False Bravado

Keeping your frame, being “alpha,” being stoic, focusing on your mission while crushing it, spin more plates, have more options, being hard to kill, and other assorted buzzwords, slogans, and jingles are great.

They are great until your world comes crashing down around you. They are great when everything is fine. What they aren’t, is great when you are falling apart.

I have had a guy reach out to me recently and his world is crumbling right before his eyes. He lost his job recently as well as a relationship that he didn’t want to end.

I imagine he is staring right into the abyss. I could hear it in the tone of his voice because I’ve had that same tone of voice a couple of years ago when my LTR of almost 4 years ended and my Mother died two weeks apart from each other. It definitely knocked the wind out of me. That’s pretty much what this guy is going through right now.

What isn’t going to help this guy is to tell him to “man up, alpha up, be stoic, spin more plates, focus on your mission,” yadda yadda yadda. This isn’t a time for cheap slogans and manosphere jingles, it’s time to shut the fuck up and just listen.

I don’t care how much Game you know or how tight your Game is. Game and the Red Pill itself aren’t safety nets from a crushing blow to your life. You can have the greatest Game on the planet and your woman or women may still leave you for whatever reason. Game and the Red Pill won’t stop you from getting hurt, getting burned, or getting your heart ripped out of your chest.

You can do everything right that your guru told you to do, or your parent’s told you to do, or society told you to do, or even what you told yourself to do and it can still all be taken from you in the blink of an eye. And there’s nothing you can do about it.

You can have a ton of cash in the bank, in bitcoin, stuffed in a mattress for all I care. It’ll all be gone if and when you get into a serious car accident and you end up in the ICU at your local hospital.

Sometimes life just fucking sucks and there’s no answer as to why that is. Sometimes it just sucks. Sometimes you get to take a big bite out of the shit sandwich that has been served to you and there’s no avoiding it, changing it, getting around it, or getting out of it. Chew slowly motherfucker, chew slowly.

Sometimes the only thing you can do is just be present for somebody, let them talk, and just listen. Sometimes that’s all it takes to get someone from stepping off of a ledge. Sometimes you get to be the sounding board while they are processing how and why their world is falling apart at the seams.

Sometimes all you can do is tell them, no matter what they are going through, they are not alone. And sometimes that’s all it takes to stop them from making matters worse for themselves.

For all the bullshit slogans and chest puffing that goes on in the ‘Sphere, there’s not a lot of empathy going on there. Too many guys are beating their chests to the sound of their own drums about how big of an island unto themselves that they are. Guess what guys? Just like men and women are better together than they are apart, so are men themselves.

We as men are better together than we are apart. We aren’t islands unto ourselves as much as we want to pretend that we are. “Lone wolves” perish faster than a pack. Keep that in mind the next time you want to throw a slogan around.

If you haven’t had your heart broken by a woman, you haven’t really lived. If you haven’t had your heart broken, you will if you dare to connect and care for someone other than yourself. If you can just, “go out and get another woman,” and walk away from what you had with the last woman, especially if she is the one initiating the walk, did you really care for her or about her? Or are you worried about your frame and if you talk about it, it’ll show the world just how “beta” you are?

I think a lot of guys put on a show of how “alpha” they are because deep down inside they are hurting, literally bleeding from the inside, but they are either too scared or too ashamed to show it. They are too ashamed to show their humanity and reach out for help because they will be judged by their peers as being weak and “beta.”

I’m not saying that it’s a great idea to emote and expose your world falling apart to everyone on the internet, but reaching out to someone and telling them you are in pain isn’t weakness. Sometimes that’s the strongest and bravest thing that you can do.

“I’m hurting man, and I don’t know what to do. My world is fucked, and I don’t know how to dig myself out of this hole that I dug for myself.”

I hear you. I can’t dig you out of the hole that you dug for yourself, you’re the only one that can do that, but I can listen. Pick up the phone and call me anytime.

You’re not alone.

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Women, Relationships, And Onions

Women and Relationships

I saw something interesting the other day on Twatter. Some guys I follow happen to follow a different guy who decided to write a blog post about “Investing In Genuine Desire.” What got me interested in trying to read this particular post was some of the replies to the author, this one in particular:

I know I’ve wrote about this before, but I’ll be damned if I can find it at the moment, so I’m going to sum up the most salient points.

