10 Pieces Of Actionable Advice

man in black short running on pavement road

I’ve been listening to a lot of different podcasts lately, and I’ve been watching a few different videos on YouTube when I get a chance. Honestly, I don’t nearly consume as much as I used to. Becoming a producer of content is far more gratifying and takes up far more time than consuming. You have to be active to be a producer. All you have to do to consume is click a button and sit there.

Which brings me to what the subject line of today’s post is about:

10 Pieces Of Actionable Advice:

  1. Get and stay focused. Stay on task for more than a few minutes. I know that’s hard for you in today’s day and age of dopamine hits and instant gratification, but if you want to accomplish anything, and I mean anything, in your life, you need to stay focused. Stop chasing the next dopamine hit. Watch the video for more than ten fucking seconds. Clear the fog from your ritalin addled, ADD head and stay on track.
  2. Stop asking other men to tell you what to do. This is a big one. Maybe the biggest one of all. Like I said at the beginning of this article, I’ve been listening to a lot of different podcasts lately. In one of them, the host does a Q and A session on each episode. His thoughts and his advice are great even though they are a little bit simplistic. What I noticed though is that his audience is almost entirely made of men, young men if I had to guess, and while they asked all sorts of questions across a wide range of subjects, there was a common theme to them all: “What should I do? Tell me what I should do.” If you ever want to have control over your life, if you ever want to become a leader of Men, you need to stop asking other Men what you should do. Too many men today are either completely clueless and stupid, or lazy, if I had to guess. You’re a fat piece of shit? You know what to do. Get off your ass and go for a walk. Cut down on the amount of food you consume. Eat healthier. Stop worrying about “doing it right.” Stop trying to be a perfectionist. Just fucking do it. Stop looking for someone else to hold your hand. Take a risk.
  3.  Do the work. Stop being lazy and/or entitled. Google the information yourself. Do some of the heavy lifting for once in your life. Look it up yourself. No one is your “dancing monkey,” so stop expecting them to do the work for you. Stop with the expectation that someone else will do it for you. They won’t.
  4. Stop being a perfectionist. Doing it, whatever it is, is better than not doing it, even if it isn’t perfect. When you wait until everything is “just right,” when everything is perfect, guess what happens? Nothing. You’ll never get moving. You’ll never start. You’ll never go anywhere. Why is that? Because perfect doesn’t exist except for in your head. You’ll always find some reason or excuse to not execute, to not start. Look for a reason to not do something and you’ll always find it. Always. Better to have something out there, even if it’s flawed than not have something out there at all.
  5. Stop consuming media that isn’t intended for you. Women write to and for other women, not to men. Don’t get caught up in the outrage, it’s just a distraction meant to keep you off-balance. It’s meant to cause you anxiety, distress, you name it. When that happens you can’t think straight and the usual way that we’ve been conditioned to get rid of this anxiety is to buy something. Outrage is meant get your business, nothing more. By clicking on a link, you are giving your business. You are enticed to subscribe, to sign up, to buy. The outrage is intentional in this aspect. It’s meant to get you to open up your wallet. Don’t buy into it. In the past, Men’s affairs were in the public domain while women’s affairs were in the private domain. They were separate. Now it’s all public. Stay away from media that wasn’t intended for you as a Man. The affairs of women shouldn’t concern you. Let them sort it out. Sort out your own shit.
  6. When you’ve exhausted all of your options, it’s okay to ask for help. Ask specific questions, ie. which strength training program is better for long term gains? vs. What should I do now? Do the initial work first, then ask for help when you hit a wall or get stuck.
  7. When asking for help, what do you have to give in exchange? Money? Knowledge? Labor? A skill? What value do you offer to the person you are asking the question? Their time, knowledge, and experience is valuable too.
  8. When you ask and you receive, do something with what you are given! Otherwise you are just an askhole.
  9. Manners are important. Don’t be a fuck when asking for help. Don’t demand.
  10. Stop looking for magic formulas, short cuts and hacks. There aren’t any. You have to do the work. You have to do the heavy lifting. It’s going to take time and effort. Think work in progress and think long game. Stop with the immediate gratification and dopamine hits.

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You Don’t Really Know Her, And You Never Will.

afterglow backlit bokeh dark

Here’s another truth that I’ve had to swallow that has been a bitter pill:

You can be with someone for a long time, months, years, even decades, and you will never really know them.

You will think that you know them, and I’m sure that is part of the idealism that lives inside of Men. You think you know your wife, your girlfriend, your significant other, whatever title, name or term of affection that you want to give her or call her.

But you will never really know her. Not truly.

Swallow that pill. Choke it down.

You will never really know her.

In all fairness, she will probably never really know you either. But if you are like most Men out there, you will take many opportunities to show her who you are, to invite her into your world and to get to know you better. To know who you really are.

