I’ve been sleeping terribly for some time now. The weekdays aren’t so bad, I pretty much force myself to go to bed and get to sleep, working and driving around in a large truck does wonders for that, but the weekends…
Like in the movie Fight Club, Edward Norton’s character is suffering from insomnia, and he says it’s like having “a copy of a copy of a copy.” It really does feel like that sometimes.
I can go to bed at 9:00pm only to lie there for hours on end. 2 or 3 o’clock rolls around and before you know it, either the alarm goes off and it’s time to get up, or the sun is coming up and it’s time to get up.
I sometimes nap a little bit throughout the day, at least on the weekends, maybe 15 minutes here and 20 minutes there, but I wake up feeling mostly like I did when I fell asleep. Like a copy of a copy of a copy.
Sometimes the day goes by quickly, and it’s like, “Damn! Where did the time go?” Other times the day can’t get over soon enough. Today, at least at the time that I’m writing this, can’t end soon enough.
On a positive note, my focus is slowly, but purposefully, coming back. I’m actually able to read several pages, if not an entire chapter in whatever book I’m reading at the moment. That’s a significant improvement over the last few months where doing a paragraph or even a few sentences was a major accomplishment.
I’m still too easily distracted though, much more than I used to be. Being easily distracted is almost, or maybe even worse, than having insomnia. At least for me. Not being able to sleep, but being able to focus? Man, I can get some shit done. Not being able to sleep and also not having any focus? That’s the worst. Too tired to focus, too distracted to retain anything, and exhausted all at the same time.
A copy of a copy of a copy.
Anyways this will pass. I’m sure it will. Things have been gradually getting better, so I can’t imagine that this “distractedness” and my insomnia can last for too much longer. God I hope not.
On another positive note, my lack of sleep has pretty much given me a lot of time to do other things, like writing. It’s soothing to hear the sound of the keyboard clicking, and it’s almost meditative to put my thoughts to “paper” so to speak.
It definitely allows me to create more content. Although I question the quality of said content from time to time. Even this post itself, I question the quality of it. Is it really something that you, Dear Reader, are going to get some value from? Only you can decide that I guess.
I even wonder if this particular post will see the light of day. You have no idea how many things I have started to write about, only to send to the trash pile, wiped into oblivion. Or sometimes I complete something, only to have it sit in limbo in a draft state indefinitely. Sometimes the post is worthwhile, but I haven’t finished it yet, other times it’s actually finished, but I’m ambivalent about sharing it with the world.
Does it really need to see the light of day? Just because I wrote it doesn’t mean everyone needs or wants to see it I guess.
I’m getting sleepy now. I have learned to listen to that when it happens, so I’m calling it quits for this post.
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Rob Says 
well … sleep is an issue in our home, too. some things we’ve tried with varying levels of success:
– Kal (brand) Melatonin Lozenge Natural Lemon Flavor (can find at amazon or whole foods or sprouts or health food store – but some local stores do not carry this exact product, and only this exact product works for us).
melatonin is a funny thing and works for some and not others. also, some melatonins cause terrible nightmares. this particular one is good for all of us. there is a 3 mg and a 5 mg. i buy the 5 mg and cut it in half – less expensive 😉 . what i’ve noticed is that it calms the brain so it doesn’t go a million miles a second. both my husband and i use these.
– Boiron (brand) Coffea Cruda (product) – either 200 ck or 30 c . (can find at amazon or whole foods or sprouts or health food store)
this is a homeopathic product. idk if you’ve used homeopathic products before, but we love them in our home. they are tiny little round pellets that you put under your tongue and let dissolve. i have yet to figure out the difference between 200ck or 30 c, but it seems logical to us that the 200 is a stronger dose than the 30. anyway, we’ve bought both depending on what’s available. these esp work for my Oldest.
– Elixirs dot com – has a product: Sleep and Relax Combo 200C economy 800 pellets. Aspie Girl especially likes these. we’ve actually bought several of their products and like them.
– Suzy Cohen Sleep Script – (can find at amazon)
my Aspie-Girl really loves these. they seem to help her the most, although she often combines them with Melatonin and the Sleep and Relax combo. (Aspie Girl has a sleep disorder, and we have yet to find the ‘magic solution’).
