Here’s the thing for those of you are new, or for those of you who haven’t figured it out by now:

I’m non-monogamous. I’m not looking to get married again. Ever. At this point, I’m not looking for cohabitation. I’m open to something “long term,” but can we leave monogamy at the door? I like variety, I like new. I’m always looking for something “extra.” Whether that extra ends up as a one night stand, or she becomes a significant part of my life, I’m always looking for more.

No one woman can fulfill all of my wants, needs, and desires. Nor can I be the only man to fulfill all of hers. There’s things that I can’t and don’t want to do. The belly dancer doesn’t fulfill all of my wants, needs, and desires, and I don’t fulfill all of hers. That’s some serious expectations if you ask me. That’s “covert contracts.” So why not non-monogamy? I wrote about the price of admission a while ago, and it hasn’t changed one iota. When you choose a life of non-exclusivity or non-monogamy, your dating and sex life will become a revolving door. Women will come and go. Sometimes they come back. Just like in the screenshot that I posted above. And then they go again, with or without warning. “Velvet” is “gone” again. Will she come back for round 3? Who knows? Maybe. Then again, I told her during the second round, that there wouldn’t be a third round. That’s because I know her bullshit and I’m not about history repeating itself too many goddamn times. Then again, the sex with her was pretty damn good. So if she’s down to fuck, why not? But that’ll be all it’ll be.

The point is, I choose a lifestyle over a woman. I like how it works for me and I’m fine with paying the price of admission. Life is short and temporary. There’s no guarantees, and we all die alone at the end. I’ve met plenty of women who were “looking for something serious” only to show back up a month later. Just like in the screenshot above. That’s why I say, “There’s always another woman.” That is why, “The Song Remains The Same, Only The Names Have Changed.” Maybe as I’m lying on my deathbed, I’ll reconsider what I have done, and realize that it was all for naught, and you can all say, “I told you so!” But I highly doubt it.

The only time there isn’t another woman is if you decide to quit or when you die. That’s it. Other than that, the sky is the limit.

Do I get lonely sometimes? Sure. But I have never felt so alone as when I was married. I chose the wrong woman for the wrong reasons and I won’t do that again. I realised who I was and what I wanted. I’m okay with a “revolving door.” I’m okay that women walk in and out of my life. I’m still here. And almost all of them are welcome back if they so desire. I’m not going to give up the lifestyle for any one of them until I decide to. That’s my choice, and I’m open to it, but it’s on my terms. I have been through worse than a woman leaving. Much worse. I’ll find another one in short order.

When I was in my 20’s an older woman asked me, “What are you looking for?”

I said, “Love.”

She said, “Oh honey, you can go around the block and find love.”

Back then I didn’t know what she meant. I understand what she meant now, and that’s because I’m close to the same age she was when she told me that. There is No One, as Rollo has said, and it’s true. That doesn’t mean that you can’t find someone to “grow old with,” but stop looking for your “soulmate.” They don’t exist and they never did.

When I look at most monogamous relationships, what I usually see is two people living a life of quiet desperation. Neither one of them are attracted to each other anymore, for whatever reason. Most of them are settling for each other because they don’t want to “die alone.” They tolerate each other at best. While they may look at each other and say, “I like them,” they aren’t “into” each other. I don’t want that. I would rather choose a “revolving door” instead of a life of quiet desperation. I would rather she be “into me” until she isn’t, or I her, than being roommates. I would rather live alone and be good with myself and my life than living with someone else who barely tolerates me, or I barely tolerate them.

Been there, done that.