Why do women leave? For every woman, or man for that matter, that leaves, they will have a reason that is unique to them and to you. Maybe she left you because you were a fat piece of shit with nothing going on in your life. The next woman left because you lost weight and became a skinny piece of shit. Point is: both left for their own reasons.

The real truth of women leaving is twofold:

1. They left because they wanted to.

2. They left because they could.

End of story. Trying to find out “why” isn’t going to change anything and it isn’t going to prevent a future woman from leaving if she so desires. Trying to mitigate her leaving is putting yourself in her “frame” and it smacks of covert contracts on your part.

If anything, you should be so busy with things in your life that if she leaves, it’s not going to be the end of the world. Sure it will be disappointing, sure it will hurt. That’s normal. You’ll be too busy to be worrying too much about it if it happens though. You have a life right?

Women and relationships are kind of like onions. Sometimes they stink, sometimes they taste really good and add flavor to your life, and sometimes they will make you cry.

They are also like onions in the way that an onion doesn’t have a core. We guys have this fascination with trying to get the “root” or the “core” of the matter. This includes sex, relationships, and everything in between. Hell, I just tried to read an approximately 2000 word essay about “Investing in Genuine Desire.”

I say tried, because I couldn’t finish it. The author is way overthinking things.

“Women are made to be loved, not understood.” – Oscar Wilde

He had a lot of interesting labels and terminology, but when I finally tapped out and cried uncle, it was because he’s peeling back the onion only he’s going to find out that there is no “core.” There is no “truth” to the mystery that he’s created for himself and that he’s trying to unravel.

Keep digging at women to understand them and eventually you will, but you won’t be able to love them anymore. The beauty, the mystery, the chemistry, all of it will be gone. Same goes for relationships. Pick them apart long enough and there will be nothing left in your hands but wisps and ashes.

Ideally, your life should be so full of interesting things to do and to see that you won’t have time to ask questions like what the author was asking. The guy has too much time on his hands if he has time to write a 2000 word essay on “Investing in Genuine Desire.”

If you have the time to sit around and think, “It took her two hours to text me back, so I’ll wait four hours before I text her back.” You have too much time on your hands. I work all day, write blog posts, create and edit videos and do live streams as well as find time to have sex and date. I don’t have time to sit around and wonder why she did or didn’t text me back and why it did or didn’t take “x” amount of time. I’m too fucking busy to worry about that. My girl will text me when she wants and I’ll get back to her when I get the time and get a chance. I’m not worried or thinking about what she is or isn’t doing.

You want to get genuine desire from her? Have a life that is more interesting than hers. That’s it. You don’t have to be “The World’s Most Interesting Man,” you just need to have a life that is more interesting than hers. And have you seen most women today?

Sorry ladies, I’m not trying to shit on you, but most of you don’t have fuck all going on in your lives. Most of you are outright boring. So just be more interesting than she is. That’s it. There’s your “hypergamy switch” for you.

Instead of sitting around overthinking things like you usually do, why not keep it simple, stupid?

Like Oscar Wilde said, “Women are made to be loved, not understood.” So stop trying to understand them and just love them. Enjoy them because they are there. Have fun with them, be fun for them, fuck them, and enjoy your time with them because one day it will be over. It could be that she decides to leave, it could be that you decide to leave, it could be that one of you dies. There’s no guarantees in life that you will outlive or outlast the other.

Have a life that is interesting. If your life is more interesting than hers, she’ll stick around. At least for awhile. Remember, “She’s not yours, it’s just your turn.” And your “turn” could last for 50+ years. Or it could be just one hour of one day.

Stop overthinking things and get a hobby. Ideally you should be too busy to be worrying about if she desires you or not. Your life should be so full that it’s great if she’s there, but it’s fine if she isn’t. Ideally you should be exhausted by the time you fall into bed.

Stop peeling back the layers of the onion because if you do, you’ll find the “truth” is that there is no “core,” no “center,” no “truth,” no “answer.” Just that it is, and now that you’ve peeled it back into oblivion, you’ll have nothing in your hand but shreds and shards of what was.

