the first and only occasion that I went out with her. While we were driving to the bar to get a drink is when I learned about her guy and how less than a year earlier, he had taken his own life.

“Sheila” wasn’t ready to date. Why she was on dating apps still blows my mind to this day. She hadn’t dealt with her grief and her loss and here she was, out on the town with a guy who wanted to bang the fuck out of her.

Ultimately “Sheila” and I went nowhere. There was nowhere to go and the writing was clearly on the wall for me. I just wanted to bang because she pressed all of my physical buttons. Given half a chance, I would still take a swing at that one. The red flags though, they are too much, even for me, especially when all I wanted to do was bang.

Not every encounter is a win. Not every date is a lay. Sometimes they “get away,” and sometimes you release them because you know what you are getting yourself into and it’s not worth the energy or the effort. Sometimes the results aren’t worth the price you pay.

I like to think that “Sheila” is getting help for her myriad of ills and issues. I really hope she does. She’s a sweet girl who is highly intelligent, has a fantastic body that she takes a lot of pride in and takes care of, and whether you believe “deserve” has anything to do with anything, I believe she “deserves” another chance at finding love and happiness. She just won’t find it with me.

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Your Frame Is Everything

Rob Says1 Comment

white framed glass window

There’s a guy that I subscribe to on YouTube who put out a video recently that got me to thinking. I don’t always agree with this particular individual’s take on things, but I do think that he is highly intelligent, cares deeply about his topics, cares deeply about his subscribers, and that when he creates a video on a topic, he gives it a lot of thought.

That being said, I think for this particular video, it was a swing and a miss.

He talks about “hypergamy refuses to choose.” He talks about women in general refusing to choose either A or B, whatever those things might be. He mentions that women “want it all.” I agree with him on this. This is women’s nature. They don’t like to be “pinned down” and they don’t like to choose, not really. They don’t like to choose because they don’t know what they want.

Ask a woman what she wants and she’ll give you a different answer for the same question depending on the time of day, what’s going on in her life, and her mood. That’s just her nature. She doesn’t know what she wants, and that’s okay. Of course she wants it all. That’s just her nature.

“Would you rather spend time in the mountains, or on the beach?” “Both.”

“Would you rather go out or stay in?” “Both.”

The guy says, “Tell me about your values, your morals, and your ethics.” Women don’t know, not really. They are fluid. It doesn’t make women bad or inferior, it just makes them women. They are different.

I think the guy seemed pretty frustrated when he can’t get a woman to commit to an answer, and that’s because he’s still treating her like she is a man. She’s not.

Men will commit to an answer to the question of their values, morals, ethics, what they like to eat, and whether they would rather go to the mountains or to the beach. That’s what men do. We commit. That’s not what women do.

The guy mentions, “Pay attention to the girl who chooses everything, because that means she chooses nothing.” All women are like that. From 12 years old up until their deaths, women are like that. My 67 year old mother was like that right up until the day she died.

Women are the most responsible teenager in the house, so act accordingly.

I say his video was a swing and miss, not because he was wrong, but because he was asking the wrong questions.

It’s not about what she chooses, or what she stands for, or what she values. It’s about what do you stand for? What do you value? What do you choose?

Women are happy to go along, they are happy to support, they are usually happy with whatever you choose. So that’s what you do.

Instead of worrying and ending up chasing her around, you do what matters to you. Stop chasing her. Focus on your goals and desires. If she’s interested in you, she’ll be more than happy to come along for the ride. If not, she’ll go away.

Women want to be lead. They want to follow. Anything else will eventually lead to unhappiness and misery for the both of you.

Stop focusing on what she stands for. It changes and she doesn’t know what she stands for. Focus on what you stand for. Focus on what you want to do. Focus on where you want to go, and then invite her to come along. Either she will or she won’t. Either way, you’re doing what you want to do and you’re going where you want to go, and if she doesn’t want to come along, that’s fine. Worst case, you’ll find someone else who is more than eager and willing to go your direction.

You can’t be angry or upset that a cheetah has spots instead of stripes. You can’t be angry that a cheetah isn’t a tiger or a lion. A cheetah is going to cheetah. A tiger is going to tiger. It’s what they do, it’s their nature. Same goes for women. You can’t get angry over the fact that she doesn’t think and act like you do. That’s not her nature. It doesn’t mean that you put up with bad behavior, but you can’t be mad or overly concerned about her nature.

The guy goes on later in the video to say things like, “You can’t trust them.” Sure you can. You can trust them to be them. You can trust that they are going to act in their own best self interest. And then you act accordingly for your own best self interest. Maybe that means calling her out on bad behavior, maybe that means that you stop paying attention to her when she does something that you don’t care for. Maybe that means you let it slide because it’s honestly not that big of a deal. Or maybe that means you put her out the door or you walk out the door yourself and you don’t look back.

The guy more or less finishes the video with “Be very suspicious gentlemen and be very careful with women.” It was almost like he was about to say, “The juice isn’t worth the squeeze,” or something along those lines. I disagree with him here. That’s putting yourself in her frame, her reality. You are the one “worrying” about what she is going to do, say, etc. Worry about your goals and whatnot instead. Ultimately she either comes along or not.

Instead of asking her, “What would you like for dinner?” Ask instead, “Which would you rather have, chicken, steak, or pizza?” Whatever answer she gives you, you still “win” because you decided for yourself that either chicken, steak, or pizza sounded good for dinner for you.

When you make plans, you don’t have to do everything. Just the critical things. Give her things that she can help out with, but aren’t necessarily crucial. If you are going out of town for a few days, have her pack the clothes. Every woman I have met are master packers. They have it down to a science and are far better packers than I will ever be. Let her prep some of the food while you worry about making sure you have the tent, the batteries for the flashlights, the fuel and tinder for the campfire, and the firearms when you go camping. Let her support you. You don’t have to do it all. Just make sure that you handle the most critical stuff. Make sure if you are flying together that you have the airline tickets and ID’s. Let her worry about packing the luggage.

Stop trying to change a cheetah into a tiger, that’s not going to happen. Stop being concerned with why she does what she does and with what she wants. Focus on what you want and need and go from there.

In summation:

What do women want?

Who cares?

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