– Biogenesis Sleep Factors – (can find at amazon)
i like these but Aspie Girl doesn’t. Oldest hasn’t tried them, i don’t think. anyway, the only thing about them is that i have very vivid dreams on them.
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Thanks for the list! I’ll definitely have to look in to some of these. Melatonin….yeah…. I either wake up with a “sleep hangover” and/or I have very “vivid” dreams. Something that I would rather not have. I’ll have to pass on it, but I’ll check out the others though. Thank you again! 🙂
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i wish you lived close enough that i could give you a few of each. they’re quite expensive to try a whole bottle if it doesn’t work for you 😦
yeah … i tried a different melatonin once, i think even the same kal brand, and had terrible nightmares. but this one particular melatonin is okay with me. idk why the heck that is, but it is. i’m sure there’s some science in there.
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Rob, as I read your post I thought to myself that I could have written it. I have the same issues with sleep. My problem is I cannot shut my brain off. I often can fall asleep, but about an hour later I’m wide awake the rest of the night. Well, until about 3, but my alarm goes off for the gym at 3:15. Drives me crazy.
I have found drinking alcohol is not a good idea, even a little, as it somehow disturbs your sleep cycle despite making you sleepy. Sex before sleep can put me right to sleep, but I still wake up. My wife on the other hand says she sleeps the best afterwards. That’s good I suppose… but I have to listen to her sleeping soundly and while I’m happy for her, it pisses me off that I can’t sleep.
I’ve cut out caffeinated drinks during the day, not helping either. When I take sleep aids, I wake up in a fog I can’t shake for several hours.
I’m a thinker and worrier, my brain seems to go into overdrive at the wee hours of the morning. I wish I could make it take a break.
Not sure what the answer is, but you’re not alone.
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It’s “good to know” that I’m not the only one that is experiencing this. The most troublesome part for me is that I used to be the guy that could hit the pillow and be dead to the world immediately. Now, not so much. Thanks for the input MJ, I appreciate it. Sorry that you can’t sleep for shit either, but at least we both know we aren’t alone in it, for whatever that is worth. 👊👍
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my Husband has been doing that lately … waking up after a few hours of sleep or so and not being able to go back to sleep. i told him y’all were experiencing the same thing. guess there’s some comfort in that 🙂
i’m a reader and will read myself to sleep. LOVE my kindle … don’t need to turn on a light to read. supposedly that’s bad for your eyes, but … choices. i can usually go back to sleep if i wake up … hope that continues.
since we’ve been seeing a Nutritionist, i now wonder about how diet affects everything. i wonder if you experimented with your diet and times you eat certain foods if that might affect sleep? hummm … i might ask her about this.
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I haven’t done any research, so I personally have no empirical evidence, but I have no doubt that diet affects sleep. How couldn’t it? Diet affects literally everything else.
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i was just talking to my sister who’s been teaching elementary for 20 something years, and she said that parents leaving kids to video games and letting them eat all that junk food out there that’s marketed to kids as ‘healthy’ is having terrible, terrible effects on their ability to learn. add in all the stupid things the public ed system is implementing, and she said she’s never taught dumber kids and has more discipline issues.
the thing is that the schools look at what the kids bring to school to make sure the food fits their [stupid, very unhealthy] guidelines. my Aspie Girl was in special ed from kinder on, and every ARD meeting [annual + meeting for sped kids] they mentioned her diet. i sent foods to school i knew she wouldn’t eat just b/c i knew they were watching.
anyway … i wish we’d known to see a Nutritionist 20 years ago. within weeks my Aspie Girl said her mind was clearer than ever before. i *knew* there were nutritional deficiencies, and even i, with all the tons and tons of research i’d done over the years, couldn’t figure it out. we tried so.many.things. finally, this nutritionist has figured it out. we’ve made drastic dietary changes. i’m hoping that, eventually, her sleep will even out, too. she’s had a sleep disorder since she was little. i’m guessing it will be one of the last things in this process to fix.
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