Stop trying to prevent her from leaving or losing her desire. Stop trying to control and manipulate. You can’t keep her around if she wants to go and if you do it’ll be considered kidnapping. Also, why would you want to be around someone who doesn’t want to be around you? Better to cut your losses and move on.

There’s always more women. Always.

For God’s sake, stop worrying about “investing in her desire and in the relationship and getting her to invest herself into you and into the relationship.” Invest in yourself. Invest in your life.

Stop trying to anticipate and to control and just Let. Go.

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A Case For “Normalcy”

man couple love laptop

Maybe it’s just been my experience, but one of the things that I have noticed for a while now on Twitter is that many of the guys in that space have “a little spot of the ’tism.” (h/t Rian Stone for that phrase.)

What do I mean by this? Most of the guys aren’t “normal.” Being normal has gotten a bad rap these days apparently. Being normal means that you are still plugged in, doing the blue pill fantasy, being a consumer, and watching and believing in mainstream media I guess.

But here’s my case for “normalcy.”:

“Normal” guys tend to have women in their lives. Whether it be a girlfriend, wife, or some sort of significant other, there’s women in the picture. At least that has been my experience with guys who are normal.

You can hang out with “normal” guys. This is a big one for me. I can have a conversation with a “normal” guy. Our conversations don’t only revolve around the red pill or politics, we can talk about music, cars, different places to eat and vacation, and a host of other topics.

“Normal” guys tend to have a variety of interests. They aren’t fixated on only one or two things. They might go to the gym, but that’s not all they do and they don’t live there. They enjoy the company of women, but chasing skirt isn’t their only goal. They like their video games, but they aren’t doing 48 hour marathons of World of Warcraft. They like their firearms but they aren’t obsessing over the “End Times.” They may have their religious convictions, but they aren’t forcing Jesus down my throat and trying to convert me to the cause. They love their kids (if they have them) but their kids aren’t the centers of their universes. They have plans and goals, but they don’t need to map out the next twenty years of their lives on a spreadsheet.

If you find yourself doing anything that I’ve mentioned above, you may have a little spot of the ’tism.

I’ve met plenty of guys online and I plan on continuing to do so. If we’ve met because you found my blog, my Twitter handle, or my YouTube channel, that’s awesome to me. I’ve achieved one of my personal goals. If we are ever to meet in real life though, please be normal. I talk enough about the red pill online that I would rather get to know you, not hear you rehash something I said or that someone else said. I don’t mind a mention about it here or there, but I don’t want that to be the only thing we talk about. I can talk to you about that online and keep it there.

I love women’s company about as much or maybe even more than the next guy, but I don’t want to spend all day talking about pussy. I had a roommate back in college who let his dick run his life. All day long all he wanted to do was talk about pussy. The pussy he got, the pussy he wanted to get, the pussy that I got, and the pussy that got away. I would try and change the topic after awhile and move on to something else, and he would end up bringing it back to pussy. It got old. I remember telling him that there was more to life than pussy. I remember moving out shortly after that conversation as well. Life is too short.

Carl from Black Label Logic made a great tweet the other day.

He said:

I find the best acid-test for allowing people into your life consists of 1 question, 4 contexts: Would I be comfortable:

1. bringing this person to thanksgiving dinner

2. a work function with my boss and all my co-workers

3. night out with the boys

4. dinner with so/gf/plate

This goes even beyond “The Beer Test.” I’m sure that I’ve mentioned it before on this blog, but I’ll be damned if I can find the post. Maybe I just talked about it on Twitter at some point, but it goes simply like this:

“Would I want to sit down and have a beer with this guy and shoot the shit?” If yes, then he’s probably okay. If not, then I have my answer.

Carl takes it another step, which I happen to like. It made me realize that while there are some guys out there that I would have a beer with, there are very few that I would invite to dinner with my women, work, or family or go hang out with the boys. That’s sad to me, but that’s the level of ’tism that is going on out there.

So the takeaway for today boys and girls, is this:

You want to be more successful with women? Try being a little more normal. You want to be liked in a social setting? Try being a little more normal. You want to have some guy friends, especially “red pilled” guy friends? Try being a little more normal. Dial the ’tism back a notch or two.

You don’t have to be the “Most Interesting Man In The World.” You just have to be interesting. And be normal for the love of god.

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