Do not expect the same courtesy in return. She will always hold something back. I’m not saying this from a place of anger or bitterness, I’m just speaking from my own personal experience.

After every relationship I’ve had that has ended, I end up seeing more of who that woman really was.

Sometimes it’s not pretty. Sometimes it’s okay. Either way it is what it is.

I wrote a while back about a bitter red pill that I had to swallow. Check it out if you haven’t already. It’s a good place to start. This one would be the next one that I have encountered that has been really hard to get down my throat.

I don’t blame the women that have been in my life and are now gone for this lack of knowing them. It’s not their fault for the most part. It’s mine.

Goddamn, unplugging is a bitch. You go along, thinking you’ve unplugged and then something hits you. Sometimes it even blind sides you. That’s where you realize that you haven’t unplugged as much as you thought you had. That’s when you realize you are still a long way off and that you still have a lot of work to do.

Rollo Tomassi wrote about this to a degree a few years ago in an article that he called, “Kill The Beta.” I imagine to some degree this was what he was talking about.

I don’t know why this one is bothering me so bad right now, except that it shatters an illusion that I once had and cherished. That illusion was that I knew the woman I was with, that I really knew her.

Knowing now that I didn’t really know her, it’s sad to me. It’s sad because now I know more about her and what she is actually capable of. Which means that she is truly capable of anything.

In the past if you asked me if she was capable of “X,” I would have told you no way, not in a million years.

Now if you asked me if she was or is capable of “X,” I would have to say that “X” is totally possible. She could do it. Doesn’t mean she would, but she could.

That opens up a whole world of uncertainty for me. That uncertainty makes me uncomfortable. If she is capable of say, lying, cheating, deceiving, stealing, and even taking a life, it means that I don’t really know her and I cannot trust her.

I take that back. I can trust her to be her. Someone who is capable of anything. Even theft and murder.

The question that keeps haunting me is this:

Knowing that a woman is truly capable of anything and could turn on you for no reason at all, how do you trust them? How can you live with them? How can you spend time, any significant amount of time with them?

I don’t want to go through the rest of my life not being able to trust a woman. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life realizing that a woman is truly capable of anything and everything.

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder and sleeping with one eye open, wondering when, not if, she’s going to go feral on me and pull whatever shit she’s going to pull.

How do you overcome that? Or do you?

Is it simply throwing your hands up in the air and giving up? Is it submitting to the fact that All Women Are Like That? How can you be with someone that you can’t trust? Or that you can trust that she will do what she’s going to do and that she will go feral at some point and betray your trust, betray you?

I can already hear some women that might read this saying, “Not all women are like that!” To which I would answer them, “Prove it. Your words don’t count for shit with me. You’re going to have to show me that I can trust you, your words don’t count.”

I understand why some Men decide to go MGTOW now. It makes more sense. Sometimes it seems to me that it would be a much easier life not dealing with women. If I want female companionship I can always hire a professional and be done with it. At least with her, I know what I’m paying for and what I’m getting. I can see why some guys do this.

Maybe I’m just zeroed out emotionally at this point when it comes to the idea of dating and dealing with women. Right now I don’t feel like it’s worth the hassle to get to know someone only to know that I’ll never really know them and that I can only trust them about as far as I can throw them. It sucks knowing that the only thing I know for certain is that I can trust her to be her and that means that I can trust that she is capable of anything at any time. I can trust that she can go feral at any point for any reason or no reason whatsoever.

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Envy

envy

I’ve been fascinated with persuasion, influence, coercion, hypnosis, and psychology most of my adult life. Lately I’ve been turned on to advertising and copywriting.

I’ve always wanted to know and really understand what makes people do what they do. What makes them tick.

Over the years, I’ve read books on these subjects. From Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power, to Robert Cialdini’s Influence. Stanley Milgram’s Obedience to Authority is an eye opening read. I’ve even read some harder (at least as far as I could find it) to find material from Blair Warren who wrote The One Sentence Persuasion Course. (I’m not talking about this particular material, as you can see, this one is readily available.) Mr. Warren did some material before this particular book entitled, Forbidden Keys to Persuasion E-Class.

I’ve always been looking for persuasion, influence, etc. to either be “chunked up” to one or two big things, or more in my case, to be distilled down into one or two things. Ideally I was and have been looking for the one or two things that are “universal.” Universal as in meaning that they apply to most or all people, most or all of the time.

As I’m sure you readers will know, there is no “magic pill,” “magic book,” or “secret phrase” that will persuade anyone and everyone to do your bidding, whether it’s to buy your product or service, hop into bed with you, or whatever else it is that your heart desires.

Similar to Rollo Tomassi of The Rational Male, who is “connecting the dots” of inter-gender dynamics, I too have been trying all of these years to “connect the dots.” But more on a larger scale. What gets anyone, man or woman, to do the things they do? How do cults form? How do politicians persuade? Why do we buy this particular item over another?

