Tag: overanalysis

It’s An Invitation.

Rob SaysLeave a comment

red envelope with fresh red flowers inside

A guy I follow on Twitter posed an interesting question:

A good-looking (7.5) extremely fit girl in the gym that I see often engage in some dribble of a conversation then tells me her boyfriend has been sent to overseas for an assignment. Is this an opening or a way to keep me away :-)?

I told him: It’s an invitation.

Whether he wants to do anything with that information is totally up to him. I don’t care either way.

Other people chimed in with their two cents, some saying yay, and some saying nay. I’m going to get into that in a minute as well. For right now, I just want to focus on the question or more precisely, the mindset to have in this situation, should it ever arise for you.

Always assume the sale.

If she’s talking to you, she may not want sex, at least at that moment, but she’s interested. If she does more than nod at you or talk to you in one word answers, she interested in you. Women are fantastic at not fucking guys they don’t want to fuck. Women are fantastic at letting you know when they are not interested in you, all you need to do is pay attention.

Most guys fuck this up though because they are stuck in their heads, too busy overanalyzing the situation. When you’re stuck in your head, you aren’t paying attention to what she is saying or how she is saying it. You’re too busy thinking what you’re going to say next. You’re not really listening, you’re just waiting your turn to talk. When you’re stuck in your head, you miss all the little cues and body language and whatnot that she is literally throwing at you. When you are stuck in your head overanalyzing things, odds are that you are overanalyzing the wrong things. You’re worried about if you are coming off as “cool,” or “witty,” or “funny,” or “smart,” or any number of things.

That shit doesn’t matter. You’re focusing on the wrong things. Ideally you should be focusing on her.

It’s always better to assume the sale than to not assume the sale.

I don’t know how many times I see guys fucking it up for themselves and either giving her a reason to not fuck him, or he talks himself out of a damn near sure thing. The 80/20 Rule is big on Twitter yet again, (what is old is new again) and I guess guys want to take it from a guideline to a Law.

Seduction and talking to women is an art, not a science. There are no hard “laws” when it comes to it. This isn’t chemistry or physics, this is talking to women. All the statistics, graphs, data, hypotheses, and logic don’t mean shit when it comes time to walk over and talk to her.

Sure the odds are against you. They are against all men, even “Chad.” Women are the selectors when it comes to sex. Even “Chad” has to work at it to get laid, he may not have to work at it as hard or as much as you or I do, but he still has to work at it.

It’s better to assume the sale and think that she’s interested in you than not. Thinking she’s not interested in you is just a form of defeat. You’ve already lost before you even showed up. Since we are creatures that have confirmation bias, if you think she’s not interested in you, then those are the signs and signals that you will look for. You literally won’t be able to see signs of interest from her. It’s better to assume the sale and see signs of interest, even if they aren’t actually there.

Since seduction isn’t a “hard science,” you can and do affect the outcome of any and every interaction that you have with women. If you assume she’s interested, she may very well be interested from the get-go, or she may become interested in a short period of time while you are conversing with her. But you’ll never know that if you assume she isn’t interested. Not to sound all new agey, but your thoughts and beliefs do affect your outcomes and results. I do think a lot of the “pick up” guys would agree with me on this one. Call it “vibe” or whatever you like.

Another thing I noticed in the interaction with the guy who asked the question I quoted was not only the yay’s and nay’s, but particularly the reasoning behind the nay’s, even though he didn’t ask for it.

The naysayers were mostly coming from a place of morality:

“If she has a bf she has a bf… that should be the end of it.”

“Stay clear either way… If she is signaling that her BF is away and she wants to play, then she has no morals avoid. If she is hedging you…avoid.”

“Who cares? She has a bf, find a single girl to pursue.”

Women who want to fuck will find a way and find someone to fuck. It might be you, it might be me, it may very well be somebody else, but she’ll do it. In my opinion, it might as well be me.

Guys that tend to use morality and shame men into not fucking women, whether those women are “taken” or not, tend to be “low value men” as far as I’m concerned. Why do any of these guys care what the questioner does or not? It’s not their girlfriend is it? So why care?

Scarcity mentality and the fact that the guy doing the shaming and projecting his morality onto others because he isn’t getting any sex or doesn’t have many options is why. I have a feeling that this type of guy would make a horrible wing man if you were to ever go out to meet women. I think he would be the type to either end up cockblocking you or he would throw you under the bus because he wants a stab at the girl that you are talking to in addition to the girl that he may or may not be talking to. He wants them all because there just aren’t “enough to go around.”

I believe it was Rollo who said something to the extent of, “Alpha’s don’t commit to just one woman because they have options. Beta’s commit and invest heavily into one woman because they don’t have options.” I’m paraphrasing heavily here, but you get the idea.

