“Social Proof”

It all starts with this screen shot from Rian Stone:

“Most things guys think they are doing to attract women actually attracts men.”

So far, so good. He’s not wrong.

Then Midlife Moves saw Rian’s tweet and raised him one of his own:

Midlife Moves: “Other men like your six-pack more than women do.”

Not in every case obviously, but Midlife isn’t wrong here either. Most guys obsess over shit that isn’t as important as they think it is or want it to be. Investing in yourself and in whatever it is that you believe in can create huge blind spots and make you question your very existence at times when those beliefs are called into question. Here’s a thing about the “six-pack” question:

I don’t have “six-pack” abs. Not even close. Never have, never will. I’m lazy and I don’t want to put the work in to get six-pack abs. I like my junk food and my alcohol too much, so I know I’ll never have those type of abs, and I’m okay with that. The women that have been in my life didn’t care that I didn’t have six-pack abs either. They still enjoyed running their hands, fingers, and tongues all over my body.

Back to the screen shots though:

Here’s a guy who has no clue and it shows: “Which then attracts women because of the social proof placed on you by other men…” This was in response to Midlife saying that “other men like your six-pack more than women do.” Here’s the full screen shot of that:

Now it’s time for a little history lesson, so bear with me here…

I remember dating and meeting women back in through the 90’s and even into the early 2000’s. I was single, ready to mingle, and going to the bar was pretty much my thing and what I did. The internet as we know it today either didn’t exist or was in its infancy.

“Back in the day,” guys were clueless about “how to get da gurlz.” I know I was. I had no idea what to say or to do. The difference between then and now was that at least guys understood to a certain degree how to dress, most guys were not overweight, and hygiene was mandatory, not optional, like today. In short, while guys didn’t have Game, they at least looked and smelled presentable compared to today. Looking and smelling good went far back then and I would say that it is even more crucial today than ever.

Guys “back in the day” were clueless, but today? I almost think the majority of guys are beyond hope and are a lost cause. When they don’t understand the concept of social proof, you know things are bad.

I agree with what Midlife is saying here. Being surrounded by a bunch of guys isn’t social proof to women that you are “the man.” Being surrounded by women is.

Considering that most guys are horrible at game and have no idea what to say or do to pick up women, being surrounded by guys is a liability, not an asset, when it comes to seduction. Guys step on their own dicks all by themselves, but put them into a group together and you might not step on your own dick, but your bro will step on it for you. Most of the time it won’t be intentional, but sometimes it is. I’ve seen guys throw other guys under the bus in order to get a chance to get the girl.

Back in 2019 when I got back into the dating scene, I remember taking a date to the bar that I liked going to. We were sitting down, enjoying a drink, and then I saw this:

Here’s your “social proof” of guys in a group. Does that look like a group of guys that are “getting da gurlz?” Hanging around in a bar, huddled over beers, at a bare minimum, is going to be seen as neutral to a woman. Worst case, your value to her is going to go down. I remember my date saw me filming this little interaction and so she looked over at them, rolled her eyes, and said, “My god, what a bunch of dorks.” That’s attractive fellas. As a bonus: notice the lack of awareness this group of guys has. Notice their clothing. This is the norm today.

Here’s another picture from that same scene, same night:

Chad Thundercock, your competition.

That video and that snapshot was taken in early 2019. A year later in 2020, right before the pandemic hit and shut everything down, nothing had changed.

Even back in the 90’s groups of guys that were huddled together over their beers wasn’t seen as social proof to women. It was just social proof to other men. Get three guys together at the bar and soon you’ll have a whole gaggle of guys standing around you, one hand in their pocket, the other clutching their beer as a shield. I have seen this phenomenon over and over again. In this respect, nothing has changed today. You think it is hard to isolate a woman from her group of girlfriends? Try getting a woman to walk up to a group of dudes in order to separate one guy from that herd. It’s never happened and it never will, and that’s because women don’t approach. Guys hanging around other guys and it will get you social proof in order to get the girls? No. That’s not how this works.

Guys talk about “unicorns” when it comes to women. You want to know a true “unicorn?” A guy that knows Game and can run as your wing man. In all of my years of chasing skirt, I have yet to meet a guy locally who knows how to run Game and be a wing for me. My Game isn’t spectacular, but I have Game and I can wing for another guy if that is what needs to happen. The problem is most guys have no clue, so there’s no point running wing for the clueless.