With each book I read, I feel like I get just a little bit closer to that distillation that I’ve mentioned.

Ca$hvertising starts off by suggesting that fear is a useful tool to be used to persuade people to buy things, to get them to do things. But use too much fear, and people will be paralyzed instead of motivated to do something.

I’ve been following a lot of great guys on Twitter. Some of these guys are killing it when it comes to dropshipping and sales of electronic merchandise (i.e. information courses) as well as more “traditional” merchandise that may or may not be dropshipped.

Some of what these guys have been saying has even gotten me excited to buy their course or their product. In some cases I have. So far the material sold has been worthwhile on the subject that they are claiming their expertise on. I’ve had no disappointments or regrets.

Honestly though, what I’m finding more fascinating than learning about dropshipping, gaining followers on Twitter, doing business on Pinterest, getting laid, starting an online business, etc, is the selling of selling. How are these guys doing it? I’ve become far more interested in how they sell versus what they are selling.

Whether these guys actually know it or not, they are master sellers/persuaders.

One guy laid out the “rules for selling” pretty simply:

  1. Find a market that has a problem.
  2. Find or create a product or service that solves that problem.
  3. Get the two together.
  4. Profit.

Many who want to get into sales and marketing, and I’m no expert, but one of the big mistakes that they commit is that they create or find some product or service, fall in love with it, and then try to find a market to fit it into. From what I know and what I’ve seen, this usually doesn’t end well for the guy trying to sell the product or service. I’m sure that there are exceptions, someone, somewhere got “lucky” and happened to have a product first and found a market to market it to, and ended up making big money. I imagine it is, like I said, the exception, not the rule.

I’m getting off track.

I’ve wondered about the idea of, can you create a problem, where no problem existed before, and then either find or create a product or service to solve it?

Of course you can. Fear will do it. Politicians do it all the time. They create problems where none existed and then offer up themselves or their plan to solve it. It’s how they win votes.

Back to distillation….

If fear is one of those supposed “universals,” what else is there?

Envy.

I’m not going to claim that I’ve hit the “motherlode” here, but maybe in many ways, it is.

We all envy others on one level or another.

We envy the playboy who “swoops beaut girls.”

We envy the guy who is “not tied to a desk.”

We envy the “traveler.” The “nomadic hustler.”

We envy the young guy with the swole arms, big back, and the tank of a chest.

We envy the woman with the hourglass figure and the perky tits and ass you could bounce a quarter off of. We envy her youth, beauty, health, and long hair.

We envy the people who have wealth. In some cases (socialists) we envy them enough that we want to “redistribute” their wealth (i.e. rob them at legal gunpoint) and give it to those “less fortunate.”

We envy the people who have nicer things than we do. We envy their cars, their houses, their vacations, their lifestyles.

Envy works from a “bottom up” approach. Poor people don’t envy people poorer than them. They envy people above them. Wealthy people don’t envy poor people, they envy people more wealthy than they are. A billionaire doesn’t envy a millionaire.

So what am I rambling on about?

We may not fear the same things. Even if we do, we will react differently to fear. Envy is something we are all susceptible to. It’s hardwired into us as far as I can see.

The guys on Twitter making a killing selling their courses and what not, I don’t think what they are saying is necessarily conscious for the most part, but the element of their sales pitch, at least that I can find so far, is envy.

I envy their money. They have more than me.

I envy their travels and journey’s.

I envy their “freedom” to do whatever they want.

Mind you, I envy them. I don’t hate them, and I don’t wish ill will upon them. As far as I’m concerned, more power to them. I hope they make a killing in their businesses or keep killing it.

I’ve been reading a book recently called Media Hypnosis in Advertising and Politics. The authors have been hammering away at envy.

They talk about mass media and suggestion and give some historical examples such as Germany and Hitler in World War II. Edward Bernays and his “Torches of Freedom,” where he was able to get women to not only smoke, but to smoke in public.

Bernays wrote a couple of books, by the way, they are dated to a degree, but they are potent. Much of main stream media and advertising use his principles and ideas to this very day.

We’ve all be programmed to one degree or another, you can probably thank Bernays for it. Check out Propaganda and Crystallizing Public Opinion.

Anyways, getting back to Media Hypnosis in Advertising and Politics, envy is one if not the key point that the authors stress.

You want to get somebody to do or buy something from you? First you need to make them aware that they have a problem. Then tell them that you have the solution. Say or do this message over and over, day after day.

Here’s a few quotes from this book:

The public relations industry is largely devoted to convincing ordinary people that the fulfillment of the American Dream is found in such things as automobiles, cigarettes, and other consumer goods.