If women “break rules for Alpha’s and make rules for Beta’s,” it’s also Beta men who make “rules” for other men to follow. Especially when it comes to women.

Keep that in mind when you are dealing with another man, whether online or in real life.

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Overanalyzing and TL;DR

Rob Says3 Comments

chart close up data desk

One thing that I have encountered time and time again is guys overanalyzing things. I get it, hell I do it too. I used to be really bad at it in fact. I would go over things so many times and in all the painful detail that I possibly could, that it would end up paralyzing me into inaction. Hence the term, overanalysis leads to paralysis.

One of the things that I’ve learned watching and interacting with other men, is not only do they tend to overanalyze pretty much everything, they tend to put too much attention, meaning, and effort into things that don’t matter all that much. Basically they overanalyze the wrong things.

Instead of focusing on what you are going to say to someone, maybe focus on them and what they are saying?

Instead of noticing proximity, IOI’s, and little itty-bitty nuances in body language, how about you just approach instead?

How about instead of worrying about “leaning in,” you just put your arm around her and escalate?

Let me ask you guys this:

Are you genuinely interested in meeting people, women specifically, or are you just flexing for your buds on the internet? Are you doing any of what you are doing in order to facilitate a connection that hopefully leads to sex, or are you doing what you are doing to pad or inflate your ego?

There’s no wrong answer here, and I don’t care what your reasoning is, just that you have a reason. Just be honest with yourself. Is it validation you are seeking or a connection? Asking yourself that question and then being honest about the answer will get you further than anything else you have done so far.

During my time on Twitter specifically, and on the internet in general, I’ve encountered a couple of different groups of guys:

Group One is the group of guys who break everything down into the most granular level as possible. These are the guys who tend to overanalyze everything. They are also the biggest group when it comes to worrying about shit that doesn’t matter all that much. This is the “Don’t Lean In” crowd. This is the “You must be 6’4 to ride this ride” crowd. This is the “chiseled jawline” crowd. Guess what? If you lose weight, you too can have a chiseled jaw.

The point is, you can’t do jack shit about your height, so you might as well not worry about that. And the “don’t lean in” guys are missing the context which is far more important than the behavior of leaning in. They are overanalyzing and worrying about shit that doesn’t matter. Same goes for analyzing photos and drawing green lines on people in those photos. Talk about talking about shit that doesn’t matter. Same goes with the “that’s alpha, or that’s beta” crowd. You guys are missing the point entirely. Oh well, enjoy your jerkoff session because that’s all you are doing.

Guys, if you are going to overanalyze things, at least overanalyze the things that are useful.

Group Two is the Too Long Didn’t Read (TL;DR) crowd. I get this one too and I have been a part of it as well. These guys are interested in a topic, but not really. It’s a passing interest at best. Ask me how I know. I have realized that dealing with the guys who want the “Cliff’s Notes” version are a waste of time. Most of them can’t be bothered to do any of the work and want to be spoon-fed.

When I was younger, the internet either didn’t exist, or when it did, you needed to know where to look to find information on a subject. Now all you have to do is type something in your favorite search engine and the information is there for you. The problem today is an overload of information vs a scarcity of information and a lot of the information out there is worthless at best and detrimental at worst.

It’s on you to do the work and sift through the detritus to get to the nuggets of gold. There’s really no shortcut here, you have to do the work. Anything else is you telling me that either you want to be willfully ignorant or that you’re not really interested in a topic and just want to be spoon-fed. Either way you get to burn. I had to do the heavy lifting for myself, why should I deprive you of that experience? After all, first hand experience is the best teacher.

Besides, when you are really interested in a topic or subject, digging through the bullshit to get to the diamonds is part of the fun and the joy of the subject. Trust me, research isn’t one of my favorite things to do, but I’ll do it gladly when it comes to the things that I enjoy or things that I’m genuinely interested in learning about.

To wrap it up for today:

Get out of your head and get into your body.

If that doesn’t make sense to you, then you didn’t read anything that I said earlier.

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Priorities

Rob SaysLeave a comment

landscape photography of snowy mountain

Something I realized after I made my prior post, and it deserves a post of its own, so here we are, is that not only do intelligent people tend to focus on more esoteric and obscure topics, they tend to sometimes get “caught up in details” about shit that doesn’t matter.

In many ways, why worry about how and if we will ever “get to Mars and beyond?” Why worry about things like “Saving the West” or “doing it for the elderly/children/future” crowd? When you think about, or at least when I think about it, my elders and ancestors didn’t worry too much about what happened over a hundred years ago, nor did they worry about what was going to happen a hundred years after they were gone. They just worried about what was going on around them in “real time.” They were more concerned with keeping food on the table and keeping the vehicles up and running.

