Tag: sex

Online Dating: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly.

Rob Says1 Comment

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First off, I want to say that learning how to do day game, night game, or whatever you want to call it is better than doing online game, at least in general. With day and night game, you get immediate feedback from the girls you are approaching, you learn how to interact better socially, and ultimately you start to lose a lot of what is called approach anxiety.

I’m in agreement with the guys who say do day game or night game over online dating, learn that before dealing with the online dating world. You’ll get better results with the women that you are actually attracted to over enough time if you keep at it and are consistent.

That being said, I personally like to keep all of my options open. I don’t believe in a day game or night game only, model. The more opportunities that I can have, the better.

So here’s some things about online dating, some pro’s and con’s if you will, and ultimately why online dating works for me.

Like I said earlier, with day game or night game, you can approach a lot of women quick and get immediate feedback. No waiting around to see if they “match” or “like” you. Also there is no waiting around for feedback. Online dating takes time, much like fishing. But for me, that works.

I don’t mind baiting my lure, casting it out, and then settling in and waiting to see what happens.

First off: I’m lazy. I’ll admit it. I work 10 hour shifts 4 sometimes 5 days a week. I spend most of that time driving around, dealing with traffic, dealing with pedestrians, dealing with parking, and dealing with high temperatures in the summer and cold temperatures in the winter. I’m out in the elements most of my day. My job is physically taxing and by the time I get done with my day and I go home, the last thing I want to do, especially on the week days, is get cleaned up, jump back into my car, head back downtown to where all the action is, wander around and approach only to get shot down and then go home to go to bed so that I can get up and do it all again the next day.

At one point several years ago, I asked myself a question. I didn’t care how outlandish the answer seemed, I just wanted to get my creativity going and go from there. That question was: “When it comes to women, what do I want?”

My answer was: “I want them to come over to my house, have sex with me, and then go home.” That way, no matter what, I “won.” I “won” because they would either show up and we would have sex and then they would go home, or they wouldn’t show up because they flaked, or ghosted, or changed their minds. Either way, I was where I wanted to be: Home.

Enter online dating.

I can do it from my laptop or my phone. I don’t have to get dressed up and go somewhere to do it. I can do it from my bed before I go to sleep if I want to. I have my full time job, I have all my assorted shows, videos, audios, books, meals, housekeeping, and sleep to do. My days are pretty much full from the time I get up to the time that I go to bed. Having some spare time to literally “do nothing” is almost a foreign concept to me and I treasure it when it happens to come along.

Online dating takes longer, you’ll still get ghosted and flaked on, you have the added hassle of catfishing and spam bots, and the quality of the women has a ceiling. You won’t find hard 7’s or higher on online dating. That’s because they don’t need to use online dating because guys will approach them and hit on them at work, or at the bar, or at the grocery store, or wherever they happen to be.

You also have to realize that all women are wizards and that they will use makeup, filters, and bizarre and strange photo angles to hide what their bodies actually look like. Protip for the noobs: If all you see are head shots, she’s fat.

Since my life is pretty full and I happen to be lazy, at least when it comes to wanting to go out and “do shit,” online dating works for me. I can carpet bomb the women that I find attractive, shut down the app or the site, do whatever else it is that I need to do, and then go back and deal with any hits.

Remember my ultimate goal is to get them to come to my house, fuck me, and then go home. I’m not looking for a wife. I’m not looking for “a keeper.” I’m not looking to play house. I’m not Mr. Right, I’m Mr. Right Now. I’m a big fan of catch and release. I like sport fucking. I like slumber parties. And when it comes to attractiveness, I don’t care what strangers and assholes on the internet think. I don’t care what my Dad thinks. I don’t care what my real life friends think. All that matters to me is do I find her attractive. Does she pass the “boner test” for me? If yes, swipe right. If not, swipe left.

When I get a “match” my goal is then to get her off the app and get her on the phone. I do this by being funny and showing her that I have a sense of humor and that I’m a fun, mostly sane guy who isn’t going to murder her and bury her in a shallow grave. I’ll do 3 or 4 texts on the app and then go for the phone number.

Either I get the number and I’ll then drop the app and do everything by phone calls from that point forward, or she won’t give me the number and usually from there I move on to better prospects. My time is valuable and I don’t want to waste it. I’m still “winning” though, because I’m home.

All this whole time, my mindset, my goal, is to get her out of her house and get her into mine so that we can have sex and then she can go home. The hardest time is the first time. After that, if she and I are interested in a “round 2” it’s simply a matter of calling her up, getting her to come over, and then working out logistics.

It’s totally possible to get a woman whom you have never met and she has never met you, to show up to your house, fuck you, and then leave if that is what you want. Once you’ve done it once, you can do it again. Repetition for the win.

