“Social Proof”

It all starts with this screen shot from Rian Stone:

“Most things guys think they are doing to attract women actually attracts men.”

So far, so good. He’s not wrong.

Then Midlife Moves saw Rian’s tweet and raised him one of his own:

Midlife Moves: “Other men like your six-pack more than women do.”

Not in every case obviously, but Midlife isn’t wrong here either. Most guys obsess over shit that isn’t as important as they think it is or want it to be. Investing in yourself and in whatever it is that you believe in can create huge blind spots and make you question your very existence at times when those beliefs are called into question. Here’s a thing about the “six-pack” question:

I don’t have “six-pack” abs. Not even close. Never have, never will. I’m lazy and I don’t want to put the work in to get six-pack abs. I like my junk food and my alcohol too much, so I know I’ll never have those type of abs, and I’m okay with that. The women that have been in my life didn’t care that I didn’t have six-pack abs either. They still enjoyed running their hands, fingers, and tongues all over my body.

Back to the screen shots though:

Here’s a guy who has no clue and it shows: “Which then attracts women because of the social proof placed on you by other men…” This was in response to Midlife saying that “other men like your six-pack more than women do.” Here’s the full screen shot of that:

Now it’s time for a little history lesson, so bear with me here…

I remember dating and meeting women back in through the 90’s and even into the early 2000’s. I was single, ready to mingle, and going to the bar was pretty much my thing and what I did. The internet as we know it today either didn’t exist or was in its infancy.

“Back in the day,” guys were clueless about “how to get da gurlz.” I know I was. I had no idea what to say or to do. The difference between then and now was that at least guys understood to a certain degree how to dress, most guys were not overweight, and hygiene was mandatory, not optional, like today. In short, while guys didn’t have Game, they at least looked and smelled presentable compared to today. Looking and smelling good went far back then and I would say that it is even more crucial today than ever.

Guys “back in the day” were clueless, but today? I almost think the majority of guys are beyond hope and are a lost cause. When they don’t understand the concept of social proof, you know things are bad.

I agree with what Midlife is saying here. Being surrounded by a bunch of guys isn’t social proof to women that you are “the man.” Being surrounded by women is.

Considering that most guys are horrible at game and have no idea what to say or do to pick up women, being surrounded by guys is a liability, not an asset, when it comes to seduction. Guys step on their own dicks all by themselves, but put them into a group together and you might not step on your own dick, but your bro will step on it for you. Most of the time it won’t be intentional, but sometimes it is. I’ve seen guys throw other guys under the bus in order to get a chance to get the girl.

Back in 2019 when I got back into the dating scene, I remember taking a date to the bar that I liked going to. We were sitting down, enjoying a drink, and then I saw this:

Here’s your “social proof” of guys in a group. Does that look like a group of guys that are “getting da gurlz?” Hanging around in a bar, huddled over beers, at a bare minimum, is going to be seen as neutral to a woman. Worst case, your value to her is going to go down. I remember my date saw me filming this little interaction and so she looked over at them, rolled her eyes, and said, “My god, what a bunch of dorks.” That’s attractive fellas. As a bonus: notice the lack of awareness this group of guys has. Notice their clothing. This is the norm today.

Here’s another picture from that same scene, same night:

Chad Thundercock, your competition.

That video and that snapshot was taken in early 2019. A year later in 2020, right before the pandemic hit and shut everything down, nothing had changed.

Even back in the 90’s groups of guys that were huddled together over their beers wasn’t seen as social proof to women. It was just social proof to other men. Get three guys together at the bar and soon you’ll have a whole gaggle of guys standing around you, one hand in their pocket, the other clutching their beer as a shield. I have seen this phenomenon over and over again. In this respect, nothing has changed today. You think it is hard to isolate a woman from her group of girlfriends? Try getting a woman to walk up to a group of dudes in order to separate one guy from that herd. It’s never happened and it never will, and that’s because women don’t approach. Guys hanging around other guys and it will get you social proof in order to get the girls? No. That’s not how this works.

Guys talk about “unicorns” when it comes to women. You want to know a true “unicorn?” A guy that knows Game and can run as your wing man. In all of my years of chasing skirt, I have yet to meet a guy locally who knows how to run Game and be a wing for me. My Game isn’t spectacular, but I have Game and I can wing for another guy if that is what needs to happen. The problem is most guys have no clue, so there’s no point running wing for the clueless.

Speaking of clueless, I think technology has made people stupid. We don’t know how to interact with one another on a face to face level anymore. We have no idea about social cues, body language, tonality, and nuance. And it’s only going to get worse if what I’m seeing now continues. Technology is constantly changing and evolving and it’s doing it at lightning speed. Human nature hasn’t changed in years.

I have gotten to a point in my life that if I’m going to go out to a bar with guy friends, I have a choice. I can separate myself from the herd and run Game solo, or I can just hang with my friends and not worry about chasing skirt. Trying to get a guy to run as a wing is damn near impossible, so I don’t even bother anymore.

Guys running their mouths on the internet, I see you. Your ignorance and your lack of experience shows.

To all of you that are reading this post, be very careful and very skeptical of whose “advice” you listen to. In many cases it will do more harm than good.

Sharpen Your Mind. Weaponize It. Start here and here. Sign up for my newsletter.

The Two Most Unattractive Things About You

elderly man in a sharp contortion face

I’m going to talk to you about what I believe are the two most unattractive things, or traits, that you as a man can have. You may disagree, and that’s fine, but these were the two that I have had at one point in my life or another that contributed the most to my lack of success with women.

