The “Black Pill”

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Apparently while I’ve been doing other things, MGTOW and “Incels” have become a thing again in the ‘Sphere.

I don’t really understand people’s fascination with either group, they hold very little interest for me. Like Darth Vader said, “Asteroids (MGTOW’s and Incels) do not concern me, Admiral.”

They don’t concern me because I’m not one of them. I don’t have a problem with meeting and attracting women and getting laid and women don’t leave a foul taste in my mouth, so I really have nothing in common with them.

So what are my thoughts about both groups? I don’t think about them at all. Unless you find yourself in one of these groups, for whatever reason, you shouldn’t concern yourself with them either. Life is too short to worry about them.

Speaking of life, life is absurd. If you haven’t already figured it out by now, I’m an atheist. I don’t make a big deal about it because there’s nothing to make a big deal about. You believe in whatever you want to believe in and I’ll believe what I believe and we’ll call it good.

Life is absurd because for me, there is no afterlife. There is no heaven or hell but what we make here. There is no punishment or reward for a life well-lived (well-behaved) in the here-after. That makes things really easy for me. Since there is no afterlife, I might as well enjoy the life here that I have for as long as I’m alive.

Where life gets absurd is when you ask the question, “What is the meaning of life?” The answer to that question, for me, is very simple. It’s this:

The meaning of life is whatever you make of it.

That’s where things can get absurd. We want there to be “more” to it, but it’s really that simple. It’s absurd because there is no meaning to life inherently. So you could say, “To hell with it. I’ll just kill myself.”

To which I’ll say, “Yes you could. If that is what you choose. No one is stopping you and no one can stop you if you are serious about ending your life.”

Life is absurd but it isn’t a tragedy. I’m quoting Chest “Chesty” Rockwell from Twitter on this one. Life just is. What you think about it or what you believe about it is where you get to say it’s either good, bad, or otherwise. I believe it was Shakespeare who said, “There is no good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Life is no different. Life just is. And life goes on. With or without you. Life itself is indifferent to you and me. It’s indifferent to all of us.

So you can choose to be unhappy, depressed, cynical, and angry about it. Or you can choose to look at it in a different way. Either way, life is indifferent.

“Life is beautiful and outside there is no salvation.” – Albert Camus

Life is hard sometimes. Life can be a struggle. You will find yourself dealing with loss and setbacks. You’ll find yourself not always getting the things you want. That’s life. Life wasn’t meant to be about you getting everything to your heart’s desire. It doesn’t work that way. Learn to deal with that and live with it, or don’t. Either way life is indifferent and nobody gives a shit.

Taking the “Black Pill” is choosing to look at life and say fuck it. “The juice isn’t worth the squeeze,” and all of that stuff. It’s about giving up. It’s about quitting. Want to quit? That’s fine by me, because I don’t give a shit. I have my own problems, just like you do. I have my own shit to deal with, let alone yours. You aren’t my responsibility, just like I’m not yours.

I wrote about a woman that I had a relationship with back when I was eighteen. When that relationship ended, I seriously considered putting the business end of a shotgun in my mouth and pulling the trigger. If I had done that I wouldn’t be here today. I would have been dead at 21.

I look back at those 27 years gone by and I’m blown away by the things I have done, the people I have met and the friendships I have made. The women that I have loved and they loved me back. As of this writing almost all of those relationships with those women have ended in one way or another. Sometimes I chose to end them, in other cases, they chose to end it. Some relationships ended about as well as a relationship could end, some of them ended in near disaster with a lot of hurt feelings and bruised egos on both sides.

If I had ended my life back then, none of the beauty and hardship of life that I have experienced would have happened. And I would still be dead.

I ran into that ex-girlfriend from way back when a few years ago. When I first noticed her, it took her a minute to remember who I was. That’s how little our relationship meant to her I guess. Apparently I wasn’t even a blip on her radar. Once she remembered who I was, we talked and had a few laughs strolling down memory lane. I think back to when I was that 21 year old kid ready and willing to kill himself over this girl who had turned into a woman after 20+ years.

What happened in her life from after we broke up and then met again 20+ years later? She got fat. She has been married and divorced twice. She has a teenage son from one of the husband’s. She has buried her own mother a year or so before we ran into each other. She has been a part of a business that had success and had also failed and went into bankruptcy.

She got over me and moved on with her life way before I had moved on from her. What would have happened if I had killed myself? She would have probably done the exact same thing that she did, the only difference is that she might have mourned me for a minute before moving on. I would still be dead. I don’t say this with any bitterness or anger, it’s just the truth.

When my mother died back in September of 2018, my father and I did the thing where you stand in line by the casket and you shake people’s hands and hug them and listen to them say what they have to say. Everyone said, “I’m so sorry for your loss. She was a great woman. If you need anything, call me.” And after they shook hands and gave hugs, they went about their day. Life went on for them and they didn’t miss a beat.

Same thing happened a couple of months ago when the last of my father’s best friends died. I went to the funeral, shook hands, gave hugs, said what a great guy he had been, and when I left, I told my Dad that I was sorry that his last best friend had died. Then I went on with my life. My Dad nodded and went on with his life too. Life goes on.

My ex-wife threatened to kill herself when I told her I wanted a divorce back in 2014. She didn’t really want to kill herself, she just didn’t want me to leave. But I was leaving no matter what. This was the second time that I had seriously considered putting a gun in my mouth and pulling the trigger. I was either going to kill myself or I was going to get divorced. One way or another, I was getting out. I didn’t kill myself and neither did my ex. What if she had though? I would have mourned her for a bit and I would have moved on with my life.

I remember telling her, “I don’t want you to kill yourself, but if that’s what you want to do, you’ll find a way to do it. All I ask is that if you are serious about doing it, don’t do it in my house, I don’t want to have to come home and clean that shit up.”

Pretty cold-blooded, I know. But it’s true. If someone wants to kill themselves bad enough, nothing will stop them and they will find a way. I know this because I know people who have killed themselves. Nothing was going to stop them and so they did. Otherwise it’s a cry for attention and it’s manipulation at its finest.

Every time I’ve stared down the barrel of a gun and considered ending my life, I ended up not doing it. I got help if that was what was warranted. I changed up the situation if that was what was needed. I did whatever it took.

And life got better. Every. Single. Time.

Life is what it is and life is indifferent to you and your struggles. And nobody gives a shit.


The choice is always yours.

We all face the “Black Pill” at one point in our lives or another. It’s up to you to decide what you want to do about it. Life is beautiful and it is short. It’s far shorter than you and I both can imagine. Do you want to make it meaningful for you? Or do you want to mope around about it? Either way, nobody gives a shit and life goes on.

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