Have I ever had a woman show up to my house and I realize that I DON’T want to have sex with her? Yes, that happened once many years ago. Call it a learning lesson. So now once I get the phone number, I get her to either send more photos, which tend to be more revealing, or in today’s world, I can get her on something like Messenger where I can video chat with her and see what she looks like better.

Ultimately this has been a long and rambling way of saying, while online dating and swipe apps aren’t always the way to go, don’t eliminate your options. While online dating is far from ideal, it can work. Know the limitations of it. Know yourself and what it is that you want, and be realistic in your expectations. Know your own limitations. Know your strengths.

Know what you want and what are your goals and go from there.

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Hedonist

Rob Says4 Comments

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Matt wrote a great post the other day about getting his tastebuds back. It’s a great post, do him and me a solid and go check it out.

I’m many things in life, there is no one thing that defines me in totality. I’m educated both in the classical, classroom, book sense, and I’m also educated from the school of hard knocks. I’m a Man first and many other things second, third, and so on.

One thing I am is a Hedonist.

Hedonism is a school of thought that argues seeking pleasure and avoiding suffering are the only components of well-being.[1]

I understand that there are periods of time in life where things don’t go the way that you want and that makes us uncomfortable and to even suffer. I accept that and I deal with it when it comes, maybe that’s also the inner stoic in me, but mostly I want and strive to either get back to pleasure, or to pursue pleasure in its myriad of forms.

Pleasure isn’t just about sex, although it’s one of my most favorite forms of pleasure. Eating food is another pleasure as well as a means of survival. Eating foods that many would consider “bad for you” is also one of my favorite things to do. Life is too short to not eat the good food. Life is too short to not drink the good drinks, and that includes alcohol for me.

I take great pleasure in writing and so I write. I take great pleasure in the sound of my own voice and so I run my mouth constantly. I take pleasure in being on camera and so I have my YouTube channel as well as being on other people’s shows.

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Many people online and in real life choose to “struggle” and “resist” so-called “temptation.” I understand this although I consider it somewhat masochistic to do so, but then again, masochists are known for taking pleasure in their own suffering. Perhaps people who choose to not drink and to not eat all the decadent foods gain pleasure from not doing so. Maybe they take pleasure in making necessity a virtue. Maybe they take pleasure in virtue itself. If it doesn’t fill my belly, alter my mind in some form, or empty my ball sac, I’m generally not interested.

Take a couple of ice cold beers, some delicious, greasy bacon and add a highly stimulating conversation to the mix and I’m on cloud nine. That’s what happened when Matt showed up and we talked about damn near everything under the sun and then some. It was a great time and it was a truly pleasurable moment for me. 10/10 I would do it again.

When I was younger, I took more pleasure in the things I abstained from, or at least that was what I was told to do. That’s the key here. It was what I was told to do. This was me living someone else’s life and doing as they wished. It wasn’t me living my life and doing what I wanted.

When I decided to try out different foods, drinks, clothes, and yes, women, I realized that I was happy. I was happy being me because I was doing what I wanted to do. Not everybody liked what I had become, not everybody liked the choices that I have made. That’s okay, they don’t have to. It’s my life, my choice.

I find seeking pleasure in all of its forms far more interesting and far more gratifying than abstaining from those pleasures. I would rather partake than not. I believe that we have only this one life and so I might as well enjoy it as much as possible.

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I don’t expect anyone to follow me down this road because we all get to choose our own paths in life. Just don’t tell me about the virtues of abstinence because I’ve already been down that road. It’s not for me. For those of you who haven’t indulged yourselves, my question to you is this: Why not?

We could all die tomorrow in a variety of ways in a variety of pain. The truth is that we all die sooner or later because it’s unavoidable and it’s inevitable. I would rather die sooner while enjoying my life and experiencing as much as possible with a ton of intensity than die 50 years from now in my bed or from falling down a flight of stairs, scared silly of the grim reaper. The reaper comes for us all eventually.

Who really wants to live forever?

Abstaining wasn’t just what I was told, it was what I was told to fear. “Don’t do that! You’ll get a disease!” “Don’t go there! You’ll get in trouble!” “Don’t say those things! You’ll offend someone!” Yeah, none of those things have happened to me so far, and if they do, I’ll deal with them when they happen.

The two great motivators in life are pleasure and pain. We all have both to one degree or another. Most people are motivated to move away from pain. We are motivated more by what we stand to lose than what we stand to gain. Which one motivates you more? Pleasure? Or pain?

christian-hedonism
Indeed.

Most of the people who cry “Moderation in Everything!” have never truly gone down the road to excess. Most of them haven’t done anything to excess except to say that everything should be done in moderation. Think about that for a moment. How do you even know what excess is unless you’ve actually experienced it? It’s amazing what we can do when we push ourselves enough. This includes experiencing pleasure in all of its forms.

