Joey Wants To Be A “G.”

close up of a sign against white background

Inspired by Nick August @thenickaugust, BarryNishizawa @BarryNishizawa, and Winkle. @CharlieWinkle1. All these fine gentlemen can be found at their respective handles on Twitter. Let us begin…

Joey flipped open his laptop and logged onto the membership site. He waited impatiently as the banner loaded and the secret forum booted up. He scrolled quickly, looking for something, anything new, from the Leader. There was nothing. Nothing since 4 am this morning. It was now 6 am.

“I wonder what’s keeping him?” Joey thought. He was slightly perspiring as he typed the Leader’s handle into the search function, hoping against hope that He had posted something that Joey had somehow over-looked. Nothing new.

When Joey first joined Twitter, a little over 3 weeks ago, he was pathetic. He didn’t have a girlfriend, he was fat, and his job, well, let’s not talk about that, shall we? But now? Now Joey had a mission. He was going to do it. He was going to become a G. He had no idea what a G was, but dammit, that’s what he was going to do!

The first step in becoming a G was joining the exclusive G Club. It was only $49.97 a month. Joey could do that, he had some money in the bank. So at the encouragement of the Leader, via Twitter, Joey hit the “subscribe” button on the website, pulled out his credit card, entered his information, and bam! He was in.

Oh the forum was glorious! The Leader was everywhere, all the time, it seemed. There were guys, guys just like Joey, who wanted to be G’s. They had all sorts of questions and topics, ranging anywhere from getting the girls, to bitcoin, to lifting weights and diet.

Joey was in heaven. Finally he found the answer. He was going to get his life in order, become a G, make millions doing drop-shipping, and end up driving lamborghini’s and banging hot babes. It was all here. All the answers he could ever want were here in the G Club.

The Leader had pinned a message welcoming all new G Potentiates. That’s what Joey was, a G Potentiate. There were helpful links to a F.A.Q. section. These were the most frequently asked questions. The Leader encouraged all new Potentiates to read the F.A.Q. because most of their questions had probably already been asked and had been answered here. Joey understood this. The Leader was a busy G. He didn’t have time to keep answering the same questions over and over again.

There was a section of the forum that was dedicated to Potentiate Second Class. Joey had access to this one too. For an additional $10.97 a month, he was able to unlock this section of the forum. Inside there were the guys known as The G Brotherhood. These were guys that were well on their way to becoming a G. One of the great things about being Potentiate Second Class, was you got a little star next to your avatar and you could give out information and advice to the standard Potentiates. Joey had been quiet so far, because well, he had only been a Potentiate Second Class for about a week. Besides, he felt he needed to watch the Leader’s video called “Being A G Is For Me” at least two or three more times before he felt comfortable handing out advice.

Joey clicked on “Being A G Is For Me” and began watching. The production was top notch. No expense was spared. Joey couldn’t believe that he bought this video for only $79.97. He would have easily payed four times that amount, that’s how good the video was. There was the Leader in all His Glory, standing there, flexing his biceps while a beautiful young woman was feeding him grapes. Joey couldn’t believe it, he couldn’t believe how lucky he was that he found the G Club and the Leader.

The video ended twenty minutes later and Joey was pumped. The Leader was so inspiring! Joey could still hear the Leader’s voice in his head, “Your life is fucked up because you’re a fuck up. Get your shit together. Be better than that. Be a G like me.” Joey then went back into the main forums to see if anything new had been posted.

Oh! There was! While Joey had been watching “Being A G Is For Me,” the Leader had spoken!

“You wanna Save the West? You wanna be a G like me? Come to G Con! You’ll get to meet like-minded guys from all over the world. There will be workshops, there will be drives in lambos, and there will be speakers from all corners of the earth! You’ll be able to meet up with me and I’ll make you into a G! Hurry though because seating is limited to only 50 hardcore G’s! Tickets are now available at the low price of $2999.97! This price is only available for a limited time, after that, they go up! So get in now while the getting is good! See you there!”

“Oh man!” Joey thought. “I have to do this! I have to go to G Con!”

Joey opened another tab on his browser and typed in his financial institution. After logging onto the website, he was dismayed to find that he only had $401.23 in his savings account.

“No matter,” Joey thought, “I’ll just log onto my credit card account and see what I’ve got available there.” A moment later, he was logged on and checking his current balance and available credit.

“Perfect!” He cried. “I’ve got just enough to buy my ticket to G Con!” A small whisper of worry niggled in the back of Joey’s mind, purchasing that ticket was going to max his credit card to the limit. “No worries,” he thought. “I’ll just see if I can get some overtime at work. I have to do this. I have to be a G.”

Joey went back to the G Club website, and purchased his ticket. After the sale had been approved, Joey was offered a one time only deal, where he could purchase the “Be A G Course” for the low price of only $199.97! Normally you couldn’t touch this course for anything less than $499.97, but today, and today only, right now, was his one chance. If he didn’t do it, that opportunity would be lost forever.

Joey clicked the “Add To My Purchase” button and bought the “Be A G Course.”

“Yes!” Joey exclaimed. “Finally I’m going to be a G!” He threw his fists up into the air. He then went back into the forums to see what else was going on. Apparently there was some new activity in the “Bangin’ Ho’s” section.

TomSawyerRush1 had put up a post, asking the forum on how to get the girls. Joey rolled his eyes and then he typed:

“That question has already been answered TomSawyerRush1, it’s in the F.A.Q. Next time, please read the F.A.Q. before asking a question that has already been answered. Noob.” Joey then hit enter. A moment later he saw his comment appear underneath TomSawyerRush1’s post, with his avatar and star to boot! God Joey felt so good saying that! He hated how these new guys would just come in and start asking questions that had already been dealt with a million times before. A few moments after he answered the original post, a host of other Potentiates swarmed on TomSawyerRush1, calling him all sorts of names and doing lol’s and high-fiving each other for their remarks. About five minutes later, a moderator called BeatinMeat, came on and locked the thread. Joey couldn’t stand BeatinMeat, he was such a pompous asshole.

Joey felt an immediate surge of guilt run through his body. How could he think something like that of BeatinMeat? The guy was an Inner Elite! Rumor had it that Inner Elite guys got personal attention from the Leader. They got one on one chat time once a month with Him for 10 minutes, and they even got His personal e-mail address where they could ask him anything they wanted at any time!

Joey was jealous of the Inner Elite guys. He couldn’t afford to become one of them, at least not yet. There was no way he could afford paying $299.97 a month to become a member of the Inner Elite. But he did see that the Leader was having a sale on his “Make Money Like A G Through Drop-Shipping” course, and it was available for a limited time for only $149.97!

Joey sighed and pulled out his debit card….

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