I’ve been sleeping terribly for some time now. The weekdays aren’t so bad, I pretty much force myself to go to bed and get to sleep, working and driving around in a large truck does wonders for that, but the weekends…
Like in the movie Fight Club, Edward Norton’s character is suffering from insomnia, and he says it’s like having “a copy of a copy of a copy.” It really does feel like that sometimes.
I can go to bed at 9:00pm only to lie there for hours on end. 2 or 3 o’clock rolls around and before you know it, either the alarm goes off and it’s time to get up, or the sun is coming up and it’s time to get up.
I sometimes nap a little bit throughout the day, at least on the weekends, maybe 15 minutes here and 20 minutes there, but I wake up feeling mostly like I did when I fell asleep. Like a copy of a copy of a copy.
Sometimes the day goes by quickly, and it’s like, “Damn! Where did the time go?” Other times the day can’t get over soon enough. Today, at least at the time that I’m writing this, can’t end soon enough.
On a positive note, my focus is slowly, but purposefully, coming back. I’m actually able to read several pages, if not an entire chapter in whatever book I’m reading at the moment. That’s a significant improvement over the last few months where doing a paragraph or even a few sentences was a major accomplishment.
I’m still too easily distracted though, much more than I used to be. Being easily distracted is almost, or maybe even worse, than having insomnia. At least for me. Not being able to sleep, but being able to focus? Man, I can get some shit done. Not being able to sleep and also not having any focus? That’s the worst. Too tired to focus, too distracted to retain anything, and exhausted all at the same time.
A copy of a copy of a copy.
Anyways this will pass. I’m sure it will. Things have been gradually getting better, so I can’t imagine that this “distractedness” and my insomnia can last for too much longer. God I hope not.
On another positive note, my lack of sleep has pretty much given me a lot of time to do other things, like writing. It’s soothing to hear the sound of the keyboard clicking, and it’s almost meditative to put my thoughts to “paper” so to speak.
It definitely allows me to create more content. Although I question the quality of said content from time to time. Even this post itself, I question the quality of it. Is it really something that you, Dear Reader, are going to get some value from? Only you can decide that I guess.
I even wonder if this particular post will see the light of day. You have no idea how many things I have started to write about, only to send to the trash pile, wiped into oblivion. Or sometimes I complete something, only to have it sit in limbo in a draft state indefinitely. Sometimes the post is worthwhile, but I haven’t finished it yet, other times it’s actually finished, but I’m ambivalent about sharing it with the world.
Does it really need to see the light of day? Just because I wrote it doesn’t mean everyone needs or wants to see it I guess.
I’m getting sleepy now. I have learned to listen to that when it happens, so I’m calling it quits for this post.