It’s okay if you want to talk about the virtues of being virtuous. It’s okay if you want to abstain. Do it long enough and you will have truly never lived and that’s okay too. That’s your life.

I’ll be eyeballs deep in it though, right up to my brow. I’ll be in it so deep that I’ll set every nerve ending in my body on fire.

Life is beautiful and it is absurd. Life has no inherent meaning to it. The only meaning that life has is what you give to it. I choose pleasure. The meaning of life to me is to experience as much pleasure as I can in the time that I can. Life is pleasure. Pleasure for the sake of pleasure.

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The Mystical and the Pragmatic

Rob Says1 Comment
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Looking down on you from Heaven.

“My husband and your wife wanted us to be together…” – My Dad’s girlfriend on how and why she and my Dad got together.

I remember talking to my Dad a little while ago, and we got on the subject of his new girlfriend. Now by new, I mean that she and my Dad have been seeing each other for about a year now and she is the first woman that he took a shine to since my Mother died.

My Dad’s girlfriend is a year younger than my Dad, so she will be 69 in September. She’s been widowed not once, but twice. One of her husband’s died several years ago due to health complications and her last boyfriend before my Dad died from a heart attack after he had just finished shoveling snow during a winter storm a few years ago.

I joked with my Dad and told him that he needs to stay away from her since she is a “black widow” as she tends to kill the men that she is with. I don’t honestly think that she is killing the men in her life, since she isn’t receiving any sort of death benefits, especially from the last guy, but then again, I guess time will tell. Maybe she is killing them. Maybe they died to get away from her. Maybe it’s a series of unfortunate events. I tend to believe the latter.

I remember talking to my Dad, not only about her, but also about the strong possibility that there is no afterlife and therefore, there is no heaven or hell except what we make for ourselves here during our lives. He tends to agree with me. Both my Father and I aren’t “spiritual people” in the sense of believing that we have “souls” and that we go on with some form of existence after death. We’re both pretty pragmatic in that sense. Show me empirical proof of an afterlife and I’ll gladly change my mind. Until then, nah.

My Dad’s current girlfriend told him the quote that I mentioned at the beginning of this post, and from what I can tell, she firmly believes it. She honestly believes that her dead husband and my dead Mother got together wherever dead people go and decided that her and my Father needed to be together. That’s her story and she’s sticking to it.

I find it funny, not only because I don’t believe in all of that stuff, but also because I do believe in the power of proximity and “social game.” One of the things that my Dad’s current girlfriend tends to overlook or completely ignore is that they both run in the same social circles. They both share the same circle of friends and everyone there knows everybody else. All of their mutual friends practically pushed the two of them together, and why not? They are both single, they are both in reasonably good shape and health, and they both share a lot of the same values and goals. They have a lot of the same interests and have many things in common.

To me, it’s a no-brainer. He’s looking for company, she’s looking for company, they both like the same shit, why not? While it’s not the life I would choose for myself, he likes her, she likes him and they both like doing a lot of the same things together, so go for it.

It’s funny to me that women in general tend to put so many things in life out to “fate,” “God,” “the Universe,” and even “Karma.” It’s funny to me because if they only knew. If they only knew that I planned the date down to some of the most minute details and the only truly random variable was which woman was going to show up. Will it be this woman? Or will it be a different woman? Either way I’m going to go here, eat this, drink that, go see this, and then ultimately go do that.

Then again, maybe they do know, and they just don’t want to actually “see it” and admit to it. And why would they? Once you’ve seen how the magic trick is done and you realize just how simple it really is, all of the magic is gone.

Rian Stone had a great answer to a question on Twitter a little while ago. The question was: “Men, what’s one of the ways in your realm where she can earn sex with you?”

Rian answered: “Be available.”

Beautiful, simple, and to the point.

It’s not much different from “the other side” as well. A lot of guys talk about their game and how they dress and how they look and their wealth and what interesting and cool lines they used on a woman.

What if most of the time it was because you were the “right guy at the right place at the right time” though? It honestly didn’t have much to do with you except that you were there, you were available, and you didn’t step on your own dick?

Guys, let’s be honest with ourselves. We aren’t the Casnova’s that we think we are and that we want women and other men to believe us to be. We ain’t shit, and that’s okay.

We are opportunists.

We learn to recognize that she’s interested and we ideally strike while the iron is hot. We learn to give her the show without revealing the man behind the curtain. And ultimately we learn how to do this while keeping our fucking mouths shut so that we don’t give her a reason to not fuck us.

So when you are out with a woman and she’s waxing poetically about the sun and the stars aligning and that it was the Universe that brought you two together, you know in your own mind, that no, it wasn’t Karma. It was you setting the stage and dealing with the details and the logistics. All she needed to do was show up.

But you tell her with a twinkle in your eye, “I know right?! We were meant to be. It was fate.”

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