“Male loneliness is rooted in a lack of intimacy, not lack of friendship.” – Chest Rockwell

I saw this tweet right before I started writing this post. In fact, this tweet is why I’m writing this post, so thanks, Chesty.

A while back, I wrote a post called, “Why Can’t We Be Friends?” and even did a video on it. It’s an age-old debate among men and women. Can men and women be friends? Go read the post and/or watch the video for my answer to what I think about that particular question. But Chesty’s comment is the why to that question.

Men and women both will tell you that you will “die alone as a lonely old man.” I hate to break it to you, but we all die alone. Even if you happen to die at the same time, in the same circumstances like a vehicle accident, you’ll still actually die alone. The dying process is a solitary one. Each and every one of us will go through it eventually, some sooner than others. We all owe the world a death. It’s inevitable.

But you don’t have to live alone.

I’m not specifically saying that you need to “turn that ho into a housewife,” or that you need to play house with some woman, but at the end of the day, male loneliness is a lack of intimacy, not friendship.

I have very few and very select friends. I can count them on both hands. Some of them I have known for over 30+ years and some of them are more recent, like in the last couple of years. Some of them I talk to on a fairly regular basis, others I only talk to them once or twice a year if I’m lucky enough to do that. For a few of them, I haven’t talked to them in at least five years, but when we do talk and get together, it’s like there is no gap in time. We pick up right where we left off.

After I got divorced and especially after my ex-girlfriend left back at the end of 2018, I spent a lot of time being alone. The loneliness would only show up when there was a lack of intimacy. One of the loneliest periods of my life was when I was married with my wife in the bed next to me. I sleep alone nowadays for the most part and I’m never lonely when I do it. I may be alone, but I’m not lonely. Sometimes I even prefer to sleep alone, that way I get the rest I need and I can sprawl in my bed any way that I want. I don’t have to share that space if I don’t want to.

Nermal died a week ago for those of you who don’t follow along. While I grieved at the time, and his absence is still felt and will be felt for some time to come, I’m not lonely because he’s gone. He was my cat and I was his human, and in a very weird way, he was a “friend” to me. In some ways he was more of a friend than most people could ever be. But I’m not lonely because he’s gone.

Friends are great, fantastic even. They can be a lifeline when you are staring into the abyss and they can help pull you back from the brink of self-destruction. But they can’t “cure” loneliness. Nor is it their job to try to do it, that’s on you.

Male loneliness is rooted in a lack of intimacy and I’m not just talking about fucking. I’m talking about actual intimacy. While I don’t recommend that you blubber and cry on a woman’s shoulder, it doesn’t mean that you can’t express some of your hopes and dreams to her. Moments of silliness and goofiness can be intimate. I know the belly dancer has seen parts of me that very few women have. She keeps being able to unravel the enigma that is me, and that’s because I don’t put it all out there from the start. Even if she was to see this blog and this blog post in particular, it would be yet another thread into “who I am” to her.

If you are lonely, getting a dog or another type of pet isn’t going to be the answer to solve that particular equation. Sure, you can call a friend and go out, shoot the shit, and have a beer, and that will probably “take the edge off” for a moment, but it won’t last for long. It’s your lack of intimacy that you need to address and do something about.

I have talked to guys who have paid visits to brothels and have paid prostitutes for sex. I personally don’t have a stand on this particular activity. I figure there’s nothing inherently wrong with it, it’s been around for ages, and obviously there’s a demand for it. So if that’s what you want to do, by all means, go out and do that. If you don’t want to do that, then don’t. Plain and simple. What I have found out though from talking to these guys who have paid a prostitute for sex is that while she is “hot,” and the sex itself at the time, was “good,” it was ultimately wasn’t what they were actually looking for. That’s because the guy may have been horny, but he was also lonely. Why is it that guys will pay exorbitant amounts of money just to spend a little time with a woman, let alone fuck her? Because he is lonely. He’s looking for intimacy, not just sex and release. It’s called the “Girlfriend Experience” for a reason. He’s paying for intimacy. He’s paying to alleviate his loneliness.

The guys who advocate “WealthMaxxing” are intentionally or inadvertently sending you down the same road. If money can solve your loneliness, which it can for a short period of time, well then you had better get to hustling and grinding. But realize like these guys that I have talked to have told me, it was a short dopamine hit and the loneliness came right back, sometimes before the prostitute had even left the room.

Getting new friends or more friends or getting a pet isn’t going to solve your loneliness problem. Making money or more money won’t solve it either. Don’t get me wrong, it’s better to have money than to not have money, but it isn’t going to cure your loneliness.

There is an answer though. I have talked about it on this blog over and over. I have hinted at it, alluded to it, and in a few cases, even spelled it out. I have done the exact same thing on my YouTube channel. It’s even what Nick, Bull, and I have talked about for the last three years. If you can’t figure it out, or don’t know what I’m talking about, then I can’t help you.