A lot of guys out there that are very intelligent guys are more concerned about “how to get da gurlz” than whatever guy first came up with the first idea of human behavior and why that behavior is. It can be difficult and distracting to wax poetic about the finer points of philosophy when you have a hard dick and no way of getting release besides masturbation.

When I talk about “Let ‘Em Burn,” it’s not only about letting people fail on their own and letting them make their own mistakes, it’s also about figuring out what is important to you. What really matters to you. Figuring out what “is” versus what “ought to be.”

For whatever reason, I personally get more satisfaction for myself and for others when I hear that they figured something out versus all of the detail of how they got there. You got there? Great! I don’t really care how you did it, just that you did. I’m certain that I’m missing something important much of the time when I start to tune out when the details start coming in, but that’s the crux of the matter for me I guess. The devil is always in the details and I don’t like getting bogged down in it unless I’m still trying to figure it out for myself. Once I figure it out I want to move on to the next thing. Dammit, I don’t want to sit around rehashing how I got there.

Maybe this is just my long and rambling way of saying:

Figure out what really matters to you and then do that. Don’t get caught up in all of the details if you can help it. Most of the details aren’t going to reveal themselves until you are “right in the middle of it,” and those details are going to be things that you probably had no idea of what they were or what they were going to be. You can’t plan for everything and you won’t be able to anticipate everything that comes your way. We tend to worry about shit that never happens and we handle whatever it is when it shows up.

A recent example of what I’m trying to convey happened to me over this last weekend.

Friday evening, I was going to hop in my car and get myself something to eat. The place I was going to go to was close, maybe two minutes away. So I grabbed my keys, went out the door, and promptly locked myself out of my house. You see, I grabbed my keys alright, but I grabbed the wrong keys. I grabbed my work keys instead of my house keys and my car keys. I knew it when I went to lock the deadbolt to my house and saw the keys I was holding.

Normally this wouldn’t have been a huge problem except that I had left my phone in the house as well. Since I was only literally going “around the block,” there was no need for me to have my phone on me, except that I did have a need.

Technology is great, but there are certain drawbacks to it as well.

When I was younger, before the day and age of smartphones, I had phone numbers memorized. I still do. I can still pick up a phone and dial my grandmother who has been dead for over five years. I have no idea who has her phone number now, but I could dial it without even thinking about it. Same could be said about several childhood friends phone numbers. I could call them even though they moved away over twenty years ago and they didn’t take their numbers with them.

I couldn’t call my Dad though, and that’s because I don’t have his phone number memorized. My phone has it though and it was currently sitting on my coffee table behind a locked door. Something else that I realized at that time was that even if I had my Dad’s phone number memorized and I went to a neighbor and asked to borrow their phone in order to call him, he was most likely out with his girlfriend and wouldn’t be able to help me at that time.

The only option that I had available to me was to start walking. Two and a half miles later I ended up at my Dad’s house where I could get my spare key to my house. He wasn’t home at the time, of course, but I was able to get the key and then I had to hoof it back to my house, two and a half miles yet again. By the time I got home it was getting dark and turning chilly. I can only imagine what a predicament it would have been had I locked myself out of my house in the dead of winter and me not wearing a coat or jacket.

I had a little over an hour to go over and over in my mind what I need to do in order to not have to walk five miles to get a spare key in the event that I lock myself out of my house again. Walking five miles is doable, but I really don’t want to repeat it. It’s not an ideal “plan b.”

I figured something out that will work for me and I’m in the process of implementing it as I write this. It’s not totally ideal, but it will work. It’s better than walking five miles roundtrip or busting a window to get back into my house. The point is, while I was walking and mulling it over, I wasn’t thinking about “how are we going to get to Mars” or even “how do I get da gurlz?” None of that shit mattered. I barely focused on anything except “What do I do so I don’t have to walk five miles to get a key?”

Small side-note: I’m walking and avoiding getting hit by cars and people were out, not “sheltering in place.” Most of them were hiding behind their car windows and masks. But there were two women that I passed, one of them complimented me on my shirt, and had I not been pressed to get my spare key, I would have stopped and tried to pick at least one of them up. But I had a different urgency at the time and different priorities.

Neither of the women were wearing masks. Apparently they didn’t give a fuck about COVID-19 either. There’s hope for humanity yet.

KISS. Keep It Simple Stupid. Stay in the moment instead of wondering and/or worrying about a bunch of things that ultimately don’t matter, never did, and never will. You can keep distracting yourself with your interpretation of what some dead philosopher said over a hundred years ago, or you can figure out where to stash a key in the event you lock yourself out of your house. You can distract yourself with visions of flight beyond the speed of light, or you can notice that the girl not giving a fuck about a bug is not wearing a mask and she’s smiling at you, and now is your chance Bubba.

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