I’m going to start with the one that is probably the most obvious, is certainly the most visible, and is the one that you can do the most about immediately.

However, I don’t believe that this first thing is actually the most important one of the two. I’m saving the worst for last.

Buckle up and let’s begin…

For most of my life, I was overweight. Not obese or morbidly obese, but definitely a good 20 pounds on average overweight. At my heaviest, I topped out at 180 pounds. Not too bad you may think, except that I’m 5’4. That’s a lot for a short guy.

In 2015, I lost 60 pounds just by cleaning up my diet. I got tired of eating junk and I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I didn’t go to the gym and I didn’t get more physically active than I already was. 60 pounds. And I wasn’t even trying. Weightloss wasn’t my goal, I just wanted to eat differently and try new things. I went from 180 pounds down to 124 pounds in under six months. People noticed. People asked questions. People thought I was ill. The truth was, I had never felt better in my life.

Like I said, people noticed. Women noticed. Before I lost the weight I had been mostly invisible to most women. I incorrectly assumed that it was because I was bald and short. It wasn’t. It was because I was fat. It was because I looked like most men. I blended right in with all the other fat guys. I dressed like all the other fat guys. I didn’t stand out in the least.

By losing weight and then changing my wardrobe to clothing that actually fit me instead of hanging off of me, I started looking good. That’s part my own opinion because I liked what I saw in the mirror, and also the opinion of women because they now noticed me and began talking to me. They too, appreciated what they saw.

So guys, if you are overweight, lose the fat. You don’t need to get “ripped,” or “shredded,” or “jacked.” You don’t even need to get “buff.” You don’t need to become a gym rat. Just clean up your diet a bit and you’ll lose some of the weight.

Let’s move on to the worst of the “traits” now…


I’m going to give my own definition of bitterness. Bitterness is anger coupled with a sense of unfairness and injustice, topped off with a sense of hopelessness. It’s the idea that life isn’t fair and you got screwed over, but there’s nothing you can do about it except be angry about it.

Life isn’t fair. You don’t have to like it, hell, I don’t. But you need to deal with it and get over it. Bitterness is the biggest woman repellent that you can have in your arsenal.

Here’s an example from my own life. Not only was bitterness there, but creepiness too.

When I was younger, I had no real idea of how to attract a woman. So I did all the things that mom told you to do, all the “blue pill” stuff. You know what I mean. I was desperate and horny. I said things that you don’t say to a woman that you have just met. I threw all of my attention and affection at her. I gave her all of it for free. Because of my behaviors I came off as creepy. The girl ran. And I was hurt and confused as to what had just happened.

Instead of looking at what I had said and done though, I turned it on her. She was a bitch and a cunt. She wasn’t a “good girl.” She wasn’t a “quality woman.” And then I got angry. And I stewed on it and amplified it. And it grew. And soon it permeated my every interaction with women. It was in my behaviors and my words. I oozed it from my pores. And women could literally smell it on me. And like any downward spiral, it got worse and worse with every interaction, every encounter that I had.

I remember when I was around 24 and I was bitching about women to a friend of mine and a woman overheard me. She came up and said, “Wow, you are bitter for someone your age.”

I remember it stopping me in my tracks. Was I the problem here? Yeah I was.

It took me a long time to get over my bitterness. It took several years actually. I was able to meet women occasionally, but I couldn’t keep them around for long. My bitterness would turn them away.

Like I said earlier, life is unfair. Life sometimes sucks, plain and simple. But life and women don’t owe you anything. If you are bitter you need to look in the mirror. Why are you bitter? Your woman cheated on you? She divorce you and take your kids and half the stuff? I get it. You have every right to be angry about it, but it isn’t going to make your life better and your interactions with women, if you choose to interact with them aren’t going to get any better either.

That sense of life as unfair is because you have fantasies in your head about how the world “ought” to be. How women “ought” to be. When they don’t turn out that way, you get angry. I get it. But you aren’t helping yourself with it.

I don’t have a “5 Step Plan” to beating bitterness. It’s going to be different for every guy. But you have to beat it. For me I realized that life doesn’t care what I think and neither does anyone else. Instead of getting angry about that I let it go. I let go of my fantasies of how the world ought to be and how women ought to be and accepted both for what they are. I don’t always like it, but I accept it.

When I did that, that sense of hopelessness, that despair, that anger, it all went away. My bitterness disappeared. And women started showing up. They were excited to meet me and be around me. They were excited and happy to be with me. I didn’t take them, life, or myself so seriously. Then things got interesting. Life got interesting. Women became fun. Life became fun.

When I said that women can smell bitterness on you, I’m not kidding. I know it too when I encounter it in someone else. I can literally smell it. It’s definitely a “vibe” or “energy” that you give off in your words, your mannerisms and your behaviors. If I can pick up on it, you better believe that women will pick up on it in a heartbeat and they’ll go running as fast and as far from you as possible. I believe it is the ultimate “chick repellent.”

You can be bald, short, and even to a degree, overweight and women will still show up for you. Ask me how I know. But if you are bitter, being tall, good looking, fit, and all the other things that you think matter, won’t matter. Once she gets a whiff of your bitterness, she’s gone. Again, ask me how I know.

For you literal types out there:

  1. Lose the bitterness
  2. Lose the weight

In that order.

There are plenty of other things that you can do, and there are plenty of other sources saying how to do it. Most will say it far better than me, so I’m not going to go there. Look them up.

These are the big two though. Deal with them and the other things will be much easier.

Sharpen Your Mind. Weaponize It. Start here and here. Sign up for my newsletter.