It is an industry built on two solid psychological principles. One is envy, that is, that human beings imitate the actions and desires of those whom they look up to or, those who has prestige.

Advertising is not generally based on the inherent qualities of a product, such as its speed or durability, but on the prestige of owning it.

The second principle upon which the public relations industry is built is suggestibility. Humans have a natural tendency to comply with suggestions, such as “you should try this product,” especially when the suggestions are given, again, by someone to whom they look up.

Our society not only encourages envy, it actually requires envy to maintain itself.

Our envy-driven consumer economy is unstable, unsustainable, and potentially harmful.

That’s because desire is spawned by envy, frustration comes from not being able to satisfy that desire (envy) and frustration ensues. Frustration then begets aggression.

If envy is endemic in human nature, that is, we all experience it, we are all susceptible to it, and if we can’t satisfy that envy because it is insatiable, frustration ensues, and aggression can be the result. That aggression can lead to apocalyptic violence.

Look around you…

We live in a time where there is more abundance than ever. More food, more opportunity, more wealth, etc, and yet people are more unhappy now than in the past. More medications are being dispensed to alleviate depression and anxiety. More psychologists and psychiatrists are practicing now than ever before. More wars are being fought and those wars are becoming deadlier.

All because of envy. Insatiable envy.

When does it end? When is “it,” whatever “it” is, enough?

Truth? It doesn’t end. It’s never enough. Ever. You can’t fill that hole that envy creates. No amount of goods and services in the world will be enough. No number of courses, books, videos, money, watches, cars, pussy, you name it, will ever be enough.

So what do we do?

I can’t answer for you. I imagine each person is going to be different on some level as to what may work for them or not.

However, I do think being aware that you are susceptible to envy, and that envy is in play, will help.

Do you want or need that course? Why?

Why do you want or need that car?

Why do you need that pussy?

Why do you want the amount of money you do?

What got you to wanting or needing that amount of money in the first place?

Why do you want to travel?

Why do you want to have the experiences you claim you want to have? Are wanting to those experiences because you genuinely want them? Or is it because someone else has it or had it?

Are you trying to “keep up with the Jones’s?”

Better yet, are you trying to be better than the Jones’s? Why?

Before the Industrial Revolution, most people in America were farmers. They lived off their own land, made their own food and clothes, and were generally self-sufficient. I’m not saying their lives were idyllic or perfect, I’m not preaching utopia here. But in most ways, they wanted for nothing.

As the Industrial Revolution came along, industries created goods way faster and cheaper than the average farmer could. There was a ton of commodities out there. Problem was, nobody needed it or wanted to buy it.

Welcome to advertising. Problems were created that didn’t exist before. (Think Listerine and bad breath, look it up). Think about engagement rings. In older times, when people got married, there was seldom if ever a ring involved. The De Beers Company changed all of that:

Prior to the 20th century, engagement rings were strictly luxury items, and they rarely contained diamonds. But in 1939, the De Beers diamond company changed all of that when it hired ad agency N.W. Ayer & Son. The industry had taken a nosedive in the 1870s, after massive diamond deposits were discovered in South Africa. But the ad agency came to the rescue by introducing the diamond engagement ring and quietly spreading the trend through fashion magazines. The rings didn’t become de rigueur for marriage proposals until 1948, when the company launched the crafty “A Diamond is Forever” campaign. By sentimentalizing the gems, De Beers ensured that people wouldn’t resell them, allowing the company to retain control of the market. In 1999, De Beers chairman Nicky Oppenheimer confessed, “Diamonds are intrinsically worthless, except for the deep psychological need they fill.”

In addition to diamond engagement rings, De Beers also promoted surprise proposals. The company learned that when women were involved in the selection process, they picked cheaper rings. By encouraging surprise proposals, De Beers shifted the purchasing power to men, the less-cautious spenders.

See 5 Beloved Traditions Invented To Make You Buy Stuff for more.

So here’s the takeaway from all of this:

  1. Envy is a thing, it’s real. (Duh)
  2. We are all susceptible to it
  3. Want to sell something to someone? Spark their envy.
  4. Put your product, your good, your service, yourself as the answer to their envy.
  5. Make money

Since I’m not an “expert” in advertising, marketing, or sales, maybe I’m talking out of my ass. I don’t think so though.

How do we counter this? What might the antidote be?

  1. Realize that you, yes you, are susceptible to envy.
  2. Realize that to one degree or another, you are also susceptible to suggestion. We all are.
  3. When the desire for whatever it is that’s being offered shows up, stop for a minute and ask yourself why you are desiring whatever it is. Is it because you truly need it? If you don’t have it, you will actually die, become broke, destitute, etc.?
  4. Make your choice. Buy it or not. It’s up to you. I’m not here to advocate that you buy or not buy anything.

Just become more aware of what is going on around you and what is happening to you.

 

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