Speaking of clueless, I think technology has made people stupid. We don’t know how to interact with one another on a face to face level anymore. We have no idea about social cues, body language, tonality, and nuance. And it’s only going to get worse if what I’m seeing now continues. Technology is constantly changing and evolving and it’s doing it at lightning speed. Human nature hasn’t changed in years.

I have gotten to a point in my life that if I’m going to go out to a bar with guy friends, I have a choice. I can separate myself from the herd and run Game solo, or I can just hang with my friends and not worry about chasing skirt. Trying to get a guy to run as a wing is damn near impossible, so I don’t even bother anymore.

Guys running their mouths on the internet, I see you. Your ignorance and your lack of experience shows.

To all of you that are reading this post, be very careful and very skeptical of whose “advice” you listen to. In many cases it will do more harm than good.

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There Is No Spoon

stainless steel spoon

Guys, I’m going to say something that might be considered anathema and controversial, but here goes.

There is no gender war. The only gender war that I’m seeing is on social media and in various media outlets. If all you do is consume what’s on the internet and on the television, of course there’s a gender war. When I go out at night, when I’m out and about doing my job, when I’m out grocery shopping or running errands, I don’t see a gender war anywhere around me.

I went out the other night to a couple different nightspots. I saw a handful of dudes and a bunch of women at one, and I saw about a 50-50 ratio of men to women at the other location. No gender war in sight. All I saw was a bunch of people having a good time dancing and drinking and mingling with one another. No toxic masculinity, no SJW’s on parade bitching about being oppressed. Just men and women enjoying their evenings with one another.

Does the gender war actually exist? I’m sure it does. At least in theory or on paper. It’s psychological warfare meant to divide and conquer. If you are getting sucked into it, guess what? You are the target at that point. Whoever is putting out this message is trying to divide you from other’s. Recognize it for what it is. It’s Wag The Dog writ large and in real time. Can you actually do something about it? Can you change it? Is it actually useful to you?

As Rian Stone put it, “Be Attractive, Don’t Be Unattractive.” How is getting fired up about a gender war attractive? Is getting fired up about “toxic masculinity” attractive? Is getting pissed off about some hit piece on some obscure website, written by some unattractive, outraged woman attractive, or unattractive? Is it useful to you? Besides the dopamine hit and being able to simmer in your own juices, does it do anything for you?

I’m all for a man or a woman being able to feed off their own emotions, god knows, I’ve done a lot of that over the years, but is it attractive or unattractive? Does it get you to do something useful for you? Or is it a form of masturbation and release? Are you becoming more attractive, or just jerking off?

I keep looking for the gender war around me and I keep missing it I guess. I’m not finding it. I see a lot of confused people trying to figure themselves and each other out and how they fit together in our world, but that’s been going on since I can remember. Not much has changed there.

I actually feel sorry for women today. Most of the garbage that is out there, claiming there is a gender war going on, was written by women for women. They are poisoning their own well, and then drinking it to boot. The women who stumble across it are stopping and having a big old drink of it and fucking themselves up even more than before. God help them. Oh well, I’ve said it before, and here it is again, they have to burn.

I think we as Men are too much in our heads most of the time. We overthink things and make them way more complicated than they need to be.

“This woman slid up to me and is grinding on me…What do I do? What do I say? I need to play it cool. I need to be calm and think straight. What if I put my arms around her and pull her in? What if she doesn’t like that? What if she doesn’t want that? Oh god, I don’t want her to think…Wait…She’s leaving! Dammit! I should have….”

Get out of your heads my Brothers. Get out of your heads and back into your bodies. Don’t think, just act. It’s a yes until it’s a no.

There’s no gender war. At least not in the streets that I occupy. Not in the space that I inhabit. Just men and women doing their thing.  I guess that none of them got the memo that there is a gender war going on. And man, those women? They are friendly as hell and looking for a little company, even if it’s only for a few moments.

Drop a few kind words. Crack a joke. Tease her just a little bit. Smile at her. That’s attractive. Or stay locked in your gender war, getting pissed off over imaginary boogeymen that you can’t do anything about anyways. The choice as always, is yours. You get to burn. Don’t worry though, I’ll be watching, eating popcorn, and laughing my ass off. And once you put that fire out, I’ll ask you just one question:

“How’s that working out for ya, bud?”

There is no spoon. There is no gender war. There is just being attractive or being unattractive. Choose.

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